In this chapter, we will review: Cosmos Series #3: Deceiving The Star by blackenedrhythm

The first three parts of this story that we are going to review are Simula, Kabanata 1, and Kabanata 2.

SIMULA

• This chapter started with another metaphoric style (same with Cosmos Series #1: Chasing The Universe). But unlike the first book, in sync sa eksena ang metaphoric realization ng bida/speaker sa first person POV novel na ito: si Astrid (codename: Star in Cosmos’ mafia organization).

Promising ang execution ng metaphoric introduction na ito, medyo hindi matching ang tono ng speaker sa established personality niya. Astrid was introduced in the first book (Chasing the Universe) as soft and sensitive. The way she speaks here has a tinge of pride and angst to it. BUT what made this promising is the fact that this is what the scene required from her character. Since, Hoax broke her heart and she was on her way to offer divorce to him, she (supposedly) speaking that way in Simula is justified. This is the kind of character inconsistency that is acceptable (as mentioned in my review for Chasing the Universe). Good job on this one!

• Just like in book one, mae-encounter din natin dito ang hindi maayos na execution ng pag-introduce sa karakter/pangalan ng karakter.

++ The speaker, Astrid/Star was addressed by her brother as Cel. Hindi ko alam kung nabanggit ito sa book 1 at 2 ng series, pero kung hindi pa, makakalito ito sa mga nagbabasa ng story na ito. If they have no idea about the first two books at inuna nilang basahin ang book 3, they will acknowledge her as Cel and would not have any idea na siya na pala si Astrid/Star.

++ On the other hand, if mentioned sa first two books ng series na si Astrid/Star si Cel, the author can suggest to the readers na basahin in order ‘yung series.

++ my father’s son? Does this imply they’re half-siblings/step siblings? Hindi ito na-clarify sa first three parts ng kwento. But since Clyde is mentioned and has a background described in detail, I get the impression he will play a big part in this story.

• The transition of scenes need a little work too. Like this one:

This is more on technicality. There should be an indicator that the character is having a flashback. Like, italicize the flashback part of the scene (pinaka-common na method to write/format a flashback) and put “Suddenly…on my mind.” in a separate paragraph. That prepares the reader for the transition of the scene, from present back to the past, to a memory.

• There’s also a lot of questionable things (plotwise) in the first three parts:

1) Bakit in-arranged marriage si Astrid sa member ng Devaugne (si Hoax) kung aware ang pamilya niya tungkol sa Cosmos at kalaban si Hoax?

Take note, Astrid isn’t properly briefed about her parents’ agenda regarding the marriage. Hindi pa natin pwedeng i-assume na, para matalo ang Devaugne kaya in-arrange siyang makasal kay Hoax. The leader of their mafia (Mirae) is also mentioned to have no idea about this.

2) The other members of the Cosmos took Astrid’s arranged marriage with Hoax waaay too lightly. Like, their secrets and their organization’s operations are at risk here to be exposed to someone closely linked to members of Devaugne.

Honestly, the mafia environment seemed to be taken too lightly in this series.

KABANATA 1

• This feels out of character for me. I know when people are love, most of them, yearned to be told to by their loved one everything. Even their secret organizations. But Astrid is a member of a mafia organization that she never told Hoax about. I don’t understand why her character is having too much expectations from him.

The set up has obviously placed Astrid in a compromising situation. Her parents made her marry Hoax Devaugne for a reason that Astrid herself doesn’t even know. This is odd. This is not beneficial for Cosmos or Astrid. Sana najustify ito ng author sa susunod na kabanaya hanggang sa wakas ng kwento. Why does her parenrs have to torture their child? To put her unprepared with zero briefing about the agenda at all in a situation with an enemy/someone affiliated to the enemy? For what valid reason?

• Reaction: So far in this series, I like Creed’s characterization. His reactions are on-point. Sa Simula at Kabanata 1 I really expected a big reaction from Dasher, but he took the risk of Astrid’s marriage to the sake of Cosmos way too lightly. Thank God, there’s Creed.

KABANATA 2

• Sa kabanata na ito, nagkaroon na ng lakas ng loob si Astrid kausapin ng masinsinan si Hoax. (Warning: Spoilers ahead!)

• But, instead of questioning him about lying so much and the mysterious calls/text messages, Astrid (without any go-signal from Cosmos or giving them  heads-up about her plan) asks this:

Nilaglag niya ang Cosmos nang gano’n kadali!

