9th March 2012

It was the day we were going out. I was still anxious but I was more excited now. It was going to be fun. The only thing I was worried about was trying on clothes. Especially dresses. As long as I wasn't trying on any dresses I was gonna be fine.

I was in the bedroom getting dressed when I saw the bruises on my body. My arms had bruises as I had anticipated, and I had a bruise on my lower back and stomach. I pulled my black long sleeve top on just as Amber had come into the room.

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't know you weren't dressed yet."

"It's okay." I nodded. She sat on my bed and watched me get dressed.

"Yes?" I asked, pulling on my grey jogging bottoms.

"You've got such a nice body yet you cover it up. Like look at how that top clings to you. You've got an itty-bitty waist." She commented.

"I don't need to show the world my body."

"Of course not, but don't you want to flaunt it just a little bit?"

"Not really." I replied, my tone flat.

"You should. I bet you'd have boys drooling all over you." She laughed.

"I'm not into that." I looked at her. She looked taken aback.

"Really Riah? I didn't know you swung that way!" She smiled. I blinked and groaned.

"Oh not like that. I'm not into girls. I just don't like attention, that's all." I shook my head, laughing. I walked to the mirror.

"Oh my gosh your body is just the one, I swear. I mean you're wearing baggy jogging bottoms and I can still see that ass jiggling!" Amber screeched. My eyes widened and I turned around.

"Amber!" I shouted. She laughed. I stood in front of the mirror and slicked my hair up into a neat bun.

"Your hair looks nice like that." She said.

"Thanks." I smiled, putting in my helix piercing.

"Who are you getting all niced up for?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

"No one." I stared back at her in the mirror.

"Really? Your putting earrings in and everything!" She yelled. I laughed again.

"You really do have a nice figure Riah." She stood up and joined me at the mirror. She pulled my jogging bottoms so they were tight around my thighs.

"Erm-"

"You see that? Oh my gosh, you'd look stunning in a dress. You're wearing a dress today."

"Erm no I'm not." I protested.

"Yes you are. And you're gonna love it." She smiled at me in the mirror. I attempted to fight the smile that was on my face.

"You're so incredibly beautiful." She whispered, staring at me. I stared back.

"Amber? Do you swing that way?" I asked breaking the silence. She raked her eyes down my body and I gulped as she did so. She looked at my face again.

"Nope, I just enjoy making you uncomfortable!" She let go of my jogging bottoms and roared with laughter. I sighed.

"Oh my gosh, you should have seen your face!" She laughed.

"You looked so worried!" She screamed. The bedroom door opened. Isaiah walked in and watched as Amber continued her raucous laughter.

"What's going on?" He looked from Amber to me.

"Wow." He stared at me. Amber managed to get her laughter under control and joined Isaiah staring at me.

"It would be nice if you would stop gawking at me." I kissed my teeth.

"Sorry. You just look really nice." Isaiah avoided eye contact. I smiled briefly.

"It's okay. Just don't do it again please." I put my air forces on and my black body warmer.

"Why do you dress like that?" Amber asked.

"Like what? What's wrong with the way I dress?" I asked, my tone challenging.

"Well, it's a bit boyish don't you think?" She wrinkled her nose.

"No I don't." I slung my Nike pouch over my body.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend-"

"You didn't. When are we leaving?" I looked at her blankly.

"Soon." She replied.

I said bye to Mrs Duboe and Kacey before we left. Kacey didn't want me to go and actually started crying as we were going, so I promised I'd get her something.

We soon arrived at Stratford Shopping Centre and I was about to go in when Isaiah stopped me.

"Here." He thrust a handful of notes at me. I stared at the money in my hand before shaking my head and pushing it back to him.

"No thank you." I said politely.

"It'd be bad of me not to give you some money."

"No it wouldn't. I've got enough."

"You got £50 from Mrs D. and you had a tenner before. Do you really think £60 is going to be enough?"

"Yes." I swallowed, trying to shove the money back to him.

