I wake up, and for a moment, everything seems normal. I almost forgot about the injury on my face. I remain hesitant to open my right eye, but I have to know if I can see or not. That entire side of my face is numb from the snow, and beneath that, caked with blood. But I force the dry liquid to crack as I open the eye.
My heart sinks when, instead of seeing the den around me, all I see is a milky white glow. I begin to tear up, in realization that this will probably be permanent. I can't accept this fact, but there's no escaping the truth. I feel so trapped.
I know I need to wash the wound with water. I can't lick it, as the wound is on my face. And it'd just be weird to ask another wolf or one of the dogs to do it. I grow dizzy when I stand, my vision blurring. I must have lost a good amount of blood last night.
       I try to reassure myself by telling myself that I'm lucky that it wasn't gouged out completely. My paws sinking into the deep snow outside, I make my way across the camp, and in the direction of the river. At least I can be alone there.
The few packmates I am on good terms with shoot me concerned looks. Most of them don't really say anything, and I'm alright with that. Pitch walks past me though, and does strike a conversation. There are a few clawmarks on his chest, and a deep bite wound on his shoulder.

"Cadmium! Did the bear get you too? Are you blind?" He questions in a shocked tone.

"Yep. I can't see a thing out of my right eye." I sigh.

"It looks pretty deep."

"Is it? I never actually got to see it. You know, because it's on my eye and all. I'm going to the river to wash it out right now." I tell him.

"Good. Get that eye in the water." He calls as he pads away.

I hurry to the river, with the excuse that I wish to clean the wound. I do. But I truly want to be alone. To be able to express the anger from losing my sight. I just want to cry.
        I find my paws an inch away from the river. It's rushing quickly today, but I pad in anyways. I don't get too deep, but I do hold the side of my face under until the blood washes away.
        I lift my head, shaking my pelt out. Cold drops of water fly everywhere. I step out of the frigid river, and back into the snow. I sit down on the bank, looking down at the water. Its glossy surface reflects my face, and the large wound across it.
I've never been an especially pretty wolf. I'd consider myself average. But with this scar, I've lost that. Even I have to admit, I'm practically disfigured. The four clawmarks take up most of the right side of my face. Beads of fresh blood start to rise up, the dried shell that held them down washed away. I try to halt these superficial thoughts, but I can't help it. I don't want to look like this. I don't want to be this unpleasant to look at.
I lower my head and close my eyes, and let go. This crying, even if silent, feels therapeutic. My feelings can drop with my tears into the river, and be washed away.
In my distracted state, I barely even hear the footsteps approaching until they're practically behind me. I whirl around, trying to conceal my sobs.
        I look up to see Dodge padding out of the brush, a look of concern on his face. His white eyebrows are raised, his head tilted slightly.

"Cadmium? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just getting a drink." I stutter, as I wasn't expecting conversation.

"I'm not that dense, Cadmium. Those scratches look painful, is that it?" He suggests, padding over and sitting down next to me.

"No." I reply simply, hoping that he'll just go away if I speak as little as possible.

"Come on, what's wrong?" Dodge questions.

I can't tell him why I'm upset. It's vain to care this much about my appearance. Even I know I'm being foolish and self centered. I can't imagine how stupid I'd look in his eyes.

"Look, I'm not just going to leave you here when you're upset. It'd save you a lot of time to just tell me." He points out.

"Why does it even matter to you?" I snap.

      Dodge looks a bit taken aback, but not offended.

"Woah. Okay."

I sigh.

"I'm sorry, that was mean."  I apologize.

"What's going on, Cadmium? Really."

"Look, I got blinded yesterday, of course I'm upset. This is going to hinder me so much in the future. Wolves can attack me from my blind side easily, and you know that we're going to have a lot more fighting coming up with the humans coming back. And not to mention how I look to other wolves. I don't want to be stared at when I walk by. I don't want pups to be scared of me. I don't want to be constantly asked how I got my scar whenever I meet a new wolf. And the worst thing is? There's nothing I can do to fix it!" I ramble, finally cracking.

Dodge says nothing for a moment, processing the sudden flood of words.

