29th March 2012

I ended up falling asleep. He was stroking my baby hairs and you guys know that puts me to sleep.

It was about 2 in the afternoon, so I had been asleep for quite a while.

"You look beautiful when you sleep." His chest rumbled as he spoke. I giggled.

"I want to do something." He looked down at me.

I got dressed because Isaiah wanted us to go out with Kacey.

Once I was done, I helped Kacey get dressed and we sat in the living room while Isaiah finished getting ready. Kacey was sitting on my lap as we watched TV.

"Oh, you're going out?" Mrs Duboe walked into the living room.

"Yeah. Isaiah wanted us to go out together." I trailed off.

"Mm." She turned around and I sighed. I guess she was annoyed with what Isaiah told Kacey.

Finally, he was done and we headed out.

"Mrs Duboe is mad at us."

"She'll get over it. We act more like Kacey's parents that she does so she can't really say anything."

"Okay." I shrugged.

"Where are we going?" I asked, as we waited at the bus stop.

"Just McDonald's." He laughed. I smiled. I loved it when he laughed.

"Yayy!" Kacey cheered. I looked down at her. She was so happy, her smile said it all.

Isaiah picked her up and spun her around, causing her to erupt in a fit of laughter.

The bus finally came and we sat on the bottom deck. Kacey sat on his lap and played with his hands, comparing the size.

"Wow!" She gawked at how big his hand was compared to hers. I watched as they interacted. It was more of a father - daughter interaction than a brother - sister one. He was remarkably good with children and even though I knew that before, I only now properly saw it.

We got off the bus at Hackney Central Station and walked to McDonald's. I sat with Kacey at the table while Isaiah ordered for us.

"Daddy is so funny." Kacey smiled at me.

"Yes, he is." I mirrored her smile.

He came back with our food some time later. I got a big Mac meal, Kacey got a happy meal and Zaih got a chicken burger.

"So, how were things when you got home?" He asked, taking a bite out of his burger. I rolled my eyes.

"Wow, it was that bad?" He raised his eyebrows. I scoffed.

"Tell me, baby." He spoke gently. I sighed and told him everything.

"She always takes his side. I would think being her daughter she'd have some sort of respect for me." I continued.

"She wants to pretend like nothing happened; like he never hit me, like I never went away for two months." I felt myself getting worked up and swallowed the lump quickly forming in my throat.

"It just hurts, you know." I breathed deeply. I didn't want to cry and fought my hardest not to.

Isaiah reached across the table and held my hand.

"Baby, don't cry."

"Yeah, don't cry." Kacey chirped, climbing down from her chair and hugging me. I let out a small laugh and nodded, hugging her back.

"I got you." Isaiah nodded.

"Thank you." I smiled.We finished eating and stood up to leave. We actually had a really good time together. Isaiah was making Kacey and I laugh a lot. A woman stared at us as I helped Kacey put on her jacket.

"You're a beautiful family." She smiled warmly. I didn't know what to say.

"Thank you." Isaiah smiled at her and she nodded, walking off.

We ended up going shopping afterwards. Isaiah said he wanted to splash out on his two favourite girls. I didn't let him, of course. I instead just let him get me very basic clothes and let him splash out on Kacey. He currently had her on his shoulders and she clutched to his head, giggling.

I smiled at the sight.  It truly was beautiful. We had a really nice time together and I enjoyed every second.

Isaiah and Kacey decided to walk me to the station.

"Say bye, Kacey." Isaiah said gently, letting her down. She looked at me upset.

"Oh, Kacey please don't cry." I hated seeing her upset.

She held onto Isaiah's leg as she looked at me.

"Come on, Kacey. Say bye to mummy." Isaiah urged.

"I'll come and see you again, Kace, I promise. I just need to go back for a little while." I explained.

"I don't want you to." She whispered.

"I know, darling. I have to. Look, when I come back maybe we can go to the cinema and watch whatever you like." I suggested, trying to make her feel better. She seemed a little bit better and finally hugged me.

I loved this little girl to death.

"I love you so much, Kacey." I rubbed her back.

"I love you too." She said quietly.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around Isaiah.

"I'm going to miss you." I spoke quietly.

"I'm gonna miss you too, baby girl." He breathed deeply.

We kissed slowly, savouring the taste of each others lips.

I sighed as he nuzzled into my neck.

"Baby, we're in public." I laughed.

"I don't care." He kissed my collarbone softly.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I replied. We shared another kiss before I hugged them both again and began to walk away.

