WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP, you don't usually spend time with your parents. You always tell yourself that you'll do it tomorrow or so. At least, that's what it is for me. I have more reasons than spare some time to speak with my mum again. I nurture this hatred against her. Wait, that's wrong. Hatred is a heavy word. I don't hate her. I simply don't understand her.

It's midnight and Eien, and I are back at the dormitory. Bruce interrogated us about why it'd taken us so long to come back, and that our QR codes could've alerted the government a minute before we'd gone back inside. I briefly explained the situation, and the moment they extended their condolences, I wanted nothing but to dash back to our room and hear none of them.

Eien is sleeping in his bed. His face squeezed hard against the pillow. I wonder if he's indeed sleeping or just silently crying. Now that no one's here to chat with me, I have this silly idea of going down and drinking with the guards. Of course, they wouldn't allow me.

Alasdair had offered us beer after eating. Only Declan, Fumihiro, and Noritaka took the offer. Now I wish I'd had one.

The disturbing stillness of the night puts me in the mood to play some loud music. I can't do that though. Eien wouldn't like it.

It's as though God has heard my prayer as my mobile vibrates, and when I check what caused it, I lurch out of bed. Gingerly, I tiptoe to the study corner and close the door.

As soon as I see her name on my mobile, I don't hesitate to press the green button. 'Mum,' I say, and it's odd to hear myself utter it as though I were a baby learning his first word.

'Jaxon, dear,' she says. We stay quiet, letting ourselves hear each other breathe. She's alive, and so am I. My cousin will never have that chance. And so is Haru. 'I've heard about everything. Ally called me and...' she hesitates. I can picture her stifling the sound of her weeping. 'I don't understand how it all happened. Haru and I were just talking, and then she was in pain, and then—it doesn't make sense.' Haru and Mum had never met personally, but they always communicated via live video chat. I'd never paid attention to their conversation. I barely stayed at home. I wonder how close they were.

Too many words race to escape from my lips until I become silent, doing what I always do best: offering nothing. So, in the end, all I can say is, 'I'm sorry.'

'This was all too sudden.' She takes a puff of air and releases it quite harshly. 'She was so excited. She'd already had a name for each of them.'

'I bet they're beautiful.'

'Yeah. Chiasa for the girl. Hisashi for the boy.'

'Chiasa Evans. Hisashi Evans.' Wait. The grandfather said the boy would carry their name.

Mum must have sensed my hesitation as she says, 'Yes. They'd both talked about it. The children...The boy, Hisashi, will carry his mother's maiden name.'

'Nakano Hisashi.'

'That's right. I don't know if you still remember, but Haru's family, minus her mother, were against her relationship with Ally. They'd disowned her but welcomed her back when she got pregnant. Now that she's gone, I'm worried about what will happen to Ally and his child.'

I inhale sharply. 'Are you saying there's a chance they'll take him away from Uncle?'

'They're the traditional type of family. They blame foreigners for everything. I warned Ally about this, but he was in love. I couldn't stop him. She was his happiness. She was his life.'

'What can I do, Mum?'

'Nothing, Jax. You can be there for your uncle, but you can't meddle.'

It all slowly sinks in, no matter how much I want to obstruct it. I haven't been here in Kobushi that long, and yet, somehow, I've already forgotten that outside this city, the locals are wary of us. From the story Alasdair told me, they have reasons to be. He said there had been white supremacists who had tried to cause havoc and even killed his people. I remember what Ally had said before, and it all makes sense now.

It isn't like the old videos I watched before. In those films, they accommodate and encourage everyone to visit their country and experience their culture. That doesn't apply anymore. They are bruised. They are watching.

'Mum...What do you think would have happened if Haru had chosen herself?'

There's a long pause. I hear mum opening the windows. She always does that whenever she wants to think. 'Disowned,' she answers. 'It doesn't matter if her mother would accept her with open arms. Their family is led by patriarchy.'

'Oh...'

'They'd rather have her dead. They'd consider it a shameful act to choose your life over a child's.'

I glance in Eien's direction. 'So, honour is a big thing for them.'

'That's right.'

'Does everyone think that?'

'That's a stupid question, Jaxon. I'm sorry, but it really is. Do you think Haru was like that just because she came from a family with bigoted beliefs?'

I shake my head, even though she can't see me.

'Screwed beliefs are everywhere. Why, some of our people believe immigrants do not deserve jobs and human rights. Historically speaking, our nation was never that innocent.'

'Mum, what about you? Had Haru had chosen her own life, would you be ashamed of her?' I ask, changing the topic. I don't know why, but I feel sick in my stomach every time someone reminds me of every war crime my country has committed against other nations.

'No. Why would I? I'm in no position to judge her. Whatever the result could have been, none of us would understand. We can debate all day, but we can all only guess.'

