Chapter 23: On the way back

Zyric and Elzilaura left the restaurant after the group disbanded. The Fliskans were standing in front of the coffee shop. 

"Where are we going next? Elzilaura asks.

"Well, I heard about your flying lesson so I'm curious about your flying skills," Zyric asks.

"Kanunia and I learned how to pilot space vessels. The first time I managed to get a space vessel off the ground was my most memorable experience until today. I have to admit being with your mutant friends and colleagues inspired me and I will never forget meeting them." Elzilaura looked dreamy as she recalled what had just transpired.

"Yes,  they are amazing. They uplift me as well that's why I love hanging out with them at Temnders." Zyric smiles as he remembers his colleagues and friends but then continues his piece.

"Hey, I was wondering if you would go on one last adventure tonight before we return to the headquarters. Solant Airbase is just around the corner. It is where I used to train with Pataran Pilots under the joint exercises by Commodore Vanera.

He was my flying instructor too before he rejoined Patara Defense. He used to bring his students here. I used to dread his classes until we completed the course and he gave me the highest score he ever gave a student."

"Woah, you never told us that before when you went home," Elzilaura says.

"I told my family but it wasn't a big deal to them. It was the stint with Elitea that they remember. Come to think of it, the Elitea and the Marshal position is what everyone remembers." Zyric explains

"It would have meant a great deal to me if you told me." Elzilaura tried to hide the emotion. Though he was pleased with what she said, Zyric was suddenly uneasy. Fortunately, they arrived at Solant Airbase

"By the way, I heard you were trained by Toramor. He's an aviation legend." He asks.

"Yeah, I know. It was an honor to be his student. As for my flying, it's all right. I'm learning slowly but surely." Elzilaura says.

"Great, I want to see your progress." Zyric replies as he pulls her to the hangar.

"Wait. I haven't had the chance to practice." Her heart unexpectedly raced.

"You'll remember once you're inside," Zyric assures her as he continues to pull her until they arrived on the ladder of a small plane.

"I haven't tried this at night." Her voice escalates. She tries to press down and give more of her weight so that Zyric could not pull her so easily.

"I'll guide you through. I promise." Zyric tries to calm her down. He squeezes her hand and brushes her forearms. Seeing his efforts, she tried to be brave for him. She couldn't resist him literally and figuratively. She would face danger just for him. So, she stopped resisting him and he no longer had to drag her. She followed him willingly into the plane.

Zyric helped her into the seat and secured her before adjusting to his position. Soon, they were in the air. Initially, the princess panicked but then managed to control her fears. Knowing she was nervous, Zyric gently instructs her. Despite the fear, she soldiered on and was able to follow Zyric's lead. Soon, she was doing better than expected. When they were disembarking, she seemed awkward about their time in the air.

"I told you I'm a slow learner." She says timidly as she tried to keep calm and breathe deeply. After exhaling, she could still hear her heartbeat in her ear.

"Nonsense, you did well for a beginner." Zyric corrects her. "You just have to trust yourself more. Otherwise, our drills were so good that I'm considering you to be my permanent copilot someday." He then assists her to the exit.

"Well, thanks. I'll think about it." Elzilaura teases.

"You don't have to answer immediately. Take all the time you need." Zyric joins in on her jests. "For now, let's go back to the headquarters before curfew hits."

"Curfew?" Elzilaura asks.

"Yes, curfew starts at midnight and up to the sunrise. No one is allowed outside unless you have special permits and documents." Zyric informs. Then, he leads the way back to the headquarters.

As they were walking, Elzilaura dares to ask some questions.

"Don't you miss being an Elitea pilot? I do feel you are worshiped by people; you had an illustrious career and you have more freedom here. Don't you miss this?" The princess glances at her companion.

Zyric looks around thinking about the answer. "Well, I do but it's something I couldn't continue anymore. I cant see myself as a pilot in the long run." His gaze returns to the princess. "It was fun at first but after a while, you get homesick. Being here is like excessive drinking. It gets intoxicating and going home is the remedy to be sober again."

Elzilaura snorts so the Fliskan Marshal asks. "What's so funny?"

"The way you compared all this to alcohol." She found it amusing. "But surely, the knowledge you obtain here-"

"It was great. No doubt about that." He affirms. "But the emotional impact is like alcohol."

"I never thought of you to be an alcoholic," Elzilaura says.

"No, I don't drink that much until I discovered some pubs a few minutes away. I don't visit frequently but I'm not proud of going to those places." Zyric looked serious.

"So, you've been drinking and meeting women." Elzilaura teases.

"Well, that's not quite accurate." Zyric laughs.

"Oh, so you're meeting men?" Elzilaura giggles.

Zyric just smiled. He understands she was fishing for information regarding his dating history.