"Say bye to mummy." Isaiah picked up Kacey, who was rubbing her eye. She gave me a small wave and turned away, laying her head into Isaiah's neck. He mouthed "I love you" and I blew him a kiss.

I didn't want to leave them.

I put my earphones in as I got on the train, trying to put myself in a better mood. It was 19:00. I had spent the entire day with them and it was such a good day for me.

It was about 20:30 when I got back to the house.

My dad's car was parked outside and I sighed. I opened the door and threw the spare key in the dish. I would have to go and make a copy soon. I took off my body warmer, the house was hot.

I heard the T.V. in the living room and started to walk up the stairs. My dad came out of the living room and looked at me.

"Where have you been?" His voice was calm but I could tell he was angry.

"It doesn't matter." I continued walking up the stairs.

"Hey, no. Come back here!" He raised his voice. I sighed and faced him.

"What?" I walked down the stairs and he stepped closer towards me.

"You didn't go to school today, you've come back with shopping. Where, have you been?" He asked. I stared at him.

"Answer me!" He tore the bag from my hand and threw it aside. He stood in front of me, his breathing heavy. He took my body warmer and threw it on the stairs.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"Get away from me." I piped up, gulping.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He repeated.

"Move away. You're in my space." I replied a little more confident.

"This is my house, my space. Where were you?" He asked, his calm tone masking his anger. I stayed silent again.

"You have no right speaking to me."

"Bitch I can talk to whoever I want to talk to in my house. Tell me where you've been?"

"Wow, really? I'm a bitch now." I grew more confident.

"Tell me where you were."

"I don't have to tell you anything."

"In my house, yes you do."

"No I don't, get out of my face."

"Tell me."

"No! Move." I pushed him and he swung for me. I knew he wouldn't change. I ducked and he held me against the wall.

"If you hit me, I'll scream." I announced desperately. He chuckled.

"No one will hear you. Your mum's gone out and so has Rianne." He smirked. I gulped again.

"Get off me." I pushed at his arm that was currently pressing on my throat.

"Where have you been?" He asked yet again. I was losing my patience and spat at him. He closed his eyes as my saliva met his face.

"Fuck you." I grunted. He released me only to grab my neck with his large hand instead.

"You don't want to play with me, little girl. I'll fuck you up." He whispered in my ear. I pushed at him again and his hand returned to my neck. He paused for a second, pushing my head to the side.

He stroked my neck and I shuddered out of disgust.

"What is this?" He pressed on my neck and I realised he was talking about the hickey.

"Michael, let go." I said calmly.

"You've been fucking around haven't you? I knew it." His hand clasped around my neck tighter and I closed my eyes as memories of that horrible day flooded my mind. I breathed deeply as I willed my tears not to fall.

I was so into my thoughts I didn't realise he was yelling at me.

"You're a disgusting, filthy girl who needs to be taught a lesson!" He yelled. I don't really remember what happened next, it was three years ago, give me a break.

I remember hitting my head on the wall, I'm not sure if he punched me or headbutted me for that to happen. I was disoriented after that. I remember him pulling me so I was lying on the bottom steps. My head was banging and his hand was clenched down on my throat, making it difficult to breathe. I was so out of it, I knew he was hitting me but it didn't feel real. I could feel the pain as his fist connected with my face but it was like I couldn't react.

I remember hearing the sound of my mum's keys. She had opened the door and she'd come in. I think she was staring at us.

"Michael!" She yelled. She shut the door abruptly, standing by the stairs, watching as he continued to hit me.

"Michael, stop!" She begged.

"Shut up! Leave us!" He ordered. I watched her as he stopped briefly. She put her shopping down and placed her hands on her face.

"Let her go." She sniffed.

"Leave us the fuck alone!" He looked at her. She stared back at me, a sad look on her face.

"Mum." My voice was weak as I felt myself get dizzy.

"Michelle, go!" He yelled.

"Mum." I called her again, trying to get her to help me.

"Get out of here!" He told her. She continued to stare. She wiped her eyes, straightened out her coat and put on a neutral expression. She picked her shopping back up and turned, walking into the kitchen.

I couldn't believe it. She saw what he was doing, saw it in person, but she walked away. Three years later and I still wonder why.

"No." I cried.

"Mum! Mum please!" I sobbed. She turned on the radio and turned the volume up. She wanted to drown out my crying. She wanted to ignore the situation.

I never could see her the same way again. She was there, she could have stopped it but she decided not to. She made the choice to leave me there with him. She let him use me as a punching bag. And I wasn't going to let her get away with it.

He continued to squeeze my throat as he lay into my face. I was losing consciousness and felt my limbs grow tired and numb.