"Well, if it means anything, I think you look great. Scars or no scars." He says, looking out over the river with icy eyes.

I let out a sigh.

"It's stupid. I really shouldn't be this upset. I should be more concerned about survival than looks. There are so many worse things going on right now." I mutter.

"Don't say that. Just because there are bigger problems doesn't mean the smaller ones don't matter." He advises.

"I guess. Thanks, Dodge."

Admittedly, I do feel a lot better after venting a bit. I'm elated that Dodge didn't think I'm stupid.

"That was so easy, wasn't it? I wasn't going to judge you or anything. Well, I'm going to head back to camp. The team won't go out hunting unless I go with them." He says with a shrug, rising to his paws.

"I might go check up on the humans. See you later." I reply.

The two of us go our separate ways. I leap into the cold water, paddling across the river as quickly as I can. My paws strike the opposite bank, and I haul my thick-pelted frame from the water. I shake, flecks of the cold liquid gracing the air. I don't even stop, shaking myself out while I walk forward.

I find the human camp. As it is the daytime, it's nearly empty. But there's a single team of dogs that are tied to a post similar to Dodge's. I'm curious if there are any updates on what the humans are doing. What's the worst that can happen?
I make a mistake. I'm so used to associating with Dodge's team, I let my guard down. My posture is not the inviting one I used before, but a loose and uncaring one. Though I doubt that even a friendly greeting would have helped.
The team immediately starts to bark and snarl, pulling on their ropes and snapping their teeth at me. I barely have the chance to leap back. I'm confused. Why aren't they speaking? Why aren't they like Dodge?
    I back away from the mess of fur and fangs.

"Wait! Calm down! I'm not here to fight!" I shout.

The barks just grow louder, the snarls shriller and more aggressive.  Even more to my horror, I hear movement inside one of the tents. A frazzled looking man stumbles out, his clothing mismatches and wrinkled.
There's a long gun in his hand, his fingers shaking and twitching. As he moves closer, I can smell the distinct scent of alcohol.
My jaw parts, breath spilling out in puffs of white mist. I am afraid. I don't know much about humans, but I know that the substance called 'alcohol' befuddles their minds for a certain amount of time. There's a human before me, and a mess of snarling dogs behind me. If I run deeper into the town, I'll have to come back this way to get home. But if I run to the river, I'll be easily shot when I swim across. I stand still, looking straight into the human's glazed eyes.
His expression seems flat at first. But I look closer, and realize something. He is afraid. Something in his drunken mind must have pushed back the thrill of the kill and replaced it with the fear of a wolf's teeth. I take this as a good sign.
I stare at the human's eyes for a long moment, feeling like an eternity has passed. Until his drunken hands stumble, and the gun falls down to his feet. In his confusion, he falls down backwards, landing on his behind in the cold snow.
I pause, considering my options. This will end without death for me either way now. The human made his mistake, and I will be the winner of this fight. But, do I kill him? It feels wrong to hit one when they're down. He's staring at me intensely, the fear in his eyes magnified. I pad up to him, my snout inches from his face. It is so familiar to the time before, the human that killed Tundra. But this isn't the same man. His breath is foul with the scent of alcohol, and I have to fight to keep from coughing. I stare at him for a long time, considering my options. This human now knows that there's a wolf in the forest, and he might go after my Pack and me once he isn't drunk anymore. But he looks so afraid.
He lets out a sound similar to that of a whining pup, and that's what breaks my mold. I let out a vicious snarl before backing away, grabbing the gun in my jaws so he can't shoot me. I pad off towards the river, the long gun still in my teeth. My eyes flick back to the human, who is still sitting in the snow with a horrified and confused expression frozen on his face.
I drop the gun into the cold water, and it washes away in the icy current. I decide to disappear as quickly as I appeared, and after glancing back to the man on the ground, I cross the river.  I shoot back into the forest before the human can even consider standing up.
       My movement through the trees isn't a calm trot now, but more of a sprint. I want to get back as soon as possible. I feel deeply guilty from not killing him, and I know Alpha Granite will be angry if he knows. My paws strike hard against the snow as I run.

But when I arrive, I wish that I had spent a bit more time on the route.