| March 17 | Saturday Afternoon |

~ Sam's POV ~

For the first time in a very long time, I refused to tell Megan something.

I just couldn't tell her that Nikki had showed up to Jinx, claimed Megan still loved her to my face, and got so angry and out of control that I broke down and smoked weed again. Just imagining her reaction scared the hell out of me.

Not that Megan had a problem with smoking weed. No. She had a problem with drugs in general, because she knew my history with them.

And Megan already didn't like Mariah, so telling her this would only worsen the situation. Besides, I knew Mariah didn't have bad intentions.

So, I didn't tell her, and deep down I knew it was wrong, but now it was too late.

We were celebrating St. Patrick's Day on the strip downtown where all the bars were. It was lively, and there were a lot of students around, but the only face I was looking for was Nikki. I swear if we ran into her-

"Sam, do you need another?" Megan asked, referring to my beer.

"Uh, yeah babe." I followed her into Jinx.

At the moment, it was all hands on deck, except for me. Mariah, Sara, Quinton and Jas were handling it, and I of course offered to help, but they told me no, and to enjoy the party since they couldn't.

And I didn't argue.

While Megan waited to get drinks at the bar, I turned to Blair.

"Have you told her?" she asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because," I started. "It's too late now. She'll just freak out even more if I do."

"Sam, I'm not saying you did anything wrong," Blair claimed. "Yeah, I'm sure Megan would be mad if she knew you smoked again and didn't tell her, but it was a one time thing. Plus, you had a valid reason. Bitch Nikki showed up and said some pretty messed up things."

I rolled my eyes at the memory.

"I mean, have you told her anything about that night?"

"No," I answered. "I can't without telling her the whole story."

"And is what Nikki said not bothering you?"

"Of course, it's bothering me." I shoved my hands into my pockets. "It's all I've been thinking about."

"Then you should talk to Megan about it," Blair said. "It's just gonna eat you up inside if you don't."

I knew Blair was right. She usually was about things like this. But for some reason I couldn't. Megan had obviously noticed there was something wrong, but I played it off and blamed it on work.

That's when Megan returned with two beers. "This DJ is awesome."

"Glad you think so," I said, ignoring Blair's disapproving looks next to me.

Megan, Blair, Tony and I drank and mingled with the crowd, danced a little bit, and enjoyed the event. It was difficult for me because deep down I couldn't help but think about what Nikki had said every time I looked at Megan.

She didn't love Nikki, right? I mean, we were living together. Hell, we had even talked about moving again just so we wouldn't have to worry about being together.

Nikki was just trying to get in my head, and it was working.

"Babe?" Megan said. "You okay?"

Blair and Tony were sitting in a booth talking while Megan and I lazily danced together. I must've spaced out with my thoughts.

"Yeah!" I answered over the music. "Why?"

She sipped, but didn't say anything. She knew I was lying, but Megan had backed off when it came to pushing me to talk about things. She trusted me enough now to make judgement calls, and just that thought alone made me sick.

She shouldn't trust me anymore. I was lying to her.

We enjoyed the event a little longer, watching the sun outside disappear as people came and went. The DJ wasn't slowing down, and the party seemed to just be getting started. And by this time, I had enough to drink to actually loosen up and have a good time.

That is until I heard shouting outside.

"Fuck off faggot!"

"What did you just call me?!"

"Shit," I said as I looked out the window. "This isn't good."

Tony immediately got up and followed me outside. The group of guys were across the street, arguing on the sidewalk in front of AJ's. I knew this was bad considering Andy would find any reason to start shit with Jinx, and if this escalated, he would do just that.

"Sam, where are you going?" Megan asked, following me out the bar.

"I can talk to my friend if I want!" one of the guys yelled. "Don't blame me because you're insecure with your sexuality."

"Fuck you!" the other drunkenly yelled.

It looked as if the guy yelling was a regular at AJ's and was instigating the interaction. The other I recognized from always being here at Jinx, which led me to believe the asshole picking the fight witnessed the other guy and his friends walk over to talk to another friend, and became threatened with their presence.

"Sam, don't get close," Tony warned. "That guy is really drunk."

But I didn't want to step away. There was one thing I hated, and it was the fact that this guy was instigating a fight simply because the other man was gay.

"Hey!" I yelled, anger bubbling. "Is there a problem?"

"Yeah! Keep your faggot friends on the other side of the road!" he yelled back.

I could feel the heat in my veins, just like a week ago when Nikki pushed me over the edge. The control I had seemed to vanish into thin air as I stormed over to him.

"Call me a faggot one more time!"

The asshole shoved the other in the chest. "Faggot!"

