Chapter 5

The ghosts of my past continue to haunt me, reminding me of the promise I made twelve years ago . . .

To never would I repeat my mother's mistakes. Loving a man who would only bring me pain, as my father had done.

"Pangako, hinding hindi po talaga ako iiyak nang dahil lalaki, Mama." A six-year old, crying girl swore as she looked on a grave.

That memory was still vivid on my mind.

But look I am right now.

Drowning in a pool of my own tears, all because of Xander.

Nang bumukas ang elevator, wala sa sarili akong nalakad palabas sa condominium. Hindi ko makita nang maayos ang aking dinaraanan dahil sa mga luhang walang humpay na tumutulo sa aking mga mata.

After Xander shoved me away like I'm some stray cat, I stayed in front of his unit for awhile. Ni hindi ko man lang siya nagawang saktan physically. Dahil hindi ko talaga siya kayang saktan. Pero bakit siya nagawa niya sa akin? Bakit ang dali para sa kan'yang saktan ako?

I wonder if did he ever . . . love me?

Love. I know that it is a strong word—emotion to be exact. It's a word that we often use to express ourselves to someone we adore, but rarely understood. Sabi nila, to truly love someone is to surrender, to be vulnerable, and to accept unconditionally. But how do we know if what we are feeling is already love, despite the short time you've known them?

Siguro nga, hindi iyon ang nararamdaman ni Xander sa akin sa loob ng halos tatlong buwan naming pagsasama.

Natapilok ako dahilan para ako'y matumba. A sharp sting shot through my right foot, but it was a fleeting agony compared to the crushing weight of Xander's hurtful words and actions.

Wala na akong lakas pa para tumayo kaya nanatili na lamang akong nakasalampak sa lupa. I knew that people would stare at me right now but that was least of my concern. I couldn't care less about their opinions.

At kung minamalas ka nga naman, ngayon pa talaga bumuhos ang umulan. Mukhang pati ang langit ay umaayon sa nadarama ko ngayon.

I sat on the edge of the sidewalk. Yakap-yakap ko ang aking mga tuhod habang nakayuko at malugod na sinasalubong ang malalakas na patak ng ulan habang nasa gilid ako ng condominium.

Kasabay ng malakas na ulan, bumuhos ang aking nararamdaman.

Patuloy lamang ako sa pag-iyak hanggang sa mapagtanto kong hindi na muli ako napapatakan ng butil nito kahit na patuloy pa rin ang buhos nito sa aking paligid.

Pinilit kong dumilat at napansin ko kaagad ang isang pares ng sapatos sa aking harapan dahilan para ako'y mag-angat ng tingin.

Sumalubong sa akin ang isang lalaki. Nakayuko ito sa akin habang hawak niya ang itim na payong sa kan'yang kanang kamay samantalang ang isa naman ay nakapasok sa kan'yang bulsa.

I stared at him. I was captivated by his intense gaze. His deep hazel eyes seemed to hypnotize me—too impossible to look away from—framed by thick, expressive brows that add depths to his gaze. My eyes wandered to his perfectly proportioned nose, and though it lacks Xander's sharpness, it suited him perfectly. And his slender lips, though not full, it screams an irresistible allure. I could tell that a lot of women were dying just to kiss those lips. But it was his strong, angular jawline that left me breathless, exuding a rugged sensuality that was impossible to ignore.

I blinked as a spark of recognition ignited, and I remembered—he was the man from the canteen.

Naputol ang pagtitig ko sa lalaki nang tumikhim ito. Hindi ko namalayan na tuluyan na pala akong tumahan mula sa pag-iyak.

"Ang isang magandang babaeng katulad mo ay hindi dapat umiiyak. Your tears are as precious as you, don't waste them on someone unworthy."

Muli akong napakurap dahil sa sinabi niya.

He knelt before me, the umbrella still in his hand, as he gently wiped away my tears with his thumb. A warm, comforting smile spread across his face, calming the turmoil within me. Our eyes locked, and we got lost in the moment, the world around us fading into the background.

Maya-maya pa'y tuluyan na ring humupa ang ulan pero hindi niya pa rin ibinababa ang payong.

"You deserve so much more, Nausicaa. Don't settle for pain," he said softly, caressing my face. His eyes held a deep concern, and showed a lot of mixed emotions I couldn't name.

My eyes slighty widened but I remained silent because I was caught off guard. Hindi ko mahanap ang boses ko. Paano niya nalaman ang pangalan ko?

Then suddenly, a realization hit me.

Maybe he's a player too? Kasi nakapasok siya sa canteen which was exclusive only for varsity players ng school?

What if he was Xander's friend, toying with my emotions? Was he genuinely concerned, or just pretending to gain my trust?

That thought snapped me back into my senses. At sa hindi malamang dahilan, kumirot ang dibdib ko sa naisip. I immediately raised my emotional walls, shielding my vulnerable heart.

Kahit na nanghihina pa rin ako dahilan sa nangyari at dagdagan pa ng lamig dulot ng pagpapaulan ko, I forced myself to rise. I winced in pain when my right foot stung again. He mirrored my movements, offering support but I forcely slapped his hand that made him stared at me with shock. The umbrella fell off on his other hand because of it.

Bahagya akong nakonsensiya but I easily brushed it off.

Gathering the remaining strength I have for this day, I bravely stared into his hazel eyes, "Don't play me for a fool. I am not a pawn to be played," My words were a shield, protecting the fragile pieces of my heart. May bakas din ng galit sa aking tono bago ko siya walang lingong iniwan.

I heard him softly called my name pero hindi ko siya tinapunan ng tingin. I continued to walk away despite my condition.

I clenched my fists, the weight of betrayal settling in.

I should have known better.

Break-up. Cheater. Then there comes a "hero," saving someone else's broken heart.

But I see through the facade. He'll only shatter me, too, I know. Leaving deeper scars than the past.

I've been fooled once, but now I see. And I'll no longer be a pawn in someone else's game. Ever.