I hate it so much when he calls me wife. I don't want people to know that we're married. I was young when he married me and it's the thing in my life that I regret the most.

Who would believe na almost five years na kaming kasal? And I've hated him ever since. It's quite a bit complicated, our marriage, that is.

I met Daniel when I was in college. Dumalaw siya noon kay Angel. Galing Norway pa raw siya that time. Angel—she was my boardmate back then and a close friend. I didn't know back then that she was rich... awfully, disdainfully, filthy rich. Hindi naman halata sa kanya na sobrang yaman niya. She dresses simply. Hindi maalahas, hindi mahilig sa gadget. Simpleng simple lang siya. Ni hindi ko nga alam na binili pala nila yung boarding house na tinitirhan namin. Kaya pala walang nag-i-inquire doon.

Saka ang mura ng singil nung "landlady" sa 'kin. Five hundred? Come on. Ako naman, hindi na nagtanong. Akala ko kasi, mabait lang talaga 'yong may-ari.

One day, nauna akong umuwi kay Angel. She was so active at school, limang org ang sinalihan niya. And aside from that, she also volunteered for a charity program at school. Hangang-hanga ako sa kanya noon dahil napaka-compassionate niya.

Di ko alam, sa pamilya pala nila yung charity org kung saan siya nag-volunteer.

Noong malapit na ako sa bahay, napansin ko ang isang mamahaling motorcycle na nakaparada sa harap ng bahay. Bukas ang pintuan. Bukas din ang ilaw. Nagmamadali akong pumasok.

At do'n ko siya nakita, nakaupo siya sa kama ni Angel, which is the lower part of the bunk bed. Naka-black leather jacket siya, faded denim jeans saka rider boots. Naka-black knuckle gloves din siya. Gulo-gulo yung buhok niya saka nasa mukha niya ang pagkairita at impatience.

He wasn't hot. No. He was scorching hot.

That was the first that I felt so attracted to a guy.

Nagkatinginan kami nang matagal bago siya tumayo at lumapit sa 'kin. Sa tangkad niya, halos manakit ang leeg ko kakatingala. He smelt of dust and male cologne and sweat—a combination that I never thought I would find sexy.

"Hi. Is Angel here?" he asked me. Napatitig lang ako sa kanya noon, my heart gradually sinking—for I thought na manliligaw siya ni Angel. He'd have to snap his fingers on my face to wake me up from my temporary daze.

"Ha?"

"Si Angel?" pag-uulit niya.

"Wala pa. Sino ka?"

"Gano'n ba?" Naglakad na siya palabas. Bastusan?

Later that night, when Angel came home, I immediately pounced at her for some details. I asked her who the guy was.

"Kuya ko," sagot niya.

Nung malaman ko 'yon, gusto ko siyang batukan. Sa isip-isip ko, Langya! May kuya kang gano'n ka-gwapo tapos hindi mo man lang sinasabi sa 'kin? Syempre hindi ko sinabi 'yon sa kanya.

--

I saw him again the next day. Wala ulit si Angel, birthday naman ng classmate niya kaya gagabihin na naman siya ng uwi. So I'd have to entertain the guy and keep him company until she arrives. The guy wasn't much of a talker. At naiilang ako sa kanya. Nakapag-aral tuloy ako nang wala sa oras para ma-divert ang atensiyon ko.

Alas nwebe na nang makarating si Angel ng bahay but within that span of time, hindi ko man lang nalaman ang pangalan ng kuya niya. We didn't talk the whole time!

"Kuya!"

"Bakit ang tagal mo? Saan ka galing?" tuloy-tuloy na tanong ng kuya niya sa kanya.

"From a party, kuya. Teka, kanina ka pa ba? Bakit hindi ka man lang tumawag? Have you met Meg?"

Tinapunan ako ng tingin ng kuya niya saka bumalik yung tingin niya kay Angel at tumango. Sinungaling.

"Meg, kuya ko nga pala."

"Hi." I waved at the guy. The guy nodded at me and then diverted his attention to Angel.

"Umuwi ka na sa bahay."

"Eeee kuya..."

"Mom misses you."

Angel pouted. "Eeee ayoko pa kuya. I like being independent e."

"She's worried sick about you."

"Nagte-text naman ako araw-araw eh," pagdadahilan ni Angel.

The guy sighed then he smiled. Then he patted his sister's head. "Okay. I'll tell mom. Pero uuwi ka this weekend ha? I already told her that you would."

Angel smiled back. "Sure kuya. Uh—can I bring Meg?" Itinuro ako ni Angel. The guy turned to me and scrutinized me somehow. Then he slightly nodded.

"Sure," sagot niya pero hindi na siya nakangiti.

