That shirt.

That shirt has all the memories. Memories that I tried to keep out of my mind. Yung mga ala-alang pinipilit kong kalimutan. Yung mga alaala namin. Favorite shirt ni Daniel 'yon na galing sa 'kin. I bought it nung bago pa lang kami. Mumurahin siya kumpara sa mga t-shirt na meron siya. Yung shirts niya, branded. Yung akin, tatak Divi. But he wore that almost everyday na talaga namang ikinatutuwa ko dati.

I gave Angel a mean look as I walked towards her. I saw her smile fade and turn to a pout. "Wala pa nga akong ginagawa, nagagalit ka na," she said.

I pointed at her shirt. "Hubarin mo 'yan."

Kumunot bigla ang noo niya. "B-Bakit?"

"HUBARIN MO SABI!" pagtataas ko ng boses. She trembled and looked as if she was about to cry. But she didn't take the shirt off. Dammit! Hinawakan ko ang laylayan ng damit niya ang yanked it up.

"Ate!" Pinigilan ni Enzo ang kamay ko. "'Wag naman dito sa labas."

I glared at him but let go of the shirt. "Fine!"

Pumasok kami sa loob. "Hubarin mo 'yan agad," matabang kong sabi kay Angel. Gusto kong kunin yung shirt so I'll have the pleasure of tearing it apart later. Saka ko susunugin.

I hate that shirt. It holds a lot of memories. Ayoko nang makaalala. Naiimbyerna lang ako sa naaalala ko.

I saw Angel enter a room tapos paglabas niya, she was wearing a different shirt. She handed Dani's to me. "Ito na Meg, o."

Hinablot ko 'yon sa kanya. "Saan ako matutulog?" tanong ko.

"Tabi tayo. Dalawang rooms lang kasi dito e. Doon na lang si Enz sa guest room."

"Ayoko," mabilis kong sagot. "Kami na lang ni Enz ang magkasama."

Napakamot ng ulo si Enz. "Ate naman..."

"May reklamo ka?"

"Tabi na lang kayo ni Angel," pakiusap niya.

"Ayoko," mariin kong tanggi. Ayokong makatabi ang isang Dirham. Leche. "Gusto mo kayo na lang ang tabi?"

My brother blushed. "Kung pwede lang sana..." he murmured as he looked away.

"Ano?" tanong ni Angel sa kanya.

"Ha? Wala. Wala. Sabi ko sa couch na lang ako."

Angel's expression changed to concern. "Sure ka?"

Enz nodded. Tapos naupo siya sa malapad na sofa and made himself comfortable. "Sanay akong matulog sa sofa," he said with a smile.

My breath hitched as I remembered a distant memory. Nung ilang araw kaming nagbakasyon sa mga tita ko, pinatulog nila kami sa sahig. Ako sa sofa and Enz took the floor. Syempre naawa naman ako sa kapatid ko kaya nakipagpalit ako sa kanya. Bata pa kami no'n. I think he was ten and I was twelve. Pero hindi ko malimutan yung pangyayaring 'yon.

Kaya the first time na dumalaw yung tita ko na 'yon, pinatulog ko sila ng pamilya niya sa malamig na sahig ng salas namin.

I even extended the courtesy at pinalatagan ko pa sila ng banig.

"Sige, Meg, doon ka sa guest room."

"Good. I'll go ahead." I headed up the stairs.

"Wait!"

"What?!" I snapped. Pagod ako. Stressed. Nanakawan pa. Plus the fact that I hate her so much. Walang pwedeng sumisi sa 'kin kung bakit ganun akong makitungo sa kanya.

And yet again, she trembled under my stare. What a weakling. Enz shook his head disapprovingly.

"Hindi ka ba kakain?" she asked.

"Hindi na. Baka saktan lang ako ng tiyan sa luto mo," I replied. Totoo naman eh. Di siya masarap magluto. Dumiretso ako sa itaas and made my way to the guest room.

I momentarily froze when I opened the door to the guest room. Shit. I really shouldn't be here. Dito nga pala siya palaging natutulog kapag dinadalaw niya si Angel. Pati yata utak ko nanakaw. Naiinis ako. Bakit ba parang bumigat bigla ang loob ko? Damn.

I really shouldn't be here.

Nasapo ko ang noo ko. At hindi sinasadyang nadampian ng palad ko yung pilik-mata ko. Why the hell are my eyes wet?

Tears?

Kailan pa ako natutong umiyak ng walang dahilan? Am I growing weaker? Napasalampak ako sa kama and stared at the shirt at my hand. Maybe I was really growing weaker...

I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes.

