When I awoke the next morning, I reached across the bed, feeling for Colt with my eyes shut tight. Suddenly I wondered if it had been a dream. Did I really ask Colt to take me to bed? God he was wearing me down. 

I sighed and then stretched, throwing my feet over the side of the bed. When I pulled my bedroom door open, I was met with a surprised Colt. "Morning," he grinned shyly. 

I blinked up at him with a smile of my own, appreciating the way he leaned against the door frame in nothing but a pair of thin, gray joggers. His muscular "v" was on display, along with his bulging biceps as he crossed his arms over his chest. "In a hurry?" he mused as his eyes scanned me from head to toe.

"Just need the bathroom," I grinned back, suddenly aware of my braless chest still clad in the tank top and shorts from the night before. The way Colt's eyes kept lowering to my chest and back to my face had me worrying about how much he could see. I nervously tugged on the hem of my tank and hoped it was covering me. 

Colt grabbed my hand and chuckled. "Don't worry, butterfly. I like what I see."

I held back an 'awe' and tried to move past him before he could see how his words made me blush. His hand curled around my waist as I inched by him. "Don't be long. I have a surprise."

"Surprise?" I echoed.

"Yeah," he laughed, turning to head back to the kitchen. 

I ducked into the bathroom to use the toilet and freshen up a little. I had slept so hard and it showed on my face. I crept back into my room to get dressed but was surprised to find Colt sitting up against the headboard. "Come on," he urged, waving me over to join him.

It was then I noticed the tray of food large enough to cover our laps. "I woke up starved," he explained as we began to tuck into our meal. 

"You're spoiling me," I commented between bites of pancakes. "I never ate this much when I lived alone."

"Your boyfriend never cooked you breakfast," Colt fired off before shooting me a look of regret. "Sorry. That's none of my business."

I shrugged. "No big deal. But no. He never...he just...didn't sleep over."

Colt nodded slowly and I could see the smirk he was trying so hard to hide. "So what you're saying is...I'm the only guy you've slept with. Spent the night with?" he quickly amended.

"Yeah...but I had sex with Chase and you and I haven't done that…"

"Yet."

I swallowed thickly, aware of the heat between us, even without his words. Our thighs were touching under the tray and our shoulders we connected as well. "Here," he murmured, holding up a strawberry to my lips. He never looked away from my mouth as I took a bite. I could feel a bit of the juice drip down to my chin and I watched his eyes as they followed the rivulet.

Before I could reach up and swipe it away, Colt leaned in close and closed his lips around the tip of my chin. Sucking lightly, a soft groan came from deep in his throat as he trailed a line of kisses down the column of my throat. 

Colt let his head fall to my shoulder for just a moment before making eye contact once more. "Sorry...I can't seem to control myself around you."

"Colt…"

"Let me say one thing, Corri." His gaze darted away as it seemed he was summoning his courage. When it returned, I felt overwhelmed by his intensity. "Last night...dinner...that was so good. We were so good together. It's like we're finally in sync and I hope we want the same things."

"But my dad is sick and the gym...there's so much going on."

"I know. I get it. It's not perfect, but I need you to realize that this is what I want. This and anything more you'd be willing to give. I want you in my arms at night, I want breakfast in bed, I want us laughing and having fun together. I want all of it. I know how you feel how good we could be. Maybe we could finally get it right this time?"

I considered his words and the earnest look in his eyes. Over the years, the timing had always been off for us. There was always something standing in our way. Maybe now was our time. In the second that I considered opening my heart to Colt, a nagging voice in the back of my mind was reminding me of all the reasons it couldn't work.

"But Katrina is back and you have your son," I reminded him. 

"You knew about Kash. And I haven't mentioned him because Katrina took him to California and I wasn't sure I'd ever see him again. She was engaged and it fell through so…"

I shrugged and feigned indifference. "So it's better we don't start anything. Katrina will be around and you know we've never gotten along." I was rambling now, trying to convince myself this couldn't be real.

"I'm not with her, butterfly. I'll only see her when she brings Kash around," Colt tried to convince me while cupping my chin in his hand.

The air felt thick between us as he glanced down at my mouth again. I backed away slowly, climbing out of bed and moving toward my closet. "I should get my shower and go see my dad. What's your plans for today?"

As I stood sifting through the clothes in my closet, I felt the warmth of Colt's body behind me. "Don't do that."

"What?" I scoffed, tossing him a glance over my shoulder. "Now I can't get a shower?"

His hands landed on my hips and his face burrowed into my hair. "Don't throw away this chance because you're intimidated by Katrina."

