| November 22 | Thursday Afternoon |

~ Megan's POV ~

Mumbling voices came from the radio and attempted to fill the silence as Sam and I made our way to Casey's family's Thanksgiving gathering. I knew she was nervous. I was nervous for her, but I also knew neither of us wanted to spend Thanksgiving alone. Not after everything that had happened this past weekend.

~flashback~

I sat at the dining room table and typed away on my computer, organizing my thoughts and trying to stay caught up for when I had to return to work after Thanksgiving break. Sam was currently out attending another therapy session but should be on her way home at this time. Charlie was curled up on the couch, and when I looked at her, her tail wagged, probably from expecting me to call her over and play with her.

Things felt so different after this weekend. I was confused on what to do after Sam's epiphanic apology yesterday. The atmosphere felt stiff. Everything felt out of place. Regardless, Sam had agreed to give me the space I needed to sift through my thoughts, which meant continuing to sleep in the guest bedroom. It was very selfless of her, but after weeks of sleeping alone before all of this happened, it was starting to get to me.

That's when the front door opened, and Charlie jumped up from the couch to greet Sam. I didn't say anything, but I could tell she had been crying. Probably from another heavy session. I remained silent as I assessed my feelings of seeing her.

I still felt betrayed, that was obvious. I felt sad. I felt angry. I watched Sam greet Charlie with a few pets and scratches, and then look up at me. She exhaled heavily and smiled before heading into the kitchen to fix her something to eat. My heart squeezed at the sight. I still loved her tremendously, that was true.

"Dr. Dupree told me I should talk to you about Thanksgiving," she said as she stirred the pasta in her bowl. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I hesitantly closed my laptop. "What exactly do you want to talk about?"

"Well, do you want to go?" Sam wondered. "To Casey's family's gathering?"

I took in a deep breath and wondered how being honest would affect her. Of course, I wanted to go. The last thing I wanted was to spend Thanksgiving alone, but I was worried about how Sam would feel. I always worried about how Sam would feel.

"I do," I answered. "I really do."

Sam just nodded as she took a bite of her food and thought. I wondered if she was going to share. After all, being completely open and honest with me was part of our new agreement to help heal.

"I'm nervous," she admitted. "And I'm sure you already know that, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea that I go."

"So, where does that leave me?"

"I'm not gonna stop you from attending if that's something you need." She looked up at me. "But it might be without me."

~flashback ends~

Sam had decided this morning to join me. I was relieved she had, but also nervous because I didn't know what today had in store for us. It had been five days since the wedding, and I worried that Sam would digress in the face of her parents. I wasn't sure if she was ready, but there was something different in Sam. It was something I didn't know how to describe.

We pulled up to the house in which the gathering was taking place and I parked my car. Sam remained awfully quiet, which meant she was silently panicking. The paranoid part of me told me this wasn't a good idea, but the optimist in me said not to write it off just yet.

We exited the car and walked side-by-side up to the house. The nerves radiated from Sam. I could just feel the angst and the fear she had. My instincts were to be there for her, regardless of how hurt I still was over everything. My hand slipped into hers willingly and gave it a squeeze.

Sam looked at me, almost shocked I had initiated contact.

"This is me trying to do my part," I reassured.

She just nodded her head and allowed her hand to rest in mine for comfort as we entered the house. There were many familiar faces from the wedding this past weekend, and as we walked through the house and was greeted, Shawn and Casey came into view. I decided that would be a good starting point for Sam.

I watched Shawn interact with his sister as if nothing had happened this past weekend. It was ingenious, because Shawn could probably tell Sam was on edge being here. He didn't want to make it worse, and he didn't want to trigger her. My heart swelled at the understanding that he seemed to have for her situation.

"I'm glad you two came." Shawn moved in to hug me. "And I'm really glad you came together," he whispered into my ear.

He pulled back and gave me this look that I could read with a glance. It was like a silent "thank you" for refusing to abandon his sister, even if she may have deserved it. I gave him a small smile in return.

We fell into small talk about what Shawn and Casey had planned for their honeymoon once Shawn and Sam's parents went back to Missouri. I was jealous because I really wanted a getaway. Maybe this summer, if Sam and I survived this, we could take a trip.

Then Casey saw someone walk through the door and she grew excited.

"Sam, I have someone I really want you to meet," she expressed. "My cousin, he's in this awesome band, and they're starting to book shows around Florida. Would you mind talking to him about Crossroads?"

"N-No, not at all, where is he?" Sam wondered.

"Come, he just got here."

Then Casey and Sam disappeared into the growing crowd.

