Dinner seemed to slip away fast, the moments speeding past. Yelena took a long, hot shower afterward.

  After dinner finished, Bucky then disappeared to his room, his cat following close behind.

   Water streamed down her body as she stared at the wall, trying not to think about reality. She and he knew that there was no chance of not hurting each other further.

   I should still leave, Yelena thought. Again.

   Would this time be the very last? Or would the two of them bouce back and forth like a ping-pong ball, until they fell so far from the table that they wouldn't ever be able to recover? 

   Points deducted for stupidity, for letting the ball run away without her. Without common sense. 

   He didn't deserve this mess, but she didn't even know how many times he'd say "I love you" just to try. 

   When had someone valued her that much that he'd risk his own well-being for something so uncertain?

   She didn't deserve this at all. He had killed so many people just like she had, only he didn't choose that. She did. 

   After everything Yelena had done, after every death she had willingly caused, why was she even here with Bucky? And what did he even see in her to to smile at her the way he did, to tell her he loved her the way he did?

   Tears mixed with the warm shower water, streams of hotness washing them away just as fast. He had to know how many misssions she had completed over the years, he wasn't stupid. 

   In her mind, the echo of a peircing gunshot filled her mind. Her gun, her finger pulling the trigger and committing the act of murder. The fear in the eyes of her victim faded away as he lost everything, lost his life.

   It hurt, deep inside of her. It hurt so much. Yelena never really regretted the killings, but each time she took another person's life, she took a part of herself that she'd never get back. She didn't see it that way until recently, and it haunted, pulling at her conscience. Forever nagging.

   Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the choice she'd have to make, she turned off the shower, dried off, and sat on the fluffy bed in her new room.

   Thanks to Bucky, she was no longer a guest, now. She never wanted that to change, but how the hell would that even work?

   It felt as if she almost belonged here now, and that felt slightly wrong to her.

   Dangling her feet over the side and lying on her back, Yelena looked around the room again, silently admiring it.

   Just like everything else in the home, it was filled with a vintage feel. The wardrobe was boxy and practical, skillfully crafted to last a long time. Yelena remembered someting etched in the back of it, on the wooden strip behind her clothes as she picked out something to wear the other day.

   Placed on top of the wardrobe was a petit, grainy photo of a handsome boy with bright hair, freckles, and a huge smile that resembled Bucky's, only it was bigger than his. Much bigger.

   Bucky's brother. 

   How did he die, she wondered? He must've been dead. 

   She removed her clothes from the wardrobe and draped them over the end of the bed, making sure they didn't spill to the floor when she took her hand away. The light from the ceiling illuminated letters and words scratched into the firm wood.

   The first one, below all the others a couple feet off the ground, was 'This is my knife'.

  One said, 'property of Ben'. 

   'Go away'. 

   'E + B', one read. They all were written by the same hand. Probably Bucky's brother's.

    'MIA', another said.

    Then, 'J is alive', with multiple violent slashes through the statement. Under it were the letters 'KIA'.

    Yelena touched it, running her finger along the 'alive' in the short sentence, tears filling her eyes, feeling like an intruder in Ben's life and Bucky's family. So much pain had come with the loss of Bucky's prescence in the family. Now that he was back, they were all dead. 

   Now she knew a little bit of Bucky's pain, the pain that he almost never let anyone see, and knew a little bit more that she could never really understand what he went through.

  She knew Ben's frustration, too. Why did loved ones have to be taken the way they were every day around the world? Natasha's smile brightened her mind for a split second, then faded away and left heartache.

Obviously, Bucky's family was a close-knitted one. She wished that she could have some semblanc of what Bucky's family had before he moved away and joined the army. 

   She wanted a family... A purpose. 

   Yelena wanted that familial love, she'd yearned for, craved it for so many years. Maybe that was why Bucky made her feel so safe that she opened up to him, because he took care of her and was like a big brother to her when she was a child. He made her feel safe and wanted.

   And she started the whole love fest on the couch, which complicated things further. It was bound to happen, but now would she still feel safe and warm? She wasn't sure. It wasn't like things instantly changed.

   Was it?

   The unspoken, silent tension between them that had been gathering for a few hours had reached its climax, and Bucky knew what Yelena was thinking about despite her quietness. 

   The two of them could barely support themselves in some ways, so how could she have hope about their relationship? 

    Yelena now carried a new, fresh sadness in her eyes, and unfortunately, Bucky noticed. She hid it well otherwise, but the hope in her eyes was fading slowly. 

   Bucky excused himself to his room, staring into space with Alpine stretched out on his legs. He ran his fingers through her fur, and she didn't shiver at the coldness of his cybernetic hand as it floated over her. 

   She purred satisfyingly, eyes drifting away from him as he stroked her. 

   Yelena wasn't stupid. She'd find the etchings in the wardrobe, if she hadn't already. A rush of anxiety filled him at the thought of her seeing Ben's little notes that he made across his lifetime, like when he had his first kiss, he told Bucky all about it, and Bucky had smiled and asked, 'did you write in the wardrobe again?'

   That was so many years before he left to fight in the war.

   He missed Ben, so much.

Update!! (skip if you don't want to know about my summer/just what I did in August)

Hi everyone! I haven't been publishing for a while, so I hope you liked reading this chapter!! 

I went to volunteer at the girls' camp which I've been a camper at for five years, so this year has been very different. After the overnight camp, I was picked up by my grandma and me and my sisters and mom hung out with her for two more days before heading home. Camp was tiring but I'll always remember that experience. There was a lot of growth this year!

I may go camping next month for a couple days for my birthday, with my family, so I'm looking forward to that. 

Tell me about your own summer in the comments! I'd love to hear about what you've been doing lately.

Lastly, please vote, comment, and share with friends. Feedback is greatly appreciated.