| November 3rd | Saturday Afternoon |

~ Megan's POV ~

As I continued to prepare a grocery list, I could hear Sam getting ready for work in our bedroom. The distance she had created was vast, and that on top of no longer even sleeping next to me was taking its toll on our relationship. I knew she was struggling, and I knew her therapist was pushing her, but as much as I wanted to trust the process, I couldn't help but think it was just making things worse.

I could only imagine what they were addressing. Probably childhood trauma Sam had refused to tell me about, which could be a plethora of things. Her avoidance to bring those things up only screamed how badly they needed to be addressed, so if her and her therapist were working on those traumas, I could partially understand why she refused to talk to me about her sessions. In a way, it wasn't my business, but in another, I wanted to know how I could help bridge the expanding gap it was creating between us.

She emerged from our room looking exhausted, but still professional and put together. Her eyes refused to land on me until she found her keys and wallet, and then once she did, she forced her body to move over to me and kiss me goodbye.

"I'm leaving," she said while kissing my head. "I'll see you tonight."

The peck felt empty and numb, but I tried not to let it get to me.

"I love you," I replied.

"Love you, too."

Then she was out the door.

My chest tightened at the sight of her disappearing as I leaned back into my chair and attempted not to cry. It was hard, and I knew it was going to be if Sam ever attempted to heal from her past. What I didn't know was how she would shut me out so... easily.

I finished up the grocery list, got dressed, and headed out the door in a hurry, trying to outrun the bad thoughts that seemed adamant on ruining my day even more.

* * *

The store was bustling with people as I finally made my way back to the front for check out. Once I got into line, I double-checked my list to make sure I had gotten everything, and then settled down and awaited my turn.

Then, I heard a familiar voice.

"Megan?"

I turned to see Ethan approaching me with a cart and smile.

"Do you do your shopping on Saturdays too?" he wondered.

"Usually, but a lot earlier," I confessed. "To beat the crowd."

"That's a good idea," he said. "I might have to steal that one."

He joined in my line and I welcomed it. As crap as I had been feeling lately about my relationship, Ethan, who had experienced many relationship issues himself, didn't shy away from me venting about my own. He knew the importance of connection and wanted to be there for me.

"So, where's Sam?" he asked.

"Work."

"Should've figured." He leaned against his cart. "Doesn't it get annoying? The opposite schedules thing?"

I shrugged. "Yes and no. I mean, other things have been getting to me more."

"Like the isolation."

"Yep."

I hadn't wanted to air out all my issues to Ethan, Sam's included, so he only knew as much as I let in on. He didn't know Sam's past with trauma and how her therapy was probably bringing up old stuff she had suppressed for years. It felt wrong going into detail about that.

"Do you like wine?" he asked randomly.

The question was so out of left field that I hesitated.

"Do I like... wine?" I repeated. "Of course, I like wine."

"Well, there's this new restaurant and they have this awesome special on their wines tonight," he started. "Would you wanna come with me?"

He must've been able to see the uncertainty on my face.

"Not as a date, or anything like that. Obviously," he said quickly. "Seriously, it's strictly professional, but like, in a professional, friend way. I promise."

I couldn't help but laugh at his outburst. Deep down, I had a feeling that Ethan may have something for me, but it was purely surface level. We barely knew each other past our professions and life issues we vented about during recess. Plus, I believed we both really just needed a friend.

"Sure," I agreed. "But, where's Ashton?"

"It's her mother's weekend," he included.

I didn't have anything to do tonight anyway, and it would be nice to not sit in the house and wait for Sam to get home. Lately, it didn't even matter because she would greet me, shower, and then disappear into the guest room anyway.

"What's the name of the restaurant?" I finally asked. "I'll just meet you there."

* * *

"So, then out of nowhere, this kid gets up and yells 'Raise your hand if you're tired of reading!', and of course, most of them raised their hands, so I allowed them to talk during the rest of silent reading," Ethan confessed. "Obviously, I had to tell his parents, but I think he's gonna be a great future activist."

I couldn't contain my laughter as Ethan rambled off another story from his teaching experiences and it felt nice. Of course, in my short time of being an elementary teacher, I had a handful of experiences as well, but none topped that one.

"That's hilarious," I said.

"You know, looking back, it's actually impressive how serious he was," Ethan included.

Our conversation died down a bit as we continued to sip on our second glasses of wine and enjoy each other's company. Then, two women approached us, one of them seemingly more drunk than the other.