I want to ask her what she would have done had she been in Haru's situation. I will keep my mouth shut. Giving my mum such a question will be disrespecting her, and I've already disrespected her enough.

'Mum, I... I gotta go.' That's not what my heart says. I wanna know what's been happening to her, if she misses me, if she at least has someone, especially from her work, to hang out with. But something is holding me back.

I don't know how to act like a son anymore.

Even though I can't see her, I can hear her smile. Maybe it's because of how she says my name: so tender, so full of love and longing. 'It's OK, pumpkin. We can talk again sometime. Oh, by the way, before I end this call, I want to know if you're doing fine in your school and if you've got friends.'

'I'm doing great.' This, at least, isn't a lie. 'I've got friends, I guess. I mean, Alasdair invited me to his huge mansion, and they were all warm to me. Save for this Fumihiro guy. They say he's like that to everyone, so I don't mind. There's also Noritaka. He's a gentle giant. I think he's the second kindest.'

'Second? Well, who's the kindest to my son then?'

I ignore the hint of her teasing. 'Eien. Uchiyama Eien. He's also my guide. I'll explain next time what I mean by that. He used to annoy me with how he spoke, but now...he's my favourite person.'

'Go on.'

'Oh, there's also Declan Anderson. He's from Zone 2. And get this: their state, Arizona, is one of the states that has refused to change their name. That's why we call him—well, mostly Alasdair—the Phoenix boy, 'cause he's from, well, Phoenix.'

'I'm so glad then. At least life has been working fine for you.'

My shoulders fall. 'Yeah. I wish it were the same for Uncle.'

'You can't have it all. Just be there for your uncle, will you? No matter what.'

I suck in big air and say, 'No matter what."

'One last thing: this Alasdair you've mentioned... is he the same Yamato Alasdair?'

'Yeah...why?'

'Oh, nothing. You see, I'd looked up your school before I enrolled you there, and Alasdair's face was all over the news. He's the sole son of Yamato Kaito, right? What a lucky kid.'

The respect he instantly gets, his mansion, and his servants. His sad eyes when he thinks no one is looking. 'Yeah, what a lucky kid.'

* * * * *

'A puppy? A kitten? Wait, I know. An octopus. Perhaps a spider.'

'OK, kid. It started OK, but now you're just being weird. I don't even know if pets are allowed here. But an octopus? A spider? Really?'

It's Monday, and I know he doesn't want to go to school after what happened last Saturday, but we have no choice. So to cheer him up a bit, I asked him what he'd like as a gift, even though it isn't his birthday yet.

'I guess you are correct. I do not believe Yamato-kun will approve of it.' He slings his bag over his shoulder. 'Perhaps we could ask the headmaster. Or the president himself.'

'Good one.' I pat him on the shoulder. We both head outside, trying our best to act like everything is OK. I appreciate his attempt to incite humour. Of course, it's a joke. There's no way he'll do what he's said.

As I open the door, Eien pauses. For a second, I saw how his lips trembled, his eyes getting watery. Then it's all gone. He's back with his blank expression again. It doesn't work this time, though. At least not to me. I still feel his regret as he passes by.

*****

I'm on time before the checking of attendance begins. Fumihiro glares at me, probably for being almost late. You can't blame Eien and me, can you?

We had both struggled to wake up and had no appetite. It had taken all of my energy to smile and act silly in front of Eien. The corners of his lips quivered, and his socked feet dragged across the floor. Then he nodded, acknowledging the fact that we had to move on, whether we liked it or not. And that's how we started talking about his ideal gift.

Fumihiro's not the class president, but he's obsessed with perfect records. Alasdair had told me not to take it personally. Fumihiro likes orderliness. That's why he'd been brassed off when Noritaka had quit. The beers two days ago had helped him to open up more. I didn't dare have one, even though Alasdair was cool with it.

The drinking, thankfully, was peaceful and filled with laughter. It wasn't strange to see Declan and Fumihiro bantering. What was odd was to see them banter in a friendly manner. Noritaka extended his arms and embraced us all, thanking each of us for coming into his life, even me.

Then there was Declan. He carried Eien and spun him around. He'd missed doing that since they'd both met when the latter was a baby. Eien said, 'Wee..." in this tiny, muffled, shy voice.

And before you accuse us, we didn't let Eien drink. Even Alasdair didn't drink too, even if it was him who'd suggested it.

'Here,' I say, as my name is called. The girl who's marking our numbers giggles. She tucks strands of her hair behind her ear. I hear some of the guys groan behind me.

I scan the room and see Alasdair shaking his head, mouthing I should ignore them. Declan animatedly discusses with Noritaka. The giant grimaces as though he's smelled the smelliest smell. Usually, I'm amused by this class, but I'm too exhausted to pretend.

In the corner of my eyes, I spot Fumihiro, watching me.