How Peter Pan saved my life
by Cat_Archer

WARNING:
mention of self harm, abuse and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

It was January 11th, 2014 when I was at one of my lowest points in my life so far. I was depressed, suicidal, and was self-harming daily. I had no hope or will to live.

My parents had just gotten divorced - my Dad having been emotionally and verbally abusing my sister, my mom, and I for years. We never realized how bad it was affecting us until we got to therapy- the woman said it was one of the worst cases of PTSD she'd ever seen, and she specialized in PTSD. It only got worse when school became a stomping ground for me. Yes, bullies exist, and it sometimes shows up in the people you thought you could trust the most.

So my Mom packed all of us up and moved us an hour away.

During that time, my Mom had to either stay with me throughout the night or I slept in her bed because I had such horrible nightmares. I'd wake up screaming, crying, or with a panic attack. Sometimes it was all three. I couldn't stop unseeing everything that had happened in my short fourteen-year-old life. It haunted me with every step I took.

It got better when I started reading fanfiction. I could escape from my life and into stories that I knew and loved, but with twists that kept me at attention for hours, days, or weeks at a time. It was when I started getting into Once Upon A Time that everything really started to change.

I had watched the show through season one and two with a mild liking of it. It was okay, but it was missing something for me. But then when season three hit, everything changed. They had turned one of my favorite childhood heroes, Peter Pan, into a villain.

Throughout my childhood I loved Peter Pan and Spider-Man. They were my main men in my life- as my dad was never much to look up to. They never could do any harm, so when ABC made this character that I loved so much into a villain, I was hooked. (Pun intended.)

But when it ended, I wasn't happy. Something was still missing.

So my brain started spinning this idea. What about a girl who had everyone she'd ever trusted, throw her under the bus but she was still able to look upon the bright side of life? What if she was Peter Pan's True Love as Snow White was to Prince Charming? I also wanted to somehow incorporate Robin Hood because I loved the idea of him, and soon Rae Hood was born in my mind. But she was kind and considerate towards everyone. (Not the Rae you know?  Just wait.)

When I sat down to finally write the first chapter of my story, I was angry. I had just gotten off the phone with my Dad and we had argued... He wanted me to come live with him, but I wanted to stay with my Mom and my sister because I knew it was the better option for my safety. He couldn't understand why.

I put all my anger and frustration into Rae, and soon this twisted web of betrayal and lies was formed around this character that I, once upon a time, wanted to be nice and caring.

The first review I ever got said: "Love it so far. It's really interesting to start from S1, I don't have the motivation but I can't wait to read more."

It made me happy to see that someone liked it. So the next day when I got home from my new school, where no one talked to me because I was that overweight kid no one cared enough about to talk to- I was angry again. And I wrote it from it.

Rae Hood was soon a girl whose eyes held nothing but pain and anger. She had no remorse- no will to live. But underneath it all, there was a group of people she could look to for the love she'd never gotten from her twin brother. The Lost Boys. And there was one person that made her believe in love again. Peter Pan.

As I wrote Echo, throughout those eleven months, I learned to stop self-harming. I climbed out of my hole of depression. I learned to sleep in my own bed again. I learned how to be happy. I learned how to be me again.

And it only got better. One day, Once Upon A Time's official wattpad account contacted me and wanted to know if I wanted to be in their Top OUAT Fanfiction List. I was stunned. Of course, I said yes, and soon Echo's reads and votes started skyrocketing.

Everyday, I got messages of people telling me how Rae helped them stand up to someone, or how Rae helped them get through the day, or how Rae just simply made them smile. It still makes me cry - going to the first chapter to see all the comments on the first line that say #rr.

I was scared when I first wrote Echo because I knew that it was going to be a different fanfiction than people were used to. The protagonist is finally reunited with their True Love in chapter forty-seven. Out of a seventy-one chapter book.

Now, Echo has over three million reads. People fell in love with Rae and her bluntness. How she could take a sword through the stomach and still tell someone, "You ever hit me again, I swear to everything holy that your mother will cry when she sees what I've done to you." How she seriously hates Emma Swan because holy hell, that woman needs a reality check at times. How Rae could stare death in the eyes and smirk.

Looking back on it now, I can honestly say, if I had never watched Once Upon A Time, I would not be alive. With the route I had been going, I was only getting worse. But my character- formed around this television show of fairytales- had pulled me out of this hole that was fast becoming my grave.

In Once Upon A Time, Peter Pan says, "Peter Pan never fails."

And he was right. He didn't fail when I needed him the most. He gave me Rae.

What's a fairytale that you wanted to be in Once Upon A Time that they never put in?

P r o f i l e S p o t l i g h t:

OUATfans
The ambassador-managed profile for fans of the hit US TV series, Once Upon A Time. Come join the fairytale adventures in Wattpad's corner of Storybrooke.