"Just take it."

"I can't."

"Riah just take it." Amber piped up.

"No."

"It's not a big deal, he gave me £200 too." She slid her sunglasses on even though it wasn't sunny and we were about to go inside.

"£200? No, I won't accept it." I shook my head furiously.

"Take it." He put the money in my hands and held his hands around mine. I looked up at him and he smiled.

"Thank you." My voice was quiet.

"Okay lovebirds, can we get going now?" Amber pulled on my arm.

"We're not lovebirds, man. Stop embarrassing me please." I begged.

"So do you guys know the plan?" Isaiah asked.

"What plan?" I looked up at him.

"We go off and do our own thing for 3 hours, meet at New Look and then get something to eat."

"Oh okay." I nodded.

"Yep. You're with me." Amber linked her arm with mine and started dragging me away.

"Bye Isaiah." I called.

"Yeah, bye Izzy!" She shouted.

He laughed and waved.

We hadn't even walked for 5 minutes and Amber was already being approached by boys.

It was quite awkward for me, I just stood at the side while they asked for her number. I was confused, she gave her number away so easily.

"What?" She looked at me as the group of boys walked away.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie. What's up?" She pulled me to a bench and sat me down.

"You've given your number to like 5 guys already." I blinked.

"Yeah, well they wanted it." She replied nonchalantly.

"So what?"

"Why do you care?" She stared at me. I shrugged.

"I just do."

"Well stop caring." She got up and walked off.

2 1/2 hours later

Amber and I were now in New Look. I picked a few plain tops and when she saw them she immediately put them back.

"What's wrong with them?" I asked.

"You've got 260 quid and you want to spend it on basics you can get from Primark? No, buy something nice." She instructed. She looked around before pulling this red dress off the rack. It was long sleeved with a criss cross exposed back.

"This would suit you." She said. Before I could object, she had pulled another dress for me.

"I'm really not a fan of dresses."

"Nonsense!" She shouted.

"You've got a beautiful body and we're gonna show it off today."

"Amber, seriously, no."

"Yes Riah."

"Amber I don't want to wear a dress."

"Well you're going to anyway." She walked off, pulling more clothes.

In the fitting rooms, a mountain of clothes were piled on the hooks in front of me. I sighed at the sheer amount of dresses Amber had chosen for me. A lot of them were short and clingy; exactly her style.

I put on the red dress she had picked out. I was astonished at what I saw. I actually looked good. It stopped underneath my knees and fit me really nice. My body was emphasised as it stuck to me like a second skin, making me regret not ever buying any thongs or g-strings. The only part I didn't like was the back. It showed the bruises that I had accumulated since the dress was red, they appeared more purple.

"Hey Riah, have you tried on any of the dresses yet?" Amber's voice was loud as she called to me from her fitting room.

"Yeah I've actually got one on right now." I called back.

She was in my room within seconds and I pressed my back to the mirror so she could not see the bruises.

"Oh my gosh!" She exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"You look bloody gorgeous." She stared at me, grinning.

"Thanks." I smiled shyly. Her phone started ringing and she rushed out of the room quickly to answer it.

I turned back to face the mirror and stared at myself. Rianne would be so shocked to see me in something like this. It was completely different to what I liked to wear. It suited me, made me look more feminine I suppose.

I didn't even realise Amber and Isaiah had come in to the room. Once I saw them I turned so my back was out of their sight. The look on their faces already told me they saw. I peeled my eyes from their distraught faces and focused my gaze on the floor.

"What-what happened?" I could feel Amber's eyes on me but I refused to look up at her and kept my eyes firmly on the floor.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied weakly.

"Riah-"

"Nothing's happened, Amber."

"Don't do this again, Riah. Stop playing games." Isaiah spoke slowly, indicating he was trying to keep his temper. I looked up momentarily, his eyes bore into me, making me squirm. I swallowed hard.

