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Chapter 59

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It's been exactly five days since Jade and Kinsey had spoken in any form. No texts, nor calls, or video chats. The blonde had made it clear that she needed her space and Jade semi-accepted that.

Jade's desperate antics on the day that Kinsey ignored her in the hallway served as an impetus for their five-day hiatus.

Consequently, the last day they spoke went a little like this.

Jade waited anxiously like a lost puppy at Kinsey's car following football practice. She was hopeless and didn't know what else to do after the blonde had ignored her at every turn throughout the day. Jade would catch Kinsey's eyes and then the blonde would abort the mission, breaking eye contact immediately. This happened during breaks in between classes, during lunch, and even during restroom breaks during class when Jade conveniently needed to use the bathroom whenever Kinsey needed to.

So, Jade's desperation to make things right led her to such stalker-ish behavior.

Jade started babbling as Kinsey apprehensively approached the car. Her soft doe eyes were met with a deathly, cold stare and another solid dose of the silent treatment from the blonde. The brunette couldn't describe how much it pained her to be continuously rejected by her own girlfriend. To stand there so vulnerable and receive no emotion in return, especially when she was so full of passion.

It genuinely felt like it was Jade versus Kinsey for the first time. No sexual tension, no flirting, just animosity. Jade had missed Kinsey's smile so much that she had found herself daydreaming about it at random moments throughout the school day. Reminiscing on the times that she was responsible for Kinsey's genuine smile and laughter instead of her tears and sorrow.

Jade would agree that she had lost her damn mind when she resorted to planting a kiss on Kinsey's unsuspecting lips as they stood in opposition to one another by the blazing red vehicle. At that point, the pair hadn't officially kissed since the afternoon before the party.

Why did Jade always think kissing would make everything better?

Jade thought that a second try would be enough to ignite that spark. Oh, was she fucking wrong, as with many other things as of late.

Expectedly, Jade was denied reciprocation. Kinsey didn't bother to kiss back. Her soft lips unenthusiastically smashed up against Jade's lips, leaving a lackluster sensation behind. Jade's heart sank as she pulled back and finally understood the gravity of the situation. The realization had finally hit: their relationship was in deep shit.

Kinsey stared at Jade in utter disappointment before shoving the brunette out of her way so that she could open the driver's side door and sink into her seat. She revved up the engine without hesitation and speedily reversed before driving away, leaving Jade behind with the smell of burnt rubber and undeniable embarrassment coursing through her veins.

From Kinsey's perspective, she couldn't bring herself to accept the lips that had swapped saliva with Zoé's just a few days before. She couldn't understand how Jade couldn't see that. For the first time, Jade's lips had brought upon pain rather than relief. The images of the incident that left her heart shattered in a million pieces played over and over in her mind as she drove away.

The feeling of those cold, uninviting lips from her girlfriend left Jade's stomach churning.

That was the last time Jade saw Kinsey in the last week. The blonde even refused to attend the one class they had together, using the senior privilege that allowed her to skip afternoon classes to her advantage.

Jade had experienced her fair share of nightmarish memories from the night in question. James, drinking, and Zoé. Unfortunately, Jade wasn't drunk enough to forget the Zoé part of the night. Not on Monday, and not even five days later.

The memory of the kiss with Zoé made Jade cringe relentlessly over the past couple of days as it replayed in her mind. Trying to find moments where she could have stopped everything. Where she could have salvaged her and Kinsey's relationship. Her mind had been running wild while her body seemed to be running on autopilot.

In all honesty, Jade and Kinsey had suffered through the five longest days of their adolescent lives, irritated and agitated with an overwhelming sense of sadness sprinkled throughout. Could this really be the end of them?

The question plagued both of their minds as they suffered day in and day out, refusing to pick up the phone to speak to one another in fear of the other deciding that their relationship had had a good run.

The excruciating five days of self-indulgent torture, of course, began with tears. Then came the frustration at one another for not understanding what the other was going through. For not understanding what made them so frustrated with each other that night.

They aren't perfect and that fucking sucks but it's honest. They're difficult in their own ways and they hold different perspectives that align sometimes and other times not.

Kinsey felt guilt. She'd never felt so guilty about anything in her life. She always approached life unapologetically without a care for what others had to say. But now, she felt guilty for making Jade feel insecure after all that she'd been through lately. She felt like a piece of shit for being angry with the girl who had her partial nudes non-consensually exposed for the world to see.

