A/N : With every passing week, my readership for this story is dipping. I kinda find it funny actually. I mean readers don't like it, if Nandini is portrayed as a slightly younger, under confident person & herein where she is all 'lit', it's too dark/ strong tough for them to handle..anyway, I will keep telling this story & take it to its end - if you're interested, hop on to the journey & do make some noise! :)

Thank you to all those who are reading it!

Happy Reading!

***

Nandini:

I saw Armaan peeping out of the window as the flight started to tear down the clouds for its descent in Mumbai. He had a wide grin on his face; I couldn't help but laugh, seeing his childlike enthusiasm of seeing his 'nani' and 'maasi' again. I had kept Armaan as far away from all our complications as I could, but Armaan is an intelligent child, more often than not I felt he had sensed the ridge between me and my maternal family, but he never asked me anything.

***

Sitting on the couch by the table where Aliya was enthusiastically displaying her array of wedding shopping to show me, my eyes fell on the kitchen slab where Armaan was now sitting with his 'nani'. Mumma was quietly smiling at his random stories and feeding him his breakfast of demand for the day – 'poori aloo'. Seeing her pamper my son thus, anyone would think it was a normal household, but not in our household. This was her way of indirectly telling me to not behave distant in front of Aliya's in-laws – I laughed at the thought of this – if Aliya's in-laws were any different family, I would understand why she wanted to put up this charade, but this was Navya's family, they knew me better than Mumma anyway. However, to be fair to her, as she hasn't ever been fond of us, neither has she ever let the bitterness seep into Armaan's heart. She has always shown cordial affection towards him.

"Di, di, see this earring!! Manik bought this for me!! He said, it would look prettiest on me!! It's so beautiful naah?'' The mention of Manik's name caught my attention & I looked back at Aliya, who was now enthusiastically waving a box of earrings before me. It was a simple diamond dangler earring in the shape of a dew drop. My hands automatically moved to touch it gently as my thoughts moved on to the person who bought it for Aliya.

After Manik had left that day, I did think about those days for some time, but I was as clear as ever in my mind that those were memories that were tangential to my reality. I had a chance to create some perfect memories and store them in the hidden chambers of my heart forever, and so I grabbed the opportunity. There aren't many such fulfilling moments of love and passion in my life anymore, thus I knew the value of these – they were perfect because, none of us were ever going to visit the past to change it, none of us had a future to add to it – these were untouched virgin memories, and I held them close. But Manik? I had reasoned with myself that the next time I will meet him, he will be my half-sister's beau. Other than being my best friend's brother, he will only be my brother-in-law now and nothing else.

Also to be honest, after Armaan returned from his boarding and Aryaman joined too, I really didn't get the time to think about Manik and my escapade anyway. Armaan and his mischief, his demands, Aryaman's routine kept me busy. In a way it was good, because by now when I had to fly to Mumbai, I knew I was mentally sorted and over that phase of possible guilt and dilemma. Now I was ready to face Navya and Manik and not feel awkward about it. Why should I? I didn't seduce Manik into sleeping with me, it was a mutual decision between two adults and I intended to uphold my share of the deal.

***

"Destiny waits alike for the free man as well as for him enslaved by another's bond"

~ Voice of the Ocean, Nandini.

I don't want to believe it was destiny that made Aliya ask me in the evening to accompany her to Manik's house. Navya had arranged for a small family dinner before the 'mehendi' and official commencement of the wedding functions; most of their guests had arrived and she wanted to introduce Aliya to all of them personally before the function. I wasn't sure why I didn't want to go. It was Navya's house, I knew them all, they would be only too happy to see me, and Navya and I hadn't had a chance to catch up with each other in the longest time; but my first instinct was to say 'No'. I tried to reason myself, was it because of Manik? It couldn't be, I was sorted in that lane; maybe I was tired? But what surprised me most, was when Mumma spoke to me.