"I'm not playing-"

"Yes you are!" He shouted, making me flinch.

"Isaiah, calm down." Amber spoke softly.

"How do you expect me to stay calm when she's got her back all bruised up? Someone's obviously hurt her."

"We don't know that. At least let her tell us what happened." They spoke like I wasn't there.

"We know what's happened, someone's hurt her."

"We don't know-"

"How much clearer could it be? She's got bruises that she didn't have before. Don't act like you didn't notice her black eye either." He kissed his teeth. I watched Amber stare at him for a little while before she diverted her attention back onto me.

"Riah?" Her voice was different this time. It sounded like she was scared.

"Who did this?" Her eyes were large as she looked down at me.

I couldn't answer, I was too scared. It was like my mouth was wired shut. I just looked from her to Isaiah, who seemed to be getting angrier as the seconds passed.

I just started crying. I didn't make much sound but the tears were rolling out of my eyes like no tomorrow.

"Did you do it to yourself or did someone hurt you?" Amber stepped closer to me. I took a deep breath.

"Amber it's not important, really." I tried to make my voice convincing but there's no way I could have been since I was bawling.

"Riah, just tell me." She put her hands on my shoulders.

"Please?" She begged. I stood for a moment, contemplating whether I should let her know or not. There was no use hiding it now, they both saw.

"Someone hurt me." I whispered after seconds of silence.

"Who?" Her eyes were starting to water as she stared at me.

"Please." She mouthed. She looked into the mirror at Isaiah before looking down at me and shaking her head slightly. Did she not want me to tell her the truth?

"Charlie. It was Charlie." I breathed. Her shoulders slumpled as I spoke, a tear running down her face. She looked at Isaiah hesitantly. He looked up at the ceiling and muttered to himself before he looked at me and punched the wall infuriated.

I jumped and cried more heavily.

"I knew it. I fucking knew it!" He exclaimed, growling before punching the wall again and leaving hastily.

"Isaiah! Zaih!" Amber called desparately, following after him.

I didn't know how to feel at that moment in time. I felt really guilty because I had told on him, but on the other hand I felt happy. I felt free. He wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore.

After I gathered myself, I changed back into my clothes and left the shop. I had no idea where they went but my best guess was that they were going home.

I was right. Isaiah was leaving the shopping centre with Amber hot on his tail.

"Isaiah wait!"

"Wait for what?" He turned around swiftly, watching her catch up to him.

I had ruined a perfectly good day. It was supposed to be a good day. Shopping and eating with two lovely people. They were trying to get to know me and make me feel better about being in the situation I was in but I had ruined all of that.

I looked on in horror as they argued.

"Just calm down. Think about this!" She begged.

"I have done enough thinking. He's dead!"

"Izzy calm down!"

"Why do you keep telling me to calm down? How do you expect me to FUCKING CALM DOWN! I can't calm down so stop telling me to because it's not going to happen!" He yelled at her. People stared at them as their argument became more intense. I had never seen him so angry before. It was scary, he was normally a calm guy.

Men in high visibility jackets, who I assumed were security, rushed towards the two and spoke with them quietly. Isaiah nodded at them before leaving with Amber. I followed behind them but they couldn't see me.

"Amber!" I called. She looked behind her and locked eyes with me before her face turned stony and she whipped her head away from me, picking up the speed that she was walking.

Isaiah slowed down and waited for me to catch up.

"Is she okay?" I asked him, watching her speed walk.

"It doesn't matter if she's okay, are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded. He sighed and held my arm gently, stopping me from walking.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He looked down at me. I shook my head and looked away.

"It's not really something you'd tell people."

"You let it continue-"

"Isaiah, I tried to stop him. Countless times. I fought back but he'd just hit me harder. It's not like I never tried. I always did." I spun on my heel.

The train ride back was extremely awkward. The air was thick with tension and I looked frantically from Amber to Isaiah as they sent daggers to each other. They only stopped glaring at each other once we were at the stop we needed to get off at.

