The European Enigma

(Book 9 of the LSD series)

Keep the secret. Don't tell the world about this book!

By: Ronaldo Siète

So you thought you were safe? HA! So you, citizen of a European country, not being Switzerland, Poland, France, Spain, Austria, Malta or Sweden, thought you were safe? HA, HA, HA! You thought the LSD didn't pull the strings in your country? How sad will you be to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth in this true collection of short stories of fiction. Fiction is always better than the truth, and fiction by Ronaldo7 is the best fiction of all. The truth is worse than you will find here, so awful that a law forbids me to write the truth and forces me to stick to fiction. But you can fiction it out, find the truth behind the fiction, see who's the puppet and who's the puppeteer here. Your country will not be forgotten. You will suffer as hard as those poor people from Geneva, Krakow, Brest, Marbella, Villach, Valletta, and Stockholm. Perhaps even worse. So prepare yourself, find yourself a clean sheet to wipe your tears, plus a cool drink to avoid dehydration, and start to read...

Polderdam, 9th of January 2023

ISBN: 978-94-92389-32-9 (version 2, we fixed some typos and created fresh ones)

Publisher: Editorial Perdido - at www.editorialperdido.eu

Author-right: @ 2022 by Ronaldo Siète - as @Ronaldo7Siete at wattpad.com

Author-right cover design @ 2022 by Katie Sharp - as @katieishere at wattpad.com

Thanks to John, Maureen, Jet and the Wattpad community.

Index

0. Title Page The European Enigma

1. The Albanian Acrobat

2. The Andorran Accountant

3. The Armenian Accord

4. The Belarusian Bride

5. The Belgian Burglar

6. The Bosnian and Herzegovinian Beehive

7. The Bulgarian Baby

8. The Croatian Courtroom

9. The Cypriot Critique

10. The Czech Czarina

11. The Danish Danger

12. The Dutch Dilemma

13. The English Exit

14. The Estonian Eavesdropper

15. The Faeroe Islands Football Institution

16. The Finnish Finish

17. The German Ghost Town

18. The Greek Guard

19. The Hungarian Hold-Up

20. The Icelandic Invasion

21. The Irish Intelligence

22. The Italian Informer

23. The Kosovan Knight

24. The Latvian Lovers

25. The Liechtensteiner Liar

26. The Lithuanian Lawyer

27. The Macedonian Menu

28. The Moldovan Monster

29. The Monaco Millionaire

30. The Montenegro Messenger

31. The Northern Irish Nett Income

32. The Norwegian Newspaper

33. The Portuguese Professor

34. The Rumanian Rumour

35. The Russian Revolution

36. The San Marino SM-club

37. The Scottish Saviour

38. The Serbian Singer

39. The Slovakian Sponsor

40. The Slovenian Semester

41. The Turkish Turkey

42. The Ukrainian Undercover

43. The Vatican Vampire

44. The Welsh Writer

45. Acknowledgements: The Canadian Cover-artist

46. Extra: The Luxembourg Luxury

47. The End: The Gibraltar Goddess

Cover text

After seven adventures, lots of questions remain. How did the Secret Services of other countries react? What happened to the other members of the LSD? Do Rostov and Katja have a happy marriage? Who will win the upcoming Eurovision Song Contest? Which country will organise the upcoming FIFA Football World Championship? Who saves the world, now the saviour retired? And most of all: what was the Goddess's answer?

Instead of writing boring epilogues, the former #5 of the LSD hacked the servers of 47 secret services, decoded the information, and collected everything in one bundle. No country escapes the verdict. Even Vatican City can't avoid a sneak preview under the robe of the Pope.

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About the author

Ronaldo considers himself «the funniest writer in Dutch literary history». The rest of the country laughs about that, which automatically confirms the statement. After a long traumatic experience in his childhood (the six years of the 1st grade of primary school, when he had to learn the alphabet), he escaped reality and plunged into the world of fiction. He studied laughing stock in Orcsford (England), dark humour in the Black Forest (Germany) and dirty jokes at Club Oh, La, Lá (Place Picardillas 69, Paris, France). He graduated in Tonterías and won a licence in Cachondeo from the University of Málaga (Spain).

His novels and poems are full of his philosophy: smile every day, because no one gives literary prizes to writers who make their readers cry (otherwise he would have written this book on onion skins). He lives everywhere and doesn't work anywhere, because making up jokes while floating in the pool, with a drink in one hand and a snack in the other, "That ain't workin', that's the way you do it".

The LSD-series:

1. The Swiss Suitcase

2. The Polish Program

3. The French Formula

4. The Spanish Spotlight

5. The Austrian Aroma

6. The Maltese Manuscript

7. The Swedish Sex Bomb

8. The Pacific Pleasure (unpublished)

9. The European Enigma (hidden track, don't tell anyone where to find it)

For more info, news and free downloads:

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. At least, that's what my lawyer says, that I should tell you these lies so you don't believe all the other lies in the rest of this book. The truth is that the situations in this book, no matter how much you like them to be true, are fiction. The people in this story, no matter how likely you want them to exist, are fiction. Truth is stranger than fiction. That's why we write fiction: so you can learn to find a better truth.

The grammatical and spelling errors in this work are on purpose.

The first reason for this is commercial. Studies show that readers feel superior when they find errors in other people's writing. That's why we instructed our editor, Miss Take, to make sure our readers feel special when they enjoy our books. Only Editorial Perdido gives this glorious feeling of happiness to their clients.

The second reason is political. Every error is a protest against the Grammar Nazis, who complicated the language so the average educated person cannot put hor thoughts on paper without errors. Even the magic spell checker doesn't understand it anymore. Language is communication. It belongs to everyone, not only to the diehards who dedicated half their lives to studying it.