"Arti, would you quit being difficult for thirty seconds and get in the goddamn car?" Blaine said.

"I don't want to. I'm unlovable," Arti replied.

Convincing her to do something to get her mind off of Eleanor was more difficult than conjugating irregular verbs in Spanish, but after a few days of failure, she was going to go to Matt and Viktor's hockey game, and she was going to like it.

She missed the first one, and even though she and Viktor had their mild differences, she needed to see what I made out of him.

"You have got to stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's pathetic, and you're way too pretty for that shit," Blaine said.

I never understood why he tried to reason with her.

"See? There you go again, saying that the only reason I deserve love is because I'm cute." Arti turned to me. "Can you believe this shit?"

"Well, considering you just said that you're unlovable, I think we're making progress," I said.

"Come on. You know I love you, so if you'd just get in the car since the game is an hour away, that'd be great," Blaine said.

Arti finally caved and got into the car with us, and before she could change her mind, we headed out to Winterview, Minnesota, which was a small college town with not much else there besides hockey arenas. It sure as hell wasn't Bloomington with the Mall of America, but nowhere else in the entire world was. People lived all over the world, but it was the only place I could ever consider my home.

***

"This is literally the worst game I've ever watched in my life," I mumbled to Blaine, who turned to me.

"We're winning four to nothing, and it's only the beginning of the third period."

"Viktor's playing like shit."

"He has a goal and an assist."

I looked at Blaine. "Don't argue with me."

He smiled. "But I like to."

"I like to argue with you too, but now's not the time. I'm going to lose my mind if Viktor gives up on the puck one more time."

He sighed. "He's doing fine. Chill out."

"You two make me want to throw up all the time. Do you really have to act like this right now? I'm sad," Arti said, but the more time passed, the less convinced I was that she was actually torn up about Eleanor.

Arti didn't give two shits about throwing Blaine and me away, after all.

She waited a moment for either Blaine or me to respond, and when we didn't, she stood up. "Whatever. I'm going to the bathroom."

I crossed my legs and ignored her. "I know what Viktor's capable of, and he's not showing it right now. It's really frustrating. It's like he's robbing me of seeing his talent."

Blaine shook his head. "He still has plenty of time to show how absolutely fantastic he is." He said the words absolutely fantastic in a high voice, and as Arti squeezed past us on her way out, she laughed.

I bit my cheek and looked away from him and back to the ice when something else caught my eye.

Not something. Someone.

I didn't know many people with red hair, so they were difficult to miss when I saw them.

I stood up from my seat. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Blaine asked.

"To go pick a fight."

Blaine threw his head back. "Are you serious?"

I nodded.

"Do you want me to come? Or are you going rogue again?"

I forced a smile. "Could you just watch my purse?"

"I can't talk you out of this?"

"Nope."

"Just don't do anything stupid, okay?"

"No promises."

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a pocket knife, and held it out to me. "Have fun, then."

I took it. "I'll try not to get blood on this."

"It's for self-defense only, Amanda. Don't just stab people for the hell of it."

I smiled, then I walked down the steps to where Lukas was sitting. For someone who supposedly hated hockey and Viktor so much, it certainly was interesting that he drove an hour to watch the game.

I sat down in the seat beside him. "What's up?"

"Hey Amanda," he said, not taking his eyes off the game.

"Sudden interest in hockey? Viktor? Or both?"

He shrugged.

"Answer me. Why are you here?"

"There's a lot that you don't understand. I—"

"I understand your fake anger with Viktor just fine. You're the one who punched him in the face and ruined his nose."

"And?" Lukas asked.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

He shook his head. "'Cause he's an asshole."

"Oh my god. Did you ever stop and think that maybe he's not the same person he was when he was eight?" I asked. I wasn't even sure if Viktor could be an asshole ever, but I kept that to myself. Viktor was an idiot but not a complete dick.

"Would you ever forgive the person who took everything from you? Who got away with whatever he wanted just because he was special and different?"

I hesitated. "Depends on the circumstances, I guess."

Was I over Viktor? Sure, I wasn't done making sure he did everything I said, but the hatred for him that I had gotten so used to wasn't the same anymore. Maybe it wasn't even there.

Had I accidentally forgiven him?

Fuck.

"And how the hell would you live with yourself if you just let it go?" he asked.

"Um." Was this dude really that fucking dramatic? Jesus. "Look, he took a lot from me too, so I don't know why you're acting like I would never understand. He took my brother and my best friend. But that's done. Everything's fine now."

"I'm glad everything's fine for you, then," he said, then got up out of his seat. "Some of us still deal with the shit he caused."

"That doesn't explain why you drove to fucking Winterview to watch him play hockey, which is supposedly why you hate him."

"What happened to me is happening to you. Don't trust him. That's all I have to say."

"Fuck you," I muttered as he marched out of the arena. I wandered back to my seat with Arti and Blaine, and hopefully, they'd be able to calm me down or take the knife away from me.

There was no evidence for anything Lukas ever said. No stories, no facts, and he thought I was dumb enough to fall for it? I hated this downplay of my intelligence. It was downright disrespectful.

I trusted what Arti had to say a thousand times more than I trusted Lukas.

"You seem pissed," Blaine said.

I stared forward at the game."Yep."

"I have my shovel if you want it. No one has to know we killed Lukas."

"You're the sweetest thing ever."

He smiled. "I know."

"But seriously, it pisses me off that I always seem to know what's going on, but I blame everything on the wrong person."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not a nice person, and I probably never will be, but after ten years, I think I'd let go of whatever Viktor did to me. Maybe he never even did anything. I have no fucking idea anymore."

