7th March 2012

I had stayed cooped up in the bedroom for a few days, leaving only to take a shower and sneak down to the kitchen to get food.

Mrs Duboe was more concerned about me than anyone else in the house. She checked up on me often and always offered herself as someone I could confide in but I never told her about Charlie. I don't know why I was so afraid; I guess I didn't want to seem weak. I hated to be the victim which is why I didn't want to tell anyone about Dad in the first place.

No one had seen my face as whenever they came into the room to see me I'd have my back to them or have the light off. I don't think they suspected a thing. They probably thought I was just really homesick. I felt so alone, so vulnerable.

"Yo you need to get out of this bed some time. You can't stay in there all day wishing you can go back home. You're lucky, you know you're going back to your family in a month. Me I don't know where I'm gonna go next." Amber spoke from behind me. She was at home all day for once. She had been pestering me to get up and get something to eat.

"Have you even brushed your teeth?" She asked. I sighed from under the duvet.

"Gosh yes I have. I just don't want to get out that's all."

"No something's wrong. Talk to me."

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Riah. You're not fine. I know I haven't known you for long but I know something's bothering you. I only want you to talk to me." She kept on speaking and the more she spoke the angrier I got. I wasn't angry at the fact she was trying to help, I was angry that I was mentally reliving every time Charlie had come near me. I was angry that I was becoming more and more afraid of him, angry that I had isolated myself from these people that had kindly taken me in. I sat up furiously.

"I said I'm fine Amber! Nothing's fucking wrong, can't you get that through your thick skull! Sometimes all I want is to be left alone, the only thing bothering me is you!" I yelled. I didn't want to shout at her like that, there was no reason for me to. I was just so frustrated and annoyed and I took that out on her. I knew she was just trying to help and really I appreciated it, but I didn't like to tell people things and that did not help me.

I exhaled slowly, my eyes still on her. She held my gaze, as if to challenge me. I know she knew I wasn't telling the truth. She knew I was hiding something. My breathing accelerated, and I looked away in an attempt to stop myself from crying. I never backed down from a stare off. Ever. Angry tears rolled down my cheeks and I within seconds I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Amber rushed to my side, immediately wrapping me up into a hug.

"Damn Riah, what the fuck happened?" She rubbed my back. I stayed sobbing on her shoulder before reluctantly letting go.

I shook my head. "Nothing." I whispered. She stared at me.

"Is that a fading bruise?" She pointed to my cheekbone. I shook my head again. I don't know why I didn't tell her what was going on.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. If anything happened I would tell you. I haven't told you anything therefore nothing has happened." I rambled, wiping my tears. She gave me a wary look to which I responded with a small smile.

She rubbed my back and hugged me again before returning to her bed.

"Don't worry, you'll be going home in no time." She smiled at me.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Sorry for shouting at you."

"No it's okay. You're stressed, I get that." She pulled her phone out of her pocket.

"Thanks." I muttered.

"No problem." She replied, tapping away at her screen.

"Uh you ever wanna talk to someone, I'll be here. Well, no actually. I'll probably be elsewhere but still, whenever I'm here you can talk to me." She added. I nodded even though she wasn't looking at me.

"Do you want to go out on Friday? Just me, you and Isaiah?" She looked up from her phone.

"Oh. No. No thanks." I declined politely.

"What? Come on, you haven't even left the house yet. We'll just go shopping or something, it'll be fun." She raised her eyebrows waiting for me to give her an answer.

"Nah, I'm alright."

"You're coming."

"I'd rather not."

"I'm not asking."

"Amber." I rubbed my temples.

"Riah." She replied in the same tone.

"Amber, I'm not going."

"You are. End of conversation." She clicked her tongue.

"But-"

"End of conversation."

"I don't want to-"

"Bye!" She said in a sing song voice before leaving the bedroom.

I sighed. It was extremely nice of her to invite me out but I really wasn't up to it. I didn't want to seem rude or ungrateful but I'm a home body. A voice pierced my thoughts.

"I hear you're coming on Friday." I turned around to Isaiah standing at the door. I opened my mouth to speak but he frowned.