But who would be okay with seeing their girlfriend kiss someone else, even if she had been drunk? Even if she was probably manipulated into the situation by the girl who took advantage of her for years...

That part of the story continuously bothered Kinsey in her cycle of obsessive, intrusive thoughts about that night. Those are the thoughts that kept her up at night over the past five days. The ethics of her anger. Whether it was justified to be this angry.

On the other hand, Jade knows that she'd been in the wrong but she didn't know how to fix it.

At first, Jade genuinely couldn't fathom how Kinsey didn't understand her point of view. The blonde had expressed understanding for her other difficulties, but why not this one. Jade didn't think it was her fault because she had been comfortable in her victim mentality. She'd found solace in that frame of thought for so long since she had always been the victim.

But she soon realized that she couldn't reason her way out of this mistake. She couldn't be the victim this time because she felt the urge to kiss Zoé back and she did so. Alcohol only allowed her to care less about the ramifications of her impulsive behaviors. She knew what she was doing and that was hard for her to accept.

It was incredibly hard, until... Jade took the time to entertain the imagery of Kinsey in her situation, kissing someone else. As she laid back on her bed staring at the ceiling, the brunette felt an intense sharp pang crush her chest.

To put it lightly, Jade momentarily plotted an imaginary assassination of whoever was kissing Kinsey. She ultimately came to her senses.

Jade realized where Kinsey was coming from after putting herself in the blonde's shoes.

She only came to this conclusion by actively trying to understand Kinsey. With all that has been revealed about her parents within the past couple of weeks, Jade is learning that not everything is how they appear to be on the surface level. Her mother didn't want to be a mother and her father didn't know how to be a father. Both of them were dealt unfortunate cards but they chose to resolve their issues in different ways. Ways that Jade couldn't truly understand but methods she's started to come to terms with.

Ultimately, Jade found that Kinsey wasn't being arrogant or possessive, but she was authentically pained by seeing Jade turn on their unspoken promise of commitment to one another. They never explicitly discussed exclusivity with one another but it was assumed in their labels as "girlfriends".

Jade then knew that she wasn't going to win over the blonde with a sloppy kiss and puppy dog eyes.

But, how would Jade manage to do this when Kinsey refused to speak about it without sarcasm and humor? In the brief conversation they had at Kinsey's car before Jade mistakenly kissed her, the blonde deflected all of the brunette's enthusiasm with crass humor that seemed to hold more malice than actual hilarity. It reminded Jade of the old, unfriendly Kinsey who refused to share her feelings. It was the first time in a while that Jade felt that the blonde purposely meant to push her away.

And that accumulation of events within the last week has placed Jade here, right now at Kinsey's doorstep, more accurately, her driveway at six in the morning on a Saturday. Her puffed cheeks and squinted eyes reveal the remnants of sleep in her system as the Sun barely rises above the Earth's horizon.

Jade sits in her mother's BMW, which she borrowed with permission, as her half-opened eyes steady on the driveway in a daze. No one but Kinsey knew that Jade had a driver's license. It wasn't a government secret or anything but it was something that Jade had only shared with Kinsey. The brunette was more than capable of driving, but her mother refused to buy her a car, fearful after seeing how Melanie chose to use hers.

Going out to parties and coming home the next morning nearly blacked out from whatever drugs she took made Jacqueline wary of giving the same privileges to Jade. Younger Melanie was very different from the tamer older sister she'd become.

Jade's mother fought hard against Mr. Hill, using her unparalleled way with words to persuade him into holding off on gifting their sixteen-year-old daughter a shiny, brand-new sports car.

Jade presses her back into the firm red-wine leather driver's seat. Her body further sinks into the thick, black hoodie she's decided to wear as her eyes zone in on the landscape of the honest mid-sized home before her. The familiar spread of colorful plants lining the sidewalk reminds her of the first time she'd stepped up to the home more nervous than a prepubescent boy about to see boobs for the first time. The vivid memory elicits a mental chuckle.

The front door of the humble abode suddenly draws opens, pulling Jade from her tired gaze, to reveal Kinsey Scott in black sweatpants and a loose gray zip-up training jacket. Her dirty blonde strands sit on the top of her head in a messy bun with her large black duffel slung over her shoulder.