"Mr. Wess, how weird seeing you here!" the more intoxicated blond woman expressed.

"Miss Morgan, how are you?" Ethan greeted, before including me and the other woman. "Megan, this is Adam Morgan's mother, and this is Miss Adams, another third-grade teacher at Palm Vista."

At first, I could swear the woman was sizing me up before being introduced. Her jealousy was almost tangible. Then, after learning my relation to Ethan, her demeanor quickly changed.

"Oh, nice to meet you!" she grasped my hand and shook before returning her attention to Ethan. "We were just heading out, but I figured I'd stop and say hello and that Adam says you're his favorite teacher by far," Miss Morgan said. "I'll have to let him know I saw you tonight."

Ethan just smiled politely. "Tell him I said hello."

Then the two women stumbled out of the restaurant without further ado. Once they were gone, Ethan looked at me and we both proceeded to burst into a fit of laugher.

"What just happened?" I asked through a laugh.

"I think she was trying to flirt?" he wondered. "I don't know. These single mom's sometimes..."

"Oh, don't act like you don't secretly like it," I teased.

"I mean, I'm not saying I don't..."

The joke continued for another few minutes before it eventually died off and another conversation manifested. A conversation I had been wanting to have with Sam, but knew it was way too soon, especially after the voicemail from FosterNow.

"So, I got information on Ava," I confessed. "And I'm looking into ways in which I could possibly adopt her."

Ethan became serious all of a sudden.

"Have you talked to Sam about this?" he wondered.

"No," I said. "Not yet. I just can't. But I was initially considering applying to foster, but since Ava's already in a foster home, it would be pointless. I would have to file for adoption if I wanted to become her primary caregiver."

Ethan exhaled a deep breath. "You know, the biggest issue I had last year when applying was actually the fact that she wasn't eligible for adoption in the first place. Her mother was in jail at the time, which was why Ava went into the system to begin with, but kids only become eligible once there are no biological options left."

"Do you think she's still in jail?"

"I have no idea," he answered. "I mean, it's possible considering she's still living with this foster family, but I haven't looked into her mother."

"Is that the only family she has left?" I wondered.

"I think so."

My heart ached for this little girl. There was this need to help her because she deserved better. She deserved to live with people who would properly care for and love her. I could do that. I felt I needed to. But what was her mother's story?

"It might be worth looking into," he advised. "I mean, if you get the right paperwork, you might be able to get her mother to sign her over to you, legally."

Which would require me to find Ava's mother, visit her, build a relationship and trust with her, and then ask her to sign over her parental rights? It seemed like an impossible task. What mother would actually consider doing that? Then again, I had no idea what Ava's mother's situation was in the first place.

"And I know you haven't talked to Sam about this yet, but if you get your marriage recognized by the courts, it may help your chances significantly," Ethan finished.

I knew he was right. I had thought about all of this already. Me being single and probably not making enough wouldn't cut it. Even if I had the fee money and was willing to take the classes, I still needed Sam on my side. I needed a larger annual income, and I needed to show the state that we were a fit family. I needed to show them that Ava living with us would be better than her current living conditions, but how the hell could I do that without Sam?

In my head, I simply couldn't.

I rubbed my forehead and tried not to get upset. There were just so many obstacles.

"Hey..." Ethan tried to comfort me. "You and Sam will figure it out."

But would we? I didn't know how long it was going to take her to finally let me in on what her therapy sessions were accomplishing. She wouldn't talk to me about anything important. I had given up trying to push her to do so, because of the fear that she would just sink further into her mind. Suddenly, I felt tired.

I checked the time. 10:35pm.

"Geez, where did the time go?" I asked.

Ethan checked his watch. "Damn, you're right."

We paid out and left the restaurant, bidding our goodbyes until Monday. The drive home was filled with thoughts on how long I was expected to wait for Sam to come around or if it was my job to pry the truth out of her. I knew we technically weren't married yet, but we had been through too much for her to keep doing this to me much longer.

Then, to my surprise, her car was in the driveway when I pulled up. My skin ran cold, as if I was about to get caught for something bad. Why the hell was she home so early? Usually she didn't get home until around eleven-thirty or midnight on Saturdays...

I gathered my things and cautiously walked into the house. When I made it to the living room, the glass of whiskey caught my eye first. Sam hadn't drunk whiskey in... I couldn't even tell you how long. She sat on the couch, still in her work clothes, aimlessly staring at the TV where the voices were nothing but a mumble. There was this look in her eyes...

