Ren

"Focus Gio."

"I can't concentrate," dramatically dropping the pen in his notebook. "All I can think about is my driver's test after school."

"Just remember always to check your mirror and your blind spot, like every ten seconds. You're gonna do great," I say to ease his mind. "The city's DMV is hella chill. If I can pass, you can pass."

It's a grey, overcast, and pretty chilly day as we sit cozied up on the bleachers together, reviewing some facts for Gio's makeup biology test this week. 

His eyes sparkle hopefully, "If I pass, I'm going to drive over to your house after dinner, okay?"

"Okay," I happily agree. "But what car will you drive?"

"My mom'll let me borrow her truck. And guess what? She's taking me to look at some cars I've got my eye on this weekend. I could have a new car by Sunday!!"

"Hey, if you pass, I'll let you drive us in my car to your house after Study Hall tomorrow."

His whole face lights up. "Yeah? I can't wait to drive you around finally!" 

Damn. He's so cute when he's excited—like a little boy impatiently waiting for his presents at Christmas.

"Okay, but you also have to pass this biology test on Wednesday too. Let's just finish these two pages," I say, trying to get him back on track, but he won't stop grinning. 

The corners of my mouth turn down. I don't feel as light-hearted today.

My emotions have been all over the place recently. In fact, I've sort of had my heart on home arrest. It can't be trusted right now. It might make me blurt out I love you to him too soon. I don't know why, but I feel like I'll ruin everything if I tell him before he says those three words to me, explicitly, out loud, first. 

He hasn't brought up what he said to me on the phone more than a week ago, so I just let it be. Vaguely knowing he's beginning to fall in love with me is enough. In the meantime... I'll wait.

I'm actually a little preoccupied with something else at the moment... 

My mom has booked me a doctor's visit next Thursday after school to go on birth control, but an anxious feeling is coming on. I keep pushing it down—my brain feels confident it will be fine. It'll be fine. Positive thinking works, right?

Okay, so my period was supposed to have come two days ago, and slight cramps always precede it the day before, but so far, I feel fine. Shit. I didn't think I'd ever be looking forward to cramps.

But I can't be pregnant, and I'm only three days late. I'll get cramps later today, and it'll show up tomorrow, and we'll all have been worried for nothing. I'll laugh about this all later.

But the nagging feeling in my stomach just doesn't seem to go away.

The feeling intensifies at dinner time. We sit at our little round dining table in the tiny area by the sliding door, which one might call a dining room. My dad made me my favorite dinner, penne with peas, but I have no appetite. I've forced a few bites but am now staring into my bowl blankly.

My dad looks at me with concern, "You okay, honey?" 

"Yeah, I'm just not feeling very hungry today. Maybe I'm nervous Gio won't pass his diver's test." 

I wince internally. I felt horrible about lying on Gio's birthday, and here I am, doing it again. I'll feel like such a terrible daughter if I have to confess I got pregnant on the very night my dad insisted I take condoms to protect myself.

"Oh, he's taking his driver's test today? That's... exciting." 

My dad tries to act happy for him, but I can hear a slight tinge of worry in his voice. Cars and boys are equally dangerous to parents of girls, even to my chill dad. 

I make myself eat half my dinner, then take my plate to the kitchen sink. I stay downstairs and watch a Cheers rerun with my dad to take my mind off it. I don't feel much like being alone. 

At 7:30, the phone rings, and I leap off the couch to get it.

"Hello?" 

"Babe! I passed!!" His voice is ecstatic, and it makes me smile inside and out. "I'm leaving now. I'll be by in twenty minutes. I'm taking you into town for some ice cream!"

I grip the receiver tighter. "Really? Yaaay!! Okay, I'll see you soon," and we both promptly hang up.

Sitting down on the sofa again, I smile, "He passed. He's going to pick me up and take me out to ice cream to celebrate."

"Oh, that's fun. I'm excited for you, honey," Dad says, placing his hand on my shoulder. "It's fun to see you growing up, going on dates with a nice boy like Gio," he smiles, a little misty-eyed.

"Dad!" I groan, a bit embarrassed at him being so sentimental, and the growing-up part is uncomfortably hitting too close to home.

"You make sure he drives you safely, okay?" he says, changing to his parental tone.

Soon, an unfamiliar engine noise can be heard coming up our quiet street. I get my things and wave bye to my dad, and he tells me to be back by 9:30 since it's a school night. Giovanni's waiting for me in my driveway in his mom's mid-sized older blue Dodge pickup. 

He rolls down the window and proudly holds out his dot-matrix printed temporary driver's license for me to see, grinning ear to ear. As I walk down the steps, he leaps out of the driver's seat, and before I can get to the passenger door, he comes around and opens it for me. 

I hug him tightly. "Congratulations, baby! I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you!" he says breathlessly, full of emotion. 

When we release, I climb into the truck, and he shuts the door behind me. Once he's back in his seat, he glances at me, smiling with an exuberant twinkle in his eyes, before putting his arm along the backrest behind my shoulders. He carefully backs up, turns around, and we drive off.

