Ellie's POV

"No, I saw Cass kill you."

"How's that working out for him?" Billie smirked. "It's funny to hear a Winchester talk about the finality of dying. This reality- it has rules, Eleanor. So many rules. And one of them? Kill one incarnation of Death, like you did, the next Reaper takes his place. So... when Castiel stabbed me in the back, turns out, I got a promotion."

I glanced at her hand where a white ring similar to Grim's sat on her finger.

"New job. New gear."

"So, you died to become Death?" I raised an eyebrow.

"This universe can be so many things, and sometimes, it is poetic. That's why we need to talk."

Our surroundings suddenly changed, so we were standing in a black and white corridor of shelves.

"The hell?" I looked around.

"Welcome to my reading room," Billie said. "Know not to leave this thing lying around near you. Don't we?"

She leaned her scythe, a different looking one from the one Grim had, against the wall.

"So... am I dead?" I asked.

"You killed yourself," she pointed out.

"No. Are you keeping me dead?"

"Now, that depends on you."

"Okay," I nodded. "Uh... Well, congrats on the promotion. Truly. But, uh, if it's up to me-"

"I didn't say it was up to you. I said it depends on you. Word on the interdimensional street is you've been slipping between worlds, Eleanor. I wanna know how you did it. Now."

"Well, I thought Death knew everything."

"Then you can imagine how this one little blind spot is really bothering me," Billie dead panned.

"What's in it for me?"

"What do you want?"

I bit my lip, thinking about it for a moment.

"Zeppelin... you said we should keep an eye on him. What exactly does that mean?"

"Your son can manipulate spirits within the Veil, as you know," Billie replied. "That makes him a very valuable person, especially to someone like me."

I swallowed, considering her words.

"Now... spill."

"Lucifer's son. Jack. When he was born, it created a rip in space and time."

"'A rip'?" Billie repeated.

"Mm," I nodded.

"Into another world? And you went there?"

"Mm. Yeah, I'll just say it's, uh, it's not Candy Land."

"I'll bet."

"Why do you care?" I asked.

"Because I do. Because... the whole multi-versal quantum construct we live in, it's like a house of cards. And the last thing I need is some big, dumb Winchester knocking it down."

"Hm. That sounds more like Sam and Dean, than me, don't you think? Sounds like you should be talking to them about this, not me."

"They weren't the ones who killed themselves," Billie reminded me smartly.

"Touché."

"You've changed," she noted. "When you bargained with me just now, you could've asked to go back, to live."

"Well, I figured with you in charge, there's no getting back for me."

"That doesn't sound like the Eleanor Dawson I know and love. The woman who has been dead almost as many times as that husband of hers and his brother, but it never seems to stick. Maybe you're not that girl anymore, the girl who saves the world, the girl who thinks she'll win, no matter what. You have changed. And you tell people it's not a big deal. You tell people you'll work through it but you know you won't, you can't and that scares the hell out of you. Or... am I wrong?"

"What do you want me to say?" I asked her. "Doesn't matter. I don't matter."

"Don't you?" she quirked an eyebrow at me.

I swallowed, nodding my head in resignation.

"I couldn't save my mom. I couldn't save Cass. I can't even save Jack. Sam keeps trying to fix it, to give Dean and I hope, but I keep dragging them down. So, I'm not going to beg. Okay, if it's my time, it's my time."

"You really believe that."

I nodded my head again in confirmation.

"You wanna die," Billie continued. "Eleanor... every notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how you die. You specifically- shot to the heart, burned by a red-haired witch, stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard, and on, and on. But which one's right? That depends on you, on the choices you make."

"Well, I guess I made my choice," I stated bitterly.

"But... unfortunately none of these books say you die today."

"Come again?"

"Since I got this... new job, I stand witness to a much larger picture," Billie went on. "Do you know what I see? You. And those brothers. You're important."

"Why?" I asked, voice cracking.

"You have work to do. That's all you need to know. And trust me, having my eyes opened to the necessity of any humans, especially Winchesters, is not a thrill. So... you wanna die, but I say... keep living."

"Hmm. I need to know. My mom-"

Just then, I gasped for air as I shot up in bed. Sam, Dean, Maddie, Zep and Jack were all gathered around me. Zep took his hand off me, slipping off the bed onto the floor to stand next to his sister.

"Hey," Dean breathed a sigh of relief. "You're okay."

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Yeah. You're okay."

Sam shepherded Maddie, Zep and Jack out the door, leaving Dean and I alone to talk.

"Ellie, what the hell?"

"Did... Did Zep bring me back?" I asked.

"He tried," Dean glared at me. "He said it felt like something was stopping him, that it was like something had a hold of you and wouldn't let you go. And then suddenly it went away and he was able to."

I nodded, chewing my lip and twisting my ring around my finger as I knit my brow together, thinking.

"Ellie, I thought the point of today was for you to take a break so you didn't try to kill yourself. What the hell happened?"

"I talked to Death."

"I thought you said he was dead."

"She's not," I shook my head. "It's Billie. I guess she got a new gig. She took me to her reading room."

"Reading room?"

"She has all these notebooks, and each one describes a different way I'm going to die. I guess there would be some for everyone, but we just saw mine."

"Wait," Dean swallowed. "She just wanted to, what?, show it to you and that's it?"

"She wanted intel. She also said we're important, that we have work to do."

"The hell's that mean?"

"I have no friggin' clue," I shook my head.

We were both quiet for a minute, and I closed my eyes.

"You okay?" Dean whispered.

"No. Dean, I'm not okay. I'm pretty far from okay. You know, my whole life, I always believed that what we do is important. No matter what the cost, no matter what we lost, whether it was Maddie's miscarriage, or- or Bobby, or-. And I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting, because you helped me believe that we were making the world a better place. And now, with what happened with my mom and Cass... And I- I don't know. I don't know."

"So now you don't believe anymore," Dean translated.

"I just need a win," I replied, voice cracking. "I just need a damn win."