This is a review for Natexxes's Chandria.

The first three parts of the story that will be featured here are Prologue, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

PROLOGUE

* From this chapter, we can already see that the author has wide vocabulary which is really powerfully executed, because her choice of words are spot-on BUT what's ruining this for me as a reader is the lack of articulation.

Here are some of the demonstration of wide vocabulary of the author from the Prologue:

++ I laugh at my artifice and outright silliness.

++ That was a day of fun and frivolity.

++ Several people were gawking at my car. Unlike earlier, my speed was a bit slower this time, accompanying their steps.

++ Come to think of it, I'm wasting my privilege over the things that I have, while the others need to crawl into a mud of beggary just to have a spare chance to live.

The best examples are present in the Blurb part of this book.

* As per Oxford Languages, 'articulate' means: (of a person or a person's words) having or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently.

Despite the author having an excellent choice of words and vast vocabulary, mahirap intindihin ang kwento dahil hindi maayos ang pagkakakone-konekta ng mga salita o phrases. Isa sa mga dahilan ay ang maling gamit ng grammar-- mula sa maling gamit ng punctuation (o kakulangan ng paggamit nito), maling gamit ng tenses hanggang sa maling pronouns (sa Blurb lang yata itong may maling pronouns).

Example of wrong use of tenses:

++ Beside from breaking it, why don't you try to ride with the flow and ruled it for your own ideal advantage, diba?

- the statement was written in present tense, (breaking, try, to ride) tapos nahaluan ng past tense (ruled it).

Here are more lines from the story, na mahirap intindihin:

++ Yes. I did all of that, but I always escaped from those. But I can't neglect the humiliation lingered and tainted my life.

++ After all, fate is a bitch. It's tricky at the same time playful. It will give your life unexpected fiction fuck up like thing and sequence of harshfull setting.

++ I didn't know that Carde Dios has a lot of concealed funs' that can pass with a nervous tremor that I must put in mind and keep on my sight.

* Regarding sa plot ng Prologue, it was pretty typical, familiar-- a rebellious daughter to be sent away to the province para magtino. But cliche plots are used again and again for a reason-- they sell, they are familiar and relatable, they captivate an audience, and they can be mixed with a more original plot. That's why, kahit ganito ang premise ng mga kaganapan sa Prologue, I still believe that Chandria has a potential to be something more plotwise.

CHAPTER 01

* This chapter turned out to be better than the Prologue. Mas understandable na ang mga mababasa rito. But of course, there are a bit of confusing lines (because hindi maayos ang structuring) here and there:

++ However, I was stunned by the abrupt.

A man's back is facing me. It's very noticeable and strong. Look at that ample distance from side to side of his shoulders, firm and extensive.

I get that this part is trying to say something interrupted Chandria's thoughts. That a man took her attenion. That he has broad shoulders. But it had been confusing on my first reading.

Another one:

++ I wanted to greet this man's special appearance with whistles and applause that will reverberates through morning.

These lines, magandang linya sana kung maayos ang pagka-structure:

++ His eyes, it's too dark to see much. But regardless of that, I wanted to be keep detain on his dimension.

++ The depths of his eyes that poured to mine is warning me that it bring menace if I insist to stay. But he doesn't know me, that I am Chandria, the peril itself. I love the dangers, so taking a risk to make a step closer to him will just complicate things, but I am not afraid to go beyond other boundaries just to stay nearer.

(Parang lyrics ng kanta ang datingan nitong part na ito. Poetic without being too poetic! Ma-structure lang talaga ang pagkakasulat nito nang maayos-ayos! For sure, mas malakas ang impact nito!)

* Chapter 01 is also where I encountered the first contradiction of the story. I call it a 'contradiction' when a character thinks or behaves in a way that's contradicting their established personality or characterization.

So far in this novel, Chandria (the female lead) is a rebel, a bad girl who has no conscience. She doesn't like the idea of being sent to Carde Dios to reform. Sa Prologue, mukhang normal ang takbo ng istorya kasi tinakasan niya ang kanyang ama, which what someone rebelling would do if they are in the same case as her. Pero, sa Chapter 1, surprise, sinunod niya pa rin ang plano ng tatay niya. She decides to drive to her grandparents' house!

This statement is also very contradicting sa characterization niya:

++ It doesn't change a thing if I know them or not. Hindi ko sila gusto. Ayokong makihalubilo sa mga taong bago pa lang sa paningin ko.

Remember what Chandria said in the Prologue:

I had multiple sex on different guys.(insert pic)

I kissed that guy because he insisted it! But who would have thought that that guy is already engaged?

Not knowing someone is engaged is a tell-tale sign na hindi niya kilala iyong guy.

She will also try to befriend and shake hands with a stranger in this very same chapter too because she's attracted at first sight with him.

After these many instances that Chandria hang around with people she barely knew, very contradicting sa kanya ang sabihing ayaw niya makihalubilo sa mga taong bago lang sa kanyang paningin.

++ Contradicting din ito sa personality niya:

For the time being, my business is to have some peace in my life. To calm my raging demon that I haven't tame since then.

Contradicting kasi POV iyon ni Chandria ilang lines matapos niyang sabihin ito:

I came here to change. That's what my father said. But who says I'm gonna follow his words? Nope. I won't. E in the first place, I've already done my sampling to him that I had carried out back there.

CHAPTER 02

* In this Chapter, the plot grows more confusing. Ang goal ng pagpapadala kay Chandria sa Carde Dios ay para magtino, but instead, she got a special tour around the Hacienda and her grandparents said this:

++ I'm aware of how you can take care of yourself, hija.

* For the rest of the chapter though, the scenery is well described. I managed to imagine the lake with waterfalls and feel the scene as well. Chandria's actions in this part of the story justified her characterization too (rebel, naughty, sexual) although it is still a concern how the author can make the readers love Chandria or at least, give them hope that this character has something more to her than her toughie exterior.

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SUMMARY:

Overall, Chandria ...

- Has a promising plot. Although the first three chapters approach a cliche run of plot. The familiarity will put readers at ease, at the same time interest them... make them wonder what makes this story different from the usual trope that the author used here.

- Has impressive word choices which makes the dialogues and narration flavorful.

- This story can be a full-English novel, since most of its parts are written in English.

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CONCLUSION:

I hope we all learned the following from this review:

* We are free to use familiar story plots/tropes to kickstart our stories.

* Impressive word choice must be accompanied with proper execution and articulation.

* The author seemed to have learned English by ear (listening to songs, watching movies, conversations with others) and not through reading or studies. I recommend the author to read physical books to learn how to lay-out the paragraphs, dialogues, etc in the story.

* Keep an eye on how we write our characters and make sure they do not unnecessarily contradict their characterization.

* Be alert with our story's language. Use one that you are most comfortable with and stick to it.

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LEARN FROM THE AUTHOR:

- We have a vast collection of words to use in our stories. Get to know them and use them in order to put a stronger feeling into a phrase/dialogue/narration. This also helps avoid too much redundancy of certain words in your stories.

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Had some realizations about writing that is not mentioned on my list? Have questions?

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