8th February 2012

Sally took me to this foster home I'd be staying at. The house was in Hackney and was quite small.

"This is Mrs Duboe. She's going to look after you while we look at your home situation." She smiled.

Mrs Duboe was a tall but chubby white lady currently dressed in a robe and bedroom slippers. Mrs Duboe smiled at me warmly, her crystal blue eyes glistening.

"Welcome." She stepped aside for me and Sally to walk in.

The walls of the hallway were painted a sickly green colour. Stairs were to the right, a room to the left and a kitchen a bit further down. I gasped as kids suddenly thundered down the stairs and ran past me, shoving me in the process.

"Sorry." Miss Duboe apologised. "They get a bit excited when new people come." I turned to her.

"Do they know why I'm here?" I asked quietly.

"Oh no." Miss Duboe laughed.

"Do you know?" I asked. She smiled at me sympathetically before nodding. Oh.

"Erm your room is this way." She said, swiftly changing the subject. She led me up the stairs and down the hallway. She opened a door. The room was painted a pale pink. There were 3 beds, a wardrobe with suitcases on top, and a desk by the window. There wasn't too much stuff in the room but it was still crowded.

Mrs Duboe left me alone to get settled and Sally came back after about an hour with some clothes.

"I brought you some clothes. I thought you might need them since you don't have any here." She plopped the Primark and H&M bags down on the bed I was currently sitting on. I smiled at her quickly. She told me she'd be back at the end of the week to check on me. Once I was alone again, I lay down on the bed. The door suddenly burst open and I sat up. A little girl had walked in and she was currently staring at me. She had chocolate skin, brown eyes and her hair was cornrowed to the crown of her head with the ends brushed out. She was about 2 or 3 and was holding a little pig toy. She smiled at me.

"Are you going to be my sister?" She asked. I raised an eyebrow before she giggled and ran out of the room.

I sighed before going through the shopping bags and changing into leggings and a long sleeved top. I took my hair out of the ponytail, letting it puff around my shoulders. Sighing again, I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me.

I crept down the stairs slowly, and peeked my head around. I could hear the kids but could not see them. They were probably in the kitchen or the garden.

I made my way to the living room and sat on the black leather couch. I picked up the Sky remote, changing the channel from Cbeebies to Film 4. Twilight was on and I put the remote back on the table and sat back.

About 40 minutes into the film, the front door slammed shut. Soon after, someone came and sat next to me on the couch but I didn't bother to look away from the T.V. to see who it was. They put a bag on the table and opened it. I smelt the Chinese food right away and looked down at the bag. They pulled out one of the takeaway boxes and opened it. As they dug into their food, I tried my hardest to stay focused on the T.V. screen but that food just smelt too good. My stomach rumbled mercilessly as I hadn't eaten since the morning and I sighed.

"If you want some, you can just ask you know." They said. They had a smooth and deep voice. I swallowed before looking at them. My eyes widened as I wasn't expecting what I had seen. A guy about 17 or 18 was staring at the T.V., avoiding eye contact. He had chocolate skin, a strong jawline, slanted eyes, a light moustache, silver studs in his ears and was wearing a puffer jacket and a black beanie. He still had his Nike backpack on and was leaning forward as if Twilight was really interesting him.

"You can stop staring at me now. I'm Isaiah by the way." He said, still not looking at me. I looked away abruptly.

"And go and tell Mrs D you're ready to eat." He added.

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled. My stomach rumbled loudly in protest. Great fucking timing.

"So that's why your stomach is making sounds like a whale?" He said blankly. I looked at him and he glanced at me. His full face was even betteer than his side profile. He did a double take before fully staring at me.

"Woah." He finally said. I furrowed my brows. That wasn't the response I was hoping to get. It gave me no direction. It could be either good or bad. I was hoping it was good until he started speaking again.

"Rah them bruises are heavy duty you know, how'd you get them?" He asked. Oh. Growing uncomfortable, I looked away, back at the T.V. screen.

"It's nothing." I mumbled, shifting my position so that he wouldn't be able to see that my eyes were tearing up. There was a long silence before he spoke again.

"Well if it makes you feel better, even I can see how beautiful you are under them bruises, and the person who did that to you, just know they don't deserve you. And they never will." With that, I felt him stand up and heard him leave the room. I bit my lips nervously and thought back to my father. My eyesight became blurry as my eyes filled with tears.