"Nice try, Elle." Zyric joins her laughter.

Zyric explains further. "Just to be clear, that version of me is long gone. It's the lonely, ambitious, eager young boy with many needs and wants. That's not me anymore."

"And who are you now?" The princess asks.

"Someone who has reconciled with the past and is living in the moment to have a better future," Zyric says.

Elzilaura nods. " Well said, Lord Marshal."

"Thank you, your royal highness. For the record, it's women, not men and let's leave it at that." Both of them laugh.

Before she could ask further, Zyric then inquires. "I'm just wondering, Elle. I've known you all my life. You are an amazing person and I don't understand where the fears and nervous breakdowns are coming from. What triggers them?" He was looking at her.

"I'm not sure but I guess I always resort to panic and fear." Elzilaura shyly responds as she looks straight ahead. "I'm used to having my mom and other people make decisions for me so when I am faced with a problem, the fears sink in uncontrollably." She shrugs and gazes downward.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable." The Fliskan Marshal apologizes.

"No. Don't be. I've never had anyone ask me that. Come to think of it, asking me that question is helpful." Elzilaura responds.

"How is that?" Zyric inquires.

"Well, I've come to realize where the fear is coming from and perhaps, I will be able to control it more. It's like putting out a fire. You need to know the origin to put it out faster." The princess replies and her response made Zyric smile.

"Glad I could help then." He pulls her closer to him as a family passed by. "Come to think of it, someone once told me that Life can be understood backward but must be lived forward. Perhaps in tracing the origins of a problem, we find the solution."

"Wow! That was insightful." Elzilaura continues. "But I feel also there is more to this fear. I feel that I'm always resorting to fear because I never developed self-confidence. It makes me sad at times. I feel trapped and lonely because aside from other people making decisions for me, I feel that I am not heard. I don't have a voice. No one listens to me. I have so much to say but no one listens." The princess becomes emotional, especially with the last part of her statement.

"I listen to you." Zyric claims. "I can't always agree with you but sure, I'm always all ears when you're speaking."

"Thank you, Zee," Elzilaura replies. "That means a lot to me."

"You're welcome." Zyric was happy to have lifted her spirits. "Just remember that sometimes our families can be overprotective because of their love for us.

I recall Zora always throwing a fit and confiding in me that either Zedon or our parents are too strict with her. She tells me no one listens to what she has to say. I also feel awkward when Zed becomes way too protective but I guess it's just him being a responsible big brother to us.

I see Kanunia being protective of you too. She has always loved you and your mother. No one else cares for her as much as you both do. Now, she has only you so try to understand her too.

They act out of love and that love our families possess can blind them from seeing that we are no longer children." Zyric shares his thoughts.

Elzilaura's gaze lingers at Zyric for a moment. She was amazed at her childhood friend and all his profound insights.

"I do agree. We will always be children to our parents and elder relatives but I wish they would listen to me and value what I have to say. Instead, they tend to believe their friends, mentors, and coworkers more than me because of my age and my status in the family. I'm just the daughter or younger sister constantly being looked down on because of my age.

They think of me as a naive person when in fact I have been training and preparing all my life to make decisions carefully. It's as if I'm not good enough to be heard when there is so much more to me." Elzilaura responds immediately.

Zyric takes in a deep breath before replying.

"It's hard to change people's way of thinking. I get you there. I wish for that too you know. I want parents to trust their children more. They should be the first to believe their children so they can grow up to be confident and trusting of themselves. But that is not the way my parents are. That is why when I start my own family, I promise to listen to my children. I will be a different parent when the time comes." Zyric stares into the distance.

"Wow!" Elzilaura could help but react. "You are so profound. Are you still my friend? It seems like you are an impostor. Hey, bring back my Zee!" She playfully commands and Zyric was just amused.

"It's still me." Zyric replies. "I'm just an upgraded version."

"It's just weird. This is not like you." Elzilaura claims.

"As I've said before, you get to know people as time goes by." Zyric replies. "And also, we can't stay the same. Every day is a learning experience."

"Yeah, and at the rate, you are going, perhaps I should hire you as my royal adviser instead of Marshal." The princess says.

"And what of Alednos? I don't want him to lose his job." Zyric replies.

"Well, you can trade places. Let him be the lord marshal and you can be the royal adviser." Elzilaura remarks. Zyric laughs. 

The Fliskans arrive at the compound just before the curfew started. They go to the concierge of the Calian wing where Zyric asks if there were messages for them. Elzilaura glances at the corridor leading to the dining hall. She got curious over an ad saying sensual food with a couple eating in the background.

 Zyric notices her staring at the direction of the dining hall.

"We can still have dinner if you want," Zyric says.

