After the movie, I went up to my room. It had just gotten dark, and although I wasn't tired, I needed a moment to myself after the discovery that my best friend was cheating on me with the guy I couldn't stand.

Note: Add this to my list of reasons to explain to Melissa why friends cause more trouble than they are worth.

I didn't want to have a lengthy conversation with anyone at that point, but Blaine deserved to know about Arti and Viktor's kinda-sorta-maybe romance. Sure, he liked Arti, but more importantly, she was his best friend too.

I sent him a text. "Well I found out why Arti didn't come to breakfast today. She was hanging out with Viktor, and they're at her house right now. That's all I know though. I'll talk to you and her tomorrow."

"Damn. Should I bring a shovel tomorrow?" he replied.

"Yeah. We've gotta get rid of Viktor's body somehow."

"Lmao glad to see we're on the same page." He added a laughing emoji to the end of the text.

I smiled. Blaine always seemed to get me, and he always knew what I needed to hear. At that moment, it was a joke to keep the mood light.

"I can't believe that it's Arti who finally is going to make me snap about this whole Viktor thing," I whispered to myself.

"You would think that you deserve more, Amanda. You've been friends with her since you were three, and then this new guy comes around, and suddenly, you're not important anymore," I agreed.

"It's not just rude. It's mean."

"But good news, Amanda. You can be even meaner."

I rose my eyebrows. "That's true, but Arti's still my best friend. I don't want to hurt her just because I'm upset."

"Blaine's your best friend now. People can be replaced, including you."

"Okay, that might be taking it too far. We'll make the logical choice and have a conversation with Arti, and hopefully it goes well. There's no need to—"

"There is absolutely need to panic. You know, like the fucking disco."

I had a point.

I nodded. "No, you're right, me. We need to put an end to this shit."

"Amanda, do you know where I put—" Matt opened up my bedroom door and trailed off. "Are you having another conversation with yourself?"

I stared back at him. "I'm not crazy, Matthew."

Matt rubbed his eye with his hand. "I'll just ask Melissa if she knows where I left my phone." He shut the door behind him.

"I don't think we convinced him," I said to myself.

"Oh, shut up, me."

***

Emotional exhaustion, especially when kept internalized, could be a killer, and it certainly liked to murder me.

When I woke up the next morning, Arti was already at our house to see Viktor. I pulled on my pink fuzzy robe that Arti bought for me a couple months before, put on my glasses, and threw my hair up into a ponytail before going downstairs to confront her. I was ninety-eight percent sure I looked like hell, but it couldn't hurt my cause; the more torn apart I looked, the worse she'd feel.

I snuck down the stairs, trying to keep my footsteps to a minimum. Arti and Viktor were in the living room, and I couldn't quite make out their hushed whispers from where I was. I heard Arti giggle, and I bit down on my lip so hard I thought it was bleeding. I wanted her to be happy, but Viktor being the one making her laugh made my chest ache.

"Matt doesn't know, right? Because he'll just tell Amanda, and I'll be in trouble. I'm sure you've already gotten to know her a little, and she likes things her way, and that's it," Arti said.

"I kind of got that vibe from her," Viktor said.

Vibe? What vibe? I was the most pleasant fucking person on the planet.

"I don't want her to get hurt, so don't tell Matt. I know best friends tell each other everything, blah, blah, blah, but no. Not happening," Arti said.

Then what the hell were we? I looked down at the floor. Who did Viktor think he was?

"I won't. I'm really good at keeping secrets. My sister's fish died one time, and I never told her that my parents just bought her a new one to replace it," Viktor replied.

Arti laughed. "This is more important than a fish, though."

"That's true. I don't want to ruin this, because you're really cute."

My throat began to burn, and I wasn't sure if I was about to cry or throw up.

"Stop," Arti said with a giggle.

"Sorry. You're also funny, and you've been so nice to me. I was afraid everyone was going to hate me," Viktor said. "It just means a lot that you're here."

"Okay, fine. You can go on." Arti never was one to turn down a compliment.

I turned to go back upstairs. Their stupid banter was giving me a headache.

"Someone's coming," Arti said, then the two of them fell silent.

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. Arti would never know that her thing with Viktor bothered me unless I told her. I opened my eyes again and searched my heart for an ounce of courage, but my stomach gave me a pound of nausea to go with it. I turned back to the living room and walked in.

Arti smiled at me. "Hey Amanda."

I hadn't realized how rapid my breathing had gotten until then.

Feelings: the most worthless shit ever.

