(Quick Note- I was listening to this song and "The memory" and also "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade on repeat while I was finishing up writing this and I just thought that you might want to listen to them ??? Idk but The Memory by Mayday Parade fits pretty well I think... yes, I am very emo, I know. Ok that's all, enjoy your suffering!)

All that was going through his head was the feeling of cold metal gliding across his skin and the warmth from the crimson liquid that seeped out after every time he dragged the knife across across his pale wrist, that was soon covered in a red, dripping curtain. He didn't feel any pain except for the excruciating pain in his heart that felt as though he was being carved into pieces with a jagged, unforgiving knife that was referred to as reality. 

Kageyama was at a serious loss of what value his life held anymore. He always thought that his life had no meaning without volleyball but after getting closer to Hinata, Kageyama felt that something had awakened inside of him. 

It felt like he found his missing piece to life. 

Hinata was his new meaning to life. 

And ever since he first became closer to him he always felt as if he was a special and important person when Hinata was by his side. He felt invincible with him. He didn't know what to call the connection he held between Hinata and himself and the only way he could explain the way he felt about him was that he truly loved Hinata. He loved him more than anything less. And the only reason he was so broken and lost was because of the stupidity that overtook him that night. Just because of that stupid confession he was now standing in his bathroom, ready to faint at any moment while the blood continued to drip down onto the white tiled floors. That one event was supposed to be the happiest moment of his entire life but had suddenly taken a darkest turn imaginable and became the worst thing to have ever happened to him. 

It had only been a week after that night and he was struggling even more with his emotions than before. He has also had trouble showing his emotions which was the reason behind why he usually exploding out over small things and he even had a hard time showing when he was happy. It wasn't that he had no emotions, he just had never quite learned how to express them to other people so that they could understand them. But now it was the opposite. Now he didn't feel anything at all except the same excruciating pain that made him wish that he had faced what fate Hinata had suffered from.

During the day he looked as though he was made of stone. Emotionless and dead inside. His eyes, that once gleamed every so often went completely dark, as if they had been devoured by his sorrow. He appeared as though he had been completely broken, he never showed any emotions towards anything anymore. No anger, happiness, excitement or despair shown on his face. But the emotionless mask he wore every day was always hiding how much agony he was in. During the night when he was alone, he would allow his mind to be devoured by the darkens he hides behind his stone-faced mask. Every night he would always stand in his bathroom and face the smudged mirror, watching as his face slowly changed, as if his mask was slowly being lifted off his face, revealing the pain he had been hiding all day.

Everyone one around him could see through the mask that he put on every day, but they would still never be able to see the full picture or scars that he hid skillfully. There wasn't anything that could be done to return him to his old self, not without Hinata being by his side again. The pain of guilt. Of tragedy. Of regret. Of a shattered heart was all too heartbreaking, that he knew he would never be the same without seeing the love of his life ever again. 

He wouldn't be able to live on without his sun. 

Hinata was the world to him and Kageyama himself had destroyed it all in the blink of an eye because of how he acted. All because of his choices and decisions. It's nobody's fault except his own that his sun is gone from this world forever. 

Kageyama unconsciously started cutting deeper and faster as his mind started to pull out his true feelings and just as fast, the blood poured out of the countless cuts. Kageyama's head started to spin as the images of the incident started to flood into his mind, filling up all his thoughts. The sounds, the smells, the emotions, the sights. Kageyama dropped the knife on the counter and fell to his knees, covering his ears as if that was going to help keep the memories away. The sound of a truck horn, the sound of the impact, the sound of no one's breath but his, the sight of blood. Everything came back to him and played in his head over and over again as if to say, "He's gone. He's gone only because YOU made him upset. YOU made this whole thing happen and he's never coming  back because of YOU." 

Kageyama knew that it was his fault but he couldn't fix any of it now. He couldn't do anything to not feel the pain or to not feel guilty. He felt his head throb as his vision was smothered in a black blanket. His unconscious body fell to the ground with a loud thump and stayed there motionless and barely breathing. 

