| April 19th | Friday Night |

~ Sam's POV ~

Another busy night at Crossroads had come and gone and my bartenders were eagerly cleaning up to leave. It felt nice to have a competent and well-working staff because it eliminated unnecessary anxiety. Especially since other areas of my life were becoming a bit more stressful.

I roll silverware while the bartenders stock and servers sweep. It was chill and quiet after a loud night, and although I was grateful, being alone with my thoughts wasn't helping the growing anxiety of tomorrow.

"You're quiet." Dane sits in front of me and starts helping. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I lie.

Then I suddenly remember Dane had just returned from Georgia after apparently attempting to see his sick mom.

"Hey, how did the visit go?" I ask. "With your mom?"

He sighs heavily as if I had resurfaced a memory he had been avoiding. I instantly regret bringing it up, but I wasn't the only one who had seemed off tonight. Dane also wasn't his usual self. I feel it has something to do with his dad interfering during him trying to see his mom.

"I don't know... As good as it could've been, I guess." He shrugs. "Dad threatened to call the cops, but my mom is literally on her death bed so... he gave in."

The pain on his face is tangible. I can almost feel it. There's this horrible sense of helplessness I feel, like a need to make him feel better. Was there anything I could really do for him?

"I'm sorry, Dane. I shouldn't have brought it up," I apologize.

"It's alright. I know your intentions are good."

"Did seeing her at least help?"

"Yeah, it did," he agrees. "She was excited to see me and learn that I have a son, but I didn't tell her about J.C. That's all I could get through before she started feeling tired and my dad made me leave."

The defeat on his face upset me but I knew Dane was a strong person. It was just a shame that he had to be. Suddenly, what I had stressed over all night seemed so trivial now. I decided to spin it into something he might enjoy hearing.

"So, I have my first house inspection tomorrow," I admit.

"For fostering?" he asks.

I just nod. "They're probably gonna rip us apart, but we've gotta start somewhere."

"I heard they can be brutally honest," he says. "But the first time is always the hardest."

"I just hope Megan doesn't take it too hard."

"Well, how do you feel about it?"

I continue to roll silverware in silence and try to figure out my feelings on the matter. There was definitely a lot of anxiety, but I think it was mostly stemming from Megan. I knew the process was long and I was prepared to take their advice, but there was a deeper feeling I had been avoiding.

"I just keep thinking ahead," I answer. "To when we actually get placed with a child and what that's gonna mean for us."

"Try not to think too far ahead. You'll just give yourself more worry than need be." Dane carefully stacks his rolled silverware into a pyramid. "It'll be fine. Me and J.C. are also thinking about getting certified."

"You're ready for another one already?" I joke.

"You know, I never thought I'd be kid person, but raising Andre..." He leans forward. "I don't know. It just kind of brings out these paternal feelings that I love. Plus, I think it's important to have siblings growing up."

"I'm scared I won't be a kid person," I confess quietly.

Dane just looks at me and tilts his head. He wants to ask why, I can tell, but he also doesn't want to pry. It's something I've noticed about him. It's also something I greatly appreciate.

"I never had the... desire to have children," I say. "I grew up thinking that I would either die before I got the chance, or that I would never settle down with anyone. Now that both things have happened..." I sigh to attempt to relieve the sadness of my next comment. "I just feel like I'm having identity issues now."

"Like... trouble seeing your future?" Dane asks.

"Yeah, I guess." I shrug. "I mean, I can see myself getting married to Megan, possibly buying a house and taking vacations, maybe getting another dog or two... But a child is just..."

"It's a game changer," he includes.

"Exactly."

"You know..." Dane plays with a fork mindlessly. "A lot of people with horrible childhoods – if they unlearn their parents' toxic habits, of course – usually become the best parents."

I just watch him watch me with an encouraging smile.

"I vowed to never treat Andre the way my father treated me," Dane finishes. "There's no reason for a child to feel like a stranger in their own home. The world is harsh enough."

His words resonate somewhere deep inside and I can't help but agree internally. He fills the silverware buckets and stands from the table.

"It seems like everyone is done," he observes. "We should go. You have a big day tomorrow."

"Yeah, let's go," is all I say.

I lock up and we walk to our cars together.

"Are you and Megan still down for coming over Sunday?" he asks before climbing into his car.

"Yeah, definitely," I agree. "She's really excited about."

"Cool." He waves me off. "Good luck tomorrow."

"Thanks."

We part for the night and I make it home to find Megan already curled up in bed. I lay next to her after showering and pull her close. Charlie adjusts herself at the foot of the bed.

"Are you nervous for tomorrow?" she asks through the dark.

"Very."

"Me too."

"We'll do our best," I say. "That's all we can do at the end of the day, right?"

"Right."

Eventually we drift off to sleep as I find myself hopeful that even if tomorrow were a learning experience, we would do it together.

