Lamech

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All qualms I had before about trying to let Savannah down gently left me instantaneously. The knowledge that I risked having all of the humans living with us angry at me if I was too harsh to one of them disappeared. The only thing that mattered was the way that Crimson looked at me and that it wasn't anger in her eyes but something much worse. It was icy indifference.

"Crimson," I said and pushed Savannah aside, made her fall to the floor.

"I just wanted to talk about something for tomorrow, but I can see that I picked a bad time for it. Don't mind me, I won't disturb you," Crimson said with the same icy indifference as the one she looked at me with before closing the door.

I felt numb. Completely numb and devastated. Just a few hours ago I had been in Crimson's room, talked to her, kissed her, and felt like everything was finally starting to fall into place with her. I had felt elated by the fact that a potential future with her hadn't seemed as impossible anymore. But now...

One single second was all it had taken and I felt like I was back at square one. No, worse than square one. In the beginning she had just hated me because of what I was, now she was indifferent because of my actions.

"Lamech," Savannah said from the floor in a voice so pathetic that it took all of my self-control to not physically throw her out of the room.

"Get out," I said in a low growl.

"What?"

"Get out and don't make me repeat myself a third time."

Finally, it seemed like the something clicked for her. She didn't say anything else as she got up and hurriedly left the room.

As soon as I was alone, I mind-linked Alair.

"I want Savannah out of this house before the night is over," I told him.

"What happened? Are you okay? Is she okay? What did she do?" his questions came one after another.

"Just make sure she leaves. I never want to see her again and she is never to return here."

I knew Alair tried to ask me more, but I blocked him out and took a deep breath. Tried to steady and calm myself before going to Crimson.

"It's me. Can I come in?" I said after having knocked on her door.

I didn't hear any response and I decided to take that as yes, though probably it really meant no. But I was far too desperate to explain to properly care about her boundaries.

She sat on her bed. The blanket wrapped around her and a thick book open on her knee. She didn't look up as I walked in.

"Crimson, let me..."

"Done already?" she interrupted me without looking up. "You shouldn't leave the girl hanging if you're not. We can talk later."

"It wasn't what it seemed like. I wasn't..."

"It doesn't matter. What you do with your time is none of my business anyway," she said, still not looking at me and I felt my desperation to explain turn to frustration.

"Will you just let me explain! I wasn't doing anything. She was trying to force things. And it is your business what I do!"

Finally, Crimson looked up, but I saw how her eyes travelled down my shirt. I automatically looked down and saw that it was stained with Savannah's blood.

"Okay," Crimson said still keeping the annoying indifferent calmness. "Did her blood taste good?"

"I didn't drink any of it!" I yelled back. "She cut her wrist to try to get me to."

"Right. If you say so," she answered, but disbelief dripped from her words.

"I'm telling you the truth. I... I have had her blood before. But that was before I met you. I haven't since."

"Alright."

She looked back down at her book again.

"Why won't you yell at me!" I shouted, not being able to handle her coldness anymore. "Just yell at me and get it all out. Be angry and upset! Tell me what you're thinking."

"But there's nothing for me to be angry about," she said and gave me a smile so fake that it made me cringe. "You are a vampire after all and vampires aren't bound to such a silly thing as a mate bond. You told me so yourself. Remember? Our first conversation. So why would I be upset when you're just staying true to your words."

I felt myself sinking further, anger at my own idiotic words from before joined all other emotions.

"I didn't mean those things. I just said them to push you away, because it's..."

"Well then, if they were meant to push me away, then you should be happy to know that you have succeeded. I understand, Lamech. You don't have to explain anything else. You never wanted me as a mate. You made that clear from the start. I can make it official if you want."

I felt my mouth go completely dry as I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath. My heart broke already before she started saying the words. This is what I wanted, I reminded myself, but if anything that made my heart shatter even more. And that made me speak before she had time to. I couldn't let her reject me. As long as I kept her from it, I would get a chance at making things right. I would let her calm down and hopefully she would wake up ready to listen to what I had to say.

I refused to let her go.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked just as she opened her mouth to say the sentence that would cut the bond between us.

She opened her eyes and the indifference was gone. I saw the tears instead and confusion.

"What?" she said and shook her head lightly.

"You said you wanted to talk to me about something about tomorrow. What was it?"

"Oh." Comprehension dawned on her and I watched as her eyebrows creased a little. How she opened and closed her mouth before answering me. "I want to be with in the meeting with the wolves. I have an idea that might help them in the long-run."

"Was that all? Of course you can. The meeting is at ten. We'll be in a larger meeting room on the third floor. I'll get Alair to take you there. I'll see you then." I said it all as fast as I could and then disappeared out of the room before she could say anything more, before she had time to muster up the determination to reject me.

I locked the door to my bedroom behind me. I didn't want any more interruptions that night. Not even from Crimson. For as long as we weren't alone, she wouldn't be able to reject me, because I doubted she'd do it in public. So I would just avoid being alone with her until I felt certain that she had calmed down enough to listen to my explanation of what had actually happened.

"Fuck," I mumbled to myself as I laid down on the bed. "What the fuck have I done to deserve this, Goddess?"

Sleep, that was really all I wanted at that moment. Maybe I would wake up and notice that it had been a dream. That Savannah had never come knocking on my door. That Crimson still looked at me with the same eyes as earlier that had been filled with love and trust.

If I woke up and it wasn't a dream, well... I just hoped that Alair had understood the seriousness in my order than and that Savannah wasn't in the house anymore for her own sake.