Bucky stopped fidgeting and went still, face twisted in concentration. "Why'd you do it?" he asked, the pitiful tremble in his voice betraying his hurt. "Why'd you go up there?"

She avoided his eyes, leaning her shoulder on the wall for support that she was sure she needed. Her cheeks flushed at his carefully even tone. "I... I needed to know more. I-I'm sorry."

His creased forehead smoothed, relaxing slightly. But his eyes didn't change in their coldness. "You could have asked. You should have asked."

"You... You didn't look like you wanted me to. And I wasn't trying to hurt you. I'd never do that," she muttered, trying to justify her actions but ending up sounding pathetic.

Bucky frowned deeper, eyes narrowing minutely. "Is that really it? That's all you have to say? Maybe I didn't want look like I wanted to talk about it, but why exactly does that point you toward the attic? That place is personal to me, Yelena."

She lowered her head, letting out a long breath, her heart hurting suddenly. Why did she have to be so stupid? "I'm sorry. I really am."

He went quiet.

She was almost glad that he didn't lash out. She knew if he did it would be bad, for her. But at the same time it scared her that he was so controlled and calm.

"You can't... You..." Bucky started to say, but trailed off and drew a hand through his hair, wetting his lips. Finally, he formed a full sentence for her, but it was whipered. "I can't believe you did that,"

Don't cry.

Yelena blinked, looking away from his eyes again. "I'm an idiot..."

Bucky didn't respond, only turned away and robotically removed the groceries from the bags one by one, placing items in their respective places around the kitchen. He moved with prescision and grace, fully immersed in the task, and obviously ignoring her.

She stood there, watching him carefully, seeing how upset he was trying not to be. She shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "Um..."

Bucky didn't look at her, one hand fisting. "Yeah?" His voice came out sounding weak and small.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Yelena felt stupid just saying that, but she needed to know what he wanted from her now. She'd do anything to make his eyes lighten. She hated this.

"No...I... need to be alone, okay? Just... Just don't bother me." His eyes didn't lighten, not one bit. He continued to put away the groceries.

Yelena had nothing more to say, so she turned and hid in her room like a scolded child, her heart reeling. Hours passed, and she played games on her phone or read ebooks, waiting for him to say she could come out. It was his home, after all, and her old instincts were coming back strong after being looked at like that by him.

She just wanted more. More of his past. She wanted to know every single thing about him, and she hadn't thought about waiting for him to do it when he was comfortable. And he had opened up to her a lot already and told her things no one else knew. But she wanted more, somehow. Even if somehow she could tell her wanted that history to stay in the past, or everything would get so much harder for him.

A knock came at her door. "Yelena?" came the muffled voice.

She rolled onto her front on the bed, letting her phone fall onto the sheets in front of her face. "Yeah."

The door cracked open. Bucky's eyes were tired, his body language neutrally calm and anxious. As if he had too much energy and not enough at the same time. It puzzled Yelena. He pursed his lips, then spoke up. "Um... I made dinner. It's ready if... if you want it."

With that, he disappeared from the doorway, leaving the door slightly cracked open. She listened as his socked feet brushed the floor, making almost no noise, then collapsed against the mattress.

Why do I have to be so nosy and stupid?

Yelena let out a muffled groan, then pulled herself from the bed, debating whether he should eat with him or wait until he left the table. She could see the kitchen through the crack in the door if she opened it a little bit more, but she couldn't tell where he was at the moment.

She decided to give him space, and wait it out, but when she emeerged from her room a half hour later, she found him slumped in his chair looking defeated and alone. His metal finger scraped along the rim of the untouched water glass in front of his plate absently.

His eyes didn't look present. He was distant and lost.

Yelena took a deep breath, but it was louder and shakier than expected, and he snapped to attention and turned toward her in his chair.

"Lena?"

"Bucky."

He looked up at her with eyes that gleamed sadly. His soul looked so old and worn in that moment, too old for his body.

Yelena lowered her head, wanting to get down on her knees and beg for forgiveness. She knew he'd give it, with time. But she didn't know how long that would take.

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed with confusion, until he understood and sighed, leaning back. "I don't know how how long it will take. But I'd rather not talk about that right now."

"Okay." She noticed his food, still on the plate. And hers. "Bucky?"

His eyes averted from hers and he glanced away. "I... didn't want to eat without you. I don't like eating alone."

Yelena sat hesitantly on the other side of the table, not daring to look up at his dark features. "I'll eat with you."

Relief fell across his face, warming his demeanor significantly. She felt her heart flip at the sight, and wondered if his hesitance to eat alone went deeper than just being lonely. But she ignored her questions about him for once, deciding that he didn't deserve to be analyzed like this. He just needed someone. Even if that person had violated his space.

She sighed, my stomach turning uncomfortably at the sight of the lovely lukewarm pasta he had made for them. It looked delicious, to be frank.

Yelena crossed her arms, not even noticing the way her own shoulders hunched.

His eyes narrowed as her arms moved. He focused on the curve of her shoulders, and she glanced up at his peircing blue eyes. "Yelena?"

She shifted in her chair. "What?"

"Are you going to eat?"

"I can't."

"Can you tell me why?" He asked gently, all his coldness falling away to be replaced with a soft but insistent concern.

"Uh... I just can't," she muttered, feeling sick. What the hell was she doing here, other than trying to hold herself together and settling for him because he seemed to lift up every part of her heart and make her feel stable? She would do anything for him, anything. But something wasn't right. "Something's wrong in me. I don't know what's going on, Bucky..."

