In this chapter, we will review: Sour Hour Series #4: Hope Ur Ok by blackenedrhythm

The first three parts of this story that we are going to review are Simula, Kabanata 1, and Kabanata 2.
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SIMULA

• The introduction is good. For me, better than the first two stories of blackenedrhythm that I reviewed. It is briefly executed, and woven so connectedly and well with what’s going on in this chapter.

• Appropriate din sa purpose ng isang Prologue ang content ng chapter na ito. Great! 👏 Madali ko rin na-grasp kung sino ang mga karakter at ang conflict (without giving too much away though, which works so far) na magpapatakbo sa istorya.

• The emotions are so vivid in here. The way Amaryllis move can be kind of melodramatic— too much for an agonizing person (I think, she does too much gestures while contemplating her misery) but of course, if that’s how the character’s personality is (some people can be showy, gesturing a lot) then this could be a good execution from the part of the author.

• Normal na sa mga drafts na may kaunting typos/grammatical errors dito at doon. This feedback goes as well with the next two chapters. No worries because this is something that can be easily fixed by editing/proofreading after the novel is finished. I just had to point this out to make sure kumpleto ang binibigay kong review.

• The premise of Simula is promising. Shocking ang naganap. It puts you at the edge of your seat and makes you want to know what is actually going on. This chapter hints on the something in the story but doesn’t reveal too much. This can keep a reader in suspense and experience fomo. As for me, I felt very eager to find out:

1)      Why can’t Amaryllis see Maverick?

2)      Why did she choose to pretend being a lesbian?

++ (I already get the hint she pretended to be a lesbian because this chapter gives me the vibes that Amaryllis did it as a form of rebellion against her… homophobic (?) parents.)

Is this even necessary?

++ because if the issue here is her parents disapproving of her relationship with maverick, I don’t see this action as something that can help Amaryllis get her point across? (But maybe, this can work too. If the author manages to execute Amaryllis’ reasoning behind this exellently… ugh. She’ll get the readers mindblown!)

Will this be offensive to the pride community?

++ we have to be considerate of this community when involving them or topics close to their heart in our novels.

Hopefully, masagot sa istorya ang mga katanungang ito.
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KABANATA 1

• After reviewing two of the author's works, I can really say that she really nailed her descriptions. I like the way she narrated (or Amaryllis narrated) the race scene.

• Now, what's questionable for me is the bet:

Ang pagkakaintindi ko kasi rito, nagkarerahan sila para mabili ni Spencer kay Amaryllis ang gamit niyang Speedtail. Ang mismong kotse na si Spencer ang nag-suggest kay Amaryllis na bilhin. Amaryllis bought the car, when she doesn’t really need it and the maintenance costs a fortune… because?

I just don’t get the point why Amaryllis had to buy the car for Spencer to be able to but it (from her). Does Amaryllis sell it cheaper? 🤔

• From the shocking Simula, the author made a good choice in trying to cool down the tension in this chapter. Pinakita sa chapter na ito kung ano ang nagaganap sa kasalukuyang buhay ni Amaryllis at kung paanong konektado pa rin ito sa kanyang nakaraan/sa Simula. Also, a good decision to end the chapter to a cliffhanger. Nag momentum ulit si Author dito sabay bagsak ng suspense sa dulo.

Now, the last part would excite the readers because it promises that Amaryllis is going to see her love interest (Maverick) again.
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KABANATA 2

• Welcome to Kabanata 2. Dito, muling magkikita ang lead characters, sila Maverick at Amaryllis. My expectation for this chapter is that this should be the first highlight of the story, something impactful and major. This is a big scene because since Simula, ngayon pa lang tayo magkakaroon ng insight kung gaano kalakas ang chemistry nila Maverick at Amaryllis kapag nasa iisang eksena.

But first, pag-aralan muna natin ang mga kaganapan bago ang actual na paghaharap nilang dalawa.

• Confrontation scene between Senator and Amaryllis:

++ smooth ang exchange of dialogues, witty and funny on some parts, expressive ang tono ng mga karakter. Kung wala yung narrations at dialogues lang ang babasahin, ramdam mo ang frustration ni Senator at ramdam mo ang pagiging sarkastiko ni Amaryllis.

This part is questionable though:

(Note: Romulus is Senator's son, and Fritzie is his daughter-- both are Amryllis' siblings.)

Honestly, Senator has a choice. He can assign someone as acting CEO. It doesn’t have to be necessarily a relative or part of the family. If Senator thinks (and sees) that Amaryllis is neglecting the company, mas better na choice ito kaysa hayaan kay Amaryllis ang company.

Sobrang contradicting din na tinanggap ni Amaryllis ang pagiging CEO kung ayaw niya. Among her siblings, siya dapat ‘yong pinaka-mahirap mapapayag sa ganitong responsibilidad dahil nagrerebelde pa rin siya sa kanyang mga magulang (she’s still giving them a headache, cuts her hair short and pretends being a lesbian). Unless, she admits that she accepted the position of the CEO to give her parents a hard time, as part of her rebellion, but that is not the case here. She’s even complaining about being a CEO. That’s all the reason why I think, this part of the story contradicts with the personality or characterization being established about Amaryllis.

