My feet landed with a thud on the concrete, jarring my knees and making me cringe at the pain. The girl looked at me with curiosity, her brown eyes taking in every detail of my face.

"You aren't going to go?" she asked, her face molding into an expression of hope.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I've dealt with depression for a while now, and you are the first person to stop and see how I was doing. You made me think about it, the world, I guess it was good to focus on something else for once."

The girl's eyes softened, and all I saw was a giant heart. How had I not seen this before, this kindness? In all my life, not one person stopped to give me a smile. Was that because they weren't kind, or because I refused to let them? Because she was right. How could this girl be the first to show me kindness out of seven billion people?

Maybe the reason I had been utterly alone is that I refused to let anyone get close enough to care. Maybe I didn't want help. Maybe I thought that I could deal with this on my own, even if I so desperately wanted someone else. I hadn't bothered to look for help, I'd wrapped myself in a cloak of shadows, invisible to the naked eye.

Then I had a thought.

How did this girl see me if I was invisible?

I couldn't be seen. How was she able to?

How did she know I would be here?

Then I had another thought.

As like calls to like, the invisible can sense the invisible. She could see and understand me because she was the embodiment of what I was feeling.

She was probably going to do the same thing I was. But she changed her mind.

How?

How could she change her mind by herself, when it took her kindness to change mine?

Had somebody else been to her what she was for me?

"Well," the girl said, a smile gracing her lips, "I'm glad I could be of help."

And then I found myself smiling back at her.

It was strange, smiling. My chapped lips cracked uncomfortably, but I ignored that. Because smiling felt good. My stifling cloak of darkness shifted a bit, letting a cool, fresh breeze waft in, wrapping itself around my chest and settling on my heart. It was little protection against the heat, but it felt better.

"What's your name?" the girl asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Joshua."

"I'm Elanor, but nobody calls me that so, Ellie. My name's Ellie."

Ellie walked with me back home, and I was grateful for the company. I could tell, however, that she did not like the night. She seemed on edge whenever we turned a corner, her eyes darting around, feeling for threats. She noticed me watching her, and gave a nervous grin.

"Cities scare me." She explained quickly.

"Your fear is not misplaced." I responded. She gave me another anxious smile, and we quickened our pace.

After a few minutes, we came to my apartment complex.

"Wow, you live here?" She asked, astonished.

"Yup."

"These apartments are so cool!"

"Yeah, I guess they are."

"Are they new?"

"I think so, I just moved here, so I'm not sure."

"Really? So did I! From England, though."

"Are you adjusting well?"

"Um, sort of. Not really though. I don't really know anybody." She sighed, her shoulders sagging with sadness.

"Well, I should get inside." I said, after a long pause.

"Okay, she said, see you around!" And she walked off, her gait cautious and her face wary, but she still found it in her heart to look back at me, and smile.

I stood outside the building for a while, watching her, until she turned a corner, and the world darkened. I decided that I should go inside before anyone realized that I was gone.

They wouldn't care, even if you never showed up, said that horrible voice once more. I had forgotten him for a moment. Forgotten that person in my head who drove me mad, but once Ellie had left, he decided to come back.

All of a sudden, all of the weight I had been feeling before Ellie came crashing back upon me, pushing my will to live back into a small, dark corner of my mind. I looked up at the apartment building, and a horrible sense of numbness spread through my body until I felt nothing at all.

I started towards the entrance of the building, and walked in. I took the elevator up to one of the highest floors, and there it was, the apartment.

I hated this place. It was too perfect, too modern. Everything was so new and untouched by age or dust. Every surface was sleek and shiny. There were no carpets or fuzzy pillows, everything was so cold. It almost made me wish for my old place.

But then again, I don't think I ever wanted to go back there again. Not after...

No. Don't think about that. Push it away.

But they say-

No.

Fine.

"Where were you?" Said a cool voice from the steely gray sofa. I was surprised, though I should have seen this coming. Of course she had noticed me. Why had I thought otherwise?

"I was out."

"I can see that." She said, observing me with a gaze full of ice, such a difference from the warmth Ellie had shown me.

"They why did you ask?" As soon as I said this, I regretted this, for the woman sitting on the couch exploded in such a force, that I took five whole steps back from where I stood.

"You dare talk back to me? You dare have the nerve to defy me? I who have so graciously let you live in my house, I who already has three kids to deal with, on top of your sorry corpse, how dare you break my rules! I told you to stay in the house! And what did you do? You betrayed me!"

"I...I'm sorry, I–" I started.

"You are not sorry, you would do it again in a heartbeat!"

"But I–"

"I don't care! Get to your room." I didn't dare disobey.

I trudged down the long hall to my room, sparsely furnished and stark white, and collapsed onto my bed. Tremors of fear spread through my body. I was wrong, I couldn't stay here. But I had to, it was the law.

I decided that maybe this was all a dream, maybe I could just fall asleep, and it would all be normal again.

So, I changed into warm pajamas, crawled under the covers, and slept.

|–––––|

I jolted out of bed, my heart racing and head pounding. Someone was knocking, but who? It had to be past midnight now, but I was unsure. How long had I spent looking at those disappearing stars? I had the sudden urge to answer the door, and I tried to get up, but my body froze to the mattress.

I heard my mother's bedroom door creak open, and I heard her feet pad down the short hall to the door. I heard the master lock click, and the squeaky hinges of the door try desperately not to fall apart.

I crept to my bedroom door, finally thawed, and cracked it open. I could see the my mother silhouetted against the faint light emanating from the open door, along with another.

Then, my mother gasped.

And all hell broke loose.

Once, when I was little, my mother had become very stern with me for neglecting to clean up the mess I had made in the kitchen. I had left old crayons strewn across the table, forgotten to throw away an apple core, and accidentally managed to melt a plastic plate on the stove. That day in first grade was the first day I can recall my mother yelling at me.

It was nothing compared to this.

She started yelling at the person outside, and whoever it was started yelling back. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I heard snippets.

I was fifteen then. Not the brightest of students, but not entirely stupid either. I had phases of pure genius and pure idiocy. Which one I got that day depended on my mood. I must have been feeling very smart that night, because I somehow worked together years and years of history between my mother and the person outside, who I had identified as a man.

He was slurring his words together, much like the drunks did as they yelled and chorused down the alleyway. He knew my mother, based on how angry she was, and, and...

|–––––|

I awoke with a start, horrified at the dream my mind had conjured. I couldn't think about that night. The night when the stars disappeared, the night when the moon laughed and laughed. I needed to forget. But how could I, when that night kept reliving itself in my dreams? I needed an escape from my nightmares, and the only way to do that was to stop dreaming.

I watched as the sunlight slowly started to appear through my window, turning the darkness to gray, from grey to pink.

As much as I hated the night, day was much worse. I couldn't hide anymore when the sun was out, people could find me, and I didn't want to be found. 

~

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