Our football team is in the playoffs now. In celebration, Andre and Jalen are hosting a bonfire party at Andre's house, and it's all the senior class can talk about for the entire week leading up to it. Allison is convinced that Nick is going to make things official between them at the party, so as we hangout in her bedroom beforehand, she starts getting ready an hour early. Becca lays in Allison's bed, nearly devoured by the comforter, and only visible by her caramel waves. I dragged the bean bag chair to the center of the room. I watch Allison curl her hair in the bathroom, and I try to coax Becca out of bed.

"I'll get up in a bit," she mumbles. "I only have to fix my makeup and change my shirt."

"I thought you wanted to straighten your hair?" I remind her.

"Yeah, well, I'll just leave it. Wake me up in twenty minutes."

"Alisha just text me," Allison calls back to us, leaning so close to the mirror that if she were to sneeze, she'd hit her head. An eyeliner is locked in her fingers, and she draws carefully along her lash line. "She said she'll be here in a minute. Can you go get her, Dani? I still have to finish my hair."

I stand up from the bean bag chair and head downstairs. As I lazily hop down the steps, my phone vibrates. It's a text from Sean. He's already at Andre's house, helping the boys set up. The guy has been so busy with football that I've barely seen him at all this week. Our school takes playoffs very seriously, having won the state championship a handful of times in the past, so the players are starting to feel the pressure. We're expected to make it to the end, and with such high expectations weighing on their shoulders, a party to blow off steam seems almost necessary.

I smile to myself and tap back a reply. I tell him that I'm getting ready at Allison's.

The doorbell rings so I snap back to reality. When I answer it, Alisha is waiting on the other side, breathing deeply and looking overwhelmed. "Hey," she says and quickly moves past me.

"Hey," I coo, unsure. "Everything alright? You seem a little stressed."

Alisha motions upstairs then jogs up the steps. I follow closely behind her, growing more concerned with each of my ignored questions. She heads straight in the bedroom, holts at the door, and announces, "I broke up with Javier."

Something drops in the bathroom, clattering on the floor. Becca springs up in Allison's bed, and I hurry into the room, moving in front of her

"What are you talking about?" Becca shoots. "What do you mean you broke up?"

"Yeah, Alisha; what are you talking about?" I question.

Allison comes out of her bathroom holding a fluffy brush dusted with pink blush. Her face is cluttered with confusion, and she stands there unable to speak.

"I broke up with him," Alisha says. By the sound of it, it seems that she's still processing this. "I-I had to."

"What? Why?"

"Because I've only been with him."

"Okay? So you didn't date anyone before him; why is that a reason to end things?" I ask, walking her to the bed. We sit together on the edge, and Becca crawls out of the blankets.

Alisha can't sit still. She stands back up and faces the three of us. "I can't be with one person for the rest of my life," she spills. "We—we had all these plans. Everything planned out, and I realized that I'm never going to date anyone else. It was high school together, college together, starting careers, getting married—all with him. All together. I could never go on a blind date. Or hookup with a stranger. Or just see what it's like to be with someone other than him. H-How could I do that to myself? How could I deprive myself of so many experiences? I'm only eighteen, and I had my entire life planned out with my high school boyfriend."

At first none of us know what to say. I don't think any of us disagree with her. Having my entire life planned out already—it sounds ridiculous.

"I guess I get where you're coming from," Allison says, "but Javier is always good to you, right? It's not like he did anything that would make you want to break up."

"I told him that I can't live my life with one person. I said I want to date people and go out and have fun. I want to be free to make mistakes and figure myself out."

"Don't you love him?" Allison asks.

Alisha sighs. "Yeah, but I can't be held down like this. Not when I'm only eighteen. I'm a child. I-I don't even know what I want to do with my life, so how can I say I already know who I'm going to marry?"

"Is he okay? How did Javier take it?" I ask.

"It was hard. He didn't take it well."

"Jesus," Becca breathes. "Poor guy."

"But you guys understand, right?" She asks, looking at us. "How would you feel if you had everything planned out like this?"

"No, no, I get it," I say.

Becca mutters, "I always thought it was a little weird that you did."

Allison shrugs. I peer to her. "I don't know," she murmurs. "If I loved someone, I don't think I could just break their heart like that."

"It was cold of me, I know," Alisha assures us.

"But you have to do what you think is best for you," I remind her. "It's your life. You can't ignore how you really feel just to make other people happy."

"But he loves you, and you love him," Allison says.

I turn and send a scolding face her way. "Alisha can do what she thinks is best for her. And we're all here to support you, okay?"

"Thanks. It was a bit impulsive, but, I don't know, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I feel like I can finally breathe."

Allison disappears into the bathroom once again. Alisha joins Becca and me on the bed, but soon Becca gets up to change as our departure time nears.

"It's about time you did something for yourself," I tell Alisha.

She glances to me and smiles a little. "Yeah, I know. I just wish I didn't have to hurt him."

"He'll be okay. He's only eighteen too. He'll realize that you aren't the end all be all."

"I hope so," she murmurs. "I hope we can still be friends."

Once Allison is ready and Becca is done touching up her makeup, the four of us pile into her car. Becca says she will be our designated driver so Allison can celebrate her expected officialization with Nick, and also so Alisha can embrace her new-found freedom. A part of me is a little disappointed, having enjoyed the way Becca and I are when we drink together. We seem to have the same ideas flowing. We both have a buried craving for empowerment. But, I focus on the fact that I'll see Sean soon, and I recover from the loss of my partner in crime.