"I got off early," she said. "The headlining band canceled, so we were dead, and Chris said he would close up for me. I thought maybe we could talk tonight, about everything..." She sipped her whiskey. "Until I came home, and you were gone, and I had no idea where you were."

Her tone was laced with pain. I could hear it. The fifth of Jack Daniels on the floor beside her was half empty.

"When did you get home?" I asked.

"Nine." She finally looked at me. "Where the hell have you been?"

I knew I couldn't lie, but what was she going to think of the truth? What would she think of me going out and having drinks with Ethan without letting her know? Not that me going out with Ethan was wrong, or that I had to tell her, even though I should've. Would she even believe that time had simply gotten away from us because we were talking about... Ava?

"I ran into Ethan at the grocery store and he invited me to grab drinks and dinner at this new restaurant," I confessed. "I didn't think I would be out this late, but we were having good conversation."

I could see the anger in her eyes flare up at the mentioning of Ethan. It was beyond me that Sam felt the need to hate the man that was my only friend in this city. He was the only person I could talk to because Sam refused to be there. Suddenly, I was angry too.

"Good conversation?" she mocked while standing up. "About what? Our problems? My problems?"

"Ethan is my friend, Sam.

"Oh, come on Megan," she spat. "He'd try to fuck you the minute you were officially single! Which I'm sure he believes will be soon from what you're probably telling him!"

Her words were cutting deep but I tried not to let her see that. I was starting to believe this was her final attempt to push me away for good, but deep down, didn't really want that. I had to fight, like I had fought many times before. This time felt a lot worse, though.

"I'm not telling him anything," I reassured. "Don't you trust me more than that?"

Ger glossy eyes tried to focus on me, but they were clouded with anger and fear. I had never seen Sam this distraught over the fears in her head, but now I could clearly see the pain. The abandonment issues she had always warned me about were there. The trust issues stared me in the face. Everything was coming to the surface. Her demons were poisoning her mind, but was she even trying to fight them at this point? Or had she given up?

"Were you talking about Ava?" she whispered.

The simple question was anything but, because I knew what she was really asking. Her question, 'Were you talking about Ava?' was really 'Are you moving on without me?'. It hurt knowing I could talk so easily with Ethan about things like this and not my fiancée but keeping it to myself was impossible. And yes, I had thought about what it would look like going through with this without Sam, but I felt so stuck. Sam was giving me no room to budge in the box she had put me in. What the hell was I supposed to do?!

"Sam–"

Within an instant, I watched the gates shut and lock me out. She went for her car keys, but I grabbed them before she could. No way in hell was I letting her leave this house. We were physically close, but the emotional distance was vast. I could feel the frigid chill of her icing me out, and I had no idea how to stop it.

"You can't drive like this," I said.

"Then I'll walk."

She went to move past me, but I pressed my back against the front door. My body shook in fear, knowing that if I let her walk out of this door, there was no repairing us this time. I had to keep her here no matter what. I couldn't let her leave.

"Please stop," I begged as I grabbed her hand. "We can talk about this."

"I was ready to talk!" she screamed while yanking away from my grip. "I was ready to try and then I come home and you're not even here! You're out, with Ethan talking about God knows what! First you're looking into adopting behind my back, and now this? What else are you hiding from me, Megan?!"

"Nothing!" I pled. "You have this all wrong, Sam!"

After realizing I wasn't letting her out the house, she turned around quickly and stalked to the guest bedroom. I hesitated to follow her. Then, she grabbed her half-empty fifth of liquor and slammed the bedroom door behind her.

I made my way over to the door and tried to open it, but as expected, it was locked. Tears clouded my vision as I rested my head on the door and knocked.

"Sam, please let me in," I begged.

No answer. It was silent on the other side of the door. I stayed there, occasionally asking for her to let me in and waiting for an answer like it would eventually come, but it didn't. After an hour, I decided she had fallen asleep and retired to our room with Charlie, who seemed to sense the sadness as she curled up into my chest.

I knew I had to keep fighting, because as bad as this felt, I knew Sam was my person. I knew it was supposed to be us against the world, no matter what.

But this was the hardest fight I had ever encountered, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it up.

***A/N***

So, with all the bullshit going on in the world right now, extra updates seem fair. Plus, it'll help get past the craziness Segan is experiencing right now, faster. I didn't expect the earth to take the turn it has, so writing about heavy stuff probably only makes certain people feel worse.

I hope everyone is well and taking care of themselves. Stay safe, guys.

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Be Proud. Stay You.

Lauryn