BUT this bit is also very vital to the story. Kasi, kung hindi siya CEO ng company nila, Amaryllis won’t meet again the male lead— Maverick.

So, to fix this, kailangan lang bigyan si Amaryllis ng author ng valid na reason kung bakit napapayag siya ng parents niya maging CEO kung kailan nagrerebelde na siya sa mga ito at hindi na sunud-sunuran ng mga ito. The character always got to have a reason for doing something— rational or not, as long as justifiable.

Sometimes, as a writer, we make our characters do something that is in favor to the plot or something to keep the plot going or something to bring “kilig” to the readers without really questioning first if, may reason ba si character/s para gawin ito?

Like what I mentioned in my Deceiving the Star review: The Author has to keep in mind that her characters should have a justifiable reason for doing or saying something. (Justifiable, meaning tama man o mali, may katanggap-tanggap na dahilan ang karakter para gawin o sabihin ang isang bagay).

++ One more thing:

If the aim for Senator’s characterization is to make him out to be misogynistic and/or hypocrite, he shouldn’t have given the CEO position to Amaryllis. He shouldn’t be expecting Fritz to follow his footsteps (as a politician). He shouldn’t be also against Amaryllis being a lesbian and preferring her to act womanly (womanly in Senator’s own understanding, to be clear). He acknowledges Amaryllis as his daughter all this time (preparing a lavish debut party for her, as mentioned in Simula; making her their company’s CEO; planning to marry her off to a rich bachelor).

What I am trying to say here is, this part of the story could have been worded better… or Senator’s characterization needed a little bit more of a polishing to be executed in harmony with how Amaryllis describes him. Whether her impression of her father is right or wrong, what Amaryllis sees Senator doing should justify the way she describes him. His actions should serve as valid reason for Amaryllis to think of him as this or that kind of person.

• Also, the transition to the next scene. Medyo confusing ulit na panibagong araw na pala itong eksena na ito dahil walang indicators:

• And before this chapter ends, finally, Amaryllis meets Maverick!

Dama 'yong tension sa muli nilang pagkikita. Amaryllis' discomfort is contagious.

What doesn't sit well with me in this scene is Maverick's behavior. I would expect the unprofessional, below-the-belt, namemersonal behavior more from Amaryllis (who doesn't really act like a CEO as established in Kabanata 2) than from him. Mas awkward pa na namersonal si Maverick ng ganito sa presensya ng mga subordinates/secretaries nila ni Amaryllis.

The tension in the scene is effective, it just doesn't leave a good impression to the readers about Maverick though.

In this scene, Maverick was established to be rich and handsome and a woman-magnet. Those are not traits (ugali). The only traits he displayed are rudeness, unprofessionalism, and impatience.

Looking back on Simula, readers can get the feeling that he had been patient and understanding (positive traits) but Amaryllis neglected him (something happened that damaged him) that's why he's being so unprofessional and rude (justify his bad behavior).

But that's all there is to it. No promise of redeemability or something to hold on to. That's why, instead of leaving the impression of, Sana mag-meet sila ulit, o Sana magkabalikan sila, it gave me the feeling of Uh-Oh. This man believes in rumors about you, and will make your life a living hell. Run, Amaryllis! Run!

But, if the author has other aims for this scene, this feedback can be set aside.

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SUMMARY:

Overall, Sour Hour 4: Hope Ur Ok will give the readers a rollercoaster of emotions, but some things needed to be fixed:

-The story still needs a little proofreading here and there, but still readable.

- The aim of the scenes must be clear. Even if you want your readers to hate the male lead, give them something to hold on to, to like about him, to make them hope he's redeemable or should end up together with the female lead (even if they are the endgame or not).

- The characterization of the characters should harmonize with the perception of the other characters toward them. If character misinterpret another character, make the misinterpretation identifiable (Ano ang nagawa ng character na normal para sa characterization niya pero mali ang intindi doon ng ibang character?)

- Use body language effectively to make the emotions/mood of the scene vivid.

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CONCLUSION:

I hope we all learned the following from this review:

- Characterization of a character must match with how their co-characters view them.

- Your characters should have a justifiable reason for doing/saying something. No matter how big or small. The way they reason shapes their characterization as well.

- Sometimes, as a writer, we make our characters do something that is in favor to the plot or something to keep the plot going or something to bring "kilig" to the readers without really questioning first if, may reason ba si character/s para gawin ito? Always know your characters' reasons behind their actions/words.

LEARN FROM THE AUTHOR:

- Use body language to make your character's emotions more vivid and affect the readers. (Kudos to Amaryllis' emotional scene in Simula! 👍)

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Had some realizations about writing that is not mentioned in my list? Have more questions?

Comment here!

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