I want to get the point why.

Bakit ganoon ang naging approach niya?

Bakit hindi siya naging maingat?

I just want to understand why she namedropped her organization all of a sudden, when she already have the hints (calls, text messages) that Hoax was possibly scheming something against her and cheating on her.

Is it because she loves him?

The main point is, out of character as a mafia member na ine-namedrop mo basta-basta ang organization ninyo, lalo na kung aware ka na sa possibility na 1) hindi ka mahal ng asawa mo, at 2) galing sa kalaban na organisasyon ang asawa mo.

Think of Mr. & Mrs. Smith-- they never tell each other they are spies for justified reasons.

But that's what Astrid did. She namedropped Cosmos.

That's okay. That's understandable, but as a reader, I deserve an explanation 😭

To make the matters worse, Hoax dodged her attempt to talk things out. Astrid was carried away by his weepy eyes (she doesn't even know why he's acting like that), and fucked with him instead of fixing their marital problem. (Honestly, we can't blame Astrid here. This happens irl).

And because the marital problem is not fixed, it swung back her way like a wrecking ball.

Mia, the girl who kept calling/texting Hoax, finally visits their penthouse and made a scene. Pinaalis lang siya ni Hoax at ayos na ang lahat. Easy. Walang nilinaw si Hoax kay Astrid. Astrid did not ask for clarifications too. Sapat na sa kanya na umalis na si Mia.

Until, she graduated in college, where she received a gift— video evidence of Hoax cheating on her (with Mia) before their wedding, while they are still in a relationship.

++ Ini-breakdown at ini-highlight ko ang mga nabanggit na events (kasama na reaction ko) sa Kabanata 2 para madali maintindihan ang review ko ukol dito:

+++Well-executed ang cause and effect ng istorya sa chapter na ito.

Astrid kept seeing signs that there’s something wrong in her marriage with Hoax. She kept ignoring them. So, the effect of this action is that she finally gets slapped in the face by the truth.

This showed (not told) where blind love can lead a person to. This chapter showed that if we keep ignoring signs of a problem, it doesn’t make it go away. You only give it time to regain strength to come back at you stronger than ever.

The author managed to pull off this cause and effect scene by using repetition for the scene to gain momentum before it comes swinging stronger, crashing down to the revelation scene.

Good job on this one!

+++ On the other hand, maganda man ang cause and effect sa chapter na ito, may mga whys na dapat masagot ni Author para sa readers throughout this novel. Naroon na iyong ano ang agenda ng parents ni Astrid sa pagpapa-arranged marriage sa kanya kay Hoax.

The Author has to keep in mind that her characters should have a justifiable reason for doing or saying something. (Justifiable, meaning tama man o mali, may katanggap-tanggap na dahilan ang karakter para gawin o sabihin ang isang bagay).

***

SUMMARY:

Overall, Cosmos 3: Deceiving The Star, made me eager to read more because:

-The first three chapters left me with so many questions. These are the reasons why I want to know what will happen next in the story:
1) How will Astrid convince Hoax to sign the divorce papers?;
2) Ano ang role ni Clyde sa kwentong ito?;
3) Paano mareredeem ng Author ang karakter ni Astrid at Hoax?;
4) Ano ang dahilan ng parents ni Astrid (na aware na magkalaban ang Devaugne at Cosmos) para ipakasal siya kay Hoax Devaugne?;
5) Ano ang aksyon na gagawin ng Cosmos sa paglaglag ni Astrid sa kanila?

Sana, nasagot sa kabuuan ng nobela ang mga katanungang ito.

-The story still needs a little proofreading here and there, but still readable.

-Maganda ang execution ng Author sa cause and effect ng kwento. Marunong siya gumamit ng momentum para kapag dumating na ang climax ng eksena, talagang mapipiga niya ang emosyon ng readers. (Kumulo po ang dugo ko kay Hoax pagdating ng Kabanata 2, hahaha!)

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CONCLUSION:

I hope we all learned the following from this review:

-Characterization is important: make them consistent, make them act in sync with the personality/role/job assigned to them.

-One of the ways to execute an effective cause and effect scene.

-Your characters should have a justifiable reason for doing/saying something. No matter how big or small. The way they reason shapes their characterization as well.

LEARN FROM THE AUTHOR:

- Magnify your readers’ emotions and reactions by executing an excellent cause and effect in your story!

•••

Had some realizations about writing that is not mentioned in my list? Have more questions?

Comment here!

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