Shawn looked at me. "Megan, I'm really glad-"

"Don't," I cut him off. "I don't want you to get your hopes up, because I haven't made a decision yet."

He looked down and noticed my bare ring finger. All he did was nod his head and say, "I understand."

"I want to forgive her," I expressed. "I really do, Shawn, but I can't just ignore the pain I still feel over all of this."

"I know."

"I mean, the clear projection... she was accusing me of cheating, and she was the one that was thinking about it." I shook my head. "And I know her triggers now, or at least I think I do, but that doesn't mean-"

"Hey, I know. You're not obligated to forgive her, Megan," he interjected. "It's okay. You don't have to explain yourself."

I sighed in frustration as I tried to sort out all that I was feeling. There was a lot of emotion I didn't know what to do with. There was still a lot of uncertainty. There was a lot of worry about how Sam would develop in the coming days, and how she would move past this. And how I would move past this.

"Where are your parents?" I asked.

"They're out back talking with Casey's parents about grandchildren, or something." He sighed. "I mean, obviously we'll have kids but, I'd like to enjoy my honeymoon first, you know?"

I laughed. "Yeah, I understand."

There was a pause in our conversation, and I wasn't sure if Shawn was disappointed in me. I know he wanted me to stay with Sam. Hell, I wanted to stay with Sam, but I wasn't sure if I could. I wasn't sure if she was for real this time. I wanted to believe her apology was genuine, I mean it sure felt that way, but she had made promises before.

"Do you think Sam can move on without the approval of her parents?" I wondered aloud. "I mean, I'm worried she'll never get it if that's what she needs to truly heal."

"When I talked to her Sunday morning..." Shawn sipped his drink. "Something happened. Something clicked, because I've never seen Sam cry like that. I've never seen her have this type of... release before."

"She's different," I confessed. "There's something different about her, and I want to believe it's a good thing. That this is the start of her finally healing, but..."

"You're not sure," he included. "I get that."

We both stood together and thought about the woman we both loved. Sam was important to both of us, in different and similar ways. There were so many layers to her, so many things that made Sam the unique blend that she was. We wanted the best for her. We wanted her to succeed. We wanted her to find herself again. We wanted to help.

"Megan, I know you know this already, but Sam's healing..." he started. "It's not linear. It's gonna take a while. This process is never gonna stop. It's ongoing, and this isn't me trying to convince you to stay with her, because I know it's not your job, but me and Blair... we've never been enough."

I looked at him and waited for him to continue.

"I should've been there more, and I know that, and I've apologized and I'm making my peace with it," he confessed. "I failed her. But Blair and I have never been able to get to Sam the way you can. You've always been able to cut through all the noise and bullshit that seems to surround Sam. And you're the person who she's let in, regardless of her scars."

"I think, if you stay in Sam's corner, if you do stick around..." Shawn shrugged. "I don't know, I think she'll heal exponentially faster. I think she'll start to find purpose again. I think she'll start to realize she can have a great future, with you, regardless of if our parents ever fully accept her or not."

That's when Shawn's mom and dad came in from outside and saw us standing together. They walked over and joined us.

"Oh, I'm so glad you came Megan," Samantha, Sam's mother, expressed. "Is she... is Sam...?"

"She's somewhere with Casey," I answered. "They've been gone for a while now, actually."

As if on cue, Sam and Casey emerged from around the corner laughing at something only they knew about. My heart jumped from the sight, but I immediately became nervous when Sam noticed the presence of her parents. Nerves clenched my stomach as she hesitantly approached us.

"Hey," she greeted, unsure of what else to say. "Happy Thanksgiving."

Casey and Shawn quickly broke the tension and continued the conversation, steering it away from the possibility of talking about this past weekend. They had to have rehearsed this. It was so coordinated and perfect. I applauded both of them internally as Sam stood at my side.

I reached down and grabbed her hand.

* * *

After a few hours of socializing and eating, Sam was worn out and I could tell she was ready to go. I had no problem with leaving a little earlier than usual, so I started saying my goodbyes. It wasn't until we were telling her parents goodbye that her mom said something to Sam under her breath, which of course caught us off guard, and Sam threw me a look of uncertainty.

"I uh..." she stuttered. "I'll meet you in the car?"

I shouldn't leave. I should stay with her. For support. She needed that, right? So why was she telling me she would meet me in the car? Why didn't she want me here? I hesitated to leave, which caused her to approach me.

"Mom has something to say to me," she assured. "I'll be okay."

