Morana

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I was numb, not processing what was happening, but also being too aware of everything and experiencing a pain that was like nothing else. It had me wanting to scream and destroy, but it also made me hold on to Alejo with all my might, as if that could make it all go away.

He had a wound at the side of his head. A wound that mirrored that of the dead version of Alejo I had seen when looking at the Librarian.

"Why? You shouldn't have!" I asked him and noticed as I did that I had started to cry. I wanted to shake him and yell at him for being so fucking stupid. I wanted to reverse time and be the one getting hit. I wanted to protect him from past, present, and future pain.

"I had to," was his answer, and it made me want to curse at him even more. He hadn't had to do anything. It should have been me, not him. I didn't matter. Not like he did.

"I can't lose you. I can't be without you," I told him and watched as he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Not a single sound. But I didn't need any to know what he wanted to say. That he wanted to reassure me that all would be fine, that he would always be there. What a liar he was to dare to make such promises as he grew weaker and weaker.

I knew it was the last one before he even took it. I saw him breathe in. Heard rasping as the air passed down to his lungs. Saw his chest expand as the air reached its goal. And then contract. The air left, he breathed out with a shaky sound. I could feel his life disappear with the breath, but I was completely and utterly helpless and unable to stop it.

And as I lost him, a final thing happened that took the air out of me.

As his brown eyes dimmed, they made me think of chestnuts in the fall. That clear sign of that summer was well over and winter on its way.

Next thing I knew, something clicked in me. From the way Alejo had described it, I had imagined the feelings the mate bond would cause would be overwhelming, but they weren't. It wasn't anything I hadn't already been feeling. I loved him. His safety and well-being were so much more important than mine. I would do anything to protect him.

I couldn't imagine life without him.

But, at the same time as the bond clicked into place, life left him. His eyes stared blankly up, unseeing, and the complete unfairness grew in me.

For a moment, I just looked down at him. My whole body shook, and I was unable to breathe, unable to comprehend. I was as empty as a blank canvas. Alejo had taken all the colors with him. Then something broke inside of me.

I clutched his body to myself and the tears clouded my vision. I sobbed, but the sobs turned to quick and shallow breaths. My mind exploded in anger and sorrow that deeply contrasted the love I felt.

Or complimented it.

He was gone. He was dead. I would never talk to him again. Never see him smile. Never fall asleep while listening to his heartbeat ever again.

I was angry at everything and everyone. Hated the whole damn world and most of all hating myself for having caused all of this.

And it all hurt. My body, my heart, my soul. It all screamed in pain and as I hugged him, I doubled over from that pain and let it out the only way I could. By making the emotional scream inside of me into an actual one.

As I did, I could feel more emanating from me. A raw power that surged out and did its best to destroy what it encountered. That tore at the bushes and flowers in the garden. That caused the sounds of windows shattering. That had yells of fear mingle with my own.

When my scream was over, I bent my head down and continued to sob against Alejo's shoulder. Unable to move. Unable to care.

But as I did, I felt something else draw up around me. A presence that tried to soothe and calm me. A presence I felt engulf me and take me somewhere else.

When I looked up, I wasn't outside of the coven's house anymore, but in the living room of the apartment. It was dark, unnaturally dark, and the presence was still there. It was more than there, it talked to me, but I could not make out what it said.

It whispered word after word of comfort. Though those words would never be enough. No matter what it said, what anyone said, nothing could fill the empty hole in me that grew for each second I hugged Alejo's body to me. So those words were pointless. Though what it said, whatever it was, pressed closer and closer to me. As if it wanted to penetrate me with its words, but I still could not make out what it said.

No... not what it said. What they said.

You are never alone, they had told me as late as just that night. They had told me to hear them, see them, find, free, and remember them. They had made a point of saying that I shouldn't fear them and they had told me to just ask and they would come, they would help.

"I need you. I can't be without him," I whispered out into the empty living room and the darkness changed somehow. It wasn't just darkness anymore, but more substantial, though still nothing that was possible to touch. It was shadows shifting around.

The Death Shadows.

"Finally," they hissed.

"We missed you," some others continued.

"Never forget us again," they all concluded.

It was strange how they talked. There was the slithering aspect to them which I had somewhat gotten used to. And they spoke as if it was a choir of voices, but they also didn't speak all together. It was as if they continued off each other. Speaking as one, but also echoing each other.

"You're the Death Shadows," I stated, feeling drained and empty and still in pain over the fact that Alejo was dead in my arms.

"Yesssss," they all answered as one.

"But..." My mind slowly regained its ability to properly think and what I had read about them in the Library all came forth. My voice increased in volume, together with the speed of my pulse. "But you're evil! You kill people and you eat their souls. I want nothing to do with you!"

Angry hisses erupted all around me. It was deafening, louder than even my own thoughts, and made my grip on Alejo tighten. But through the hisses, I could still feel compassion from them.

"We are not what you think."

"But people tend to fear..."

"...the things they do not understand."

"And death is the most mysterious of all."

"But trust us when we say..."

"...death is a blessing and not an evil."

"If you ask those who cannot die..."

"...they'll tell you the same."

"But how?" I asked. "How can you not be evil? What good things are there about death and... and why can I see and talk to you? It said you need to have visited your realm to be able to see and speak to you or carry a bit of you inside. So how can I? Do I... Do I carry death with me? Am I the reason Alejo..."

My voice broke off, and I looked down at his lifeless form. The tears, which had temporarily stopped, started again. Fell and hit his stiff and cold cheek.

"To carry us inside you does not mean to carry death."

"And you will never be the reason someone died."

"Unless you specifically ask."

"But even then, they will need to agree."

"Then what does it all mean?!" I shouted at them. I was tired of it all and too exhausted to understand and think. And though I asked for answers, it felt like it mattered little. Without Alejo alive, nothing mattered.

"Our dearest Morana, you are a necromancer."