Her hand shook as her rubbed her cheek anxiously. What were my real reasons for being here? What if he never forgives you? You don't fit in here. Here is full of past loves. Love for his family, love for Connie, love for his freinds that he'll never see again. What am I? What am I to him?

Her head spun with all of these thoughts, and she leaned against the table to steady herself, feeling warm skin slide against her hand amd wrap it in comfort. "Hey. Yelena."

"B-Bucky..."

"Yelena, I... don't know what to say. But I don't want you to leave," he tried, desperation etched so deeply in his face that she felt grounded again, reeled back to shore.

She closed her eyes. "I don't feel good, Bucky," she whispered, her breaths speeding up.

"Shhh. That's okay. Feel it. But you can move it, too. You know that, right? You can do anything, Yelena. You can do it."

"Do what? All I've done is hurt you, I pried into your personal history. I don't deserve any of this. I should be living in a motel alone after everything I've - "

"Don't finish that sentence." Bucky snapped immediately, cutting her off completely, straightening in his chair. His eyes were suddenly hard and intense, penetrating hers. "That's enough."

He leaned back, eyes cloudy with emotion, and let out a soft and almost inaudible breath. He said nothing for a long moment, before reaching up and taking her plate, then his own in his other hand. "I'll put these in the fridge," he breathed softly, moving out of the room and leaving her with her thoughts.

Yelena leaned her head against the cool surface of the table. His words were the only thing she could hear. That's enough. She shuddered, unsure what to do now. She shouldn't be breaking down now. Not when she was the one who had done something wrong.

She didn't realize she was crying until metal fingers pressed against the curve of her neck comfortingly. His thumb stroked her shoulder slowly and carefully so as not to hurt her.

Leaning into the touch, she squeezed her eyelids tighter. "I'm so sorry, I've been so stupid. I didn't even- I should have done something different- "

His hand moved over her shoulders, pulling her closer to his body. Her heart missed a beat as he head touched the side of his leg. "Why... Why are you still so nice to me?" she asked.

Bucky's other hand came around too, nudging her to stand. When she did, he tugged her closer to him. His strong arms wrapped around her, pressing her to his chest protectively. "I don't know... But I don't like seeing you this way. Maybe... Maybe it's because I love you."

She let out a shaky laugh. "How do you still love me?" she knew he wasn't lying, but it didn't make sense for him to give his heart to someone who didn't desrve it.

"Yelena," he murmured again in almost a warning tone, his chin resting lightly against the top of her head. "You did something stupid."

She nodded, her heart sinking to her feet. This was the truth, but hearing him say it made everything more real. It made the space between them more real.

"But that doesn't make you, as a person, stupid. You aren't defined by one mistake you make. have you ever been in a situation like this?"

"What, digging into people's past? Thousands of times."

He scoffed. "You know what I mean, Lena."

And Yelena did. Her arms found their way around his waist. She hadn't ever been in love with someone like this, and she had never come close to understanding how to live with someone who loved her like this. Someone she could hurt without knowing. She wanted to say that she knew her way around the world, that was what she had always tried to make people believe.

But this was vulnerable, it was a new, real relationship. A romantic one, even. So what the hell was she doing here?

Bucky noticed the falter in her breath, and his hand ran through her hair soothingly, playing with the strands. "Yelena," he whispered.

"What?"

"It's okay to not know how to do something."

She couldn't help but snort. "Really? Because that's not what my whole life has been about. Every little situation I've been in, I've had to know. I can't just not know, Bucky! This is new, and it's fragile, and I have no idea what I'm doing, it's like I'm walking on glass. And I'm breaking the glass. I'm breaking your freaking glass!"

"Yeah." He said quietly, his breath brushing her scalp and making her shiver.

"I don't know how to love someone, Bucky."

"I know."

"Why are you still holding me, then?"

"Because that's 'what no matter what' means. That's what 'I love you' means. I'm here for you no matter what. What you did... it wasn't right. But I can stil forgive you. Even if I haven't yet. I will. I promise."

"Bucky... y-you really mean that? You promise?"

He pulled back to look down at her eyes, arms still holding her close. "Yes, I promise."

"I don't deserve that."

Bucky flinched slightly. "Yelena, I didn't go through all that I did that night for nothing,"

"I'm sorry." She frowned. "I mean it, I am sorry. Gosh, I'm so stupid."

"I think what we both need is sleep. Let's talk about this in the morning."

"Bucky- "

He gave her a tired but warm look that made her go weak at the knees, and then his expression turned serious, more thoughtful. "Lena, you did something wrong. And I won't let you think for one second that it was the right thing to do. But you are only human... Ask me again in the morning, and, who knows? I might give you another chance."

Yelena took a deep breath in through her nose, feeling instantly calmer at his words, though the guilt still made her cheeks flush. "You're too good... And you're too nice..."

"I know,"

"Thank you."

"For?" he asked genuinely, and she was surprised at his ignorance.

"For everything."

His eyes went hugely wide at that, and then he pulled away with the softest smile yet, though she knew he hadn't moved on from the fact that she snuck into his attic. And that was okay with her, because she got to see that gorgeous smile, pointed at her.

"G'night, Yelena." Bucky whispered, before disappearing in his room.

So the last few chapters have dissappointed me because I never think my artistic creations are good enough. Anyway I hope you liked this!
pleaseleave a vote and a comment, I love reading what people think, feedback, anything. Have a good day and thank you for lending your time to read this! it means a lot to me.