PINILIT niya ang sarili niya na buksan ang mga mata niya.

Kahit na may luhang tumulo.

He's imagined this.

He's seen this picture so many times in his head. He knew this day was coming.

He is marrying the love of his life.

"I," simula niya, "Joshua Ilagan, take you, Andree Fuentabella, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. In the presence of God, I make this vow."

He is marrying the love of his life.

"I," she says, and that is the first word that cuts into him, that wants to bring him to his knees, the first word she says out of the thousands words he's heard her say, whisper, gasp, laugh, scream, cry, that comes out of her mouth, that makes him hollow, "Andree Fuentabella, take you, Joshua Ilagan, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. In the presence of God, I make this vow."

Hindi siya makahinga.

The priest makes them exchange their rings.

The priest tells him he may now kiss the bride.

He lifts the veil, and Andree looks at him.

The same way she used to look at him.

She loved him more than he deserved. She loved him despite all the reasons not to. She loved him because of those. She loved him even though it hurt, even though it was hard, even though she cried, even though it broke her heart, even though she wanted not to.

She couldn't not.

And now she doesn't anymore—how did she do it—and he still does—he will never not he can't not—and this. This is his death. His execution.

Alam niya na darating ang araw na 'to.

He was prepared. As prepared as someone can be watching the love of their life get married to someone else.

But nothing comes close to witnessing it happen. Akala niya kaya niya.

Ganito pala kasakit.

But he'll keep his word.

He won't say anything.

He won't object.

Even if it kills him to do so.

Grief presses deep into his shoulders, fingers cold and tight around his throat. He aches, aches in a way that saws through his ribs from inside his chest and curls painfully in his marrow.

Paano mo alam kung ginawa mo ang tamang bagay para sa pagmamahal? 'Pag masakit? 'Pag ganito kasakit? 'Pag makasariling isipin na dapat siya? 'Pag makasariling isipin na sigurado siyang hindi niya kayang mahalin si Andree kung paano dapat siya minamahal?

Madly. Recklessly. Sanely and insanely.

A need so visceral and addicting and blazing and devoted and reverent.

Paano kung ako?

Dapat ako.

Bakit hindi ako?

Ako ang nagbukas ng puso mo sa pagmamahal.

Ako ang nagtiyaga para hindi ka takot magmahal.

Bakit sa iba ka mapupunta?

Nauna ako, pero sa kanya ka mapupunta?

Dapat sa 'kin.

Sa 'kin lang.

Dapat tayo.

Kung hindi kaya rito.

Sige.

Sa ibang mundo, tayo.

Doon.

Sa 'yo ako.

Kahit dito, sa 'yo ako.

Hanggang ngayon, sa 'yo ako.

Pero sa ibang mundo, akin ka.

Akin ka at sa 'yo ako.

'Yon ang pinangako niya kay Andree.

Hahanapin kita sa mundong 'yon.

Ito ang pangako niya kay Andree.

Pero dito, sa mundong ito, hindi ka na akin.

Itong parteng 'to, itong pagkatapos ni Andree, hindi niya alam kung pa'no siya aahon.

Mayro'n bang pagkatapos ni Andree?

Nandito pa rin siya. Limang taon na ang nakalipas, nandito pa rin siya sa habang.

'Di na nakaalis sa mga sandaling parehas silang masaya. Sa mga sandaling nagmahal lang sila.

Nandito pa rin siya.

Stuck. Unmoving.

How did she do it?

Kasi hanggang ngayon, sa 'yo ako.

Pero hindi ka na akin.

Kahit hindi ka na akin.

Jeriko Costales has been in love with Andree Fuentabella for eight years, but he is thirty-nine now, and she is no longer his, and it is time to stop.

After all, Eko is the one who left her.