I sat for a few minutes sobbing before I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" The same little girl from earlier was standing in front of me. I wiped my eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm good." She stared at me for a little longer before running out again.

I sat in the living room for a long time before I heard my name being called.

"Riah, we're having dinner now." Mrs Duboe walked into the living room and smiled at me.

"Is everything alright?" She asked. I nodded.

"Well we eat in the kitchen if you'd like to join us." She said, walking out. I reluctantly stood up before slowly making my way to the kitchen.

My sleeves were covering my hands and I had one hand at my mouth and the other arm around my stomach. I walked in nervously and sat down at the empty seat of the crowded table.

I sat quietly and watched as the small children babbled to each other and laughed at each other. There were mostly small children at the table and the food was set out neatly in the middle.

"Take what you want." Mrs Duboe said. I looked up at her.

"We always let the new people take the first pick." She added. I swallowed before reaching out and dishing some salad leaves onto my plate.

"Salad? Really? Miss D didn't even make that one, it's store bought. Pick some of the things she made." Isaiah said. He was sitting opposite me and I glanced at him before picking up a drumstick. I didn't like to eat in front of people so anytime I did, I would eat small.

"That's it?" He asked. I looked at him.

"Okay. Suit yourself." He said before grabbing his food. I waited until everyone had something on their plate before taking a salad leaf and shoving it in my mouth.

"She, she, this one was crying." A voice said. I looked around the table and the little girl from earlier was pointing at me. Isaiah looked up at me before looking back at his food.

"She was?" He asked in a light tone.

"Yeah." She answered. He gasped.

"Do you know why?" He asked.

"No. But she- but she was crying." She replied. He nodded and I stuffed my mouth with salad before he could ask a question. There was an awkward silence as Mrs Duboe stared at me.

"Is everything alright darling?" She asked. I nodded still staring down at my plate. She reached over and placed her hand on top of mine.

"I know you miss your home right now, but you'll settle in here just fine. And you'll be going home in no time, so don't worry." She said. I just nodded again.

"So you're not going to wait for me before you start eating dinner?" A deep voice said. I looked up at a tall man standing behind Mrs Duboe. He had scruffy brown hair and his face was slightly droopy, lined with wrinkles around his mouth and eyes when he smiled. He wore a tan jacket, a brown t-shirt and tan trousers. He had a blue plastic bag dangling off his fingers. The bag was double lined but I could still tell there was alcohol in it.

"Daddy!" The kids screamed, jumping out of their seats and running to hug him.

They attacked him with hugs before Mrs Duboe called them to come back to the table and eat. "Hello Mary, love." He bent down and kissed the top if her head but she didn't reply. Oh. How awkward. He looked around the table and his eyes landed on me.

"Oh we have a new one. Hello love. I'm Charlie." He said to me. I smiled politely. He started tickling the little girl from earlier and Mrs Duboe smacked at his hand.

"Not while she's eating. Isn't that right Casey?" The little girl nodded. So her name's Casey.

We sat eating and I couldn't shake off the feeling that someone was watching me. I looked up from my plate to see Charlie staring at me. I stared back and he didn't look away. Instead he moved his gaze lower down my face until his eyes stopped lower down my body. I realised he was staring at my chest and immediately kissed my teeth and dropped my fork onto the plate.

He gave me a smile that made my stomach turn. Isaiah seemed to notice him staring at me weirdly and told him to stop. I stood up hurriedly. This was all so awkward and disgusting to me.

"Are you alright?" Mrs Duboe asked.

"I'm fine." I replied, and angrily exited the kitchen.

I went up to the bedroom and lay on the bed. I closed my eyes and sighed. The front door slammed soon after and the bedroom door opened. I was too lazy to look at who had come in and kept my eyes shut.

"Why you on my bed?" A female voice rang in my ears. I sat up. The room was a bit dark but I could still see the features of the girl standing in front of me. She was wearing light blue jeans, white converses and a white printed t-shirt was hanging off her shoulder.

Her curly shoulder length hair was dyed copper blonde. She stared at me as I analysed her.

"You done staring?" She asked rhetorically, her arms folded across her chest. I frowned before pulling myself off the bed and grabbing the stuff I had put on it. I put my stuff on the next available bed and sat down. She watched me as I did so.

"Thanks." She muttered, chewing on her gum loudly. I watched her pull out her phone and realised how pretty she was when her phone screen illuminated her face.