Angel clapped her hands and bounced up and down. She's like that when she's excited.

--

Dumating ang weekend at kagaya ng plano, kasama niya ako pag-uwi niya sa kanila. Nalula naman ako sa bahay nila. Akala ko sa movies lang nag-e-exist ang ganoon kalaking bahay. The house was big. Malayo pa lamang kami, kita ko na 'yong bahay dahil malaki at mataas ito. And the ground it's built on... pwede nang patayuan ng mall sa sobrang lawak.

I spent the weekend in Angel's room. Lumalabas lamang ako kapag kasama siya. I didn't want to bring attention to myself, especially because it's obvious that I don't belong there.

Their parents were very polite and nice. They tried to give me stuff. Angel offered some clothes from her walk in closet. I was grateful but I declined the offer. I was glad we only stayed for a couple of days. I've never felt so small in my entire life.

--

A few weeks after that, hindi ko na siya nakita. Hindi na siya dumadalaw kay Angel sa boarding house. Nalungkot ako syempre but I didn't have the nerve to ask Angel. Nahihiya kasi ako. Baka kasi isipin nyang may gusto ako sa kuya niya kahit meron naman talaga.

Baka may girlfriend na 'yon.

But then one day, nagkita ulit kami. Pagkarating ko sa bahay, naabutan ko siya. Nakaupo siya do'n sa usual spot na inuupuan niya tuwing dumadalaw siya.

"Wala pa si Angel," sabi ko agad pagkakita niya sa 'kin.

Tumayo siya at lumapit. "I know. She's not the one I came here for."

Biglang kumabog ang dibdib ko sa sinabi niya. Babae ako kaya alam ko na agad ang ibig niyang sabihin. Syempre, hindi naman ako tanga para hindi maintindihan yung sinabi niya. Dadalawa lang naman kami ni Angel sa bahay at maganda ako.

Pagkasabi niya, bigla niya akong hinalikan. Sa sobrang pagkabigla ko, naglaglagan lahat ng gamit ko at tumama sa paa niya. Napamura siya nang malakas saka takang napatingin sa 'kin.

Natawa ako. I suddenly burst out laughing on his face.

At ang ginawa niya? Nakitawa siya. Imbes na magalit, his face broke into a smile na unti-unting naging tawa na masarap pakinggan.

Right then and there, I fell in love with him.

I don't know. Maybe I was naïve. I mean, hindi naman kami close but I let him kiss me. Maybe it was because I felt elated that someone like him likes someone like me. Parang naisip ko, mag-iinarte pa ba ako? Pero sana pala nag-inarte muna ako.

--

Then after that, bigla na naman siyang nawala. Ni hindi niya ako binigyan ng paliwanag kung bakit niya ginawa 'yon. Hindi ko rin naman matanong si Angel kasi kakailanganin kong ikwento yung nangyari kung sakali. Nahihiya naman akong magkwento sa kanya. It's been a month.

"Meggie!" I groaned inwardly as some orgmates of mine called my name.

Great. Dagdag gawain na naman 'to for sure. Umagang-umaga pa 'yan ha. Ni hindi pa man lang ako nakakapasok sa school eh hinarang na nila ako agad.

"Yhin! Di ba sabi ko 'wag mo 'kong tatawaging Meggie?"

"Sungit naman nito. Meron ka?" natatawa niyang tanong.

"Ano ba'ng kailangan niyong dalawa? Umagang-umaga nambibwisit kayo."

"Wala lang," sagot ni LJ.

"Actually--meron," sagot naman ni Yhin. "We just want to make sure na a-attend ka sa org meeting mamaya."

"Org meeting?" Pinagtaasan ko sila ng kilay. "Kailangan talagang linggo-linggo meron? Di ba kayo nauubusan ng topic?"

"Hoy... kung makapagsalita ka naman parang palagi kang umaattend," reklamo ni LJ.

"Bakit? Hindi ba?" pagbabalik ko sa kanya.

Binuklat ni Yhin yung hawak nyang log book. "Err--let's see." She browsed for a bit. "Sabi ng log book ko, last month pa yung last attend mo."

She showed me the log book and pointed at my attendance logs. Last date na nakalagay eh last month pa nga. I looked at LJ and she was currently fixated to something else. I followed her gaze and was a bit shocked to see him.

Nakaharang lang naman sa gate ng school namin eh yung lalaking isang buwan nang hindi mawala sa isip ko. Finally, nakita ko na siya ulit. Kailangan talagang naka-Ducati pagpunta sa school? Tapos complete sa leather getup? Naka-shades pa!