* * *

Megan and I watch the inspector leave through the door as we slowly come to terms with what we had previously experienced. To say the least, it hadn't been great, but also, hadn't been completely awful either.

I can tell Megan had taken it hard regardless.

"Hey, we didn't do that bad," I assure.

"Well, I wouldn't call that great, either," she counters.

"No, but it's a starting point." I face her and take her hands. "Plus, a lot of the things she mentioned have nothing to do with the house at all. Just some minor technical things."

"Right. No, yeah, you're right," Megan says to comfort herself. "We plan on getting married and you're in therapy which she liked a lot. She said a lot of good things, and all the 'bad things' are technical."

"Plus, she said nothing against us being a same-sex couple," I include.

"No, but she did ask if there would be any male-figures around."

"And there will be!" I find myself trying hard to make sure Megan remains encouraged. "She liked the mentioning of Shawn and Casey. Everything will be fine."

I lean into Megan and give her a quick kiss. She smiles and looks up at me, as if I had been the one to talk her off the edge. Usually I was the one panicking over things like this. I guess therapy was working in more ways than one.

"Now, let's go to Dane's," I suggest. "He's really excited to meet you."

"Oh yeah?" she jokes. "Because you talk about me all the time, right?"

"Obviously."

We tell Charlie bye and make sure she has food in her bowl before we leave. It takes us all but five minutes to get there and eventually we're standing at this front door. I knock eagerly.

Dane's figure appears quickly as he opens the door with excitement. His smile is wide and he's holding Andre tightly to his side. I can all but feel the delight that radiates from Megan at the sight.

"Megan, it's nice to finally meet you," Dane greets as we walk inside his house. "I'm Dane and this is my son, Andre. J.C. is upstairs but will be coming down soon, hopefully."

"I'm coming!" J.C. shouts from the hallway. They emerge in the doorway. "Oh my God, they're both gorgeous. Jesus."

I just laugh at J.C.'s reaction to my fiancée.

Everyone learns everyone's names as we make our way to their backyard. J.C. is intrigued with Megan and excitedly asks her about where she found the earrings she's wearing while Dane silently asks me how the inspection went. We walk into the backyard and I smell the cooking food immediately. The energy is already high, and I find it comforting.

Dane puts Andre down, but he quietly lingers around us for another second. He seems infatuated with Megan as he stares up at her. Megan takes this as her opportunity to address him.

"Well hi," she says with a soft smile.

"Hi," he says shyly.

Megan works her child-magic on Andre and within seconds he's pulling her to his play set that sits about twenty feet away from us. She willingly follows him away from me.

"Well damn," Dane says. "I think Andre took a liking to Megan faster than he did with you, J."

"Megan gives off major maternal vibes," J.C. says. "Kids can sense that."

I smile at the truth of it all and watch Megan play with Andre from afar. It was a sight I never really got to enjoy as an outsider. Of course, I already know Megan is great with kids, that is no secret. I watch her in admiration while I simultaneously interact with the hosts of the party for a few more minutes.

That's when J.C. disappears back into the house and Dane falls quiet. I take this as my chance to join Megan and Andre. I walk over to them and stand at Megan's side while she pushes him on his swing.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me that Dane and J.C. had a kid," she says with a laugh.

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"It was a good one." She looks at me. "I like them already."

"Right? They're great."

We hang out with Andre and continue to entertain him for a few more minutes before Megan starts another conversation with me.

"Are you opposed to having a baby?" she asks.

"What?"

"You know, like getting a donor and one of us naturally having a baby."

"Um, well, no, I don't think so," I answer. "I mean, sometimes I think it would be easier to raise a baby from scratch."

"From scratch?" Megan laughs. "You mean a child who hasn't already formed their own opinions and experiences of the world."

"Yeah, that."

"Both are probably very different," Megan claims. "But I think they're both equally rewarding."

I momentarily think about Megan pregnant and find a lot of joy in the image. Of course, I'm aware it won't be any time soon, but I have more positive thoughts and feelings verses negative. Dane's comments from Friday night echo in my head.

"I think this is the first time you've responded positively to the idea, actually," Megan says.

"Yeah, I guess so."

She smiles at me and I feel my heart constrict with emotion. It's true. I hadn't dismissed the thought immediately. Suddenly, I feel relief surround the whole thought of being a horrible parent in the future.

"Okay, food is officially ready!" Dane calls out.

Andre, Megan and I walk over to Dane and J.C. and everyone falls back into conversation. There seems to be this new sense of peace somewhere within me, but I try not to think too much on it. Despite all the anxiety I did feel around parenthood, I had to remind myself I wouldn't be alone. Then I realize, this is the key difference between what my younger self had perceived for my future as opposed to what future me was actually experiencing.

And that was, I didn't have to face the world and all its challenges alone anymore.

***A/N***

Sorry I'm a day late guys! I've been adventuring this past week and didn't have my laptop with me! If you enjoyed this chappy hit the little star and comment to let me know. Love you guys <3

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Lauryn