"Arti, can I talk to you?" I asked. I held my breath to slow down my racing heart.

She nodded. "Sure, what's up?"

"I texted Blaine, and he's coming over now. We need to talk to you alone."

Arti rose an eyebrow. "That never means anything good."

"Everything's fine." I wasn't sure if I was assuring her or myself. "It's just a best friend chat."

"Okay," she said, a fake smile on her face. She looked at Viktor, who shrugged.

"Oh, don't act like you don't know," I said to Viktor.

He turned to me. "Know what?" Was he daring me to say it, or was he actually that oblivious?

"Just forget it." I swatted the air and turned away. I stood there, arms crossed, until Blaine arrived.

"I brought you lovely ladies some coffee," Blaine said, handing us both an iced coffee from Lady's Cafe. He took Arti's other hand and led her into the kitchen.

"Are you guys mad at me?" Arti asked, then took a sip of her coffee. "That shit's good."

"You could have told us you have a thing for Viktor," Blaine said.

Arti frowned. "What? Was my flirting more dialed down than usual?"

"No, it was very clear that you like him. The problem is that you blew us off to be with him," I said.

"I didn't blow you guys off. I just made other plans without telling you."

Blaine rubbed his eyes. "Arti, we love you, but it's really frustrating when you act like this. We've been your friends for years. You've known Viktor for a few weeks. It's not fair for you to ignore us like that."

Arti glared at him. "So I'm not allowed to have a life and make my own choices?"

"You absolutely are, as long as you don't blow us off, and as long as your choices don't involve Viktor," I said.

"What?" She turned to me.

I laughed. "He's a terrible person. He's stupid, immature, not hot—"

Arti cut me off. "You hardly even know him. You're the one who's acting immature."

"Me? You're completely awestruck by his bullshit, and I'm the immature one?"

Blaine held out his hands, palms out. "Amanda, Arti. Please don't make this personal."

I took a deep breath. "You're right. Arti, I love you, but please don't hang out with Viktor."

"What she means to say is that you're free to do whatever you want. But when you blow us off to hang out with someone else, it does hurt us. Badly. And that's only because we love you," Blaine said.

Arti's eyes began to sparkle. "I love you guys too, but I love Viktor more."

Wrong answer.

Blaine slapped his hand over my mouth before any words could come out of it.

"What the fuck, Blaine, and what the fuckest, Arti?" My voice was muffled, but I was sure they could just guess what I said.

"I'm sorry. I really am," Arti said, and she wiped an imaginary tear away. "I just—Sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to."

"I don't understand," Blaine said, then removed his hand from my face. "You don't have to pick one or the other. Just learn how to manage whatever you have with him without hurting us."

"I need just a few days to focus on him exclusively, okay? Well, it better be okay, 'cause that's what I'm doing," Arti said.

"It's not. Viktor's an ass and my brother's best friend, plus your word means nothing at this point. Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie," I said.

"Please don't make this worse," Blaine said. "She'll figure out what's really important to her."

I shook my head. "Do whatever you want." I went upstairs to my room, and all I could do was hope that no one would follow me. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I guess that I just thought that I was as important to her as she was to me.

I put my headphones in and put on my new favorite song, Missing. Sometimes I listened to music for the melody, and other times, I listened to the words. I was of the latter group that day.

They say you never know what you have until it's gone,

But I knew that I had you all along.

And I loved you, loved you 'til you went missing,

But I didn't realize I lost myself too.

I turned off the song. No. The lyrics were too sad, mourning. I wasn't sad. I was mad. All the butterflies that were trapped in my stomach had been boiled to death.

But for some reason, Blaine didn't react nearly as much as I thought he would. I figured I would be the one acting as the diplomat, and I didn't mean to get so upset.

Emotions were meant to be kept in check. From anger to sadness to joy, others didn't need to know what was going on in my head. I had no intention of showing anyone my cards in this game we call life, but every once in a while, someone looked over my shoulder and saw my hand. Other times, I gave away my next move with a careless, uncalculated action.

I swore to myself that I had given Viktor his last glimpse at my cards.

People constantly told me that I seemed like I had no feelings. While my default emotion was indeed indifference, the loyalty I felt for Arti seized my soul and flipped a switch in my brain. I would get her back, and if Viktor had to be a casualty in my quest to do so, I had no problem with it.

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Hi everyone, and thank you so much for reading! Sorry it took me a while to edit this chapter, but I ended up rearranging quite a bit of it. But anyway, it's all done now, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Is Amanda being too clingy and controlling? Is Arti being too disloyal? What could possibly be going on here?