Jade smiles delicately at the sight of the obliviously attractive blonde. Simply the sight of her is enough to make Jade feel enough warmth to combat the early morning breeze. She's glad that she was able to catch her before her regular Saturday morning workout.

Kinsey turns her back to lock the front door before strolling down the sidewalk leading to her car. She twirls her chain of keys around her index finger amidst her casual stroll, poking her tongue against her cheek.

It's time. Jade presses the black 'start engine' button to ignite the smooth, velvety engine of the newer car. As the engine comes alive, the bright LED lights set the dark road alight.

It also captures Kinsey's attention.

The blonde snaps her head over menacingly with confusion written all over her face. Her lips part as she squints at the suspected douche in the BMW parked in front of her house. There is no fright in her motions.

The blonde charges at the car with quick steps. Her brows bunch together as she prepares to confront the insane weirdo sitting outside of her house.

As Kinsey gets closer to the car with vexed eyes and clenched fists, Jade's smile drops.

Maybe I should've given her a heads up?

The passenger side window rolls down steadily as Kinsey approaches. The blonde peers in and suddenly the rage dissipates into bewilderment.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me?" Kinsey sighs at the sight of the tired brunette smiling innocently at her. Her heart didn't jump at the sight.

"Surprise?" Jade announces with unease. Her confident smile morphs into a nervous one as she is again confronted by Kinsey's deathly cold glare.

The blonde's expression of grief isn't hidden. The corners of her lips are not driven upwards into her usual darling smile. Her lips only tighten and her brows squint together. Her eyes glaze over Jade's being, emotionless.

Kinsey crosses her arms, resisting the urge to smile at the dork. Her soft spot for the brunette hasn't gone away and that remains to be the blonde's weakness. The puffiness in Jade's eyes makes her look all the more bewitching which makes it hard for Kinsey to resist. It's odd, Kinsey can usually withstand the temptation of instant gratification but with Jade that isn't the case. She wants them to be okay even if that means putting her feelings aside. Her concealed desperation to be loved is showing and that freaks her out. She's the one who said she couldn't love anyone, right?

"I'm afraid to ask what you're doing here," Kinsey states, leaning forward to rest her hand on the roof of the car with her head poking in through the opening on the passenger's side. Kinsey's proximity is enough to make Jade feel butterflies in her stomach. She very much missed that feeling.

"You should be. Babe, you know I'm down bad if I'm up this early." Jade sarcastically tilts her head to the side while raising her brows.

Kinsey nods, rolling her eyes. A little smirk plays out on her lips as she takes in the pet name that rolls off of Jade's tongue so smoothly. No, you're mad at her.

The blonde immediately kills the smirk, pointedly staring at Jade again with the same apathetic nature. Jade catches this and her expressive eyes display momentary sadness.

"But if you must know, I'm here to pick up my hot-ass girlfriend and take her out on the town." Jade leans over the center console and bites the corner of her lip the same way that Kinsey does, but only in the most exaggerated manner.

Kinsey raises a brow at Jade and points her index finger at her own chest. "Oh me? How about the other one? She doesn't wanna join us?" Kinsey scornfully adds, appealing oblivious to her own sarcasm.

Unfortunately, Kinsey can't find humor in her sarcasm. The realization hits too close to home.

The blonde presses her tongue against her cheek, visibly annoyed by the thought of Zoé in general. She didn't want to think about that piece of shit this early in the morning, not before she gets her workout in.

This whole thing was a fucking mess.

Jade's willful expression dies down, leaving the brunette speechless.

"Alright, let's get this out of the way," Kinsey starts, "You fucking cheated on me and it hurts like shit."

"I didn't me-"

"Jade, just stop!" Kinsey's shout catches both of them off guard. The blonde glances around at the neighborhood, hoping she didn't wake anyone up, especially her own family. "Quit interrupting me 'cause I need to get this out."

Kinsey holds Jade's widened eyes with tears filling her own. The blonde doesn't dare to blink as her vision blurs. Jade stares at Kinsey sympathetically, biting down on her bottom lip.

"I can't see you without seeing her. I can't forget that you kissed her back. I want to believe th-that you only did that because you were scared, that you were dealing with some past traumatic bullshit but I can't. I've been through some traumatic shit myself and the things we do because of that don't make sense to everyone else, but this just doesn't feel right... I-" Kinsey catches a frog in her throat. She looks away, finding Jade's doe eyes to be too much for her to handle.