--

Wearing his shirt, lalo akong nanghina. Ano ba 'yan, ang tagal na ng shirt na 'to pero bakit parang naaamoy ko pa rin yung amoy niya? Ano 'to, di nilalabhan?

But oddly enough, it felt so comforting.

Nakakainis.

I lied down on the bed, pinipilit i-block yung mga alaala na nagti-trespass sa utak ko. It was so tiring really. Kung ano pa yung ayaw mong isipin, siya yung naiisip mo. Tumunganga lang ako. Hinahayaan ko lang silang pumatak. Hanggang sa... di ko na alam kung anong nangyayari.

Nakatulog ako.

--

I woke up in the middle of the night. I think it was around midnight. Bumangon ako kasi nagugutom ako. I got up from the bed and got out of the room. I don't know why I'm tiptoeing but I tiptoed all the way to the kitchen.

My ears perked when I heard voices. "...but I think she misses him." Who misses who? Nagtago ako do'n sa area na hindi nila kita and listened quietly. My hunger can wait.

"She does. Ayaw man niyang aminin," I heard Enz say.

Who misses who? I heard a sigh. Then Angel spoke again. "Naaawa na talaga ako kay kuya."

"Ako rin eh. Hindi ba talaga alam ni ate?"

Alam ang alin?

"Sinubukan namang magpaliwanag ni kuya e. Kaso kilala mo naman si Meg di ba? Kapag galit, hindi nakikinig."

Makinig SAAN? Bakit ba kase kulang kulang sila kung mag-usap?

"What if she knew?" I heard Angel ask.

"Eh di sana walang problema," sagot naman ni Enz.

"Hindi mo ba sinubukang magpaliwanag sa kanya?" she asked again.

Silence.

Explain what?

"Hindi rin naman makikinig sa 'kin si ate."

I heard another sigh. It's from Angel this time. "Nakakainis naman kasi si lolo. Nag-iwan pa ng problema."

"Di naman masamang nagustuhan ng lolo niyo si ate para kay Dani e."

"Yeah, I know. I love Meg as well. Pero sana kasi... sana man lang inantay niya munang makasal yung dalawa bago siya mamatay. E di sana hindi iisipin ni Meg na pinakasalan lang siya ni kuya para sa pera."

E 'yon naman talaga ang dahilan. Why are they trying to brainwash me?

"You're right, Anj. Ni hindi man lang nalaman ni ate na walang alam si Dani sa last will ng lolo niyo until the day they were married."

"Adik naman kasi ni lolo. Kailangan talagang makasal muna si kuya bago ipaalam yung will niya eh."

No! Ths can't be right! "Nagkandaleche-leche tuloy lahat."

They both sighed.

Ano'ng ibig sabihin nito? I've hated him for nothing? Damn. Hindi. Maybe they knew I was hiding here and they're lying about the whole thing. Angel's so good at lying. Naisama niya pa sa scheme niya si Enz.

"I bet she didn't even know na college pa lang kami, minamanmanan na siya ni kuya."

I heard Enz chuckle. "Yep. Nakwento nga ni Dani sa 'kin dati. Sabi niya, hinaharang niya daw yung mga manliligaw ni ate."

"Totoo 'yon. Isa lang naman ang naglakas-loob na manligaw kay Meg eh," Anj replied. So 'yon ang dahilan? That's the reason why in my four years in college, si Sen lang ang nanligaw sa 'kin? Talaga nga? Kalokohan. Hindi ko naman nakikitang umaaligid-aligid si Dani dati. If he was there long before I met him, imposible namang hindi ko siya mapansin.

"Oo. Palagi ngang tumatambay si kuya sa college building para makita si Meg."

"Hindi ba 'to alam ni ate? Nung naging sila, hindi ba 'to nakikwento ng kuya mo?"

"Ang totoo kasi niyan Enz, pagdating kay Meg, dinadaga si kuya. Kailangan ko pa ngang sadyain na gabihin ng uwi para magkita sila nang wala ako."

"And yet oblivous si ate sa lahat ng 'yon."

I can't take this.

Aakyat na sana ako ng marinig kong magsalita ulit si Enz.

"So nasaan na ang kuya mo ngayon?"

"I can't tell you."

Dammit. Why the hell not?! I wanted to get out of my hiding place to confront them both but I stopped myself because things would get awkward for sure.

"Come on, Anj. Hindi ko naman sasabihin kay ate eh. Besides, it's not as if she'll ask."

I listened carefully.

"Sure ka ha? Ayaw kasing ipasabi ni kuya."

"Bakit naman? Natatakot siyang sundan siya ni ate?"

"No, Enz. He's actually afraid na malalaman ni Meg tapos she wouldn't care enough to follow him."

