Season 4: Episode 18
| July 8 | Monday Morning |
~ Sam's POV ~
Today was the day of our meeting with Ava and her social worker. I was nervous, but it was good to be nervous about these types of things, right? I mean, our lives could possibly change forever after today. Despite the nerves, I wasn't scared or filled with anxiety. Other than the intense wanting to impress the social worker and Ava herself.
"Should I hold out on the coffee this morning?" Megan asks. "Is your anxiety really bad right now?"
"No." I shake my head. "I'm okay."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
I accept my cup of coffee and join Megan on the couch. We sit in silence for a moment, coming to terms with the fact that Ava might very well become part of our family if all went well today. It was a surreal feeling to Megan, I'm sure. The stress she had been feeling over it all had really eaten her up on the inside over the past few weeks.
"What if after all this we still don't get approved?" she wonders.
I look at her and try to keep my expression calm. After years of her being the one to talk me down when I got too deep in my head, it felt nice that I could do the same for her now that she was having a hard time.
"You realize that's very unlikely, right?" I ask. "I mean, as soon as Ava sees that it's us, she's not gonna wanna leave."
I watch Megan take a deep breathe.
"You know we've overcome all the obstacles," I reassure. "This is just the final stretch of the race."
"How are you so calm about this?"
I shrug. "It's easier when only one of us is having a panic attack."
This gets her to laugh and loosen up a bit. Megan sips her coffee and nods to herself, probably taking what I've said into consideration because it makes a whole lotta sense. There was no more reason to be nervous. We were going to do great today, by default, and Megan would realize she was worrying herself into oblivion for absolutely nothing.
"It's just so hard to believe that this is actually happening," she expresses.
"I know," I agree. "Maybe that's why I'm so calm, because really I'm in shock."
"Are we actually ready for this?"
We look at each other and I can tell Megan is doubting everything she's capable of and it hurts my heart. Anxiety really is a bitch, but instead of making her feel crazy, I set my coffee cup down and look at her.
"Probably not," I say. "Who the hell is ever ready to push aside their own needs for another? I mean, most people are never truly ready for a child." Megan stares at me. "But it doesn't matter, because every time we thought we weren't ready for something and it happened anyway, we adapted. We figured out how to be ready, in the moment, and you and I are a great team, Megan."
I didn't think anything I said was spectacular, but Megan seems speechless after it, which freaks me out. There's still a little hint of anxiety and panic on her face, so I inch closer to her on the couch.
"You are the most selfless person I've ever met," I continue. "Half the time, I don't even have to tell you what I need, because you already know, and you do it without hesitation. You're a good person, a good friend, a good daughter, and a good wife. So, there's no reason to believe you won't be a good mom."
When I finish, Megan's blue eyes stare at me with this expression that makes me smile. I can tell she needed that, like really needed it, and she sets her coffee cup down and falls into me. Her kiss is full of love and at first, I'm caught off guard, but show my appreciation with reciprocation.
She pulls back slowly and holds her eyes closed just a moment longer than me. When she opens them, her eyes light up.
"Thank you," she says. "I needed to hear that."
"I know," I respond.
She sighs and continues to lean into me for support. I enjoy the affection and wrap my arms around her.
"I'm so proud of you," Megan whispers. "You have come so far and overcome so much..." She pauses. "And never in a million years would I have expected you to be consoling me before meeting our potential daughter-"
She suddenly stops and I can tell the reality is starting to set in, for the both of us. Her eyes switch up to me at the word daughter, which makes me believe she expects a reaction, but I feel calm about it. Its almost scary how calm I feel. I've racked my brain for weeks trying to figure out when everything had changed and how I've grown so comfortable with the thought, and eventually realized the change had been gradual.
To me, Ava is a young Sam. The same young Sam that craves stability, love, and a plethora of other things from a parental figure. See, now I understand what my inner child craves and needs, which allows me to provide. Ava would be the same – with key differences, of course – but nevertheless, similar. Megan and I would be the parents she deserved because we – as individuals – understand our own personal faults and shortcomings and have worked on them to better ourselves for this exact moment.
"Our potential daughter," I repeat for assurance.
Megan's eyes light up when the words exit my mouth, which then is followed by a huge smile. She leans in and kisses me again.
"I think we should get dressed." I check the time. "They'll be here soon."
"Right," Megan agrees. "This is it."
I take her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.
"This is it."
~
As Megan waits patiently on the couch, scrolling nervously through her phone, I find myself pacing while constantly checking my watch. They would be here any minute now, and suddenly my calm demeanor threatens to crumble, but I continuously talk myself down.
Then, our doorbell rings and Megan stands abruptly. Charlie rushes to our door and patiently waits to see who is here. I command her back so I can greet our guests without startling the social worker or Ava in case they're apprehensive of pets.
I hear Megan take a deep breath next to me before my hand falls on our door. My heart is beating in my head. My stomach is tight. My blood is rushing. I try to ground myself as best as I can before I open the door. Then, when I swing it open, Lisa and Amy stand side by side, Ava wedged between them looking terrified out of her mind.
That's when those sad little brown eyes look up and narrow in confusion. Megan falls to her knees in front of Ava, so that they're eye level, and gives the child a smile that tells her she's not hallucinating.
"Hi Ava," Megan greets. I can hear her struggling to keep her voice from trembling.
"Miss Adams?" Ava says with confusion. "Miss Sam?"
That's when Ava practically falls into Megan's arms. The image pulls at my heart unexpectedly and I look a Lisa, who is also very emotional. She presses a shaky hand to her lips as tears form on her waterlines. My jaw clenches to help me remain composed, but I hadn't expected these emotions.