"Kins, I'm sorry," Jade announces. The brunette watches Kinsey struggle to keep her usually composed nature together. "I-I tried to um... to make an excuse for myself. I tried to blame it on the alcohol because that's the only way it made sense that I would kiss Zoé back," she pauses, pulling her bottom lip in her mouth, "when you asked me why I would do that with someone who had put me through so much shit... I-I couldn't answer. I couldn't understand it myself."

Jade sighs, looking away from Kinsey to glare at the street littered with cars and streetlights ahead. The way the tears crystallize in Kinsey's bright blue saucers has Jade's heart being sucker punched.

Kinsey listens, maintaining a stolid expression as she allows Jade to talk. She, herself, is afraid that she'll start sobbing so she refrains from words.

"I just never thought that I could be that stupid, fuck!" Jade cries out, dropping her face into her hands. "I fucked up so bad, so fucking bad."

Kinsey nods slowly with pouted lips.

"I'm so angry at her and you and I don't know who deserves it more. It's terrifying that I have to even question that. It hurts more when I think about how I hurt you."

Jade looks up into Kinsey's eyes.

No, no you didn't hurt me. Jade can't vocalize the words fast enough so she shakes her head aggressively.

She hadn't realized how Kinsey must have felt, seeing her like that with Zoé. She hurt Kinsey more than their common enemy had and Jade was mistakenly oblivious to that. She assumed that Kinsey would place all the blame on Zoé. Jade immediately victimized herself without confessing to her part in the ordeal. The fact that she had kissed Zoé back.

"Kins, you never hurt me like this, and I never meant to hurt you. I honestly was a fucking mess and I let things get into my head," Jade explains, recalling what James told her about Kinsey and him before she went to the parlor room.

"She said she can't love people."

"I can't find any more excuses for what I did to you. I did that and I'm scared that I really fucked up the best thing that I've ever had. You." Jade confesses, looking away. She mentally prepares for rejection as she confesses and reveals her deepest vulnerabilities.

Kinsey stares at Jade in slight shock, never expecting the brunette to admit her fault in this. It's everything Kinsey wanted to hear.

"I can't forgive you."

Or at least what she thought she wanted to hear from her cheating girlfriend.

Jade's heart sinks like an anchor sinking to the bottom of the sea. The tears are about ready to burst through.

"Kins, p-please don't do this. I'm sorry, I won't ever do anything like that ever again. I won't even drink anymore. I- I won't even speak to her ever again." The brunette rambles on like a frazzled teenager who is about to lose their first love.

Kinsey sighs, "I can't forgive you right now, but the worst part about all of this is that I still have feelings for you. It's pathetic how much I feel for you, honestly. Sometimes I fight those feelings because I know they make me weak. I've become so fucking weak for you that it makes me question if I'm forcing this because I want to prove to the bastard that I'm capable of love, or if I'm proving to myself that I'm not completely broken."

Love? That bastard?

Jade doesn't completely understand who Kinsey is referring to, but she accepts the blonde's feelings nonetheless. She feels horrible that she's put Kinsey's feelings on the back burner, relegating the blonde to being the sole comforter in this relationship.

Jade finally realizes that she isn't good at relationships. This doesn't surprise her considering the parental figures that she grew up with. The image of relationships in Jade's life began as a broken one, whether it was her relationship with her parents or her relationship with herself.

Jade speaks up, "I feel for you so fucking hard that it hurts me to even think about you not being there for me anymore. It makes me physically sick to think about you suffering because of something I did. I'm a fucking pathetic excuse for a girlfriend."

"You are." Kinsey crosses her arms over her chest.

"I know," Jade gulps, drawing her eyes away from Kinsey to the dimly lit road ahead once again.

Kinsey rolls her eyes cursing herself for treating the person she cares about like shit. Even if she had the right to feel pissy about the situation at hand, she couldn't stand making Jade feel like shit. Something ached in her chest whenever she did.

Jade shifts in her seat, mentally accepting her shortcomings as something she never thought she'd be: someone's girlfriend.

Kinsey clears her throat amid the silence, "And where the fuck did you plan on taking me this early in the morning?" Kinsey requests, stroking her bottom lip with her thumb and index finger. Kinsey says this with an unforeseen gentleness in her tone.

Jade's face lights up at Kinsey's sudden interest. Her sunken eyes widen into saucers at the blonde, staring at her with a tempting smirk.