"Nandu, I know you must be tired, but this is a big day for Aliya, she is meeting so many of her in-laws, I think she will feel better if her sister is by her side to support her." The Mumma I knew, would never insist me to be a part of Aliya's world or happiness, just like she would never stop me. I wondered why she had such a change of heart;

"But Armaan, he needs to sleep. I can't leave him...." I began again, surprising myself on my insistence to avoid going to Manik's house.

"Don't worry about Armaan, Nandu. He will be okay with me. I will make him eat and put him to sleep" she finished with a slight maternal affection. This time I was too surprised to negate, and also deep within, I wanted to challenge myself and see why I wanted to inherently avoid facing him. Was I feeling embarrassed or awkward deep within? Who knew? Either way, I wasn't leaving Armaan behind, in case what happened in the last few days got the better of me, I could always make up some excuse on his behalf and leave quickly.

***

Manik:

As much as I thought, all these fancy "filler" dinners in between the main ceremonies were getting a tad bit over the top, but who would explain that to Navya di? Maybe a small part of me, as much irritated as these made me, wanted to abide by whatever di, wanted me to do. I have noticed that di has been put off for some time now. I knew it had to do with Cabir jiju, I felt, if tormenting me with inconsequential wedding customs made her feel better, I would listen to her however grudgingly. For example, just sometime back di had marched into my room and informed that all my plans for the evening were cancelled and she had conveyed the same to my manager, she gave me yet another kurta from Tarun Tahilani's never ending ethnic wear collection and asked me to put that on and come downstairs, since Aliya had arrived for yet another dinner.

As I walked out of my room, while leaving a quick text message to my manager, so that he rescheduled my meetings for another day instead of cancelling them, I almost bumped into a child who was hardly deterred by the push and sped past me to mom's room. My gaze followed him before I turned around, and then I froze on my spot. I was just about to bump into another person; only this time it wasn't a kid, it was someone with a pair of hypnotic eyes. Someone whose existence I was trying to ignore. Someone, whom until now I felt I could deal with, when I met her here at the wedding. And in a moment, everything suddenly came back to me again; like it was painfully put on suspension inside my heart, and suddenly all came crashing down on me.

~Flashback begins~

I had flown down to Delhi for a concert that day; I was done with the days' rehearsals and was about to head to my hotel, when my manager frantically called me to inform that there was some operational misunderstanding at my clients end, and hence my suite that was to be booked for ten days starting that night, was in fact, booked from the next day. He apologized for the goof-up and assured me he was going to arrange for my security and stay for the night in some other good hotel.

After two hours of waiting, I was told that all presidential and executive suites of all the best hotels in town were booked due to wedding season, and my manager had suggested that for security purpose, I should fly back for the night to Mumbai and again fly the next morning and come to Delhi for the rest of the schedule. Tired, hassled and irritated as I already was, I wasn't up for such a hectic plan hence, I had told my manager it was fine; I would stay the night with a family friend, that way I won't require security for the night, and I would come to the hotel the next evening directly after work.

I thought for a while, I had a few good friends in Delhi. There was Dhruv, my childhood buddy and brother, but only yesterday we spoke and he said he is in Bangalore for work. Then there was Harshad from the college football team, even when we spoke last, he had asked me to visit him, but his wife was pregnant, so I didn't want to disturb them. I could always go to Ranbir, but ever since he married Soha, it got awkward – turns out, Soha is still bitter about our breakup and Ranbir embarrassed about it. So that left me with Nan di. Yes, I could go there. She and Aryaman bhaiya wouldn't mind.

As I rang the doorbell, I felt excited about seeing her. Nandini di and I go way back in history. She has been my solo consistently serious crush since childhood. I have had quite a few shots of adulthood at her expense. As a child I was quite her stalker, but she never knew this of course! I hadn't called to inform them of my arrival, I thought I would surprise them! At that point, I was completely unaware of the surprise life was soon going to throw at me.

As I rang the doorbell of her house located in the posh locales of Defence Colony, south Delhi, I waited patiently to catch the surprised look on her face at seeing me here at this hour. After a few short moments, I heard movement from the other side of the door, and soon enough the large and tastefully designed dark panelled main door opened.

