After I got home from the arena, I took my homework upstairs to my room to work by myself for a little while. I had plenty of Spanish that I needed to get done, but all I could think about was the fact that I had accidentally done something nice for Viktor.

Of course, I justified it by claiming that it was for Matt, but in the end, who reaped most of the benefits? Viktor. He got a new sense of camaraderie, an increased belief in himself, and he got to spend time with the coolest person ever: me.

Maybe I didn't hate him all that much anymore.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

Now that it was over, it wouldn't hurt if Blaine or Arti happened to find out that I was the one who dragged Viktor back onto the ice and screamed at him until he finally lived up to half of his potential. It would be a little embarrassing, sure, but I could live, probably.

But it was definitely better for me if they just never found out for the rest of their lives.

Viktor told me that he would miss our training sessions, and I almost wanted to believe that. It was kind of nice that I helped the stupid idiot.

Just as I was about to think of her, Mom poked her head into my room with a big smile on her face. "So how was it? Was Matt surprised?"

I nodded. "He didn't see it coming at all."

"Finally." She walked into my room with her hands pressed against her heart. "This is everything I wanted it to be. Viktor and Matt get to spend their last year of high school on the same hockey team, you're growing up, it's all just perfect."

Knowing my luck, I was certain that things would immediately go to shit as soon as the word perfect was uttered, but I didn't say anything.

"I'm proud of you, Amanda. I really am," she said.

I smiled. "I try."

"You try a lot more than you give yourself credit for."

I wasn't entirely sure that was true, but I took the compliment anyway. "Thank you."

"Alright, well, Matt and Viktor should be home soon, and I need to know every detail about how the first day of tryouts went." She laughed. "I'll leave you to your homework that you weren't doing when I came in."

I laughed. "I was just taking a break."

"Sure, you were." She shut the door behind her, and I pulled out my phone.

I needed a longer break.

I had a few Snapchats from Blaine, and I opened them up.

"You should come over because I'm bored and I like you better than everyone else I talk to." He also threw in a picture of himself, as well as one of the psychology homework that he also was not doing.

Well, thank God he liked me. Otherwise, I totally had the wrong idea.

"I can't. I'm doing homework and waiting for Viktor and Matt to come home from their hockey tryouts so I can interrogate them with my mom," I replied.

"Viktor? Why the fuck does he spell his name with a K?"

I laughed. "Maybe his parents hate him more than I do."

"Anyway, have fun with that. Do you have any idea why Viktor with a K had a sudden change of heart about hockey?" He sent another message immediately after. "I know you do."

I suspected he suspected I was up to something, but he wasn't supposed to come right out and acknowledge it.

"I may have a slight idea. I think he didn't like disappointing Matt. That shit is the worst. I would know," I replied, and I hoped he wouldn't ask any more questions.

Blaine may have been my loyal idiot, but he was also way smarter than most people gave him credit for.

"That's what I thought. I'll stop bothering you because I know you have a lot of shit that you need to get done. Can you send me the psych homework once you're done with it?"

I had been planning on copying it from him, but if doing homework meant that I didn't have to answer any more of his questions, then that was what I had to do. "Sure. Just don't copy it word for word. Now stop distracting me."

I opened up my psychology textbook where we were studying a chapter about various mental disorders. Blaine claimed that he was going to figure out which one (or which ones, he seemed to believe) I had, but clearly, he wasn't doing a very good job by refusing to do his own homework.

I kind of wanted to know what he came up with. It would be an interesting way to see just what the hell he thought about me. Personally, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me, but apparently, that wasn't good enough for some people's standards.

Before long, Matt and Viktor came home from their tryouts, and I shut my book and headed downstairs to listen to Mom freak out over them.

My internal debate on whether Arti had narcissistic tendencies would just have to wait.

Matt sat at the kitchen table with Viktor, and Mom sat down with them and began the interview. I stood in the archway between the hall and the kitchen, which had never achieved the same level of cleanliness as the day Viktor arrived. Something baked in the oven, and it smelled like chicken.

"So how were tryouts?" Mom asked.

Matt smiled, and it seemed that he meant to say something, but words wouldn't cooperate with him.

"Matthew, I swear to God, you're the same little boy as you were ten years ago." She smiled and turned to Viktor. "And you too. I'm so happy for you guys. It's so nice that you're finally being reunited on the ice. It's just meant to be that way."

Matt still didn't say anything, but Viktor nodded.