Kageyama felt an odd warmth that had surrounded his entire body as if he was in a warm bath. He opened his eyes to find himself in an all-white room. He turned his head upwards to look at the ceiling and saw a blinding light and the silhouette of a person who was cradling him in their arms. Kageyama's eyes started to adjust to the bright light to see the one he loved was smiling weakly at him. Kageyama raised his shaking arm and stroked the soft, cheeks of his lover as joy was taking over him. Hinata looked thin, faded and had the most painful expression on his face. As if was trying as hard as he could to not cry. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" Hinata said as he took Kageyama's hand tenderly and stared at his bleeding wrists, clearly heartbroken at how the love of his life was so broken. 

Kageyama lost all control of himself and started to sob uncontrollably into Hinata's chest. "I'm so sorry. I-I'm so, so sorry. It's all my fault that- that you're-" Kageyama was suddenly cut off by a kiss from Hinata's cold, chapped and faded lips. They both embraced in a painfully bittersweet kiss and they didn't want to ever let go. The pair of heartbroken lovers cried and held onto each other tightly. 

Kageyama never wanted this to end, he never wanted to part ways with Hinata again. His heart would never be able to handle letting him ago again. But against his wishes, Hinata's warmth and the color was slowing fading away. 

Hinata grabbed Kageyama's tear stained face between his fading hands and stared into his emotionless eyes. He spoke quickly as to make sure that he said everything before he would have to leave Kageyama behind, "Listen to me Kageyama, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I missed you tonight or any night. I miss being able to tell you 'I love you' and kiss you and just see you every day. If I could be with you at night I would sing you to sleep and make sure that you took care of yourself. Just promise me that whatever happens that you'll never let anything take the light behind your eyes away. That you will live happily even if I'm not there and just remember that one day I'll join you as you fade in the dark and we can be together again." Hinata let one hand go from his face grabbed his hand tightly as he faded more, "Be strong and hold my hand, time will move on even if it's slow but we have to say goodbye today and I'm sorry that it has to end this way. I'm so sorry, but always remember that I will forever love you. No matter where I am. Even if you move on and find someone new, I'll always love you." Hinata had to force out the last sentence through the sobs that were escaping his mouth. 

"I'm sorry that I can't stay with you, but your time hasn't come yet. When your time comes, you and I will be reunited. Just remember that I will always love you, Kageyama. And please, never forget me." Hinata said as the last bit of him disappeared into the blinding light as if he were just steam evaporating into the air. Kageyama tried to reach out and grab onto the last of his fading body, but he slipped through his grip just as he had done a week ago. His sun, his reason for life was gone and he was alone in this terrible, unforgiving life again. 

Kageyama woke up, barely being able to breathe from the horrible pain in his chest. He was still lying on the cold bathroom floor that was now covered in a small pool of crimson blood. Kageyama wished he didn't let Hinata go, he wished that Hinata had taken his heart away as he was leaving so he wouldn't be in as much pain as he was in right now. The memories of the accident, of his choices, of all he and Hinata had been through would continue to haunt his mind as if his love for him was a curse and it's only purpose was to make Kageyama feel as if he were slowly dying because of a shattered heart. He already knew that his pain was endless and it would tear him apart until his time to reunite with Hinata came. That was the only way to restore the light behind his eyes, cease the endless pain and mend all the terrible things that life had bestowed upon him.

He would have to live through his tragedy-filled life until his time had come. 

Author's Note

This is an after story for Asuramura's story "Abondoned" which was an amazing story and it made me become so emo that I almost fell apart... shit I need to stop making references. 

Hello again... Ummm... hi, it's me, awkwardness- I mean Emma ... anyways, I'm sorry if this turned out crappy because I've mainly been writing this at night/early morning because I stay up super late and I can't see my keyboard 90% of the time because it's dark and I don't have a light lol... I'm also sorry that I made WAAAAAAAY too many really bad song references... Like way too many... and I somehow made a reference to the song "Cancer" by MCR ?? I just noticed... wow I didn't know I was this emo to make a reference without realizing it.