"No, thank you. I just want to rest now." The princess replies.

"Okay, let's go upstairs," Zyric says and then escorts Elzilaura.

When they arrive at her door, she enters the room but still holds the said door open while he bids her good night.

"So here you are. I guess I'll see you early tomorrow." Zyric explains.

"Wait. Before you go, there is something I want to ask. Is it okay?"

"Surely." Zyric replies.

"The silver pin you gave me was it from the wedding of Lem and Enna?" Elzilaura asks.

"Yes, what of it?" Zyric asks.

"When you gave it to me, was it for how it's supposed to be? Do you get me?" She had been curious since Enna told them the tale.

"I had just arrived and had no time to get a gift on your special day. And it was a lovely pin so I thought I'd give it to you. It was befitting our future Queen."

Elzilaura thought he misunderstood her. He looked tense as he explained it to her. Was he concealing something? But then he begins to ask. "By the way, where is it?"

"I lost it. I'm sorry." Elzilaura began to breathe heavily. She was panicking again and Zyric saw it. Both of them remembered what happened.

They both recall he gave her the pin just before she started preparing for the party. As she was descending the staircase and into the great hall, people bowed before her. Zyric noticed she wore the pin next to her emblems which made him smile radiantly. The festivities then continued and she joined the dancing. Then, the Queen made a speech. After the applause, she says it was time for her daughter to address all of them.

Elzilaura goes to the center of the hall. She begins well but midway through stammers. Panic sank in and she forgot her lines completely. She could hear the murmurs and prying eyes and could even see some of the nobles trying to hold back their laughter. She was getting teary-eyed when the Prime Minister cuts her and saves her from the embarrassment. He continued to speak as he led her back to the dais and seated her next to her mother.

When the Prime Minister was done, the Queen orders her subjects to continue with the merriment. At that point, Elzilaura's head was swirling in fear, panic, anxiety, and awkwardness that she slowly walked away from the dais. She could no longer stand their prying eyes so she slowly tried to fade into the back hall and dashed off. She ran as fast as she could to the staircase where she hit a post and dropped most of her jewelry. She regained her balance and continued to run until she reached her chambers.

"I remember now," Zyric says. "Is that what triggers your stage fright?" She then nods.

"There are speech therapists or professors for that." Zyric analyzes.

"I know I needed help but my mother ignored my anxiety attacks. She says I do not need professional help. She claims it was nothing." Elzilaura felt as if a huge slab of stone pressed into her chest.

"Your mother believes in you so much. To her, you are perfect. That is why she believes you do not need help. You are complete on your own. Like her, we believe in you too. Besides, it's all in the past." He reminds her.

"That was then and you are a different person now. You have more experience. You have learned from your mistakes so you just go out there

"Thank you, Zee." Elzilaura pats his arm.

"Think nothing of it." He says in reply.

For a moment there, they stare into each other's gazes.

When he tried to move closer, he suddenly recalls one detail. "Ella, I hope you also don't mind me asking you."

"About what?" She wondered.

"The pin. You wore it for the ball. Why did you? Your family members wear jewelry from the Queen's collection during state parties but why wear my gift?"

"Because it was you and your family's gift to me as you said. I value the royals of Craiine and it complemented my dress." She snorts awkwardly and blushes. She couldn't look at him straight and kept her gaze downward. She tries to end the conversation quickly. She feigns a yawn.

"I'm getting tired. Maybe we can call it a night now. We have a long day ahead of us. Good night." She then rushed to get into the door and almost didn't hear Zyric say goodbye.

His inquiries about the pin made her nervous. Yet she lingered on the door with her back leaning on it long before he left feeling her racing heartbeat. How she wished the night did not end. Just as she lay down on her bed, she recalls the events of the day especially the journey back to the compound before they called it a night until she fell asleep.

While he was walking back to his chambers, he felt it too. He was nervous yet excited and felt like being on cloud nine. It was the best feeling ever but he thought to himself there could never be more.

He reaches his room and tries to clear his head by checking up on Kanunia. Ranued answers his call. "Princess Kanunia is more stable now."

"That's good to know." Zyric sits down. "Where is Alednos?"

"He is outside taking a call from Princess Elzilaura and then from Engineer Merus," Ranued responds.

"Oh, he's that busy." Zyric tries to jest.

"Yes, he is. By the way, you look weary, Lord Marshal. Is there something I can do?" Ranued asks.

"Just watch over Kanunia. That will be all. Thank you, Ranued." He then cuts transmission just after Ranued acknowledges his request.

As he prepares for bed, the thoughts of what transpired returned and replayed in his head. As he reached for his pillow, he closed his eyes shut hoping for sleep to come immediately and that maybe someday by some stroke of luck, the circumstances will change.