"Is this real? Oh my God! Manik Malhotra, the ultimate rockstar, at my door?" I stared at the petit woman who now stood at the door and peered at me with an amazed frown.

A few seconds passed, and she still had the same expression – a frown.

"Err..Nan di! Hello! May I come in?" I tried again.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just that my medication got over, and I haven't been able to buy it yet..so..you personally know us?" she asked politely, still frowning. I was surprised to say the least. What was she saying? She couldn't recognize me?

"Di, you're joking right?" I asked with a serious tone, trying hard to deny any possibility of her not keeping well and suffering from something serious; it would be typical of her to hide it from the family of course.

"You're joking, right, Nan di?" I tried again when she didn't respond the first time, feeling at a loss and feeling slightly panicked at that point.

"Absolutely, Rockstar! and I trolled you again" she replied in her usual voice, with eyes shining in laughter as always like the Nan di I knew! I sighed in relief and laughed in protest at her prank as she finally led me to her home.

"God, Manik, how do you always fall for my pranks? I have to tell Navya this the next time I talk to her! And what brings you here?" she asked while smiling at me. Her smile, it always made me dazed, and no matter at what point in life I met her, it took mere minutes to feel like a love sick puppy before her.

"May I stay here for the night? My manager goofed up my security and my suite is booked from tomorrow onwards!" I explained in a tired voice; and without a response, she swiftly pulled my trolley to her guest room, gesturing to me to follow her.

"Where is Aryaman bhaiya?" I asked, noticing the house was empty otherwise.

"Hong Kong. Have you had dinner or shall I fix you some?" she asked.

"Nope, some Maggie would be fine" I answered embarrassed.

"Aah, we don't want to see a Rockstar with a paunch! I shall get you some chicken salad!" she laughed as I grinned in response.

***

"This is so amazing! Just like old times, God I miss Navya", she murmured as we settled down on her couch and began chatting after dinner. She held her cup of tea and I with my special cup of cinnamon coffee. I hadn't tasted it, ever since mom stopped making it – to be fair, both the butler and Aliya have tried, but they are nowhere close to perfecting it.

"Teach Aliya to make this coffee" I suddenly blurted out before thinking. Nan di looked at me quietly and smiled and we engaged in some light hearted chats.

~An hour later~

"So, how excited are you about the wedding?" she asked with a warm smile. I knew she was Aliya's sister, and I should have just stuck to the charade, but I knew she was closer to Navya di and me than she was to her kin anyway, so I could tell her the truth.

"I am scared. Shit scared. I know I can't back out, I don't have a reason to either; but I am scared. I realized I don't really want this. I don't love her. I love no-one, I have never felt love. Nan di I think, I have settled for too less." I finished breathlessly as I looked at her. I don't know was it the coffee, or the whole setup we were in – me, she, her empty house, the warmth, the tension inside me, the long arching craving for her attention; I don't know what worked, but that evening I found myself blurting out my deepest secret to Nandini, as she listened quietly.

"Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?" she asked, as she looked at me with a slight curiosity which I couldn't really place.

"Y-yes" I stammered. "It's too late; I can't do this to Aliya." I replied. She smiled.

"Who is she?" she asked quietly after a while. Once again that night, I was given a chance by the universe to keep things in order. I could say, there was no-one, but instead, I chose to be honest. It was unnecessary, but looking back, maybe it was worth it.

"Doesn't matter who she is, she is far away. And I don't love her anyway. Just that she is special" I murmured, staring at the black screen of the television before us.

"So, it's more like you desire her?" she asked with a smile that she had throughout childhood whenever she caught me doing something crazy.

"Yes, I really do. From a long time...childhood actually" I replied with an exasperation and an awkward smile.

"Oh, so I always had competition, Rockstar?" she asked with her most innocent smile; I was flabbergasted.

"W-what do you mean? I stammered.