"Wow. Kanino naman kayang boyfriend 'yan?" halos nakangangang tanong ni LJ. Tumikhim ako. Pero mahina lang. Malay ko ba kung hindi naman pala ako ang ipinunta niya rito.

He removed his shades saka siya nagpalinga-linga.

"Grabe noh? Ala Prince Charming ang entrance," Yhin commented.

"Psh. Prince Charming is gay. How dare you compare him to that pathetic excuse

of a lead character?" I told her as I eyed Daniel from afar.

Gulat silang napatingin sa 'kin. "Affected ka teh?" tanong ni LJ sa 'kin.

"Di naman. I'm just saying that it's not a good comparison." Pinagtatakpan ko na naman ang sarili ko. Oh sheez... nakatingin siya dito. "Uh guys... may nakalimutan pala 'ko sa boarding house. Kita na lang tayo mamaya!" paalam ko sa dalawa. I was already walking back to the house nang marinig ko yung motor niya. Wala pa yatang limang segundo nang bigla-bigla siyang pumarada sa harap ko.

"Hi Meg," bati niya.

Nag-aalangan akong lumingon kina LJ at Yhin. Yep... gaping mouths? Check.

"H-Hi," sagot ko sa kanya.

"Saan ka pupunta?" nakangiti niyang tanong.

"Ah ano... may nakalimutan lang ako," sagot ko.

"Samahan na kita."

Umiling ako. "'Wag na."

Kahit nakakatuwa man na mukhang ako yata talaga ang ipinunta niya, nahihiya pa rin ako. Ang yaman-yaman niya kaya. I don't know how that couldn't bother me.

"I insist." He patted the motor seat behind him.

"Maglalakad na lang ako. Malapit lang naman eh," pagtanggi ko sa kanya.

Pinatay niya ang makina at saka siya bumaba sa motor. "Fine. Then we'll walk."

"Hindi mo na nga ako kailangang samahan e."

Sumimangot siya. "Why not?"

"Wala lang."

"Look, pagbigyan mo na 'ko, okay?" pamimilit niya.

I rolled my eyes heavenwards. Eh ano pa nga ba? Can he take NO for an answer?

Oh sheesh--I have to tell him about Sen.

--

Akala ko, titigilan niya na ako pagkatapos kong sabihin sa kanya na may boyfriend na 'ko. Aba, akalain mo nga namang inutusan pa 'kong makipag-break? Para namang ang dali-dali lang gawin nun. Palibhasa, sanay na siguro siya. Pero ako hindi. Lalo na't si Sen ang pag-uusapan.

Jansen has been courting me for several months pero nag-aalangan akong sagutin siya. I became more hesitant when Daniel came into my life. Jansen, or Sen as I like to call him, is a really nice guy. But nice can be boring. At madali akong ma-bore. Hindi ko na nga sana sasagutin dahil biglang pumasok si Daniel sa buhay ko. But Dani disappeared for a few months and I thought I'd never see him again. Isa pa, akala ko wala naman akong chance o hindi niya ako type, despite the clear sign that he does.

But I still broke up with Sen because I wanted to please Daniel.

He's scary when angry. I heard Angel talk with him before on the phone. I can hear his angry voice thru the device. Akala mo naka-loud speaker. Angel didn't say kung anong rason ni Dani kung bakit siya nagagalit. Hindi naman daw sa kanya. Napaglabasan lang siya ng sama ng loob. But she was crying so hard--that poor girl.

So ngayon, one week na siyang pabalik-balik sa bahay. Hinaharang ako bago pumasok. Sinusundo ako sa klase. Tinatawagan kapag namimiss niya.

Masakit sa ulo.

I mean, nandoon na ako na nakakakilig. Kaya lang, ang daming umaaway sa 'kin. Ang dami kaseng inggitera. Nahiya naman sila sa ganda ko.

"Meg!" I yelped in surprise. Bigla-bigla na lang kasing sumusulpot sa harap ko!

"Dani!"

He smiled. "Good morning."

"Morning," sagot ko.

"Going to school?" he asked.

"No. Sa palengke. Sa palengke ako pumapasok," pabalang kong sagot.

Tumawa siya nang malakas. It was infectious. Napangiti na lang din ako.

"How's your sleep?" he asked.

"Okay lang," maikli kong sagot. Hindi ako masyadong nakatulog dahil nag-review ako para sa long quiz namin. Isang subject lang naman 'yon. But he kept on interrupting my thoughts kaya ayon, inumaga ako.

"Ask me how's mine," utos niya. Eh di tinanong ko. "Short," sagot niya. "Ask me why."

Sumunod naman ako. "Why?"

"Di kase ako makatulog nang maayos kagabi," sagot niya. "Ask me why again," he demanded.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Bakit?"

"Eh kasi iniisip kita."

