Crimson

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I turned back to Aideen that had her eyebrows raised and a mixture of disbelief and amusement in her smile.

"Right. Where were we?" I asked her and pushed the encounter with the vampires out of my mind.

"I was about to hit your hand with the thumb on the outside of my fist," she answered.

I nodded and held up my hands again. "Right! Give me your best punch!"

She shook her head lightly but got into position. She made her hands into fists, thumb on the outside, and then punched.

"What was that? Were you poking me? Show me some strength in the punch!" I told her, for truthfully the punch had felt like she poked me for attention rather than punched me.

She rolled her eyes at me, but used more force in the next.

"Better," I praised her. "Now do a few so I can get a proper feel of them."

She hit maybe ten times, alternating right and left hand. She wasn't as bad as she could have been, though she obviously made several beginner's mistakes.

I gave her some instructions on her posture and had her try again, though there were almost no changes.

"Let me show you more properly what I meant," I said and walked over to one of the boxing bags.

I gave the bag a few hits, doing the same mistakes that she had, to show her. Then told her to pay attention to my elbow, legs, hips, and where I put my weight before hitting the bag in a proper way and damn, it felt good doing it.

I had felt similarly when fighting Everett the day before. I had been locked up and immobile for far too long compared to what I was used to. I really missed jumping over rooftops and fighting vampires. Sitting still really wasn't my thing.

So I relished in the feeling of using my strength again and couldn't help but keep on hitting the bag more than necessary. It felt freeing compared to being trapped in a room. Not completely free though, I would likely never feel completely free again. Even if I left and went back to my normal life, I would still be aware of that Lamech was my mate and be bound by that knowledge.

Lamech...

All of the emotions I had felt when waking up came crashing down on me. Anger, hurt, guilt, and that part of me that loved him. My punches went from happy and free to angry and desperate. I wanted to rid myself of my inner turmoil, wanted to make everything clear and easy again, but I couldn't. It was all just such a frustrating, hurtful mess and I took it all out on the bag.

I hit and hit and hit until the fabric broke and the greyish sand inside of it spilled out, creating a pile at my feet. I just stood there, stared at it, breathed heavily.

"Crimson," Aideen said weakly at my side. I had completely forgotten about her.

I turned to face her. "I'm sorry, Aideen, I just..."

"What's wrong?" she interrupted me and walked the few steps between us.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it," I tried to shrug it off.

"Don't give me that. You're even crying."

I moved my hand to my face, and sure enough, I felt the wetness on my cheek. Quickly I dried the tears away with the back of my hand and forced a smile.

"Really, I'm okay."

"Please, Crimson. Just talk to me," Aideen begged me and there was just something about her. Something that made it feel easy to talk to her, tell the truth and know that she would listen, would care, would comfort. Wouldn't judge.

"It's all just so messed up, Aideen," I confessed. "Lamech, he is... He's my..."

"Your mate," Aideen finished for me and I didn't care in that moment how she knew, I just nodded.

"But that's all just wrong! I don't want him. Not him. Not a... But a part of me still loves him, but I also just can't stop hating him. He... My parents... It's all his fault and it's all just so fucking messed up!"

I turned and hit the bag again, pushed a wave of more sand out of it. The sand joined the pile on the floor. That grey pile that only seemed to taunt me, because it was the grey of a storm.

My tears fell freely now, my voice turned into sobs.

"And he doesn't want me neither so what the fuck was the Goddess thinking when pairing us up?" I continued, my voice steadily increasing in volume. "And he's just vile! He doesn't care about me. I'm just a fun toy but he just keeps messing with my mind and I just can't stop my feelings! I want to just hate and get rid of him. But I can't. But how can I love him? He's nothing but a monster!"

I sunk down on the floor and hugged myself as I cried. Aideen bent down and put her hands on my shoulders.

"He does care, Crimson. He really does."

I let out a sound that was a mix of a sob and a snort.

"It's true!" Aideen insisted. "When you were unconscious, he barely left your side. And every time I've mentioned you in front of him, I can see it in his eyes. They just brighten. He's just... He's just been acting stupid in an attempt to protect you."

I laughed bitterly. "As if. He said so? You can't trust him. You can't trust any of them. Vampires are selfish, foul creatures. They might act all good, but it's nothing but lies and deceit. What they really are, the whole lot of them, is monsters."

I looked at Aideen as I said it and saw how her eyes became icy as well as started flashing red when I was done talking. She took her hands off my shoulders and stood up. I felt so confused by her actions and over how her eyes shifted color, that my torrent of anger disappeared.

"Fine," she spat out. "I've been an idiot. I knew you thought so, but thought you had understood you were wrong. I've been a fool to think you saw me as a friend. But I get it now. I heard you loud and clear."

She turned around and stormed out of the room.

It wasn't until she had left that I realized what I had actually said.

"Fuck!" I yelled and swiped my arm at the pile of sand. The grey spread out to litter the red mat.

I pulled my knees up to my body, my forehead towards them. I had my hands in my hair, fisting it so that it pulled and caused pain. My tears kept coming and I started to find it hard to breath. In my mind I yelled at everything and everyone. The world, Lamech, the Goddess, witches and vampires alike. But most of all I yelled at myself.

I was the monster. Not the vampires. Not Lamech. Certainly not Aideen. I was.