Ren

I remember the first time I saw him again, the day after New Year's Day...

♡♡♡

JANUARY 2, 1997

Come on, Ren, just get out of the car already!

I'm sitting in my car, dreading the next six months of school (let alone this first day back), calculating the amount of hours until I can leave, and I haven't even let go of the steering wheel yet. The morning is grey and soggy, a fitting start to the second semester of my junior year; the first semester had pretty much sucked rocks so far.

When I left my house, I popped in my Bob Marley tape to listen to 'Three Little Birds' to cheer me up. You remember the song with the verse, 'Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing's gonna be alright?'  Well, it clearly isn't working, and I flick the sound dial to off.

Taking a deep breath and one last look at myself in the rearview mirror, I fling open the car door, slam it behind me, and trudge off toward the looming beige stucco building belonging to Ives High—a pretty normal high school in a small farming town that is slowly turning hippy yuppy, not too far off the west coast in Northern California.

It's not like I'm afraid of the schoolwork part of school. I've always done well in my classes. I'm your average B+ student. You probably know the type. I do my work well, but just enough to get good grades; I never go the extra mile to earn that A—except for art. Art is my best subject. Everyone is starting to comment on what a talented artist I'm becoming, but it's just because I love to draw and always sketch in my free time.

No, it isn't school churning my stomach; it's my social life, which lately seems like mist on a spring morning, slowly dissipating around me. I used to have a super tight friend group, but one by one, over the last year and a half, all my old close friends have joined other social circles.

Lunch is the worst part. Midway through third period, an anxious feeling will settle in—the never knowing who will be available to eat with me. I have no best friend at school—and as we know in any high school society, being seen eating by yourself too often is practically social suicide.

I come out onto the front steps of the school—the spot I have eaten lunch for the last three years. I scan the benches and walkways for Alexis and Kristin, but no dice.

Usually, I can find someone to sit with, but they aren't close friends. My best girlfriend isn't at Ives High anymore.

♡♡♡

My stomach tightens more as my grey eyes scan again for anyone I remotely know. As my eyes drift across the sea of kids, I see a familiar face with large brown eyes and dark golden skin light up in recognition. Hannah! Phew. The sophomore I met last semester in my Drama 1 class smiles widely at me and waves.

"Hi, Lauren!" she says as I sit on the pavement next to her.

Hannah is extraordinarily laid-back and friendly but also a talented singer and actress. That afternoon she looked perfectly bohemian, with her very straight, very long brown hair parted perfectly down the middle and her slouchy hippy clothes. She is in a circle with her other girlfriends, Megan and Vicky.

"Hey, Hannah, how are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Good."

A silence follows as I falter, trying to think of something to ask her. As usual, my mind goes blank, engaging in small talk with people I don't know very well. My heart rate quickens, feeling awkward in the silence. I rack my brain for something to say. Crap! Why is this so hard for me?

"How was winter break?" Hannah asks, saving me from my inner turmoil.

"Great, actually."

"Cool. Why so great?" sounding surprisingly interested.

"Oh. Um, because I got to hang out every day with my best friend, Sydney. She's been away at university this year at San Francisco State. I hardly get to see her anymore."

My life has become pretty hard without her at school with me. Sydney has made all these new dorm friends and seems to be having a great year. We are still best friends, and I drive two hours to visit her every so often and party with her new friends on campus. Those weekends are fun but don't help with being so alone and left out during the school week.

"Sydney the redhead? Yeah, I remember her. She was the lead in last year's play, right?"

"Yeah, that's right. We met last year in the fall play."

"Oh yeah, I remember seeing you two together last year during rehearsals, and Ryder, right? Wait, was he your boyfriend?"

Hearing his name still makes me flinch, though only imperceptibly. Ryder had been one of the backstage "techies" like me. I was props, and he worked the spotlights. He had been a senior like Sydney, two years older than me. Things had... not ended well.

Ryder had been the last of anything guy-related for me for an entire year. I don't even have any crushes—except celebrity crushes, of course. Guys at school seem to be the last thing on my mind.

"Um, yeah... we broke up. Anyway, what did you do over winter break?" I don't want to talk about him.

♡♡♡

After surviving the dreaded lunch break, I walk through the chaotic but familiar halls of the main building, heading to my last class of the day. Pulling out my Dot Matrix printout, I recheck my schedule. Kids push past me like a stampeding herd of wildebeest, practically knocking me forward as I have apparently become an annoying obstacle stopped in the center of their busy hallway. I ignore them and try to focus.

