As my Zephad zoomed out of the water and landed on the sandy beach, I took a deep breath of air. I was on the same beach where I and Ryan had our first kiss. It stretched for such a distance, yet there was no single soul there. I sat down cross-legged on the sandy ground.

I dreaded this moment since the time that kiss happened. I had kept myself very busy after that, so it was just there in the back of my mind. Now, well, it's all over my mind.

I couldn't help but feel like a cheater, I was I guess. The fact that I was remorseful or I had an explanation, a noteworthy one, didn't make the kiss and the interlocking of the lips any less intimate. It was still the same amount of trespassing. But I also couldn't hold back my shock. Ayum was the most unpredictable person I had ever encountered; that was my conclusion.

Yes, I remember. He used to be lovely to me the first second and act like a stranger in the very next. I was no one on his birthday, but in that Novotel party, I was his only companion despite so many interesting people being present there. One moment he made me feel on top of the world, and the next moment he made sure the world crashed on my shoulders. How could he have felt for me and I would have not even got the slightest of hint? But maybe, even he didn't have any clue about my feelings for him.

I did love him with all my heart though. But what made me fall out of love with him? Or what made me decide he wasn't worth my thoughts anymore? Even I'm not sure. Maybe the fact that his life is too perfect and unlike mine which was only about him, he doesn't simply need me in his life. I could never draw a comparison between my relationship with Ryan and my relationship with Ayum because they are too different.

But then, which one is love? In fact true love?

Maybe both. Maybe just like beauty and mental health, love really didn't have a definition too.

My thoughts were tangling like a pair of earphones which would take hours to untangle. I just lay on the ground, closed my eyes, and tried to think about how much I loved Ryan and how would I ever break this out to him.

Probably never.

I don't have that much of guts.