Act I
Scene II. The McAdams living room

The following day.

Enter DEBBY, TERRY, SHARON, FAVOR, ALABA and MIKE.

Terry: (trailing a luggage behind her) We were tempted severally to alight from that bus, if not that we had already paid the fare. I wonder how people can drive like they are mentally disturbed when lives are at stake.

Debby: This is exactly why I'd rather book a flight from Port Harcourt to Abuja and vice versa. The roads are just too wild for me.

Terry: On that, we agree. (Beckons on Sharon) Come and take this bag from me please. My hands are aching.

Debby: (gestures to the furniture) Please, make yourselves comfortable. (Turns to the children) Are you guys hungry?

Sharon: Yes, aunty. We sat for more than 6 hours in the bus. I could use a shower first though.

Debby: (chuckles) It's alright. Rhoda!

Enter RHODA

Rhoda: Yes, Ma. (turns to the guests) Welcome, good morning.

Terry: Morning, my dear. How are you?

Rhoda: Very well, Ma. Thank you.

Debby: Erm, Rhoda please take Sharon to her room to shower. She will be sharing with Alaba. The boys can have one room as well.

Rhoda: (visibly shaky) Ma, only the boys' and your sister's rooms are ready so far. I am yet to finish cleaning up the girls' room.

Debby: (furious) What? What did I tell you yesterday? I specifically asked you to clean all three guest rooms because my relatives were coming and now you have the audacity to inform me you haven't done so. What was holding you back, you uncultured sloth?

Terry: (expresses shock) Debby!

Debby: What?

Terry: kini idi ti o fi se be (Yoruba for "why do you do so?)

Debby: Meaning what?

Terry: Our parents did not teach us to talk down on people like this, especially people who work for you. Please, it's verbal abuse. Stop it! The young lady is not made of firewood nor steel. She did not intentionally leave out a room whilst cleaning, and like you said, you only asked her to do the cleaning just yesterday. If anything, it's your fault she could not finish in time.

Debby: (inhales and exhales deeply) Fine! Sharon can make use of your room then and the girls will have to stay with you until their room is ready.

Terry: That will not be an issue.

Debby: (sharply turns to Rhoda) Get me Linus!

Rhoda: (curtseys) Yes, Ma.

Exeunt RHODA and SHARON

Enter OGA LINUS

Oga Linus: Good afternoon, Madam. (turns to Terry and the kids) Una weldon oh. Good afternoon.

The other kids: Good afternoon, Sir.

Terry: Hello, good afternoon.

Debby: Linus, please go and get the remaining luggages from the car.

Oga Linus: Erm, madam. I be wan use this opportunity ask you say that tin wey I bin tell you about last week, I wan know whether you don consider am finish.

Debby: What thing?

Oga Linus: Erm, about my sister pikin.

Debby: (frowns) Linus, does my house look like a charity organization? I already have enough to deal with right now. I don't want another headache, or do you think I am in need of another mouth to feed?

Terry: Deborah! Ahn ahn! You just raised your voice at your maid and now at your gateman. Is that how you treat your staff? (to Linus) Excuse me, Sir, but what is the request you made last week?

Oga Linus: Ehnn, madam no be big tin I ask oh. I just want make my sister pikin come stay with me for quarters here so that e go easy for the boy to apply for JAMB.

Terry: Is that all?

Oga Linus: Yes, small madam.

Terry: (turns to her sister) Debby, his request is obviously very little. Why deny him permission? He's only asking to bring his nephew to live under him. You won't even be the one to feed or take care of the young man as Linus here will be doing so out of his own salary. Please, stop denying little things like these to your employees. They're human as well.

Debby: I don't understand you, Terry. Did you come all the way from Abuja to lecture me on how to treat my staff or run the affairs of my home?

Terry: No now. It's not like that. It's just that it is not too much to ask to allow your employees do certain things, especially if these things are not much of a big deal. You don't have to be so brazen toward them. After all, they diligently work for you.

Debby: I pay them to be diligent, Terry.

Terry: However so. Let the man have his nephew come over. Imagine being denied the right to see Sharon and my other kids if you were in his shoes.