"How long are you here for?" She asked, her eyes still on her phone.

"2 months." I whispered. She nodded. She smiled and giggled at something on her phone before typing away furiously.

"You got a man?" Her eyes were still glued to her phone. I raised my eyebrows.

"No. Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Just wondering." She shrugged.

"You're really pretty." She spoke quietly but I still heard.

"Erm thanks." I replied awkwardly.

"I'm Amber by the way." She looked up at me and stuck out her hand. I shook it.

"Riah." I nodded. She looked at her phone again.

"Pretty name for a pretty face." She breathed. Was she hitting on me? I ignored her.

"So how long have you been here?" I asked.

"'bout a year." She sighed.

"Oh."

"Yeah." She stood up and grabbed her bag.

"Well bye." She said.

"Bye? You just got here."

" Yeah, well someone needs me so I'll see you tomorrow." She winked at me and half smiled before leaving the room.

I was on my phone watching videos on YouTube when Casey came in.

"Hi." She smiled. I waved and she walked to the bed at the end of mine. She jumped on it a few times before Charlie came in.

"Ah ah ah. You know it's bed time Casey." He walked through the open door. She giggled before tucking herself under the covers. I didn't look up but I noticed his words were slurred and I could smell the sweat and alcohol from him.

"Oi you." He said. I ignored him and he repeated himself, pushing my head. I looked up at him.

"You know something yeah? You're very beautiful." He sipped from the bottle before he carried on talking.

"It's the pretty and quiet ones like you that make the best fuckers."

I gave him a disgusted look and he laughed.

"Show me." He stroked my cheek.

"Show me what you've got." He hooked his bony finger in my top and pulled it away from my body, trying to peek at my cleavage.

"Get the fuck off me." I pulled away. I heard a giggle and looked to see Casey staring at us.

"Why are you looking? You know what to do." Charlie told her. She nodded before turning so her back was facing us. Was this a routine thing?

"That's a good girl." He said. I stood up and pushed him to get out of the room. He suddenly slapped me and I fell back onto the bed. He climbed on top of me and started to unbuckle his trousers. The fuck?

I punched him and he got up, holding his lip. I sat up, glaring at him. He spat blood and wiped his mouth. He turned back to me and grabbed my hair. Pulling me up by my hair, he slammed my head against the wall and I yelped. I slid down the wall, my hand on the part of my head that had hit the wall.

"Next time, fucking listen to me and do as I say." He breathed before spitting on me. He walked out, slamming the door behind him and I stayed on the floor breathing heavily, caressing my head. I was confused about what had just happened as things escalated so quickly.

I already missed home but this incident made me want to go back so much more. I got up slowly and stumbled to the bathroom.

I stood in front of the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was dishevelled from where Charlie grabbed me and my cheek was red. The little bitch. I rolled my eyes before I started removing my clothes. I took off my top and stared down at the bruise on my stomach. The door opened and I gasped. I wrapped my arms around my bust protectively and turned my head around to see who had come in.

"Oh shit sor-" Isaiah had come in and was in the process of backing out of the bathroom when he looked at me again. Oh. He stared at the bruise that ran down my back and looked up at my face before coming in fully and closing the door.

I gulped as he got closer to me and my eyes involuntarily watered.

"What the fuck?" He whispered slowly.

"Isaiah." I swallowed.

"This is why you're here?" He asked. I looked at my face in the mirror. I glanced at his facial expression before looking to my face again.

I nodded.

"It's not as bad as-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." He commanded, silencing me.

"How can you say that? How can you even say that? You've got tears streaming down your face, you're all bruised up and you want to say 'it's not as bad as it seems'." He raised his voice.

"Isaiah-"

"Can't you see it's not right?"

"Can you just stop judging me and judging my life? You don't know me, you don't know what happened!"

"I know someone hurt you really bad."

"But that's all you know. You don't know the reasons why-"

"So you want to justify abuse yeah?"

"That's not what I'm doing." I rubbed my forehead.

"No that's exactly what you're doing!" I flinched at the tone of his voice. I hadn't know this guy for even 12 hours and I could already tell anger was a problem for him.

"Can you just go please?" I cut my eyes at him. He huffed before muttering something and leaving. I sighed.

I took a quick shower before going to bed. I hadn't been here for a day and already I hated it. Fuck me.