It was one of those mornings again.
Those mornings when he felt too different from the rest of the world.

He felt like he didn't fit in. He wasn't a usual teenager. He kept thinking about it. He made himself feel weird compared to the outside world.

He was so not confident. He barely spoke up for himself.

Luke sighed in annoyance as he sat up straight and feeling his headache again. There it was.

Luke took the covers off himself before standing up and walking over to his mirror.

The once blue spots were slightly turning into brown spots as the bruises were slowly healing.

Luke came closer to his mirror to have a closer look on his face. He looked awfull with his busted lip and bruised eye.

It wasn't only his face that bothered him. It was his neck. His shoulders. His torso and his hips. His legs.

Luke then took a step back to look at his body in the mirror. His neck was too small and his shoulders were too broad. It just didn't make any sense to him.

His torso was shaped weirdly as he had thin legs. Luke let out a snif as he turned around and looked over his shoulder into the mirror.

His breathing started to pace up as he looked more at his body. Luke aggresively grabbed onto the baby fat he had on his stomach.

In reality it was barely noticeable, but to him it was fat. He felt fat, like it didn't belong there. He let out a sob, oh there the tears were again.

People were so beautiful, but he didn't feel like one of them. His parents barely let him out to go do something.

That's why he was so pale. And when he got a red sweater for Christmas from his aunt he was scared to wear it because he looked even more pale than he actually did because the sun barely hits his skin this made him feel tired trough the lack of vitamine D he had and the urge to never wear that sweater again so he hid in the back of his closet to never touch it again otherwise he would be picked on again though he loved the sweater dearly and didn't want to hurt his aunt.

Breathe

He dropped to his knees as he wrapped his arms around him. You couldn't really hear Luke cry ever. He was a silent cry baby. He could barely be heard in class as he was sat in the back.

Same went for Luke's insecurities,

They were silent.

•

"You look awfull"

"Thanks" Luke said as he kept his eyes on his book.

"What happened?" Ashton said as he inhaled from his cigarette as usual.

"...I'd rather not say" Luke said sternly and flipped a page.

"Why? Do you not trust me enough darling?" Ashton asked as he kicked a rock.

"It's not that, I just don't want to talk about it" Luke said as he finnaly looked up at Ashton.

"Hmm, alright then" Ashton said as he sat down. "If you need anything though..or need..I don't know, me?" Ashton started and crouched down.

"I could give you my number" Ashton said as he sat down.

"Unfortunately I don't have a phone to my possesion" Luke said as he closed his book.

"Hold on.." Ashton said as he inched closer to the fence. "Could you say that again?" Ashton said and turned his head.

Luke sighed "I-don't have a phone" He said as he bit his lip.

Ashton looked at him in disbelief. "Nah, you just don't want to give me your number if that's what it is-"

"Nooo, I'm serious" Luke whined.

"Well that's..something new, what are you? An alien?" Ashton asked as he scoffed.

"Basically" Luke said agreeing. "I could give you an old phone of mine Hemmings" Ashton started.

"I'd have to delete a couple things first though..but yeah" Ashton said.

"I can't take that from you, my mom says I'm not allowed to have a phone because it kills my brain cells" Luke said.

Ashton snickered as he exhaled from his cigarette. "I think your mom needs to work on her brain cells" Ashton said and chuckled.

"Don't say that" Luke said. "Why not?" Ashton asked. "Because it's not right and some people get hurt easily" Luke said.

Ashton kept his mouth shut this time as he stared at Luke. He knew what was going on.

"Are you hurt?" Ashton asked. Luke felt his face gone red as he looked away.

"You can tell me, I could take care of it" Ashton said as he grabbed the fence.

When Luke didn't spoke Ashton had placed his hand on Luke's shoulder trough the fence.
...

"I couldn't do it"

"I'm sorry"

...

Luke's voice croaked. "What couldn't you do?" Ashton asked. He was confused.

Luke sighed as he wiped something away, probably a tear but Ashton couldn't tell.

"I was at a party about two weeks ago.." Luke started. "I was with Calum, a friend of mine" Luke breathed out.

"I drank alcohol..a lot..I didn't really like it, I thought I liked it...I-"

"Hey it's okay" Ashton said as he rubbed Luke's back.

"I met a girl there..I don't know how or when I did it, but we went upstairs" Luke tugged at his hair.

"I regret it, I really do I thought I could do it Ashton, but I couldn't" Luke's voice broke.

"What is it Luke?" Ashton asked.

"..I didn't lose my virginity..I regret it and now I'm an idiot" Luke said as he started panicking.

Ashton's heart broke within seconds. "Luke that is-"

"People will laugh at me if they ever heard this" Luke said cutting of Ashton.

"I should've done it so I could just get it over with and maybe I would've fit in" Luke said.

"That's no-"

"I'm such a loser" Luke said as his eyes were glossy.

"Luke listen to me" Ashton said cutting Luke off this time.

"Losing your virginity is serious business okay?" Ashton said.

"You will do that when the times right and when you have a strong bond with someone, a good connection" Ashton said.

"So with you?" Luke asked softly.

Ashton sighed "no not with me, we're not romantically connected or in a relationship Luke" Ashton explained.

Luke felt a bit hurt. "Do you mind a question?" Luke asked.

"Go for it" Ashton responded.

"With who did you..you know..do that?" Luke asked.

"My virginity?" Ashton asked. Luke nodded as he turned around.

"Well I have the perfect example now, I made the mistake you could've made" Ashton started.

"I was a bit drunk, like you were. I met this girl and we did it in a bathroom, you know what the worst thing was?" Ashton asked. Luke shook his head as he stared at Ashton.

"I didn't even remember her name the morning after" Ashton said. Luke swallowed harshly.

"People say it doesn't really hurt as it comes to guys, but I feel very stupid for doing that..I gave myself away Luke, just like you said last time, now I do it all the time.." Ashton said.

-
"Friends with benefits is when you are not interested in a serious relationship and fill each others sexual needs, which brings Michael to just a hook-up" Ashton said as he exhaled a cloud of smoke.

"B-but how could you, you know..do that when there is no romantic connection?" Luke asked.

"Why do you just give yourself away like that?" Luke asked and crawled closer to the fence.

"Because people have needs yet, a relationship is not one of mine" Ashton said as he threw his cigarette away.

-

Luke was the one to place his hand on Ashton's hand now. "Stop it" Luke said.

"Stop what?" Ashton asked.

"Giving yourself away every time" Luke said as he rubbed his thumb over Ashton his hand.

"It's an addiction Luke, same goes for my pack of cigarettes, it's stuck by side" Ashton said as he dropped his cigarette and stood on it.

"If you need help I could help..I will" Luke said as he placed his small hand in Ashton's hand.

Ashton chuckled "I'll be aware of that" he said. "Now do you mind a question?" Ashton asked in return.

Luke shook his head.

"Did you wanna do it to prove yourself to me?" Ashton asked.

"I did.." Luke was honest.

"Don't.ever.do that again you hear me?" Ashton said sternly. Luke nodded immidiately.

"Good" Ashton said and nodded. A tap was heard from besides Ashton, Luke couldn't see.

Ashton turned from serious into panicky. "I uhh I gotta go" Ashton said as he kissed Luke's hand before standing up.

"Don't do anything you'll regret" Ashton said lastely before walking away.

________________________________

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