"Yo what happened to your face?" He questioned. I shook my head.

"Nothing." I cleared my throat. "And I'm not coming with you lot."

"What? But Amber said you were."

"I told her I wasn't going to come." I shrugged and he just stared at me. He looked out into the hallway before coming into the room fully and shutting the door. He sat on Amber's bed, looking at me.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"You've been a bit off lately... like since Saturday."

"You don't know me to know when I'm off."

"Okay, true. I'm just worried about you I guess." He trailed off. My heart skipped a beat and I frowned.

"Why?" I shifted my position on the bed, waiting to hear his explanation. I looked down at my toes.

"I don't know, I care about you." He said. My head shot up and I stared at him.

"You what?" I was perplexed.

"I care about you." He repeated.

"I'm a stranger."

"You don't have to be." We locked eyes and I gulped. I think he saw.

"Come on Friday. We can learn about each other then." Before I could object he stood up and left the room. I guess I was going out on Friday.

I was excited but at the same time anxious. I was going out into a part of London I didn't know with two strangers.

Mrs Duboe came in and handed me a fifty pound note.

"I heard you were going with Zaih and Amby so I thought I'd give you a little to spend."

"Thanks." I nodded.

"Are you alright? I haven't seen you step out of this room in a few days."

"I do. Just when you're sleeping I guess." I shrugged. She nodded.

"How are you getting on with everyone?" She asked, looking me in the eye. I thought for a second, smiling at the thought of Isaiah and Amber being so kind. My mind then skimmed over Charlie and I felt my smile falter.

Feeling awkward, I looked away.

"Everyone's lovely."

She nodded. "That's good. You and Amby are getting really close."

"Yeah, she's really kind. And I can talk to her since she's around my age."

"Yeah, I wouldn't expect you to get too close to the little ones." She laughed.

"And Zaih? What do you think of him?"

"I don't know I don't see or talk to him much." I shrugged.

"So going out on Friday is a must then." She stood up.

"I think he likes you." She smiled again.

"No I don't think so."

"Oh he does, trust me. Have fun on Friday." She winked before leaving the room.

What was that all about? I decided to get out of bed finally and get something to eat.

I was making myself a grilled cheese sandwich when I heard Kacey nearby. I turned around. She was by the kitchen door smiling at me.

"You alright Kacey?" I asked.

"Yeah. What are you making?" She asked. She came and stood beside me.

"Grilled cheese sandwich. Do you want one?" I looked down at her. She looked up at me and smiled before nodding.

I helped her wash her hands and sat her down at the dinner table. As I put the plate down in front of her, she turned and hugged me.

"Oh." I gasped. That was unexpected. A smile crept up on my face and I hugged her back.

We sat down and ate our sandwiches. Now that it was just us two alone, I decided it was a good time to ask her ask couple of questions.

"Kacey, did Charlie go into the bedroom a lot? Before I came here?"

"Yes. Sometimes."

"And what did he do in there?" I stared at her.

"Sometimes he played with Jessica. Sometimes he let me watch."

"Who's Jessica?" I asked.

"We don't talk about her anymore." I heard Isaiah behind me.

"Come on. Let me and Riah talk." He helped Kacey out of her seat.

"Okay. Bye Riah." She hugged me once again. Isaiah sat down.

"Well she likes you." He smiled.

"Doesn't everyone." I muttered under my breath.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. What did you want to talk about?" I took a bite out of my sandwich.

"Why were you asking about Jessica?"

"I just wanted to know who's bed I've been sleeping on." I lied. He nodded.

"Who is she?" I asked.

"She was another girl who used to be here. She was 16. She had the sweetest soul ever, I think you would of liked her."

"Well where is she?"

"She doesn't live here anymore." I noticed his demeanour change.

"Oh she moved foster homes? Or she got adopted?" I smiled hopefully.

"No. She died."

"What?" My stomach dropped

"She committed suicide. Jumped from a high rise tower block."

"Oh my God, Isaiah."

"We don't know why she did it. The police think she may have been bullied at school or abused by her boyfriend. They found bruises all over her. But they said she got them before she died which is why we think her boyfriend might have been abusing her." He was becoming increasingly upset and I put my hand on top of his.