"I am not," I huffed, shrugging out of Colt's hold with irritation. "I just don't want to see her or hear that nasal voice of hers. If you do, well that's on you, but I don't want her in my house."

"Does that go for Kash as well?"

I spun around quickly, finding Colt's muscular body towering over me. "Of course not," I gasped. "He's more than welcome here anytime."

Colt nodded and grinned, evidently relieved. "I wouldn't punish him or you for that matter because of who his mom is," I added. "I'd even be fine spending some time with you two...I mean as long as it was okay with you." 

Colt's grin got wider. "You mean it?"

"Yeah, I do." I hadn't given it much thought but I liked the idea of seeing Colt being a father to his son. Even if it was a constant reminder of how that son had been conceived.

"So?" I raised my eyebrows as Colt stood blocking my way out of the closet. "Do you mind if I go shower now?"

"Oh, sorry. Of course."

As I slipped past Colt, I paused to press my hand to his bare stomach, casually running my fingers over the grooves and valleys of his abs. "You were right. Last night and this morning with you...it is good. Being with you now is good. But I don't wanna get your hopes up about anything more because…"

Colt cut me off by grabbing my hand and chuckling. "It's okay. My timing is bad. You have a lot going on. Just know that if you want this," he paused to brush his thumb over my lips. "If you want me...all you have to do is say the word. Because I'm so ready for this, for you. You are what I want."

My breath caught as he gazed down at me, bright green eyes sparkling with such intensity. I was so tempted to throw my arms around his shoulders and say yes to him, to us, to anything we wanted to be. 

Instead I pressed a kiss to the center of his palm and slipped out of his grasp. I needed to handle some things in my life before I could think about a relationship. And I knew part of my hesitation had to do with the hurt I'd been dealing with since the last time I was home.

Summer after Corri's Freshmen Year of College 

"There you are. Aren't you coming outside?"

I had been home for about a half hour, having showered and changed but not quite able to get myself out to the backyard where many of my father's friends had gathered to welcome me home after my first year of college. Dad was thrilled when I said I'd come home for the Fourth of July. He was currently manning the grill and the smell of barbecue was wafting through my partially opened window. 

But that wasn't what had my attention. 

As much as I hadn't wanted to admit it, my eyes were scanning the party for the boy I hadn't had any contact with for over a year. Colt had respected my wishes when I wanted some space. But I took that even further by not returning for any of the holidays. 

As I found him standing with his back to me, I somehow hoped that the sight of him wouldn't elicit the same response as it had when I had kissed him in his room a year ago. I could see the way his muscles corded under the tight white cotton of his t-shirt. He was bigger, that much was certain. Broad shoulders tapering down to a narrow waist and hips with an ass that filled out his jeans so nicely. I smiled at the sight of him bouncing on the balls of his feet because I imagined that he was excited to see me after my long absence. 

But my hopes were dashed when I noticed the baby in his arms, wrapped in a blue blanket. So he had a boy. My heart ached when his eyes turned toward Katrina as she strode toward them. She stroked her son's back and Colt's shoulder at the same time and I could feel the nausea rolling through me.

This was exactly why I hadn't come home all year.

I turned to face Beau as he stepped behind me, glancing over my shoulder at the partygoers. I saw the way his brow furrowed when he noticed Colt. "I'm sorry," he murmured, pulling me into his arms.

I let his big arms embrace me, taking the comfort he was offering. Beau and I had become good friends since our falling out the Fourth of July two years ago. He had understood that my feelings for Colt were complicated and even though I had wanted to move on with him, I wasn't ready back then. 

Beau had messaged me after I moved to Seattle and we had kept in contact all year. He had known not to talk about Colt and that had worked for us. And seeing him now felt good, especially after witnessing Colt and Katrina outside. Beau took one look at them and knew I was falling apart. 

"I'll walk out with you. We don't even have to talk to them," he assured me as he ran his hands through my hair.

"I can't do it," I mumbled into his chest. "I wish I had stayed away."

"Don't let Colt have that power over you. So he's with Katrina? His loss. You are way too good for him," he insisted while cupping my jaw in his hands. 

I gazed up at Beau with his handsome features and boyish grin. All year I had steered all of our conversations away from us, only wanting friendship. I had always liked Beau, but my feelings for Colt kept me conflicted. The hurt in my chest was clouding my judgement, but when I leaned up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his, it didn't feel wrong. 

"Corri…" Beau sighed when I backed away. "Don't do something you'll regret."

"The only thing I regret is wasting all these years pining for a guy who only pushed me aside." I took a deep breath and stepped away from him, sinking down onto the edge of my bed. "I get why you wouldn't want me…"

"You think I don't?" he scoffed as he knelt in front of me. "Girl, I've always been crazy about you."

