5
#starbucks

One doesn't notice those kind of moments often. The ones where I was sitting with my closest friends and laughing whilst working on that project we were all dreading without realizing how easy it was to actually just get it done. They were happy moments and I wanted them back badly.

Dwayne, Olivia, and me were seated on the black fluffy carpet that was situated right in the middle of my room with a small, black coffee table atop it. It was the nineteenth of November dated two thousand and eighteen.

My laptop was at the middle end of the table that was opposite to myself. Dwayne was working on adjusting the speakers; his never ending obsession with odd music and 'the sound of the beat' taking over his priority from the main task at hand - our statistics project.

There was a bowl of cherries in front of us and cups of lemonade. The AC was on at 20 degrees (I usually have it on at 16 but Olivia gets cold pretty quickly and did mention something about me not forgetting that we were way past mid November). I chuckled and popped a cherry into my mouth.

"Why are you laughing?" Olivia asked, pushing back her dirty blonde hair. She was quite the beauty, her eyes the lightest green that were topped with perfectly plucked eyebrows. Her cheekbones were so defined, it made her look like she had hollow cheeks; in a good way. Full lips and the most prominent beauty mark on her face, it wasn't a surprise that she had snugged the perfect husband at the age of twenty seven.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"Lylaaaaa, I know you." Dwayne dragged out, pulling his legs from underneath him as he stretched them out in a straight position. Sitting on the floor cross legged wasn't the easiest of tasks once your legs numbed up.

"I can tie a knot." I blurted out randomly and then shrugged my shoulders. I laughed because I remembered how I had learned how to do it. I was reading Cherry Knots by hepburnettes on Wattpad and there was a detailed description of the female protagonist tying a cherry knot and I found myself following her instructions.

I did it as part of a joke and because I was crazy curious, little did I know on my fourth try I would get it. It worked the fifth, sixth, and umpteenth time I had done it then. A part of me always thought it was something people with special skills could do, something incredibly hard. But I guess by attempting to continuously work through it you could pretty much achieve anything.

Dwayne looked at me confused, his head slightly tilted to the side as his eyebrows furrowed. He didn't say anything.

Olivia, however, looked like her eyes were going to pop out of her sockets. "Ooooooh, Lyla! We learn new things about you every day. Please, do show us."

My cheeks were heated as I grabbed a cherry stem and placed it into my mouth. I could feel the both of them staring at me and Dwayne's face changed from confusion to interest as he intently stared at me, his hands now pushed back and placed flat against the floor as he leaned backwards and held himself together.

I was chewing onto the stem, carefully biting every bit to soften it. It makes it easier to wrap around and fold later. It probably looked incredibly ridiculous from the outside, my tongue moving around as I nibbled on a piece of stem. My friends continued to watch me intently. At least I wasn't being ridiculed by them.

Finally managing to soften the stem enough to be able to bend and fold it, I pushed my tongue against one end of the stem and folded it over the top of the other. I formed a loop. If one could see it, it was supposed to look like a folded ribbon. I then held the folded part over with my front teeth and proceeded to push one of the ends through the folded loop to form a loose knot, once again holding it in place with my teeth.

Before sticking it out with my tongue to show it to them, I tightened the knot. Olivia began to clap. Dwayne made a face that indicated he was just about to insinuate an innuendo.

"Looks like it's a sign that you're a good kisser." He smirked.

"Shut up." I said, slightly hitting him on the arm whilst Olivia just laughed at us.

"All right guys, let's just focus and get the main things done!" She clapped her hands to get our attention and we all sat up straight, giving it to her.

"So what's the plan?" Dwayne queried. His hand brushing over his nose for a bit.

I got up and picked up an empty lined paper and my Erich Krause baby blue pen. Sitting back down cross legged on the carpet, I pushed myself closer to the coffee table and placed my items on it before opening up the pen cap and beginning to create a quick to do list.

"Here's what we're going to tackle today," I began, my hand pushing back my high pony tail that was now tickling my bare shoulders. "We're going to divide the 75 survey answers between each other; we get 25 each, and then we'll calculate the sum total of each one's EQ. That's our first step." I looked between the both of them to make sure they understood.