He looked up and we shared eye contact for a while before he looked away. He pulled his hand out from underneath mine.

"Isaiah-"

"She was pregnant. The autopsy showed she was pregnant. We thought maybe her boyfriend didn't want the baby and so she killed herself but he said they hadn't had sex. We don't know who the father was. We don't even know if she knew she was pregnant. She wouldn't have jumped if she knew, she always said she wanted kids." I watched as his lip trembled and he cried silently.

I felt the bile rising in my throat. I hated when people cried in front of me, I never knew what to do.

"I loved her man. She was like a little sister to me. I feel like I failed her. I should have protected her from whatever it was that was pushing her to kill herself."

"Isaiah, this was not your fault. I'm sure no one even knew what she was going through. If you didn't know how were you meant to protect her? Don't blame yourself." I pulled him into a hug and let him cry on my shoulder.

I felt sick. I had my own speculations about what had really happened. It was obvious to me. Charlie was abusing her. He got her pregnant. That child was conceived on that very bed I was sleeping on. She felt she couldn't take it anymore. He pushed her over the edge, he made her think she had nothing worth living for.

Realisation hit me hard. I could end up like Jessica if I kept letting Charlie do what he was doing to me. I could tell he wanted to do things to me and it was only a matter of time before he acted on his dirty thoughts.

I was scared. Scared to end up like Jessica. Time was running out. I would be going home in just over a month. If Charlie wanted to do to me what he did to Jessica, he'd have to do it soon.

The sickly feeling I had worsened and I quickly let go of Isaiah before making my way to the bathroom.

I released the contents of my stomach into the toilet and sat by it crying.

"Please don't let me end up like Jessica." I prayed through my tears, yes I prayed. I was not about to lose my life because a guy couldn't keep his dick in his boxers and his hands to himself.

"Riah. Riah are you okay?" Isaiah had followed me to the bathroom. I didn't respond and stayed crying on the floor. He wrapped his arms around me and I clutched onto his arms. He held me tighter.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you all of that. I didn't mean to upset you, I just wanted to tell you what happened." He rambled apologetically.

"Woah, what happened?" Amber had come into the bathroom.

"I told her something upsetting. Riah I'm sorry."

"Well what did you tell her? Riah. Riah it's okay." She knelt down in front of me. She held my hands.

"Riah it's okay. Get up of the floor." She said. I couldn't stop crying. I felt like I couldn't breathe even though I was taking huge gasps of air. I clutched at my chest and my hands were shaking furiously. I didn't know what was happening and it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I felt like I was going to die. My heavy breathing had turned into hyperventilating and I could hear ringing in my ears. This scared me even more and everything I was feeling I was feeling 10 times harder.

"What's happening to her?" I could hear Isaiah's voice faintly.

"I think she's having a panic attack." Amber's voice replied.

I had never had a panic attack before. It felt horrible. I just wanted it to end.

"Riah. Focus on my voice. Everything is gonna be okay." Amber said calmly.

"Just breathe." She instructed gently. She told me to stay calm and that this will all pass. I tried my hardest to focus on her voice and steady my breathing.

It took a while but I was able to control my breathing and stop crying. I could no longer hear the ringing in my ears and I was starting to feel better.

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Sorry." I exhaled.

"Don't apologise Riah. It's not your fault." Amber smiled.

"Lasted nearly 15 minutes, it did." Mrs Duboe had joined us in the small bathroom. I guess I was too occupied to notice earlier.

"How did you know she was having having a panic attack?" Isaiah directed his question to Amber.

"Someone I knew used to get them." She said quietly. Isaiah helped me to my feet and I sat down on the toilet seat.

"Your records never said you had anxiety." Mrs Duboe said.

"I don't." I shook my head.

"This was your first panic attack?" Amber asked. I nodded.

"Do you have any idea what might have triggered it?" She asked. I shrugged.

"We're going to have to tell Sally." Mrs Duboe announced.

"Tell Sally what?" Charlie appeared in the doorway and I felt sick all over again. I immediately started retching.