"Come in." I open the door wider and attempt to break the ice. "Would anyone like anything to drink?"
I can hear Ava mumbling something to Megan while Lisa and Amy, Ava's social worker, enter our home, but I can't tell what it is. Megan stands and Ava's hand is already slipped into hers. They're comfortable and happy, which then stems to me as I force my own emotions to calm down.
"I would love some water," Lisa says.
I don't hesitate to head to the kitchen to fix her a glass. Megan has already fallen into conversation with the social worker and Lisa, greeting them and apologizing for the unexpected moment when they had arrived. The shell Ava had arrived in was no longer confining her. There's a wide smile on her small face as she looks up at Megan who is unaware of the attention.
I hand the glass of water to Lisa.
"Thank you," she whispers.
That's when Ava looks at me. I give her a soft smile and kneel. There's no expectation of a hug, but I try my best to make conversation to keep her comfortable.
"So, how surprised were you, on a scale of one to ten?" I ask jokingly.
"A million!" Ava laughs. "Lisa didn't tell me we were visiting Miss Adams and Miss Sam!"
That's when Charlie apprehensively approaches Ava and sniffs her legs. Ava isn't scared, which is good.
"Hold out your hand," I say to Ava. "This is Charlie, and she's just trying to get to know you."
Ava does as I say, which allows Charlie to get a better introduction. When she feels comfortable, her tail wags excitedly. Ava looks at me and I nod.
"She loves scratches and pets," I inform. "If you give her good ones, she'll never let you stop."
Ava smiles and rubs Charlie's head lovingly. Charlie allows Ava to pet her for awhile before inevitably disappearing and reappearing with her favorite ball. I know what that means, so I stand and tune in to Megan and Amy's conversation.
"I think Charlie wants to play with Ava," I say. "We're gonna go to the backyard and play catch."
"Okay." Megan is wearing the brightest smile. "We'll meet you out there in a few."
Me and Ava head to the backyard with Charlie and I instruct Ava to throw the ball.
"Okay, lets see what you got," I say.
Ava winds back and lets the ball fly, which goes pretty far and leaves me impressed. Charlie is a beam of fur heading for the ball, which she effortlessly scoops up into her mouth and runs back to us. Ava accepts the ball and looks up at me.
"That was a really good throw," I compliment.
"Thank you." She throws the ball again, farther this time.
"Do you play any sports?" I ask.
"No, ma'am."
"Would you want to?"
She looks at me and shrugs. There's a glimmer of intrigue in her eyes that I can't ignore. Charlie runs up excitedly when Megan and Lisa join us outside. I look around for Amy and see her checking out the house. Megan nods in her direction, indicating I should go and introduce myself.
When I make it back inside, she is inspecting a picture frame we had recently put up for display.
"I'm assuming these people are your family?" she wonders.
I look at the picture that had been taken the night after Megan and me had gotten married and smile. My head nods in agreement as I point to Shawn and Casey.
"That's my older brother and his wife," I say. "And this is Blair, my best friend and her long-term boyfriend, Tony, and this is Dane and his spouse, J.C., and their son, Andre."
"Oh okay, so more friends than family," she observes.
"We consider them family."
Amy sets the picture frame back down and faces me. She holds out her hand and I take it willingly.
"Nice to meet you, Sam," she says. "You know, Lisa wrote a wonderful recommendation letter for you and Megan. I have to say, I'm very impressed."
I nod my head. "Thank you. That means a lot."
"Ava is a special case." She looks out the backdoor and watches Ava throw Charlie the ball. "And she's grown on me and Lisa over the years..."
"I understand." I take in a deep breath, shoving my hands into my pockets. "She's grown on Megan a lot as well."
"And what about you?" she wonders. "How has she grown on you?"
I watch Megan and Ava exchange some words and then all three of them are laughing as Charlie jumps around excitedly. To say my expectations were met would be a lie, because today had already exceeded them. I refocus back on Amy and try to form an answer.
"Well, during the little time Ava and I spent together..." I pause. "She was able to teach me a lot about myself. She also reminds me a lot of my younger self, who was so full of life and creativity and potential..." My eyes switch back to Amy, who is watching me intently. "Meeting Ava made me want to give back and help someone who truly needs it, and I know that probably sounds crazy but... it's true."
"I've been Ava's social worker since she got homed with Lisa and I can tell you..." She nods to herself. "I've never seen her light up the way she did when you opened that door."
Hearing this makes me understand this is it. Ava would become our daughter soon after today, and I found myself excited. Amy and I continue this conversation just a bit longer before everyone outside returns to the comfort of our cool home, and eventually, the meeting is over.
"But I don't wanna leave yet," Ava expresses.
"You'll be back soon." Amy places a hand on Ava's small shoulder. "Don't worry."
Ava nods sadly, but Megan is comforting her once more.
"We're very excited for you to come back," Megan says, which makes Ava smile.
"Will I get to stay?" Ava asks.
Megan smiles and looks up at me, which causes a hopeful smile to stretch across my own face. I nod as Megan rubs her shoulders.
"I hope so. I really do."
That's when Ava's mood shifts and her body relaxes. A hopeful smile replaces her cautious pout, and eventually they're leaving. Before Lisa can make it out the door, I call out to her.
"Lisa," I say. "Thank you."
"You and Megan deserve the opportunity to make Ava's life as full as it can possibly be." She smiles sadly. "This was the least I could do."
The three of them leave, but not before Ava turns back and gives us a final wave goodbye. I hug Megan to my side and feel her body relax into mine. Today couldn't have gone better, and soon Ava would move in and start the life she truly deserved.
And we couldn't wait to be a part of that.
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