Morana

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I undressed and got into the shower. Turned on the water and just let it wash over me as tears started to fall. This time, I knew exactly why I felt the way I did.

All my life, I had been rejected. Ever since I was a baby. My parents hadn't wanted me, no foster home had been able to stand me. No one had wanted to be my friend and any time I had thought someone was interested in me, it had turned to shit. I should have learned to not expect anything, but I still had let myself expect things from Alejo.

I knew I still had his friendship, and I knew he actually wanted something more. But the fact that it was something I couldn't control that stopped him from pursuing that more made the hurt even worse. It was the story of my life. No matter what I did, I wasn't good enough.

And it all had to be that black thread's fault. Those voice's fault. That was what was wrong with me. That was what had always made people avoid me. Though they didn't make me feel uncomfortable, they had to make others feel that. They were all darkness, and eeriness, and death after all.

"Just go away," I whispered through my tears. I had one forearm against the wall of the shower and rested my forehead against it. Looked down at the floor, watched as the water from the shower swallowed my tears. "I never asked for you and I don't want you. Please, just go away so that someone will love me."

I was sure if it was my imagination, but I could feel those voices around me. How they were upset with me. They didn't say anything, but I knew they tried to tell me I was wrong. As if they glared at me in anger.

Though of course, they weren't actually. I was alone in the bathroom. But their presence felt strong, which also made sense. They belonged to the black thread, and the black thread was ingrained in me, causing all of the issues I had ever faced in life.

"I want to be loved, so please, just let me be," I begged them. "Plague someone else's life instead."

They felt more intense, like they buzzed all around me. Angry and feeling betrayed. They pressed in on me. Closer. It felt like they were everywhere, though they weren't even there.

Buzzing. Hissing. Glaring.

They screamed at me that they were not at fault. Only they didn't scream. To scream, they would need to have a physical form. They were just a presence that followed me. A presence others viewed as ominous, dark, dangerous, and something to stay away from.

"Go away!" I said in a louder and harsher tone, and the buzzing ceased.

I heard only the falling of water from the shower and my own breathing. Everything else was quiet and empty.

Lonely.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. Slowly, the tears stopped, and I focused on putting away all negative emotions. When I stepped out of the shower, I had a smile on my face and I was determined to keep it. People like happiness and fun and positivity, right? So I had to make sure to be happy and fun and positive.

I dried myself and got dressed. Then I walked out of the bathroom with all negativity buried as deep inside of me as was possible.

Alejo stood up from the couch the moment I entered the living room. He looked worried and had his hands in his pockets. I needed to reassure him. I couldn't have him feeling that having me around was a burden in any way. That would be a sure way to lose his friendship as well.

"So drinks with Rick and Maya tonight," I said with a smile and went to sit down on one of the armchairs.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to," he was quick to say as he sat back down again.

"Why wouldn't I want to? Sounds fun. They're your friends, so they must be great people."

I cringed inwardly at how fake I sounded. My tone was too cheerful, but I didn't know how to adjust it without letting out emotions I couldn't acknowledge.

"Are you alright?" he asked, obviously also reacting to my change in demeanor. "You want to talk about things?"

"I'm fine. I get it and you're right. It wouldn't be good if we got involved. It would just make it tricky when one of us finds our mate. I wonder who mine will be."

His facial expression turned ugly for a moment. He frowned and snorted, but then seemed to realize what he had done and rearranged his feature to a blank state with a forced smile.

"He'll be someone amazing and powerful and brave. That's for sure." His voice was hollow and echoing.

"Your mate will be sweet and caring and protective." My smile became somewhat more of a genuine smile as my words made me think of how sweet, caring, and protective Alejo was. He definitely deserved someone like that, not someone like me.

"So anything I should know before we meet Rick and Maya?" I asked to change the topic, to get away from thoughts that would bring the sadness and anger back.

"Ehm, not really," he said, but his tone sounded as though there was. "I've told you that Rick is a bear-shifter, right? And Maya is a panther-shifter."

"Yeah. And you've known Rick basically his whole life and Maya for about 8 years."

"Right, yeah, not much more to know really."

I was sure there was more, and I knew there was at least one thing I wanted to know. Something in how Alejo acted every time he had mentioned Maya made me wonder if their relationship had ever been more than just friendship. I wanted, needed, to know the answer to that. Though... Since I would never have more than friendship with Alejo, it really wasn't any of my business.