"But?"

"But you keep running back to Anderson and he doesn't deserve you," Beau blurted with an exasperated sigh. 

I watched as he pulled himself up and sank down beside me. "I just think you could do better," he retorted with a smirk.

I glanced at him as he lifted his shirt flirtatiously with his ridiculously tight abs on full display. "Not bad, am I right?"

"So humble," I teased, shoving his chest back playfully and laughing as he fell back with me on his arms. 

I was completely caught off guard when his eyes went dark with want. "You are fucking beautiful, you know that?" Beau murmured as his hand slipped behind my hair and cupped my neck. 

I held myself off of him with two hands pressed to his chest. I saw the lustful look in his eyes and I felt a pang of regret knowing that Colt was the last one to look at me that way. Beau struggled to regulate his breathing and I watched his tongue swipe his lips. 

"Sorry, Corri. I've just thought about this for years."

"Thought about what?"

"Making you forget him."

In that moment, it was all I wanted. To forget Colt, forget Katrina and feel desired. So I didn't stop Beau when he pressed his lips to mine. I didn't push him off when his hands skimmed down my body. I didn't say a word when we began removing our clothes. 

He was gentle with me, but obviously caught off guard when he realized it was my first time. His brow furrowed when he felt the resistance and noticed the pain in my face. 

"Oh, Corri. I'm so sorry. I didn't…"

"Keep going," I gasped, my voice cracking. 

"We don't have to."

I leaned up and slanted my mouth over his while gripping his body tighter against mine. He held back for a moment, the urge to stop must have been right there, but I dug my nails into his back and encouraged him to continue. 

A few more moments of breathy sighs and quick thrusts left Beau gasping as he emptied himself into the condom. "Fuck. I...could've made that better for you," he mumbled into my neck.

I turned away as he disposed of the condom, not wanting to see the blood. "Can...can I hold you?" he offered sweetly as he ran his hand down my arm.

I held back a sob and shook my head. "You go on out, okay? I'll be there once I clean myself up."

Beau hesitated for a moment and I could hear him grit his teeth. I knew he felt guilty and I didn't want to make it worse by letting him see me cry. "Go ahead," I urged, needing a minute to compose myself.

I heard him shrug into his clothes and when the door opened and then closed, I thought I was alone.

"Corri?"

My whole body tensed when I heard Colt's voice. I had my back to him as I slipped my tank top back on. "Please go," I whimpered, praying he hadn't seen Beau leave my room.

"Are you sick or something?" he pressed gently. 

I swiped at my tears and covered my lower half with the sheet. "No, I just need to get dressed."

Colt carefully rounded the bed and stood in front of me. "I know you're still mad at me, but if you need something, you know I'm here, right?"

I refused to meet his gaze when he lowered his head. "Please leave me alone," I sighed.

"Corri, come on. You can't just…"

When Colt stopped speaking so abruptly, I glanced up at him and saw what he was focused on. "What the hell happened to you?" he growled.

I looked down at the spot of blood on the sheet I was wrapping myself in and I grimaced. I could almost see the way Colt was processing the scene in his mind. His eyes snapped toward the door and I knew then that he had seen Beau. His jaw clenched fiercely and he ground out, "He did this? Beau did this to you? He forced you?"

Every accusation had Colt's voice rising and when he bolted for the door, I nearly tripped trying to catch up to him. "He didn't!"

Colt sagged against the doorframe and ran his eyes over me once more. I clutched the sheet tightly around my lower half and waited for him to speak. His head hung low and his shoulders crumbled under the realization. "You wanted this?"

My tears started again when I felt the weight from what I had done. I'd killed the hope.

He stared at me so coldly when I didn't answer and all I wanted to do was hide. "You let him be your first?" Colt gasped. 

Anger made my cheeks burn and my scalp tingle. "Why do you care? I saw you with Katrina. There's no room for me in your life, Colt. You have a family now."

His eyes widened in disbelief. I tipped my head back to catch the pained look in his eyes when he stepped closer to me. "You were always mine, butterfly. I never stopped wanting you. But you gave up on me...didn't you? You never let me explain it."

I reached for him, feeling my own heart cracking when I realized how badly I screwed this up. But when he pulled away and pressed his back to the door in order to keep me from touching him, I let out a broken sob. "Colt, I'm sorry," I sputtered between breaths.

Colt squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He reopened them slowly and I knew he wished this had all been a dream, because…

I wished the same thing. 

....

A/N: sorry guys! I know some of you must be disappointed with Corri's choice but it's part of the journey 😔 thanks for sticking with me ❤