A/N This chapter goes out to all those Cade and Gis shippers! Haha, I can't make any promises yet, but I want to thank you for all the smiles you've brought to my face.

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01 - 30 - 2089

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I can barely hold my head up. 

Hunger does strange things to you. At times I feel like I'm floating on a boat, light as a feather. But at other times I'm heavy and sluggish, stuck in mud. 

I know I keep floating in and out of consciousness as my body shuts down. And the hunger pains, oh, they are almost too much. I don't know how I have been able to hold out for this long. Doctor Acosta, Barr, and even Cade have tried to convince me to eat. Have tried to coax me, pressure me, threaten me, and even trick me into eating. But I haven't. 

I wondered if they would just force me to eat. I wondered if the only thing I could hold against them would be taken away from me, but it hasn't happened yet. I don't know if they can't force me for some reason, or perhaps they want me to suffer. Whatever the reason is they have yet to try it. 

I toss and turn on my bed, my arms wrapped around my stomach. I rub slow circles on my stomach, finding that it helps to relieve some of the pain. I can hardly move, much less stand or walk around. I tried drawing earlier today, but my hand slipped and I blacked out. I woke up on my bed, and I've been staring at the blaring black mark on my wall since then. An ugly mistake that stands out among all my other finishes artwork.

I need to relieve myself. I can feel the pressure growing, but I'm not sure I can make it to the toilet. Instead, I stare at whatever I can see without moving my head and lie as still as I can. 

-

Hiss.

I jerk awake, my eyes flying open to the noise. My door slides open, emitting a blurry figure. I blink, clearing my vision.

Cade. He holds a tray of food that makes my stomach constrict painfully. I let out a groan and roll over to face the wall, not able to look at the food or him. 

I hear him set the tray down on my table, then the mattress bends down, and I know he's sitting right behind me. 

"Gis..."

"G-Go." One word is all I can manage, and it sounds more like a groan. It hurts so... bad.

His hand rests on my shoulder, and I want to shake it off but don't have the strength. I feel the warmth that his hand emits; it feels good, and I'm ashamed. I don't want to like him, not after how he lied to me. After they all lied to me. And no one will explain what is going on to me. 

"Please eat," Cade says, his voice raw with emotion. He is imploring, begging me to eat something.

"You... lied." My stomach cramps again, and I tense, crying out. 

I hear a sharp intake of breath from Cade. His hand leaves my shoulder, and I want it back. What is wrong with me?

"I'm sorry," Cade whispers, now his voice conveying shame. The mattress moves as he readjusts. I push past the pain and role back over to face him. His eyes lock onto mine, and they fill with horror. I have no idea what I must look like after several days of not eating, barely sleeping. But he looks horrible too. Dark bags hang from his eyes and his hair is more disheveled than usual. His jaw is tight, his forehead pinched.

"If you... were--ugh," I can't finish. My stomach constricts and I can imagine someone taking it in their hands and squeezing. Squeezing and twisting.

Cade's hand finds mine and he grasps it tightly. "Eat. You must."

The pain fades a bit as the cramps die down and I open my eyes, unclenching my muscles. "I... can't."

Cade drops my hand and crosses his arms, his expression cross and strained. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

My hands fall the the mattress limply and I smooth my fingers over the surface, finding it helps some to distract from the constant pain. I can't eat. I have to hold out until they break. I know I can, and then they'll tell me everything I want to know. 

Cade glances up at the ceiling, then bends forward right down to my ear. I feel his breath on my skin, and it tingles, goosebumps rising on the flesh. "They are waiting for you to give up. They want to break you, Gis." He leans back just as suddenly as he leaned forward and coughs, clearing his throat. "Please, just eat."

I shake my head, staring at him as I consider what he said. They want to break me? But I thought I was already broken. I certainly feel broken. But if what he says is true, which I'm not sure it is, then I can't give up. That would be like surrendering to them, letting them win. I won't do that. 

I take a deep breath. "I can't give up, Cade. You can try to convince me all you want, but I'm going to get the answers I seek. I'm not going to let them control me anymore."

-

I really have to go to the bathroom now. 

I can't hold it anymore. I move slowly, first getting myself to a seated position, then swinging my legs over the side of the bed. My feet touch the cement, and the cold seeps into my bare feet. I notice my white shoes lined up to my right. I shift my feet on the cement, sending shivers up my legs. The cold helps me concentrate, to not slip away. It's so hard to focus, and I'm trying desperately to remain grounded. 

I push off from the bed, and my vision doubles, triples. The room spins; I squeeze my eyes shut and take a step forward. My legs give out, and I smack into the floor, more pain shooting through my body. 

I lay on the floor, limp, unable to move even my head. I'm so.. tired. 

-

"...much more."

"We don't have a choice."

Voices grow clearer as I come back to the land of the living. My eyes draw open, white light shining into them. I'm back in my bed. Doctor Acosta and Barr are standing at the edge of the bed, watching me with mixed expressions. Doctor Acosta's is one of annoyance, Barr's of concern.

Barr is the first to notice I am awake and rushes to my side. "How are you feeling?" He asks, his eyes searching my face.

"Leave,"  I say, my tone forceful even though it sounds brittle and dry. My throat is scratchy and I long for a glass of water to relieve it. 

Doctor Acosta crosses her arms. "Stop being a child, Gis. This is unacceptable." 

"Go away," I say, trying to get my point across. I don't want to see them, not unless they are going to tell me what I want to know.

Barr reaches for my hand, but I move it out of the way. Hurt flashes across his face, but he doesn't say anything. 

"We are not going to go away," Doctor Acosta says, frowning. "You need to eat. You are greatly hampering our efforts here, and it is affecting everyone. You are creating problems because of your silly tantrums. I thought we had driven those out of you."

"They aren't silly tantrums. I don't like being lied to, and that is what you all have been doing to me for my whole life. It's what you are still doing. And I want it to end." I'm surprised by my words, surprised that I managed to get all that out when I feel like death. 

"There are things that aren't for you to know," is all she says. 

Barr squeezes my hand, trapping it within his much larger one. "We do care about you. We don't want you to be hurting yourself like this."

"Yeah, right."

"It's true," he argues.

I yank my hand out of his, but immediately regret it when a shooting pain spikes in my stomach. I clutch it more fervently as a moan slips past my lips. I can't breathe for several seconds until it passes. 

Once I'm able to think clearly again, I say, "That's a lie. If you really cared about me you wouldn't put me through all of this. You would tell me what I want, what I deserve, to know."

Barr shakes his head sadly. "I wish we could. It's just that--"

"We aren't going to reward you for insolence, child," Doctor Acosta cuts in. "Indeed, if you want to starve yourself then do so. Barr, let's go." Doctor Acosta turns towards the door, expecting Barr to follow. He smiles sadly and gives my hand one more squeeze. Then they leave, and I am left alone to my thoughts.

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