"So, any plans for today?"

   "Just doin' what I always do,"

   She found something off about that last thing he said, but let it slide, because it didn't seem very big, and she didn't want to bother him any more than she needed to. "Ah. So reading, knife sharpening, long showers, meditating, and trying to hold a conversation with your cat?"

   "That's pretty spot on, even though I haven't really been doing most of those things while you've been here, but I do have therapy today. That one slipped by you."

   "Uh huh." She let out a laugh, and saw his eyes crinkle up in an adorable way that made her want to kiss him. "But the cat conversations are rare these days, aren't they?"

   "Yeah, I've got you to talk to."

   Yelena smiled, but her smile faded at the implications of his words. "Hey! I don't want to be a replacement!"

   "You're not. You could never be just a replacement, Yelena." He smiled at the ground.

   She rubbed the back of her neck, feeling hot. "You do have people you can talk to, right?"

   "Of course. You've met Sam, and I have a therapist, even if she isn't the greatest sometimes. Alpine's my comfort pet, I tell her everything when I can't talk to anyone else."

   "'Isn't the greatest sometimes?' Bucky, what does that mean?" She didn't mean to pry into his life like this, but she had a sudden protective urge know exactly what he was talking about. If there was something wrong with that therapist, she couldn't promise that the shrink would be safe...

   "It just means... She used to be crazy, is all. She used to swear during our sessions, but hardly ever does these days. I'm not sure what's changed."

   Yelena narrowed her eyes. "Swearing? When she's handling her traumatized clients? What a bitch."

   He snorted. "That's one way to put it. Alpine doesn't swear nearly as much as the shrink."

   "She must be amazing to talk to. But I mean, who could swear at someone who constantly calls them things like Babydoll, Bae, Love, and Honey-bun?" She shot an amused look at him.

   "Um, anyway, our conversations about the origins of Middle Earth get very phylosophical," as Bucky tried to steer the topic away from those pet names, his cheeks flushed.

   She playfully punched him in the arm, hearing a gentle clang. "I'm sure they do. I love how you're trying to make this discussion less embarrassing by focusing on how deeply you have oral conversations with your house pet. Kind of ironic to me."

   He shrugged. "I guess it is..."

   They drifted farther down the block in a serene silence, a couple of grins thrown comfortably around at each other.

   Yelena's eyes settled on the ground in front of them. The cement was the colour of Natasha's headstone. Suddenly the whole world seemed to be committing a horrible act of indifference.

   Indifference felt lonely. She knew how it felt to be seen with indifferent eyes that weren't really present...

   But when the world passes you by like you don't matter... Yelena shivered, feeling Bucky's intent eyes on her.

   She wouldn't pass by Natasha. She couldn't. Though sometimes when she smiled or acted like a friend to Bucky, it felt like she was betraying her by being so close to him.

   If Nat was here, she'd say that Yelena was being stupid. So she took a deep breath, holding on to that thought in her mind and forcing herself to zone back in.

   Bucky's hand was fisted at his side tensely, and his blue eyes wouldn't leave her. She took his hand and lifted it between them, gently unfolding his cybernetic fingers. His face was clouded with unertainty, but he let her pry his fingers open.

   Yelena threaded her fingers through his and pulled him along, walking faster as he followed like a lost, surprised puppy.

   "Yelena-"

   "You can call me Lena," she breezed, enjoying the feel of his jacket brushing her wrist as he immediately pulled her hand closer. "Are you okay?"

   "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." he muttered. "But... what are we doing? Are we together or not? I don't understand this anymore."

   She stopped, and he stood upwind from her, hiding her from the cold brushing past. Yelena felt so small in front of him. He was so much taller than her.

   Shock struck Yelena. "What..." She hadn't expected these questions, and... and he sounded so confused and pained.

   "Bucky, I... I don't know."

   "You don't know. Okay." Dissappointment flashed in his eyes for a moment, and he smoothly masked it over with a neutral expression. "I just want clarity. I hate not knowing what's really happening."

   She took a silent breath, not sure what to say. What were they doing? Man, Bucky sure was hard to read sometimes. Especially when he didn't know his own feelings.

   "I'm sorry," Yelena told him, letting her hand fall away from his. He didn't want to be confused... it was something he had been trying to run from for a whole lifetime, and she realized that phsycal intimacy would complicate this. Especially because he was more sensitive to it than most people were.

   Lowering her head in shame, then rising up to see him again, she took the smallest step back. Accusations blared in her ears, ones that weren't in Bucky's voice, but her own. Maybe she was overreacting. But she did soemthing wrong anyway. Something he didn't like.

   He was quiet, watching her think with attentive eyes and waiting for her to say something, hands in his jacket pockets.

   "I thought... I thought that everything would be fine, Bucky. But I guess got lost. I'm sorry. I should've thought more about this before kisssing you and- Last night was crazy, I don't know what happened. I've never been in a relationship before so I don't know what a real one looks like- and-"

   "Shh, It's okay. Nothing even happened last night." He stepped closer, a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. We... We'll figure this out, alright? Don't let yourself get overwhelmed. One step at a time, right?"

   "Right."

   "I think we should be careful if you're not sure about us."

   "And you are?"

   He smiled. "Yes. And I know we're not ready for something serious. You were right when you said we'd get hurt, we both need time."

   "So what do we do?"

   Bucky folded his arms across his chest. "I don't know. But can we talk later, Lena? I just want to enjoy this."

   She nodded, not sure what to do with her hands now. They hung awkwardly at her sides. She stretched her fingers, then curled them into fists.

   "So... what you always do on the weekends. Doesn't actually happen to involve working a few extra hours down at the docks usually?"

   His mouth opened and closed, and Bucky let out something that resembled a surprised chuckle. "What? How'd you know that?"

   "I just do. Reading you is fun."

   "Is it? No one has ever said that about me before."

   "You stopped working on the weekends because of me,"

   "Mhmm. That's right."

   He started walking again, and she followed, trying to match his pace.

   "You didn't want me to know, you though I'd be upset."

   "Are you?"

   "A little. I don't want to throw off your sense of routine and your narmalcy." It's something he always wanted. Consistency was something he was starved of for so long. "It's really nice that you're taking time off, but this isn't something you need to do."

   He gave her his thoughtful doe eyes, tucking his messy strands of long hair back. "I wanted to. I want to."

   "But I brought back a lot of pain, Bucky. I know you. You've started to hurt again-"

   "I was hurting before you came."

   "I made things worse. Didn't I?"

   Bucky raised a hand to his forehead, frowning. "Yelena, you... you made things worse, sure. But you also made things so much better. It's hard to explain. But I need you to understand. Please."

   "Go on,"

   "I want you to affect my life, alright? I told you I love you. I don't ever say that lightly. And I know that you being here reminds me of some painful times, but I'm farther than I've even been from those days. Because I'm trying again. I'm trying. You're the reason why."

   His bottom lip quivered, telling her that he meant every one of those words.

   "I can't... I know you love me, but I don't want to see you have a flashback again or crying in the bathroom because of me. I hurts me too. I never compained about your pain like this before, but it brings back everything for me, too."

   She saw him bite the inside of his cheek, then he said, "I'm sorry. I didn't..."

   Yelena raised her hand and placed her fingertips on his soft lips, making them go still. His eyelid twitched. "Like you said, let's talk later."

   He nodded, his eyes flicking to her hand.

   She hooked her arm through his and turned them back the way they came, back toward home. He stayed close to her, even with the newest doubts that swirled in his mind.