That just about did it as the level-headed guy came back and decked the other right in the mouth. The situation escalated before I could attempt to extinguish it, and I heard Tony yell for me to get back.

But as the crowd erupted into mania, and the guy with a bloody nose stumbled towards me, his elbow hit me in the face. Then he shoved me in anger. Hard.

I fell to the ground, scrapping my left arm across the cement in the process.

"Son of a bitch!" Tony yelled, grabbing the bloodied guy's shirt.

But I couldn't feel the pain through the anger, and I stood without wincing. Then, I decked the guy across the face.

"I'm calling the police!" someone shouted.

People were yelling, beer was being dropped, blood ran down my arm from the cut, and blood ran down the guys face from the two hits he took to the face. Only then did it register what had happened as I tried to blink away the red clouding my vision.

"Sam!" Megan grabbed my good arm. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Jesus, you're bleeding..." Blair said. "Come on, before the police come."

Tony threw the guy towards his group of friends and bolted after us, but I had tunnel vision as I stalked back to Jinx. I pushed my way through the crowd and left my friends behind, knowing they would want an explanation and I wouldn't have one.

I had lost control again, and this time I could get in trouble for it if they did call the police. A lot of people there knew I managed Jinx. Shit. I had messed up.

"Sam?" Mariah said. "Shit! What happened?!"

I ignored her and the rest of my co-workers as I walked to the storage. I blindly grabbed what I needed, some rubbing alcohol and a roll of bandage... Shit. Why did I do that? What the hell had gotten into me?

I turned and went to the back bathroom, only to see Megan waiting for me outside storage.

"Sam," she said calmly, but the look on her face screamed anger.

I walked past her.

"Samantha."

I went to close myself in the bathroom, but she followed me and locked the door. My heart was pounding right out of my chest. I didn't know what to do. I could lie again. Tell her that it was an accident and that I had just gotten too close. She hadn't seen what really happened, had she?

"Did you hit that man?" she asked.

I didn't answer as I poured the alcohol onto a gauze to clean my wound. My red knuckles must've answered her question.

"Sam, talk to me," she demanded.

I pressed the alcohol to my wound and flinched in pain, cleaning myself in silence. I needed to gather my thoughts. I needed to think about my story, but I had no time.

"He deserved it," was all I said.

"He deserved it?" Megan repeated. "Are you kidding me?"

I began dressing the wound that extended from my elbow to my wrist. It was painful, but right now the adrenaline seemed to be drowning out most of the pain I was feeling.

When I finished cleaning myself, Megan grabbed my shoulders and made me face her. My heart hurt just looking at her. She looked so disappointed, and I could hear Nikki's words echoing through my head.

Why didn't you tell Nikki you didn't love her all those years ago? I screamed at her inside my mind. Does a part of you still love her?

"Talk to me," Megan pleaded.

"I got too close," I explained. "He got punched and ran into me, then pushed me to the ground. Then I punched him, because he deserved it."

She shook her head. "That's not what I'm worried about, Sam."

I knew what she was asking, but no matter how hard I tried to spit it out, I couldn't. What if I asked her about it and she revealed she really did still care about Nikki? What if she hesitated? There were too many things that were flying through my mind to think straight.

I went to leave the bathroom, but she stopped me.

"Talk to me," she demanded again. "You've been weird since I got back from my mom's last weekend. Tell me what's going on."

I was trying so hard not to freak out, but everything was closing in around me. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I just wanted to leave, but Megan was being persistent now. And she had every right to be.

"Sam, God just talk-"

"Nothing is going on Megan!" I shouted.

She flinched at the loudness of my voice, and suddenly I was ripped out of my angry state and fell back into reality. My heart contracted at the sight of her backing away from me.

"I lost control. I'm sorry. Now let me out." I didn't move towards her. "I want to go home."

She moved away from the door and I bolted out the back entrance, pacing towards my car. I fumbled with my keys as I tried to hold myself together.

The pain of Nikki, my past, my anger, and now the pain in my arm and face was becoming too much. I watched Megan tell Tony and Blair bye, then walk towards me with her arms crossed upon her chest. I could feel the regret in my lungs from yelling. Those words burned my tongue, but I knew if I talked anymore I would probably just cry.

She climbed into the passenger, but didn't say anything as I started on the road.

And when we got home, she locked herself in our room, leaving me alone on the couch.

***A/N***

Ouch.

Well, looks like Sam's anxiety is coming out and affecting her and Megan's relationship. Stay tuned to see how Segan deals with the aftermath!

ALSO, there won't be anyupdates from June 24 – July 1 because I'm going on vacation. So, I'll justupdate three or four times this week, depending on how much I can write.

And don't forget to vote if you love me ;)

Much love,

Lauryn