As we approached the house, I was getting extremely anxious. My heart was pounding and I could feel myself beginning to get hot. Isaiah was calm on the train but I could see he was thinking about it more now and it was making him angry. I didn't want to talk to either of them in fear of increasing their anger.

When Amber opened the door, I was quick to make my way to the bedroom. I just wanted to be alone for the time being. From what I could tell, Charlie was not home yet which meant Amber had some time to try and calm Isaiah down. I had never seen Isaiah fight but from how angry I saw him become earlier, I just knew he could do some damage.

I fell asleep quickly and woke up only to see it was turning dark outside. I looked at the clock on the wall. 6:23.

I got out of bed slowly, sighing as I did so. My stomach rumbled loudly reminding me that I had only eaten breakfast that entire day. I looked over to the other side of the room and Amber's bed was empty. So was Kacey's.

I trotted down the stairs and heard the T.V. on. I peeked into the living room to see everyone in there watching the Incredibles. I smiled to myself, witnessing them all having a good time, laughing and smiling.

I made my way to the kitchen and turned on the light, illuminating the room. I scavenged through the fridge, finding myself some leftovers to eat. I popped the plate in the microwave and placed my hands on the counter, closing my eyes as I waited for my food to finish warming up.

I never noticed the front door close and only realised Charlie was home when I felt him press his body onto me.

I knew it was not Isaiah because Isaiah was a lot taller than Charlie and he was too much of a gentleman to ever do something like that, especially after what I had told them earlier.

"Get off me." I turned around and pushed his disgusting frame from me. He let out an evil laugh before attempting to pull me close to him.

"Charlie, I'm done playing your fucking games. Just leave me alone!" I raised my voice slightly in an attempt to be assertive but not alert everyone who was in the living room.

"Come on darling. You know you want this." He laughed again.

"I want nothing to do with you. You are filth." I spat, pulling my food from the microwave. He laughed again before he pulled me into him, holding my wrists tight.

"You're too fucking rude. Your arse needs to be taught a lesson." He whispered into my ear. My stomach dropped at the thought of another beating and I wrestled to get my wrists free.

"Charlie, get the fuck off me!" I shouted. I yanked my wrist from his grip and picked up my hot plate of food. I brought it round the side of his face, food and glass falling to the floor as the plate smashed. He groaned and released me, holding his head.

I watched him writhe in pain for a few seconds before I stepped past him to leave the kitchen.

I thought I had hurt him enough that he wouldn't try to do anything more but he pulled my leg and I fell to the floor. Using my hair, he propelled my head into the cupboard.

It hurt more than I thought it would and I clutched at my head to ease the pain.

He grabbed my hair again and I breathed heavily as he pulled me towards him.

"Stop, Charlie!" My hands flew up to my hair and I tried to release my hair from his fingers.

"Charlie, stop!" I exclaimed.

He moved so that he was on his knees. He looked me in the eyes before putting his knee on my stomach and placing all his weight on it. I screamed as his knee dug into me.

"You're hurting me! Get off! Please! Get off me!" I yelled at him but it was like he couldn't hear me. Or he didn't want to.

I was crying at this point and I remember being extremely terrified.

"She said, GET OFF!" Isaiah's deep voice rumbled in the air and Charlie's eyes grew wide as Isaiah reached down and grabbed him by the throat.

I scampered away from them, wiping my eyes. Isaiah pushed Charlie so his back was against the counter.

He hadn't hit him yet so I assumed Amber was able to change his mind.

"Izzy. It's not what it looks like. We were just play fighting." Charlie looked at me, visibly intimidated by Isaiah's threatening stance.

"Isn't that right poppet?" He looked at me desperately. I looked away and made my way to the fridge, putting a few ice cubes in a zip lock bag and pressing it against my head.

"You chat shit. You think you can hit her any time you like and force yourself onto her? You think you can do that and I wouldn't find out?" Isaiah raised his voice. Charlie looked at him confused before looking at me. He narrowed his eyes.