Blaine nodded.

I continued. "I pinned a bunch of my own problems on Viktor. I just assign blame to the wrong person every single time, and I hate it."

"The best way to keep yourself from being wrong about someone is to not judge them in the first place, Amanda," Blaine said.

I covered my face with my hands and rubbed my eyes. "Thanks, Mom."

"And I don't think you're really capable of hating anyone. You don't give yourself enough credit. You're one of the kindest people when you want to be."

"I've been trying to ignore you guys, but at this point, you're just spewing bullshit. Amanda is absolutely capable of hating people. She hates me most of the time," Arti said.

I nodded. "It's true."

He let out an annoyed sigh. "Listen to me, okay? My mom always taught me that the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And I have never met a more opinionated person than you."

"Okay, but I'm still a terrible person," I said.

"You're feeling guilty, so you're not that bad of a person. Everything you feel is so intense, and your natural response is to push it away. Don't. It'll make life a lot easier for you."

I sighed.

"You get what I'm saying? You're not a sweetheart or anything, but you have a good heart. Just let it do its job instead of forcing your brain to shut it down," he said.

I let myself give him a small smile. "Okay, so you've been sweet-talking me for a little bit. What's in it for you?"

He laughed. "What? I can't just be nice to my favorite humanoid?"

"You're too kind to me, Blaine. I don't buy it."

"Just hold my hand and tell me I'm pretty," Blaine said.

I smiled and took his hand. "I thought this was on the list of stuff I won't do, you pretty piece of shit."

"And so was being in a relationship, but here we are."

"It was never on the list. I just didn't actively seek one out."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm going to the bathroom again," Arti interrupted. She stood up once again,

"Anyway, we really should be paying attention to the game. I have a notebook to fill with my very important intellectual thoughts," I said, and Arti went back to her seat.

"Thank you. Seriously, I'm trying to watch a hockey game, and you two won't shut the hell up," Arti said.

"You don't give a shit about hockey," Blaine said, and just as he did, Viktor got the puck in the defensive zone, and he looked down the ice to David for a stretch pass.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," I said, and Blaine sighed loudly.

Viktor played the puck down to the other blue line, where David waited for it. David took the pass behind the defenders, and he was in all alone with the goalie.

The poor netminder didn't stand a chance.

He shot it up into the top of the net, just above the goalie's shoulder.

"That's what I was looking for," I said, then looked over to Blaine and Arti. "See? Did you guys see that pass? I made him do that over and over and over again."

Blaine mocked me in a high voice. "Oh my god. Viktor's so hockey. Very sports."

I smiled. "Your green eyes are showing."

"They usually do that, Amanda."

I laughed. "I meant—never mind."

Most of the time Blaine could keep up with me on an intellectual level. Every once in a while, he was allotted a stupid moment.

I looked at the remaining time, and there was just a couple minutes to go in the game. Five to nothing was great to keep the momentum going, and it only made me hungrier for their success.

26. Do. Not. Get. Hurt. If you die, I'll kill you.

The time ran out, and I clapped as each of the players tapped their helmet to the goalie's.

I smiled at Arti. "Look at what I did. You see?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Viktor's great."

"Isn't he? I'm so happy that I finally get to see all my work in action."

"It's pathetic how proud you are of yourself. He's not your work, anyway."

I frowned. "He was for a couple weeks. I'm allowed to be proud of him and myself. Come on, I want to talk to him before they get on the bus to leave."

She and Blaine didn't say anything, but they followed me down to the doors of the rink. We waited for Viktor and Matt there, and when they finally emerged, I ran up to the two of them.

"Matt, Viktor, that was a big win," I said, and even though Matt was still disgusting, I gave him a hug. He always hated it when I did that.

"No, Amanda, stop. What the hell is wrong with you?" Matt said.

"I just like irritating you," I said and turned to Viktor. I wasn't quite sure why, but I hugged him too.

He seemed just as surprised as me. He tensed up at first, then let me hug him.

There was no maybe about it. I was a goddamn softie who accidentally let our feud go. And there was no one to blame but Lukas.

But since I had made my way into an emotional mess, the best way to get out of it was to break the news that I didn't follow my own advice about dealing with Lukas.

I lowered my voice to a hush. "I don't want to scare you, but we need to talk. You've got a fan."

"Is that a problem?" he asked. "I like having you here."

"Not me. God, don't get obsessed with yourself. Lukas was here for the game."

"Hm," Viktor muttered.

I smiled and spoke up. "A goal and two assists. I expect better from you."

He smiled. "I'll try harder next time."

"You better. You turned the puck over way too many times, your shot still sucks, and your forechecking was weak."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh." He glanced at Matt, who shook his head.

"You did fine, dude. Ignore her," he said.

I crossed my arms. "No one asked you, Matthew."

"No, she's right. I'll keep that in mind, Candy Cane," Viktor said.

I smiled. "I can't believe how incredible you are. That stretch pass was better than anything we ever worked on. And I know I sound like an idiot right now, but I'm happy with how this is turning out."

"Amanda, would you shut up and get your ass over here? Blaine's buying us Chipotle," Arti said.

"I never said that," Blaine said. "Seriously, Amanda. You don't need to hug everyone in the entire state of Minnesota."

"I should go," I said. "But I'm glad this is working out."

I walked back over to Arti and Blaine, and he kissed the side of my head.

"Let's go," he said, and we walked out of the rink. I looked over my shoulder, and there were Matt and Viktor, smiling together like always.

It took every ounce of my strength not to ship the two of them.

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Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading! There were quite a few realizations, new questions, and emotional milestones in this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed it!

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