Both nodded. Dwayne grabbed my laptop and opened up the survey right away. Olivia had opened it on my iPad whilst I grabbed my iPhone and worked on it there.

We were short of 7 individuals for a sample of 75. I had opened my WhatsApp to send out the link to a couple more people so that I could work on the last 25. Before I knew it, my phone was glitching (as it did on most days by pressing things on the screen that I haven't actually touched) and it dialed your number.

To say that I was freaking out was an understatement.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I started muttering under my breath, Olivia and Dwayne stared at me. Olivia with more worry in her eyes, she did treat me more like I was her child than her actual friend. She was eight years older than me.

"What's wrong?" She asked, placing the iPad down and sitting up straight from where she had been; on my bed against the head rest.

"I accidentally dialed James' number."

"That's fine, there's nothing to freak out about. Besides, if you shut it down on time I don't think he even got the call." Dwayne interrupted, his vast knowledge of electronics needed to be heard. (He didn't actually have a vast knowledge in them, but he'd like to think so since he was majoring in Management Information Systems).

"You're right." I nodded my head and sat down on the chair against my desk, however I rested my chin on its back rest and my legs were on each side of it.

"I still don't understand how you can like a guy that likes someone else." Olivia shook her head. "If it were me, I wouldn't even look at the guy anymore and go find someone who actually liked me back."

She was referring to the statement I had mentioned to her last night whilst I was tutoring her; you had a crush on some girl at the library that you had pointed out the other day.

I gave her a look. I wasn't sure how that could work out since I can't really control who I have feelings for.

"Guys can have a crush on two girls at the same time. I say he likes her." Dwayne insisted, he was seated next to Olivia now, but unlike her, he was leaning against the wall that was by the side of my bed.

"I'd rather he not like me at all than like two girls at the same time. Thanks." I bleated. I didn't even want to think of you to be that kind of guy, but really with everything that had happened, I don't even know anymore.

"Well in that case," Olivia started. "She should drop the case and just forget about him."

Forgetting about you wasn't easy. I couldn't imagine doing that. You were always on my mind and whenever anything happened I just wanted to send you a quick text and tell you all about it. You actually listened to all my weird stuff and didn't run away. I hadn't noticed it back then but you weren't the only one who did that; there was Dwayne, Olivia, Ranya, Cara, Ella, and plenty of other people in my life that cared about me immensely if only I had noticed it at that point in time.

"There's no case to drop." I insisted. Placing my nose against the cloth materialized seat that I was sat on and rubbing it against the back rest of the chair. My nose was pretty itchy these days and I wasn't sure what I was allergic to. Ugh, I should get the dust in my room as soon as possible.

"He's become a really close friend of mine and I really enjoy his company. I'd like for that to stay for as long as possible because I never know what might trigger him after every thing that I've heard from all of his friends." I added.

Olivia let out a loud sigh and shook her head. "Listen, he seems overly sensitive to me and I don't know why you keep jumping to his defense every second of the day. I can't imagine you being able to deal with a guy that's this presumptuous and impudent. He's extremely nice and all, but don't just look at the exterior."

A part of me wanted to listen to her because she's always wanted the best for me. Another part of me thought that I had to listen to her because she was after all, a lot older than I was, and has a lot more experience with things than I ever did.

I wanted to jump to your defense, I hadn't thought of you that way back then so I didn't agree with Olivia regardless of the fact that she seemed to be a much better judge of character than I was. On the other hand, I did not want to prove her right by quickly jumping to your defense as she accused me of. I stayed quiet instead.

My phone vibrated on my desk behind me. I picked it up. It was an iMessage from you.

The real reason behind me freaking out wasn't the accidental butt dial, but the fact that we had just texted last night and I didn't want to have to text you every single day in fear of bothering you or becoming too annoying. I had always been paranoid about things like that.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked, as she looked at me with mere curiosity. "You're smiling too much."

I could feel my face heating up. "James sent me something funny." I responded.

I clicked on the image of the PowerPoint presentation slide that included dexter and other Cartoon Network characters; one of them called everyone peasants. It was quite odd, if he had wanted to keep it light and funny why would he choose such violent cartoon characters?

She just nodded and looked back down at the iPad. It was a surprise that Dwayne had remained quiet through the entirety of this time.