Even after everything that had happened, I still worried myself to death over her mental well-being. Now, I realized, Sam was on her own, and I could only offer her support. So, if she wanted me to wait in the car, that's all I could really do.

"Okay," I agreed.

So, I waited. I played on my phone to distract my brain from conjuring up scenarios and what they could possibly be talking about. My expectations were that Sam would storm out of the house, angry and enraged, get in the car and demand I start driving. I was scared things would go badly again.

But after about ten minutes, Sam was calmly walking over to me, no signs of distress on her face. She entered the car and I started home, nervous to even bring up what they could've talked about. Was it my place to even ask?

"She apologized for using the words 'real wedding' the other day," Sam confessed. "She said she meant a 'traditional wedding', not 'real wedding'. That's the only thing she apologized for-"

Sam choked up, most likely close to tears, but I tried not to bring attention to it. Sam didn't like people seeing her cry. She hated showing vulnerable emotion. So, I made sure not to look at her, giving her the privacy she needed to either cry or pull herself together.

"Sam..." I paused, unsure if I should even include my thoughts on this.

"What?"

I sighed. "Do you remember what I said to you the first night we ever kissed? The night of New Years?"

She fell silent and thought to herself for a minute. I couldn't blame her if she didn't remember because it felt like that was forever ago. We didn't like talking about the time when she was still my student.

"I honestly only remember the best kiss of my life," she confessed.

I laughed at the confession but should've figured. Sam had the mindset of a teenage boy at that time of her life. Of course, that would be the only thing she remembered.

"You and Shawn had talked about something regarding your mom," I reminded. "You started freaking out and I'm pretty sure when I found you, you were contemplating on leaving because you were staring really hard at your car." I allowed myself to glance over to her, seeing her staring out the window. "I told you that your mom was unlearning things that had been instilled into her mind from a very young age. She doesn't understand how to talk about things like this with you, because she's never had the opportunity to practice. She's never been challenged."

"It's not my responsibility to teach her how to grow and become more informed," Sam spat.

"No," I agreed. "It isn't your responsibility, but if you want your parents to understand you and how you think and live... you need to explain it to them. You need to educate them, because they've never learned how to understand and deal with the issues we face as a same-sex couple."

She exhaled a heavy breath, which meant she was frustrated. I instinctively reached for her hand.

"Or, if you don't have the patience or desire to help them understand..." I continued. "Then you can keep them at a safe distance. You're in control of your own life and who gets to be in it."

"I may never get an apology for everything they put me through," she forced through her pain.

My heart pulled at the sound of her sad voice. It hurt knowing she was finally coming to the realization that her parents may never see the effects their actions had on Sam. They may never understand her pain and that the years of abuse inflicted upon her had damaged Sam and damaged the people that cared about her as well. I know an apology is what she longed for, but she was slowly concluding that she would have to be okay if she never got one, because it was a strong possibility that she wouldn't.

"No," I said. "You might not get an apology for the abuse. But your mom did apologize for what she said at the wedding, even after you said some pretty hurtful things to her too. She apologized for something, Sam. She recognized her ignorance. That's a huge step. They're trying."

Sam fell silent after that, which worried me, but only to an extent. I knew she was lost in thought, probably trying to make sense of everything we had just talked about, which was good. She was processing. She was dissecting.

We arrived home and I shifted the car into park before looking over at her. She was no longer crying, which was a relief, but there was still the faraway look on her face. What was she thinking? Would she tell me?

"I'm so tired," she expressed.

"Well, then let's go inside."

After greeting Charlie at the front door, I watched Sam remove her shoes and head for the guest bedroom. I couldn't watch her do this to herself anymore. I didn't need any more space. We needed each other more than ever right now.

I grabbed her hand.

"Come lay with me," I said. "In our bed."

Her dull eyes brightened, just for a second, at the realization that I was inviting her to be in my space. I hadn't expected to feel relief when I asked her to join me, but suddenly, the weight on my chest lightened.

"O-Okay," she agreed.

So, we changed, curled up under our covers with Charlie happily taking her place between us, and we just laid there. Together. Damaged but still intact.

And for the first time in five days, I looked at the engagement ring that sat on our dresser and contemplated wearing it again.

***A/N***

Just a little update, for those who aren't aware. Yes, I tested positive for COVID-19. Yes, I am fine. Yes, I am technically cleared tomorrow. Things are looking up for me, so thank you to everyone for the well wishes and staying patient through this trying time for the world and for Segan.

I hope you all are well, and sorry this update is so late in the day! Regardless, let me know if you enjoyed it!

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Be Proud, Stay You.

Lauryn