Eh nasan nga kasi yung lecheng lalaking 'yon?

"Sabihin na kasi..." bulong ko sa sarili ko.

"Malay mo naman sundan siya ni ate."

"I highly doubt it."

"Wala namang mawawala kung sasabihin mo sa 'kin di ba? Come on. I won't tell."

Bakit ba ayaw ni Angel sabihin sa kapatid ko kung nasaan ang kuya niya? It's not like he's going to tell me.

I heard Angel sigh."Promise?"

"Oo nga," sagot ng kapatid ko.

"'Wag mong sasabihin a?" paninigurado ni Anj.

Oo nga sabi! Sabihin na kasi!

"Sa Polillo Island."

Wait—saan 'yung Polillo? Damn.

I tiptoed back to my room to think. Using the spare phone Enzo gave me, I searched for the island on Google. It's a small island in Quezon Province with beaches that would give our usual tourist spots a run for their money. What the hell was Daniel doing there and more importantly, sino ang kasama niya roon?

If he's with another woman, he could have at least let me know. I could use it for the annulment case. Hiwalay na kami, matagal na. Right after the honeymoon, I told him I want to be separated from him. He granted my wish but insisted he would keep providing for me and my family. He promised to stay away and he kept that promise until a few years ago. It's like he's slowly inching his way back to me.

Ayaw niya ng annulment so we're not legally separated. As far as I know, we both respected the sanctity of marriage and didn't get into a relationship with someone else. At least ako, malinis ang konsensya ko. I don't know about him. Maybe he's keeping more secrets and I'm only starting to uncover them now.

--

I tried to ignore this strong urge to follow him there because I was afraid of what I would find. Pero habang tumatagal, lalo akong naguguluhan. Hindi ko makalimutan yung narinig kong usapan nina Angel at Enzo. Dani had been silent for weeks and it's eating me up.

So one day, I decided to just give in, to just sought him out. I don't know what I will find but if it's another woman, then at least I can finally demand for the annulment I've been asking for years.

I rented a van to Real, Quezon and took a boat ride to Polillo. I didn't know where to find him because I didn't ask. It's been weeks, ni hindi ko alam kung nandito pa siya. So I asked around for hotels where I can stay in. Thankfully, when I mentioned Daniel, a few locals seemed to know him.

I guess someone who's very generous with tips and pays more than the price asked would be very popular among the locals. Idagdag pa na gwapo ito at mahirap ma-miss.

May isang nagturo sa 'kin sa palengke so I went there. Tapos may nakapagsabi sa 'kin from there na sumakay daw siya ng tricycle papunta sa isang beach. Nagtanong-tanong ako sa mga driver kung may naisakay ba silang pasok sa description ko sa kanya.

Luckily, isa mismo sa napagtanungan ko ang nakapaghatid sa kanya. Maliit lang kasi itong isla na 'to kaya magkakakilala halos lahat ng tao. Kapag dayo ka, sikat ka.

After 30 minutes or so, nakarating na ako sa beach na sinasabi nila. Eh I don't know what it looks like in the first place. Di ko sure kung ito nga 'to. But it was paradise, that's all I can say.

Nagtanong-tanong ako sa mga tao kung may nakikita ba silang matangkad na lalaki na gumagala sa lugar. "Ay! Yung gwapo, ma'am?"

"Gwapo?" Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"Opo. Iyong maputi! May ganay-on pong lalaki dito ay. Palagi po sa tabing dagat. Hani nga, Ate Essel?" the girl asked the elderly woman.

"Ay oo! Iyong nakikituloy kina Ka Ipog?"

"Nasaan siya?" I asked them.

"Ay nandoon sa aplaya sa tabi noong mga malalaking bato sa may dulo. Lakarin mo laang at makikita mo siya doon."

I looked at the stretch of the white sand. What the hell. Mabubuhanginan ang boots ko. Ugh. "Okay. Thanks."

I started walking. True enough, nakita ko si Dani, nakaputi rin—gaya-gaya? He was staring at the sea, looking like he's in a pensive mood. The sun's already high in the sky. Napakainit. Hindi ba siya naiinitan?!

"HEY ASSHOLE!" I called him out. Hindi yata ako narinig. My voice was drowned by the waves crashing on the rocks. Lumakad ako palapit saka ko hinubad yung kalahating pair ng boots ko.

Then I threw it at him. Nyeta. Pati ba naman boots ko iniiwasang tamaan yung mukha niya? It flew past him. Sa harapan niya. Napaurong siya at kunot-noong lumingon sa pinanggalingan ng lumipad na boot.

Gulat na gulat siyang makita akong nakatayo sa di kalayuan. I crossed my arms.

"M-Meg?"