"It's, um... a surprise. If you trust me, you'll get in the car, confident that I won't drive us off a cliff or something." Jade rubs at both of her eyes with a hooked index finger.

"That doesn't sound very comforting." Kinsey straightens out her face, pursing her lips.

"Just get in, please," Jade begs with her famous puppy dog eyes and child-like grin.

"Or what?" Kinsey tightens up, testing Jade with a firm, dauntless expression. Her face hardens, sending chills down Jade's spine.

Jade takes notice of the restraint in Kinsey's demeanor. She fights the urge to jump over the console and kiss the fuck out of the blonde to diffuse her temper, but she's seen how that method of apology has worked before.

"I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. I'm sorry for ever making you feel any less than who are you. Can you let me show you how much I lo-like, like you?"

Why can't I say it?

"I don't know. You might just like someone else just as much," Kinsey mutters, glancing away.

The words stab at Jade, missing her heart by a quarter of an inch.

The brunette's demeanor changes, "Get in, please," Jade pleads again, boring her eyes into Kinsey's soul.

Kinsey falters beneath the gaze, shifting the weight of her body to her other leg. She feels her heartstrings being pulled at. At this moment, she is at the mercy of this adorable, petite brunette desperately waiting on her.

Kinsey sighs and rolls her eyes as she steps back from the car to grab the door handle.

Jade's heart jumps in excitement as the door swings open. The door ajar sensor lights up the front of the car in an instant, lighting up Jade's satisfied features in addition.

Heat fills the space between them as Kinsey slips into the passenger seat after throwing her duffel bag onto the floor of the car. Suddenly, the girls feel this sense of gravitation between them. They both experience their version of tension mingled with anxiety as they get closer to one another in such an enclosed space.

The proximity is threatening their sanity. They both know that they'll lose the internal battles within themselves, especially Kinsey, if they feed into their temptations.

Beyond words, their chemistry remains. The synergy between them when they speak becomes incomparable with the way they feel when around one another without words. Words are never required for Kinsey and Jade to feel connected. Presence alone is enough to sustain their undeniable connection to one another.

The blonde would never admit it, but all that she wants right now is to lay her head in Jade's lap and cry her eyes out. She hasn't been doing okay lately, and this separation between her and Jade didn't make that any better. She needed her anchor. Her best friend.

The brunette hesitantly glances over at the blonde, as if surprised that she agreed to be this close to the person who broke her trust. Jade wants to run her fingers through those tangled locks and kiss Kinsey so passionately until her lips go numb. She wants to feel those calloused hands run against her skin, reassuring her that she is safe even when the world seems so menacing.

"Quit staring and take me out on the town, loser, " Kinsey directs with a petite smile, reclining the chair farther back. She gently shuts her eyes as her hands rest behind her head. The zip-up jacket leaves her collarbone exposed, leaving Jade helpless to thoughts of covering the supple, smooth skin in love bites.

"I get to call you names until I can trust you again," Kinsey states, pouting her lips with her eyes shut.

"So fucking gorgeous," Jade mumbles before smoothly pressing her foot up against the gas pedal, casually directing her eyes back to the road. The brunette is so taken by the blonde that she doesn't even notice the name-calling.

Kinsey slightly opens one eye, glancing over at the brunette. She can't stop the blush that appears through her paler skin. She pushes her tongue against her cheek to fight a goofy smile.

"Just promise me you're not on some killer girlfriend shit. I don't wanna end up sleeping with the fishes." Kinsey shrugs.

"Oh, please. I would've drugged you by now if that was the case. I know I couldn't win that fight." Jade shrugs her shoulders with a smile.

"I don't know whether or not to feel proud or terrified by that answer." Kinsey blinks rapidly in Jade's direction.

"Neither. Just relax, I'm taking care of you today." Jade smiles over at the blonde in the dimness of the morning. The street lights flash across her face every couple of feet, allowing the blonde to view the brunette's beautifully bright smile up close.





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Hello... what do we think of this chapter? The last chapter was a bit juicy and y'all got mad at me for doing this during pride month but I promise it gets better lmaooo!

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I have a surprise for y'all in the "coming" chapters 👀. It's a little something that you've all been thirsting for🥵

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See y'all in the next chapter. Thank you for sticking in there even though I don't get the chance to update all the time! ❤️

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