"Ryland?!"

"Uh, who Is this"

" Um, it's Shane, I'm calling from an landline at the hospital, my phone is... in my pants, well it was and I-"

"Shane what's going on."

"I shit my pants on the plane Ryland."

"You did what!?"

"Please, I can't explain but my phone won't work anymore, I need you to tell me where the closest airport is that flies out to Seattle tonight."

"Shane tonight? You cant go out wearing whatever you have on. You need to find somewhere that has clothes."

"I'm in scrubs, they took me to the hospital"

"Shane you'll have to go buy new clothes. You cant go to an airport in scrubs. Do you have any clothes in your carry on that you can change into?"

"No."

"You didn't pack clothes? Shane you are going to be gone for four weeks!"

"No."

"Shane then what did you pack? You left the house with six Gucci bags, what the fuck did you put in them!"

"Clothes"

"Shane I have to go. I do not have time for this."

"Wait, I, uh I did pack clothes but I just don't want to look rich around here. It's a weeks worth of Gucci tracksuits. All my Walmart apparel was in the laundry when I left. The tracksuits just won't fit my poor people aesthetic Ryland."

Ryland hung up on me. "Fuck" I muttered under my breath, not even Ryland can help me now.

I was loosing hope, I need to get to Seattle by tonight or my reservation would expire and I don't have money laying around just to waste it! I ran through the airport looking for clothes the swishing of my scrub pants seemed to track a lot of attention either that or the fact that I'm trash! But anyways I was getting desperate until I laid my eyes on a bright white LED sign that read "Montana Gifts: Home of the World's Biggest Trash Can" O.M.G Mood.

I briskly walked inside and looked around for clothes but none were in my size! They only had XS-3X there is no way my fat ass body would be able to squeeze into those sizes!

I walked over to the counter, a lanky women with a deep gauntly appearance, sunken eyes and bright platinum blonde hair wearing a matching two piece track suit that looked similar to the ones that I packed for my trip here. She perked up at my presence, maybe she is a fan or I'm just the first person she has seen in a while, I mean after all it is Montana how many people do you think come here? I would say not many. "Hi, how are ya' welcome to Montana Gifts: Home of the World's Biggest Trash Can!" the almost Voldemort like lady chirped she would point and move her finger to every word, it seemed like she practiced this often.

"Hi, I, um need clothes but you all are out of my size. Wow this is embarrassing as fuck but I need a 4X." I mumbled shyly as I rubbed the back of my fat stubbly neck.

Her eyes seemed to go almost puppy like, she gave me a sad look and I ran my gross hand through my even grosser greasy hair. "Right this way hun, I have a shirt just for you!" She got up out of her chair as her lanky legs carried her over to the corner that I had yet to look at, it seemed hopeless to look there since none of the other shirts came in my size. Her skinny fingers seemed to latch onto a clear hanger that held a gray shirt that read "I Don't Need Therapy I Just Need To Go To Montana" Oh. My. God. That is perfect!

"That is everything! Oh my god" I shouted as I did my iconic mouth pop.

"Wait there seems to only be large and x-large, I'm so sorry hun!" she looked sad that she couldn't help me but I needed that shirt!

"It's fine I'm sure that I can squeeze my fat rolls into it!" I took the shirt into my greasy fat fingers, "I need some type of pants too, if that's not too much to ask" I went to rub my neck but I got a whiff of my arm pit and immediately shot my hand down, "and some deodorant" I laughed.

She laughed lightly, her laugh seemed fake but maybe that's just my insecurities talking! "There are these joggers but the only pair we have comes in a 6X I hope that will work!" She pushed a pair of light pink sweats that seemed to have nothing on them until i turned the pants around and the word "Montana" was written in big black and white bold letters across the butt.

I nervously laughed as she grabbed me deodorant "Sorry hun we only have little girls deodorant!" She handed me a small pink and purple plastic container that had cheap almost rubber like deodorant inside of it. The container said it smelt like cotton candy and gummy bears.

"Thank you so much could I change before I pay I need to get out of these clothes!" I was hoping she would be okay with it.

"Yes that is completely fine!" She walked over to the counter to grab me a key to open the changing room.

I stepped inside and immediately took off the scrubs and put on the shirt, pants and deodorant. I looked at myself in the mirror and jiggled my fat belly. I sighed and walked out, the sweatpants kept falling down so i had to triple knot them.

"That will be $75.83" She clicked in the numbers on the cash register and waited for me to give her the money I pulled my wallet out of my scrub pants it smelled strongly of liquid hot diarrhea. I pulled out a $100 and told her to keep it for the trouble.

"Sorry, one last thing do you know where the closest airport is to this one? I need to get to Seattle tonight and this airport doesn't have anymore to Seattle until next week!" I ran a hand through my hair.

"Bozeman Yellowstone in Belgrade Montana is the closest one to here it is 126 miles away, I can pull up their website to see if the have any Seattle flights available for today." She clicked away at the keyboard "Yes! They do it is set to depart in 6 hours!" She seemed happy for me. "I can book you a flight to save you time!"

"Oh my god yes thank you!" I shouted loudly, whoops I'm just so excited.

She booked my flight and I thanked her before rushing to the airport exit and attempting to flag down a cab.