"Riah's had a panic attack." Mrs Duboe informed him.

"What?" His voice was concerned but I knew it was faked. He came over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Get away from me." I didn't attempt to hide my disgust and slapped his hand from me.

"Riah it's okay now." Amber reassured me.

"It's not. It really isn't." I replied defiantly.

"Would you mind giving me and Riah a little time to talk?" Charlie looked around and put his hand back on my shoulder, squeezing my collarbone. I gasped at the pain. They began to leave when I piped up.

"You're going?" I asked.

"Charlie wants to talk to you. If we can't figure out what triggered your attack, he might." Isaiah shrugged.

"What makes you say that?"

"He's got a degree in Psychology." Isaiah winked at me before leaving.

"Amber don't go." I begged.

"Why not? He's just gonna talk to you."

"But what if I have another panic attack?"

"Then he'll call me." She left before I could speak again.

Charlie eyed me suspiciously.

"Panic attack? What happened?" Now he sounded genuinely concerned but I knew better than to trust him.

"As if you care. You don't give a shit." I spat.

"I do care-"

"Charlie I'm done talking. You're a horrible man. I feel sorry for anybody that has to come into contact with you. You're sick. Vile. And you need help." I walked past him.

"And I know what you did to Jessica." I revealed. His hand wrapped around my neck and he pushed me into the wall. I looked up into his eyes as he held his fist in the air.

"You don't know anything." He snarled.

"I know enough. I know she used to share a room with Amber and Kacey. I know you abused her in front of Kacey. Like, how sick are you? Telling a little girl to watch while you abused and raped Jessica? She was pregnant with your baby, Charlie. You got a 16 year old girl pregnant! I wonder how it feels to have two preventable deaths on your hands."

Stop it!" He yelled, his fist connecting with my stomach. I won't ever forget the pain of those stomach punches. My body folded at the force and he held onto my forearms tightly.

"I don't care how bad of a person you think I am. I did not wish for Jessica to die, I didn't think she'd kill herself." He heaved. Were those tears in his eyes?

"Let's not forget about your child."

"There's no proof it was mine."

"You're the only person she'd been with-"

"She had a boyfriend-"

"That she never had sex with! It was yours!" I remained adamant. He looked extremely upset and I could tell he was shocked at my knowledge of the situation.

He wiped his eyes with his t-shirt quickly before holding onto the top of my arms even tighter.

"Fuck! Let go!" I squealed.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked.

"Charlie I'm not playing games. Get off me."

"How the fuck did you know all that shit?"

"I said LET GO!" I drove my knee up, smashing it in between his legs. He released me instantly and I rubbed my sore arms. I was definitely going to have bruises from this.

He looked up at me as he cupped his injured manhood. I smirked and proceeded to saunter out of the bathroom before he pushed me roughly.

My back hit the sink and I fell to the floor. Charlie grabbed my hair and brought his face close to mine.

"How do you know about Jessica?" He asked. I spat in his face, defiant. He pulled me up slightly by my hair, forcing my head into the sink.

Groaning, I placed my fingers on the corner of my head that had hit the sink.

"How do you know?" He repeated. I shook my head, and scrambled to my feet. I was in too much pain to speak.

"I asked you a question!" He shouted, advancing towards me. I reached out and slapped him with as much force as my arm would let me. He stood shocked and I ran out of the bathroom.

I don't know why I kept letting him hit me. It's not like I didn't know how to fight. I guess I didn't want to hit him back in fear that he'd then hit me twice as hard.

It was very easy to piss him off and I did that a lot. If he was angry he was aggressive. Everyone in the house knew this, they just didn't know he was taking out that anger on me.

I was quite unsure as to why no one had noticed. It was quite obvious, whenever Charlie was home I would obtain new bruises. I know I covered up quite a bit but my face and neck still showed and he hit me there quite frequently.

I went into the bedroom silently and lay in my bed. I felt so helpless. I was being abused and no one noticed. They didn't suspect a thing. They were completely oblivious as to what Charlie was doing. They loved him. They saw him as a dad and believed he was a good guy. Not anymore. That was all about to change.