I have two new classes to go to for my electives this semester. Drama 2 M/W/F and Study Hall T/TH.

I stew on the fact that I just should've taken Advanced Art again, but unfortunately, when I signed up for classes, I had begun to intensely dislike the hippy and perpetually high art instructor. Study Hall had seemed like an easy, no-brainer class where I could get all my homework done before I even left school—now I'm seriously second-guessing that decision.

I need to get to Study Hall, but I don't even know where it is. I scan the schedule again, and the room assignment reads: Caf., which I'm hoping means the school cafeteria, or I will have to backtrack to the office to ask for directions.

I take a deep breath to help me mentally make it through the last class of the day and walk off. As I head out the side doors along the outside of the main building, I run smack into a large nondescript outbuilding.

It is actually one of the first times I've ever been in the school's cafeteria. Along with always getting dropped off and picked up at school by my dad when I was younger, he has always packed me a home lunch. Weather permitting—and in California, that is most of the year—I pretty much always eat outside.

The cafeteria is outdated, bland, and smells stuffy, like old french fries and bad cafeteria food. Brown laminate counters, beige linoleum flooring, and terrible overhead fluorescent lighting assault my eyes. Its only redeeming feature is a large bank of tall windows on the west side looking out onto some redwood trees. The tables are set up in long lines. I take a breath and walk in. Crap, this will be a very long, very dull semester.

Looking around, I don't see anyone I know. Our school has over eight hundred students, so it's easy not to know people in this type of class. I sit at an open table at the end, near the windows. Taking out my notebook, I begin to draw since I don't have any homework yet. The minutes tick by excruciatingly slowly. I run my fingers through my long brown hair. Ugh. Only five minutes in, and I'm already dying of boredom. This will definitely feel like the longest class of the day.

I haven't looked up in a while, but I know more students have come in, seated in clumps around the tables. There's a sudden burst of laughter coming from a group of guys, so I glance up to see where the obnoxious noise is coming from.

At first, I see a bunch of boys I don't recognize, but then one glances at me as well.

We lock eyes, his hazel and mine grey, and suddenly time suspends as my breathing halts. My eyes widen, the bottom drops out of my stomach, and, for a second, I'm completely immobile—frozen in shock to see whose still bewitching eyes have just accidentally met with mine.

Giovanni! A boy, a crush, and one fantastic kiss I thought I left behind years ago, in junior high.

I flick my eyes down. Is that really him? I flick my eyes back up.

He is still staring at me!

His expression is inscrutable—just as captivatingly enigmatic as before.

He is wearing all black. Black shoes, black pants, a black bomber jacket, and a black Raider's baseball cap turned backward. He is still so gorgeous, no strike that - he is definitely more. How old is he? Sixteen now?

Only pretending now to draw, I look down.

He's younger than me, a grade lower, so we wouldn't have any classes together except for electives. The school's halls are filled with so many students during transitions and breaks it's hard to find anyone even if you are looking for them. My mind floods with questions.

It's been about fifteen minutes since I noticed him, and I'm keeping my eyes locked on my notebook, my heart still pounding away. I want to look at him again—stare at him, actually—see how much he's changed since I last saw him three years ago, but I'm just too timid.

My hands sweat with the embarrassment that he'll notice me all alone when he obviously has friends in class with him. I've done my best to look busy, but I wonder how many minutes I have left to feel so insecure in his presence.

I look up. The clock on the wall says there's ten minutes to go. I glance at him, and he's looking right at me—again!

What the hell!

His gaze is intense, though his face is cool as stone.

What can he be thinking?

After I catch him so obviously watching me, and possibly because I'm now wired on adrenaline, I bravely hold his stare until he finally looks away.

I managed to withstand the last agonizing ten minutes. My heart is still thrumming, and my tummy feels tight. My thoughts whirl as if caught in an eddy, as all of my memories surrounding him come flooding back. When the bell rings, I already have my bag packed. I book it out of there, straight to my car to clear my head.

••• A/N •••

Thank you for reading!

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Does anybody else relate to Ren losing close friends in high school?

Or suddenly bumping into an old crush?

Stay tuned for the next chapter, where we go back in time to see how they first met.