I am not a blusher. I rarely blush. Siguro dahil na rin sa hindi ako madaling kiligin. Pero nung sinabi niya 'yon, talagang nag-init ang mukha ko.

He chuckled upon seeing my heated face. "Can I steal you away tonight?" he asked.

"I have to study," sagot ko in a way na parang tumatanggi na rin. Pero kapag pinilit niya 'ko, I might just give in.

"I'll help you study," he offered.

Umiling ako. I don't think I could focus on anything else when he's around. "Sa weekend na lang," I suggested.

Napasimagot siya. "But that's four days from now!"

"So? Hindi mo naman siguro ikamamatay kung hindi tayo magkita ng four days?"

"Eh pano kung ikamatay ko?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Ang OA ha."

"Pumayag ka na kasi."

"Eh mag-aaral nga kasi ako."

"I'll make sure you're home by ten."

I sighed. "Papalakihin mo pa eyebags ko."

"Dali na Meg. Please?" he begged.

"And if I'm not home by ten?"

"Then I won't bother you for a week," seryoso niyang sabi.

"'Wag naman," reklamo ko. Ako yata ang may hindi kayang hindi siya makita ng isang linggo. Isang linggo rin 'yon!

Ngumisi ang loko. "Why? Mamimiss mo 'ko, 'no?"

"I just don't think it's necessary," patay-malisya kong sabi.

"Pero payag ka na?" nakangiti nyang tanong.

I rolled my eyes at him. How can I say no? "Oo na."

He smiled. Saka siya yumuko para halikan ako. Nawindang ako nang kaunti. Ang dami kasing taong nakatingin. Hindi ko alam kung babaling ba ako sa kaliwa o sa kanan. Ano ba kasing pisngi ang hahalikan niya? And then I ended up being kissed on the lips.

May narinig akong umirit mula sa kung saan. Hindi ko na maisip yung ibang bagay sa paligid ko. Bigla kasi akong nalasing. I felt his arms encircle my waist saka niya ako kinabig palapit sa kanya. I felt like I melted in his arms. Heaven!

It seemed like a long time kahit halos limang segundo lang naman niya akong hinalikan.

He smiled down on me. "I'll see you tonight," he said before walking away. Mahina akong napasuray dahil nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko.

--

Gusto kong kiligin kapag naaalala ko yung college days ko. Ang saya kasi. Nakakakilig. Nakaka-in love. Ang sayang ma-in love sa kanya. Pero sinira niyang lahat ng 'yon nang yayain niya akong magpakasal. A year after college, we were married. Hindi ko matanggihan yung offer niya. I thought he was in love with me too.

Kinasal kami sa Nunzio, Italy, malapit sa fountain of love. It was a very sacred and closed ceremony. Only a few were invited. Enzo was the best man and Angel was the bridesmaid. Nandoon pa ang paborito kong tiya. It was perfect. Too perfect.

I anticipated that something would go wrong. Anything. What I didn't expect was what I learned that night, before we could even go to our honeymoon.

I learned the real reason why he married me. It was just after the wedding, nasa reception na kami. My father asked where he was kasi bigla syang nawala. Angel said na kausap daw ng daddy niya si Dani. I excused myself to look for him. Pagagalitan ko sana. Baka kasi business na naman ang pinag-uusapan nila eh. I mean, sarili niyang kasal tapos business pa rin ang inaatupag niya?

I saw them talking on the garden near the parking lot. I was about to call them when I overheard what they're saying. May kasama pa silang attorney.

"—your Lolo's will states that you'll get 50% of everything he owns now that you're married," naiiling na sabi ng daddy niya sa kanya. Tinapik siya nito sa balikat. "Do you know what that means, son? You're way richer that I am!" dagdag nito na may kasamang galak.

"And that's not all," sabat ng attorney. "According to the will, you'll get the rest kapag nagkaanak na kayo."

Tumawa ang dad niya. "I guess you better get to that honeymoon!"

Lolo Stephen, Daniel's grandfather and the former president of their business empire, died before the original date of our wedding, which was right after college. So na-move siya ng ilang months later. Nagtawanan silang tatlo. Ako naman, hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na pala ako. So kaya pala minamadali niya akong pakasal sa kanya dahil may makukuha siyang mana? And then, kapag nagkaanak na kami, magiging kanya na lahat-lahat ng pag-aari ng lolo niya?

So ginamit niya lang ako?

And what would happen kapag nagkaanak na kami? He'd file an annulment? Iiwanan niya na ako? Susustentuhan na lang, gano'n? Hindi ako pumayag.

That night, I ran away from him. I ran away with our child growing in my tummy, the key to the 50% left of Lolo Stephen's legacy.