Chapter 9

How many more things can I mess up in one day?  I thought as I stumbled into my living room, sobbing.

I just told Cameron I'm in love with him.

I'm stupid.

I'm so, so stupid.

God, things will never be the same. I just had to do that. Good job at least you had the courage to say it to his face, my subconscious assures.

Yeah, okay. I was in a crying mess yelling at him that I'm in love with him.

I'm stupid.

I'm so, so stupid.

I hit the closest thing around me. It crashes to the ground, it was a flower vase. I yell a curse and kick my shoes off.

I'm so, so, so, so stupid.

I sink to the floor in the hall. Why him? Why did I have to fall in lovd with? Why did I have to? It isn't fair, he doesn't love me back why do I love him?

Why does it hurt so much?

I don't know how long I've been sitting in the hall crying, but the voice of Cameron calling my name has my heart racing and I feel even more awful. My tears have drifted away and left nothing bit

"Where are you at?" He says. He walks down the hall. "Era?"

I keep my head in my hands, covering my face. "Era..?" His voice is gentle.

"Era.. Please say something." He whispers, kneeling down with me.

"Era." His hands try to pry them from my face.

"Why did you come back?" I ask. My voice is cold and is thick from all the crying.

"Because I wanted to make sure you are okay." He says gently.

"I'm fine." I say.

"No you aren't." He says.

I stand up and he gets up. He follows me out of the hall. "Thanks for coming by, but I don't need the comfort."

"I'm not leaving." He states, staring at me.

"I didn't ask you, Cameron, I'm telling you to get out." I sternly say, standing my ground.

"You're gonna push me away like I did to you? That was a mistake. Don't make my mistake." He said.

"And this is totally a different situation." I say, looking at him.

He is searching my face, trying to read my emotions. "I'm not leaving, Era."

"Please?" I say.

"I'm sorry, but no." He says, sighing.

"You're a jerk," I say, hiding a small smile.

He smiles. "One and only," Then he grows serious. "Now will you tell me something?"

I look at him. "Depends on what it is,"

"Okay.." He starts. "What did Allie threaten you with?"

My eyes close and for a moment I feel lightheaded. I don't have the energy to argue with him. "She threatened to tell you I was in lovr with you."

"Oh," he says.

"Are you mad?" I ask him when we both sit on the couch.

He sighs, running both hands over his face. "I don't have it in me to be mad at someone. Let alone let it be you."

I nod my head, biting my lip. "I'm sorry,"

"Hey," he says, patting my shoulder. "No need to apologize."

I put my head on his chest and hear his heartbeat. I could fall asleep to the sound.

I pull away from the hug, not wanting to cry yet again. He yawns.

"Are you tired?" I ask.

He nods his head. "I don't wanna move from this couch." He murmurs.

"You can stay here to sleep if you want." I say.

He lays his head down and I get up so he can stretch more. "Night," I say and turn off the lamp.

"Mhm," He mumbles.

I go up the stairs and into my room. The room is dark and I blindly walk to my bed. I collapse on my bed.

I sigh and close my eyes.

I'm so stupid.

***

The sunlight fills my room, bringing me back to the sickening reality.

I wish sleep would pull me under where no one can touch me and I have no thoughts that drive me crazy.

But when I walk down the steps do get a drink, I see a face that makes me want to wake up and not let sleep pull me under. Just so I can see him, I'd think these crazy thoughts.

I hope me telling him I was in love with him will mess up out wacky friendship. To tell you the truth, he's the closest and only friend I have.

I drink the juice, I walk down the hall and see the broken flower case on the floor.

I'm so thankful my mom didn't see it missing. I pick up the glass pieces, throwing them in the trash.

"Morning," He mumbles. I jump from the sound of his voice.

"Morning." I say, sweeping up the dying flowers.

"How'd you sleep?" He asks.

I concentrate on the way the broke  glass sounds as I sweep it up and the way the brush moves under every flick of my wrist and hand.

"Good. You?"

"Same," Cameron sighs. "Look we need to talk."

I sigh, putting the broom down. "What is it?"

"I just want you to know that I don't want your feeling to ruin this friendship. And I'm not gonna let it. I wanna fight for our relationship."

"You make it sound like we're dating," I tease him, saying the same thing he said to me.

"So you're okay with being jist friends?" He asks.

Told you he didn't like you, my subconscious reminds me, I told you so.

I already knew he didn't and I kind of just embraced it. Yeah it hurt and I will be okay. In time.

I smile. "Yeah."

If he didn't want to be friends with me, I would've completely lost it.

But anything can be everything.

Plus him just talking to me once in a while, I'd be perfectly okay with as long as I got to see him.  Talk to him. Anything.

"Will you be going to Homecoming??" I ask.

He looks thoughtful. "Do I have to go?"

I glare at him and he laughs. One of the hottest sound ever. "Fine, but if anything bad happens you're to blame!"

I hope he isn't foreshadowing into anything.

"What do you wanna do today?" He asks.

I think for a moment. "I wanna go and play video games while eating pizza."

Cameron smiles. "You had me at video games."