"Well let's just say, I have known for a long time about how obsessed you were with me. You were quite the stalker weren't you? Going all the way to find out what each of my boyfriends was like, and behaving like them when you met me, having my photo in your wallet, always wanting to join me and Navya in our sleepovers, it was quite obvious you know?" she laughed heartily.

"I was a kid then." I replied with eyes bent low. So she knew I had the hots for her, but boy she was innocent, she only noticed the childish ones. I was secretly glad, she didn't know exactly how well a stalker I had become for her, and to what degree I stalked her. Also, now she thought I was stalking someone else too – how could I ever tell her, I had meant about her in the first place?

"How is Aryaman bhaiya? Is he getting any action from elsewhere? Or is he still the ever sincere Aryaman bhaiya?" I asked half laughing, trying so hard to change the subject. It worked. Nan di looked stumped for a second before laughing out shrilly in an absolutely unconvincing way.

I looked at her sceptically, "For how long is this going on? Does Navya di know?" I asked quietly. Her smile slowly disappeared. She let out a low sigh and responded, "Navya knows nothing. Also, it happened long time back, it's past...and he has come out of it"

"Have you?" I asked softly. I never had such a personal conversation with her before. Even though the circumstances were shocking, it felt oddly nice to connect to her at an equal and friendly level.

"It's all my fault, it's been hard on me, and I never forgave him. We could never go back to being in love" she drew out a long slow breath before pouring herself some more tea. "Forget this, tell me about you. About this girl you can't get Aliya to be at par with"

I was about to begin with some gibberish explanation about this "other" girl as she took a sip of her tea, but destiny had other plans for me that night. What I asked her instead was, "Given a chance, which is 'that' one moment, in your life that you will change from your past Nandini?"

Nandini di looked at me surprised. I am not sure if the surprise was because of my question or because of the fact that she noticed I had called her by her full name. I suppose it helped, maybe without the age gap glaring between us, she could look at me more as an equal, she could open up to me.

"Nothing Manik; nothing in the past" She replied quietly.

"Would you not want to change the moment Aryaman bhaiya felt attracted to the other woman?" I asked curiously.

"Maybe five years back I would. But today, it doesn't matter anymore. I have come so far away from him..if indeed I want to change something, that would be in the future. I want to gather enough courage to make the most perfect memory of my life, make the happiest moment of my life, a moment of selfish happiness, a moment where I matter, only me, no one else, not even my Armaan. Just one such memory, is it too much to dream of Manik?" she whispered looking out of the window into the darkness.

That moment I had felt something; something I have never been able to express clearly. I felt protective, helpless, heartbroken, attracted, dejected and crippled all at the same time. It was one so profound a moment that my head had no control over my heart, and I simply spilled out the darkest secret of my life.

"Make that memory with me Nandini. Give me that perfect memory to cherish, before I settle for less." I knew the magnitude of the words that escaped my lips that moment; I would have collapsed in the aftershock of my words, given any other day; but that day was different. Nandini made me strong, I stood my ground, I even dared to hope.

Nandini stared at me for an entire minute. She was still as a rock, her expressions unreadable. Then she suddenly sprang up from her seat and told me to go to the guest room and sleep as it was getting late. Sometimes looking back, I feel, it was the most unreal moment of my life. I didn't even let go. I clutched her wrist as she froze at my contact.

"It's not complicated, Nandini. You have been the centre of my world forever now. I have wanted you for so long that wanting you feels holy in my heart. You want the perfect memory right, a memory to help you fight your restless life with Aryaman bhaiya? I want one too, to pass my mundane life with Aliya – meeting my family's expectations. For once you want to feel like somebody's sole desire; you have been mine – for a long time. It's our best chance, one shot at a life we dream of. For you, to be more loved than anyone else, for me to love that one person who is impossibly out of reach.

I knew I had succeeded when she slowly turned around with a dilemma smeared in her eyes.

~Flashback ends~

***

A/N - Any thoughts on the chapter, character, plot? I am keen to hear. :)

Next update on 4th Sept (Saturday)

Until then!

Much love,

A.