When I told my friends about what happened in the classroom with Sean, they almost didn't believe me. It took me a while as well to understand my sudden burst of confidence, but once everything was comprehended, a need to feel such power again consumed me. I didn't feel like a naive, innocent child anymore. And the things Sean said to me afterward—the way he looked into my eyes when he said it—has me on the edge of my seat, waiting to be ravished by him.

Then play-offs season started. Now here I am, still waiting.

"I love this song," Becca says and turns up the volume. I'm sat in the passenger seat, and Allison and Alisha are together in the back. They have their own conversation going about Allison becoming Nick's girlfriend, so I ask Becca how she's doing; if she's feeling better since our drunken night at the football field.

"Oh, yeah, I'm doing better," she says. "Just trying to power through these next few months before college. Living with my mom and Taylor—it's just been hard. My brother could care less, but whenever I see them hug or kiss or cuddle on the couch..." She shudders. "You're lucky Tammy doesn't have some guy around the house."

"Yeah, she's always kept that stuff separate from Emilie and me. I doubt the guys she talks to or worth keeping around anyway, though. She doesn't have the best taste in men."

"My mom and Tammy have to meet. They're the same person, I swear."

I glance out the window. Andre lives close to the water. I begin to recall the feel of it when I was high on ecstasy; the way it held every inch of me. When Sean and I kissed in the ocean, I tasted hints of saltwater on his lips. I loved being close to him. I could almost press my body into his, like we could suddenly morph into one being. Just as I consider what it would feel like to have him inside of me, Becca speaks up.

"So, Sean's going to be there, right?"

I swallow. "Yeah. He's already at Andre's actually."

"Well, since you'll be with him and Allison will be with Nick, I guess I'll keep an eye on Alisha as she has her first night out as a single girl."

I turn to the backseat and ask Alisha, "Planning on making mistakes tonight?"

"Just a few," she says, smiling devilishly.

"Sounds like I'll be busy then," Becca kids then asks me, "Will you be coming home with us?"

"Oh, I think so. Well, maybe not. I don't know, but I'll let you know."

"How about you, Allison? Will you need a ride home?"

Allison says, "Hopefully not, but I'll tell you if plans change."

"Alrighty," Becca nods, "look at me playing Mom. I feel so responsible. Oh, and no drugs. I'm looking at you, Dani."

When we get to Andre's house, the party seems to be in full swing. The sun has set and the moon is full on the horizon. We walk up as a group but break apart once inside. Allison goes off to find Nick. Alisha is on the prowl for booze—Becca watching over her. And of course, I make my way around the house to find Sean.

I run into Andre and Jalen first. The second I walk into the kitchen, they welcome me with open arms and hand me a hard seltzer. We talk for a little before Andre says, "Hey, I know you're looking for Sean. Just a warning, he's talking to Jen out back."

Andre has had a few drinks, and it isn't hard to tell.

"Oh," I say, mouth open and face frozen, "for how long?"

"Man, like twenty minutes now."

"Is everything okay?"

Andre glances to Jalen. Jalen sighs and pushes off the counter. "Look, Dani, we overheard a few things. We weren't eavesdropping or anything, but the door was open and..."

My hands squeeze my tall can of seltzer. "And what?" I try to sound sweet, light and unbothered, but the unease in my stomach in undeniable.

"It sounds like Jen regrets dumping our boy," Andre finishes for Jalen.

My eyes watch the backdoor.

"But we all know that Sean is really into you. Like you seem to make the guy happy, and I'm sure it'll all work out, you know?"

I clench my jaw before forcing myself to make a face—something that says 'no big deal.' "It's fine." I tell them, "I'm actually going to, uh, go find my friend, but I'll see you guys later, okay?"

Jalen grabs my arm just as I slip away. He looks at me genuinely and says, "You're a nice girl. Don't let this shit get to you."

"Thanks," I chirp and turn away. I move as far away from the backdoor as possible, but no matter how far I go, it's like I can hear their voices. I can hear Sean giving into her.

I know how I feel now. I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. He's out there with Jen, and I have no control over what she says or how he responds. I have no control over him, and if he decides to be with her, that's just how it's going to be.

People greet me as I search for any one of my friends—people I've never spoken to once in the last three years. A girl on the cheer squad even stops me and invites me to her sleepover after the game next week, and I look at her for a moment, wondering just how I became popular in their eyes. I happily tell her that I'll let her know before walking down the hall and running into Becca and Alisha. Alisha has a beer in her hand, and Becca has one in her own.

"Guys," I call. They turn to me.

"Dani, what's up? Can't find Sean?" Becca asks.

I peer down at her beer and say, "Aren't you driving?"

"She's holding it for me," Alisha clarifies, gulping the beer she already has.

"Right. And no, I know where he is. He's talking with Jen outside as she probably begs for him to take her back."

Becca's face falls. "What? No. No way."

"Jalen and Andre overheard part of the conversation. They said Jen regrets breaking up with Sean. So now she's going to ask him to get back together and all I can do is stand here like an idiot."

"Come on, there's no way he'd say yes if she asked," Alisha says, taking her second beer from Becca.

"They've done this before. They break up and get back together—that's what they do. I don't know why I thought it was going to be different this time. Damn it. I-I just feel—I feel—I feel so, so sad. Disappointed. Angry. I-I need—is Valentina here? Have you seen her?"

"Hey, Dani, you don't know that's what's going to happen. Just wait until Sean comes inside so you two can talk," Becca tells me. "Just hangout with us until then."

I nod and chug the rest of my seltzer. Alisha cheers and chugs her beer, so we grab more to drink as Jalen and Andre start up the bonfire. Everyone steadily flows from the inside to the outside, but I hang back to avoid seeing Sean and Jen in discussion.