It's exhilarating riding with him. We have the stereo blaring, singing to 'Life is a Highway' at the top of our lungs. For the brief car ride downtown, I forget about my earlier worries, laughing and having a great time—feeling alive and free. 

As we pass some young skateboarders pushing down the street, he rolls down the window. "Woooo!" he yells, honking the horn as we breeze past them. 

We take the long way to get there, enjoying cruising around, driving down to Cool Beans Cafe, turning in the parking lot, and coming back around. He finally parks in the plaza parking lot, and we walk arms around each other to the pink ice cream parlor.

He buys us each a cone. He gets Double Dark Mud, and I get Minty Mud. We sit inside to eat at one of the small tables by the big window—the only customers at 8:15 on a February Monday. We eat our ice cream in silence for a minute, and my earlier worries slowly creep back in.

My stomach sours at the exact moment his face lights up.

"Babe, I can't believe I got my license! It feels so good to be able to drive myself anywhere I want! To pick you up and take you somewhere." 

He's exuberant and smiling, but as he looks at me, he notices my smile isn't there, matching his. Under the bright fluorescent lights, he intuitively picks up on my intensifying anxiety.

His expression dims, "Something's wrong. I can tell when you're worried about something."

"Um, yeah, but..." 

Crap! I don't know what to say yet! I don't want to ruin this. 

"This is your big moment—let's celebrate it." I force a smile, then continue to try to eat my scoop.

That seems to work, and he will let it go. He eats another big bite of his ice cream, and I exhale in relief and look away. But then feel his eyes weighing heavily on me again. Crap.

Raising my eyes to his, he studies my expression, chewing on the edge of his waffle cone. 

"No, what is it?" licking his upper lip. "It'll bug me till I know."

"Um, it's nothing. I'd rather not talk about it, yet..." 

I swallow hard, trying to clear the dryness from my throat. My heartbeat intensifies, and I swear he can see it. I'm afraid—like somehow saying the words out loud will jinx it and make it real. Kind of like saying I love you is something I keep avoiding.

Gio smiles to encourage me.

"What? Come on. It can't be that bad," he laughs.

Somehow, that pushes me over the edge. 

"I'm late," I mumble.

"Late? Like... oh... fuck." His face drops.

I started rambling. "I'm not sure. I'm not usually late, more likely early, but sometimes I'm late, like... a day or two late. We still might be okay. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. That's why I didn't want to say anything... yet. But I usually get cramps a day before, and I still feel... fine." 

My voice barely squeaks out the end of my sentence, trying to get around the ever-increasing pointed rock in my throat. I tried desperately to push the feelings back down—to not get all emotional about it.

"When were you supposed to get it?" he hedges, now visibly worried too.

"The day before yesterday." 

"Okay, okay," putting his hands to his forehead, trying to think straight. "Well, that's not that late? How long do you wait before you test?"

My eyebrows go up, and I shrug. "I don't know. At least a week?" 

Honestly, I know nothing about it.

"Fuck!" he says quietly, laced with anger this time. "I swear I didn't cum inside you," he whispers emotionally. Then he puts his hand on top of mine, adding more gently. "I promise." 

He's looking at me so empathetically that it's honestly hard to hold his gaze. I drop my eyes. The last bites of ice cream are melting inside our cones.

"I know you didn't," I sympathize. "But I think you can still get pregnant from pre-cum." I shrug, and I can see him thinking about that. "I knew I should've insisted you wear a condom the whole time, but I just was... stupid, I guess."

He just sits there for a minute, letting that sink. Finally, he scoots his chair next to mine, the legs screeching loudly on the linoleum, and puts his arm around my shoulder. 

"Look, if anyone's going to be to blame, it's me, okay?" he whispers, angling his head, so I look at him. "I'm the stupid one."

He takes my hand to leave, and we throw the remnants of our uneaten ice cream in the trash on the way out the door. I feel so shitty. He took me on this cute date, and I ruined his big day. The rock in my throat gets even larger, and tears bubble up in my eyes because of how shitty I feel ruining this happy moment for him. I stuff the feeling down. I don't want to cry and ruin it even more.

Then the tears come rushing back as I realize that getting pregnant is a huge deal, way more significant than getting a driver's license. I choke on a sob as I desperately try to suppress the flood of emotion.

He stops walking under the light of a street lamp, turns, and wraps his arms around me. I melt into him, and he hugs me for a long time. It feels so good just to be there with him, holding me.

 After a time, I release him, and we walk to the fountain in the plaza. The repetitive sound and sight of the water tumbling and crashing over the rocks in the fountain is calming. We stand still for minutes that feel like hours. Each with our private thoughts.

At last, I take a deep breath and ask him to drive me home—a much different car ride than the trip going.

https://youtu.be/qA1nGPM9yHA

••• A/N •••

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Poor Ren and Gio. That didn't go as expected.

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