Debby: (rotates her arm around her head and snaps her fingers) God forbid I should be put in such a position.

Terry: You see? So please consider.

Debby: (to Oga Linus) You are very lucky my sister is persuasive and here today. Go ahead and bring your "whoever you wish to bring" to stay with you.

Oga Linus: (beams) Thank you, madam. (turns to Terry) Small madam na God send you come oh. God bless you for me. Thank you oh, very much.

Terry: (smiles) It's alright, Linus. You're welcome.

Exit OGA LINUS

Debby: (to Terry) You better stop this talk down attitude of yours or one of these days my house help will be asking to share a room with my daughter.

Alaba: Aunty, where are Zoey and George?

Debby: Oh! They went out with their father. They should be back by evening. You'll see them soon, don't worry. It will be a big surprise because I even forgot to inform them of your arrival.

Mike: How old is George now? The last time I saw him, he was only three years old. I am sure he has forgotten me.

Terry: (laughs) Of course not. Debby always reminds her children about their cousins so even if George has forgotten your face, I'm sure he remembers he has a cousin named Michael.

Debby: Please, please. We can talk about Zoey and George later. For now, let's all go and freshen up and get some food.

Exeunt all

(Scene fades and opens in the staff building behind the mansion)

Later that day

Enter OGA LINUS, RHODA, AMAECHI and GENESIS

Amaechi: Oga Linus, talk true say na your sister pikin be this?

Oga Linus: No be my sister pikin. Na one boy wey I see for road naim I say make I bring am to come live with me for here.

Rhoda: Oga Linus, stop joking now. (turns to Genesis) Ah, fine boy. How are you?

Genesis: I'm fine, Ma. Good evening.

Rhoda: My name is Rhoda. What's yours?

Amaechi: Not available.

Rhoda: Excuse me?

Amaechi: His name is "Not available" because with the way you dey do eye like willie willie, you don see fine boy you don dey speak good English.

Rhoda: Amaechi, is something wrong with you? What are you implying? This boy is probably not older than seventeen. Do you think I have any unhealthy interests in him?

Amaechi: We pray oh! We sincerely pray! You have been single since Noah built the Ark, and now that you're seeing fresh blood, your body dey sweet you. (Turns to Genesis) See, my man. This lady here is exactly the kind of person you should avoid for as long as you—

Enter ZOEY

Amaechi: Ah, Zozo.

Zoey: (beams) Good afternoon, Benzema.

Oga Linus: Which kind name come be that one?

Zoey: I call him Benzema because he drives my mother's Mercedes Benz. (her gaze falls on Genesis) Who's the cutie?

Oga Linus: Na my nephew be this oh. Him name na—

Genesis: Hello. I'm Genesis. (extends a hand for a handshake)

Zoey: (blushes) And I'm Zoey. Nice to meet you.

Amaechi: Shebi, Rhoda you can see now? (gestures to the teenagers) This type of girl is who is supposed to relate with this type of boy. Not wash and wear products like you.

Zoey: Benzema. Why are you throwing shade at aunt Rhoda?

Rhoda: Help me ask him oh!

Amaechi: I'm not throwing shade. I am directly telling her to mind her business and keep away from young boys.

Zoey: What do you mean?

Oga Linus: Ehn, Zozo. Leave Amaechi and Rhoda alone abeg. Them ready to fight until after Judgement Day don pass sef. Tom and Jerry no do reach their two. Go help Genesis carry him load, abeg. Ehn, small princess. No carry the one wey heavy oh. Genesis no allow her carry heavy tin, you hear. Na small princess be this. E get one bag wey be like say Haier Thermocool fridge dey inside, Genesis na you go carry that one. Whether you bring fridge from your mama house come na your business.

Exeunt all.

(Scene closes)

GLOSSARY OF WORDS USED IN THIS CHAPTER

Pikin – pidgin for child, whether male or female

JAMB – abbreviation for Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board, a Nigerian entrance examination board for tertiary level institutions

Willie Willie – a popular character from a 90s Nigerian horror story, a vengeful spirit/ghost

Haier – a Chinese multinational Home Appliances company