"You! You told! I told you not to fucking tell anyone!" He exclaimed. He swung at me, knocking me to the ground. I held my nose gingerly and breathed slowly. I felt the blood ooze out my nose and groaned. I hated this shit.

"Don't touch her!" Isaiah yelled at him.

He managed to push Isaiah away and punched me another two times before Isaiah intervened. He picked him up by the neck and slammed his body into the table.

"What did I tell you? I said don't fucking touch her!" He screamed. I watched silently as he lay his fists into Charlie's face. I turned my head to see Mrs Duboe.

"What's going on?" She said from the corridor. She ran to us once she was close enough to see what was happening.

"Isaiah stop!" She didn't touch him, probably so that he wouldn't switch on her and hit her too.

"Isaiah!" She tried again. Amber had now come out of the living room to see what all the noise was about and the little children followed behind her.

"Oh my god!" She exclaimed.

"Take them upstairs!" Mrs Duboe instructed her. Amber nodded quickly and ushered the children away. She came back soon after. Charlie and Isaiah had moved from the table and were now closer to me, by the fridge.

"This is all your fault!" Charlie shouted, grabbing my hair again.

"Don't touch her!" Isaiah screamed again. It was scary seeing him so angry. He had completely lost the plot. He was punching Charlie as if his life depended on it. Charlie was fighting back at first but now he wasn't doing anything at all. His face was so bloody and Isaiah wouldn't stop hitting him.

This was all too much. I stood up shakily.

"Isaiah." I called. He didn't listen.

"Isaiah, please." I reached out to touch him.

"Please, stop." I begged, my fingers on his shoulder. His hand extended towards me with tremendous speed and my neck was in his hand in seconds. He lifted me off the ground and held me against the fridge. I spluttered, attempting to get some air into my lungs.

"You protect your dad when he hits you! You protect this piece of shit when he hits you! Do you enjoy getting hurt?" He shouted. I was shaking with fear, he was now hurting me too.

"Oh my god Isaiah." Amber stood by his side.

"Isaiah, I can't breathe." I whispered. He let me go instantly and I dropped to the floor, gasping loudly. I was overwhelmed with everything that had just happened. I had never witnessed anyone so incredibly angry. He was stronger than he looked and my heart ached at what he had done.

I couldn't contain my tears anymore and I was bawling. Charlie was right. This was all my fault. I looked at the mess of the kitchen. There was smashed glass and food everywhere. Amber was hovering over Charlie, trying to wake him up. I sat there and just thought back to all the stupid stuff I had done that led up to this moment.

If I had never started winding dad up, he would never have gotten so mad about Kieran that he would beat me up like that. If that never happened I wouldn't be in this whole situation. Charlie wouldn't have been knocked out by Isaiah, none of this would have happened.

"Riah, I'm sorry." He said in a hushed voice. I shook my head and waved him away.

"I said I'm sorry."

"I don't care, Isaiah. Please just go away."

"I don't understand-"

"Look! Look at what you've done!"

"I was helping you."

"Yeah and I'm grateful, I really am. But you didn't need to beat him up so bad. You didn't need to knock him senseless. Look at him."

"He deserved it."

"No he didn't. I know what he did was bad but you didn't need to do all of that."

"And there you go. Defending him again."

"I'm not defending him-"

"Yes you are! You defend everyone that's ever hurt you."

"I don't defend them, I just give them a second chance. Another chance to rectify their mistakes."

"Well maybe it's time you stop giving second chances." He shouted.

"You let people hurt you and get away with it. People are going to keep hurting you if you let them!" He amended. I wiped my face and stood up.

"Isaiah you just had your hand around my fucking throat. You don't want me to forgive you at all?" I looked up at him, watching his face fall.

"Yeah that's what I thought." I kissed my teeth.

"You know what, maybe you're right. No more second chances. Starting with you." I pushed past him before he could say anything.