I spoke too soon because moments later he had begun with one of his all time annoying jokes. "What do people do all day in clock factories?"

Rolling my eyes at him, I looked and waited for Olivia to react. She shrugged her shoulders in confusion. None of us even came across such things on the internet let alone memorize them.

I loved how he didn't even budge, just waiting one of us to say something. "Oh spit it out already." She laughed, her shoulder shaking in the process as her hair fell over her head.

Dwayne pushed back his black hair that was surprisingly naturally straight and breathed out the answer before bursting into fits of laughter. "They make faces all day!"

I shook my head and tried my best not to laugh but ended up doing just that. Whilst Olivia just took the pillow behind her back and threw it at Dwayne who had exclaimed something about her ruining his hair.

That's what it was like between us all the time, so peaceful and yet, loud.

As soon as I finished my calculations and waited for Dwayne and Olivia to join me, I scrolled through our text messages from earlier.

We had set the 30th of November to go to the movies together. I used my free tickets as an excuse to ask you to go with me, I couldn't begin to explain the amount of times my heart had fallen out of my chest and jumped back in only to fall back out again until you had graced me with a positive response. I was looking for excuses to see you in everything that existed.

On the twenty sixth of November dated two thousand and eighteen, I had the urge to text you and ask you about your schedule that day.

I was incredibly paranoid about missing you when I entered Starbucks, I couldn't even feel my tiny fat legs crying out in pain from all the pacing that I had done. If I missed out on your glasses and head of really short hair, I would look stupid moving around in search of all the waves of people that were crowding up the main area.

It was quite the walk uphill and I was exhausted.

I made sure to walk slowly so I had time to skim my eyes through the entire area before entering the actual cafe. You weren't sitting outside. The minute I entered further into the place, I noticed your back turned to me. You were seated at the near end corner away from all kinds of living beings.

"Hello!" I chirped, placing my backpack on the table before taking a seat right across from you. I then moved my bag down to the floor by my feet.

You pushed a plate with a large cookie on it in front of me. "For you." and then you looked up at me and smiled. "Hello."

Pushing your glasses further up your undeniably fleck sprinkled, straight nose, you raised your eyebrows above the frames of your glasses.

You were so calm, your arms folded against your chest as you leaned back against the wooden chair.

It was a rather small table. If I breathed out of rhythm even once, our knees would brush against each other.

I looked down at the cookie and shook my head. "You shouldn't have!"

"No, but I wanted to. Eat."

I understood the gesture. You always sent me cookie emojis in forms of thank you whenever I had said or done something nice for you or to you. It was adorable. The other day I had mentioned how undeniably attractive you were and it was a great addition that you came with a functioning brain, I was worried you'd take it the wrong way.

Your response was filled with shy monkey, roses, and kissy emojis. Thankfully, you didn't take it the wrong way. You had appeared to be very close minded to me at the very beginning, that was one of my first impressions. You had later managed to prove me wrong and I don't know why, because it wasn't who you truly were.

But I was so getting fifty shades of grey vibes right now as you pushed the cookie forward and demanded that I eat it. I tried not to laugh, because if I did I would have to tell you why I was laughing and in no way did I want to offend you or make you feel awkward.

I always wanted to be careful around you (even though so far I had no chance in doing that since I have been blabbering a bunch of unlimited nonsense) and watch myself so you wouldn't feel the need to just stop talking to me because of something that I said or the fact that I made an assumption of you being understanding. It wasn't hard, really.

That night, you had told me about the only woman you had ever loved and it was one of the most fascinating things to me. Because I hadn't loved anyone before, not in any way or form as intense as love should really be. Not in a way where I would have lifted the earth's crust with my bare hands if I had to. Not in that way.

You talked about how you've spent so much time, with so many women at the library, but it never amounted to anything. How you'd hope that it would eventually turn into something because you weren't a believer in keeping things casual. You sought something more, something meaningful.

I listened. I listened to all of it. Munching on the cookie at hand since you were occasionally glaring at it in attempt to make me eat it. I casually slipped out the fact that I did not like eating in front of people. You were surprised.

It was also incredibly hard to be eating anything at that point of time, it was six in the evening and this was the first bite of anything that I had taken on that day.

