Chapter 9

"Yes, I am ZDL. Zachary Dale Lozano. I'm the one behind the notes and tulips. And I have to admit . . . I've been admiring you from afar, Nausicaa. Matagal na."

I knew it was coming, but his words still caught me off guard. I stood there, for a moment, lost for words. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin o ire-react ko sa sinabi niya. Unti-unti akong napalingon kay Zachary.

Xander never confessed his feelings like this before. I never heard him say he liked me first. Our romance just . . . happened. But now, this stranger confessing his feelings so freely, was a whole new experience.

Ano ang dapat kong sabihin? Gawin?

"I-I don't know . . . What to say," I confessed and lowered my gaze.

Malalim siyang humugot ng hininga. "It's gonna take time, I know. Your heart's still healing. Masyado lang napaaga ang pag-amin ko. My mistake," he apologetically said.

I looked up to him, nagtataka. "Pero bakit . . . ako pa?"

His breathing became more ragged. "Bakit naman hindi ikaw, Nausicaa? In my world, you're the most beautiful, inside and out," his gentle hold sent a spark through my entire being.

His eyes locked onto mine, filled with adoration. The intensity of it make my heart skip a beat. "You inspire me," he said softly. "Whenever I see you, I feel alive. Nagiging buo ang araw ko. And your smile melts me everytime," he paused, chuckling. "This sounds cheesy, but you really bring me boundless joy.

"You are the only one who can make me feel this way, Nausicaa. You are the only spark that ignites my emotions."

I was taken aback, my heart's pounding. And I could feel my cheeks burning. Zachary's ears turned a deep crimson--mirroring my own blush.

Mas lalo akong walang masabi. Pero isa lang ang pumapasok sa utak ko, natatakot ako. Parang ang bilis?

Nang tuluyang mapropseso ko ang sinabi niya, mabilis kong kinuha pabalik ang kamay ko at tumikhim, "Y-You . . . You don't know what you are saying," I stammered and looked away from him.

Palihim akong napa-ungol sa inis. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong sinasabi ko! Bakit iyon pa ang lumabas sa bibig ko?

Embarrassed on what I'd said, I turned my back on him and started to walk away. Binilisan ko ang paglalakad ko para kung sakaling hahabulin niya ako ay hindi niya ako maaabutan.

What's wrong with me? Why did I think he'd chase me? Ang delusional ko naman sa parte na iyon.

Malapit na akong makalabas sa locker area nang muli kong marinig ang boses niya.

"Maghihintay ako, Nausicaa. My heart will wait for yours . . . until you're ready."

Napahinto ako saglit at muling nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. I dismissed his confessions with a shrug. I doubt na makapaghihintay siya. In these times, patience is a rare virtue. Men don't wait around anymore. Malakas ang pakiramdam ko na titigil din siya kalaunan, magsasawa sa kahihintay sa wala.

And yes, hindi ko na nakuha ang drafting tools ko.

***

As I stepped outside, the cold breeze immediately wrapped around me, making me shiver in my thin cardigan. Naisip ko tuloy sana nagsuot ako ng something warmer. Pero nang tumingala ako, bigla kong nalimutan ang lamig na nadarama. The night sky was breathtaking. The blazing stars twinkled like diamonds against the dark blue sky. The alloy-silver moon hung low, casting a gentle glow of silver.

It was like the stars were in their perfect places, shining brightly just for me. The world felt peaceful, as if everything was okay. I stood there, mesmerized by the beauty above. The stars' gentle sparkle hypnotized me, and I felt my worries fade away.

"Ang ganda, 'no?"

Alliah's presence beside me stopped my train of thoughts.

"Yes, it is," I whispered.

Sandaling namayani ang katahimikan sa aming dalawa.

"Anong iniisip mo, Renae?"

My gaze drifted to her. Her arms are resting on the verada, eyes glued on the sky. Mukhang malalim din ang iniisip.

Lately, I wasn't as open with her as I used to be. Hindi ko na nasasabi kung ano ang nararamdaman ko at kung ano na ang mga naging kaganapan sa buhay ko.

Yes, we were living together, sharing the same space, but somehow, it felt like we were worlds apart. An invisible wall had begun to build itself between us, and I couldn't just stand by and watch it grow.

"Hmm, I don't know what should I do, Alliah . . ." sinabi ko sa kan'ya ang totoong katauhan ng secret admirer kong si Zachary at kung anong nangyari kanina. "I know I shouldn't make this a big deal but . . ." I am loss of words, again and always, when it comes to him.

Pero hindi ko muna sinabi na baka . . . baka lang naman na pinagpupustahan ako nina Xander at Zachary dahil isang basketball player na naman ang gustong pumasok sa buhay ko. I couldn't tell her about it, yet. Kasi hindi pa naman ako nakasisiguro kung totoo nga.

"Baka naman may nade-develop ka ng feelings para sa kan'ya?"

Napaayos ako ng tayo sa naging tanong niya dahil walang bakas ng pang-aasar na tono roon. Something unsual with her pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay. "No! Wala pang isang taon mula nang magbreak kami ni Xander," I firmly said.

Tumaas ang kilay niya sa akin at hinarap na rin ako nang tuluyan. "And so? Kailangan bang umabot ng taon, Renae para magkagusto ulit sa iba? Subukan ulit? Listen, not because it hasn't been a year since you guys broke up, doesn't mean that you are not capable to love again, as well. Pero make sure that you are not using his feelings for you to cover your wounded heart. So tell me, do you . . . like him? Kahit katiting or crush man lang?" she held tightly both of my shoulders.

I looked down, bitting my lip as I searched for answers on our balcony floor. Kanina, desido ako sa isasagot ko kung tatanungin man ako ni Alliah nito. But now, I don't know why I am having seconds thoughts.

"Hindi ko alam kung gusto ko na ba siya o ano. Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko," umiling-iling ako at nag-angat ng tingin sa kan'ya. "Hindi ko talaga alam, Alliah," naguguluhan kong sambit.