"I think so too," he said. "The tryouts were really good. Everybody was pretty good, and I'm excited for the season to start. I feel like we can win a lot of games."

Matt nodded, then he looked up at me. "How did you manage to get him to play?"

"A little coercion, a little negotiation, and a whole lot of seduction."

Both Matt and Viktor's eyes went wide.

"Wait, what?" Matt asked. "I thought you're dating Blaine now, or else I'm just really confused about that weird meeting where you made us listen to you rationalizing your feelings or whatever."

I laughed. "I'm joking. It really wasn't all that difficult to convince, since he actually did want to play. He just tricked himself into thinking that he couldn't, which sounds stupid, because it is."

Matt looked down, then to Viktor. "Well, thanks, Amanda. I can't believe you would do that for us. But what I can't believe even more is that you didn't kill him."

I laughed and shook my head. "There were a few moments when it got close, but overall, it was actually pretty fun."

Viktor smiled at me. "I feel like we're going to get along a little better now. Don't you think, Candy Cane?"

"Don't get your hopes up." I looked over at Mom, who rose an eyebrow at me. "Okay, maybe we can use this as a basis for an acquaintanceship. But once again, I'm making no promises."

"Amanda," Mom said.

"Oh my god," I muttered. "Fine. I guess I can tolerate you most of the time. It just really irritates me when you do stupid things like not believing in yourself, because you're clearly something special." I paused. "To Matt. I don't really care about you or your hockey abilities."

Mom chuckled. "Take that as a compliment, Viktor. Sometimes you have to read between the lines with her."

Instead of defending myself and my honor, I looked down at the chair Viktor was sitting in. It still bothered the hell out of me that it didn't match the rest of the ones at the kitchen table, but it felt like it bothered me for a different reason.

19. I'll get you a matching chair if it kills me.

I took my seat at the table and barely listened as Matt and Viktor talked hockey. If I wanted, I could have joined in and held my own in that conversation, but hockey was the basis of their friendship, and I was done intruding on that for a while. When the games started, though, that would be a different story. I knew I would go to as many as possible to watch Matt. To watch Viktor.

If they maintained any of their on-ice chemistry from ten years prior, they would be a force.

I was a different kind of player in this game, and like any good one, I knew my role and did my best at it. Success was a team sport, and if I could contribute to Matt and Viktor's, then I'd give it everything I had, mostly because I, unfortunately, loved my brother.

Being useful was kind of nice anyway.

I headed back up to my room to work on the psych and Spanish homework. I really couldn't waste any more time if I wanted to get it all done so I could get some sleep, since Blaine always made sure to point it out when I looked tired.

I didn't mind, though. It meant that he cared.

***

The next day at lunch, I walked by the hockey guys' table on my way to our table in the back corner. Viktor sat with them of course, and they sure as hell welcomed him with open arms.

"Hey, kid," David said, and he waved me over to their table. "Matt, Viktor, and me are all gonna be on the first line. What do you think?"

"I like it. I just think it's bold of you to assume that you belong there, oh captain, my captain," I replied.

He laughed. "Well, thanks again. It's gonna be a good season."

I smiled and continued on back to my table, where Blaine, Arti, and Eleanor all sat.

"You making friends with the hockey boys?" Blaine asked.

"What? Are you jealous or something?" I laughed.

We had learned in psych that being helpful was like a reward for the brain, and I felt that shit like a playoff win.

"I'm not jealous. I'm way cooler than them," Blaine said.

I smiled as I took my seat. "I think so too."

Arti gagged. "Y'all are disgusting. Even worse than me and Viktor, and that was disgustingly fake."

I shrugged. "I'm in a good mood. This rarely happens, so just let me enjoy it."

"Well, thank you for the psych homework. Now that I'm an expert at all things mental health, I officially diagnose you with generalized anxiety disorder and antisocial personality disorder. You're welcome," Blaine said.

"Don't be ridiculous. I can assure you that I feel empathy. It's selective, but it's there," I said.

Blaine smiled. "Do you though?"

With as much effort as I poured into getting Viktor back out on the ice, I wasn't sure how anyone could think that I didn't have anything in my soul.

Of course, that probably had something to do with the fact that I buried it under a few feet of aggression and coldness, but no one needed to know. The real ones kept a shovel in the back of their car so they could dig through it.

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Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate all of your support!

So Amanda seems to be digging up some explanations for her emotions and behavior. How much do you think everything is changing for our change-resisting protagonist? Who is your favorite character so far?