Casually, I mentioned Ella. This was done in hopes that you would trust me enough to tell me your side of the story. Nothing was said.

"Ella is so lovely. She's always been such a help to me and never asked anything in return." I said, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"She is." You nodded and said nothing more. The twinkle in your eyes slightly dimmed. Were you that upset with her? It was such a mediocre thing to worry about. I let it go the first time I noticed you weren't going to go further into that conversation. I never wanted to push you. I never wanted to do anything that would make you feel the way you had felt all this time. I never wanted you to feel uncomfortable around me.

Moments after that conversation had ended you were once again focusing on your phone. You seemed to do a lot of that and I wasn't sure if it was because of me or if that was just a habit of yours. It was also pretty odd for someone who doesn't like to use their phone, or has no social media.

For the person who uses social media more than anyone, that being myself, sits hours without looking down on her phone screen. I do leave the volume on in case my mother ever wanted to contact me.

"Do you know Charlotte?" You spoke up as you looked up from your phone, your eyes watching me as you waited for a response.

"Yes. She's in my IVM course. Why?" My eyebrows furrowed and I waited for you to continue.

There was a long pause before you let out a loud sigh. "She just sent me pictures of an exam that was taken the previous semester and asked me a question related to it."

That made me angry at that moment. I didn't know her. She wasn't my friend. But I was angry at her, and that was the moment I had realized that Olivia was right. I was quick to jump to your defense without having any basis. I was ready to protect you with everything that I had. The slightest bit of wrong done on to you drove rage within me.

But there was a reason you had let people treat you the way they do all of this time. I didn't know it back then. I wish I had, but I didn't. I only knew later.

"It's just-" you began, but I interrupted you.

"I know. You tutor and you're a student that is well respected and have things to keep up. She's put you in a situation." I said, nodding my head whilst pressing my lips together in an attempt to stop myself from continuing with what I had wanted to say.

I didn't know if that was the way she had intended it to be, and I would never know. But this wasn't about her, it was about you. Everything was about you.

"I just... I cannot help her, you know?"

"I get it." I inclined. Once again, I pushed my hair behind my ear.

"You should wear it on the side." You mumbled, your voice low as you watched the movement of my hand and then stared at my face.

"What do you mean?"

You looked up at the top of my head and moved your hand hesitantly towards my face. My heart rate must have quickened because I could feel it beating at the back of my throat. I still managed to push my head forward as a form of invitation, understanding what you had been trying to do.

Your hand, as if skillfully, brushed my hair to the right side of my scalp so that it wasn't split down the middle anymore.

"It looks better that way." You vocalized, as if proud of your handiwork.

I moved it towards the left side. "There's also the other side."

"No, no-" you brought your hand back up to my face and placed my hair at the position you had wanted it to be in the first place. "-this looks best."

And I hated it to admit it. But I had worn my hair the way you had placed it that night ever since. And no matter how much I tried to change that, it's like my hair never listened.

You asked me about God that night, remembering that I didn't believe in him. It was the conversation that you had ended up bring up too often. It was complicated to explain. But make no mistake, I wasn't an atheist.

"Why don't you believe in God?" You exhorted.

It was a complicated question. I was raised around one single belief and moving to a country that had too many and fought in the name of God didn't make things easier. Religion was made out to be ugly by every being standing on this earth. What do I choose to believe?

It wasn't the day or time for this kind of conversation with me. I had given you every part of me, all of my pieces, it was now your choice to decide what you would do with what I had told you.

I believed that when you open up to a person from the beginning, which is what I had done - no strings attached and no expectations in return - the other person may decide what to do with it from then on. I was honest with you from the start about who I was as a being, about my beliefs, about my issues, about the entirety of me and all the damaged goods that I had believed I once was; you could choose from here. You could have walked away then. You should have walked away then. Timing was everything. Timing was the beginning and the ending.

We conversed about so many things that night that I could have forgotten about them. Could have. But how could I forget when every word spoken just had me falling in love with you. And I knew that the minute I had admitted that then I was doomed to be broken by you, whether it was intentional or not. Whether something came out of this or not.

But it was absolutely heart wrenching, and mildly mind fucking how you had chosen to do it.