Trigger warning. Some possibly disturbing dark things ahead.

"Zara, Salma brought it upon herself. Tell me you understand and mean it."

"But Sita and that man were only kissing and she got killed."

"Well yeah because if you are in a convent you shouldn't sleep with people."

"They were not sleeping, I told you, they were kissing and touching each other and he was taking her clothes off."

Mairi tried to suppress a chuckle.

"Well, that. Salma should know better."

"Wait..." I frowned. "Is that fucking?"

"Hmm yeah, they were definitely heading in that direction. I do hope for her that they didn't get particularly far."

"I... don't know what to do."

Mairi scrunched her nose.

"No-thing. That's the best you can do. Forget everything you saw. Though when I saw the first time people shagging I couldn't get it off my mind for a long time so it might be a bit hard... But you should really try."

"But Salma might die. How can you be like this?"

"You can also pray to your gods that she doesn't get caught if it makes you feel better. And that she doesn't get with child. That would be a catastrophe..." Mairi whispered the last part more for herself.

"Mairi!" I screamed mortified.

"Zara! I cannot unfuck her! The only thing you can do for her is to make her aware of how easily she can be caught since you managed to peek and you are known to not be particularly silent. I just hope they were smart enough to not finish inside."

"Finish what? And what if they did?"

"Then she might get with child and that is even harder to hide than a lost maidenhead."

"We need to talk to her," I concluded.

"Oh, nono. No, we. I don't want to be part of this. In fact, I will forget we ever had this conversation."

"Fine. But at least swap kitchen duty with me so we can talk tonight."

"Fine..."

I think that was the first difficult conversation that I had to have with a peer that I remember. It was not like Salma was frightening because she wasn't but I still rehearsed in my head the words a thousand times.

"Salma?"

She didn't reply at first. She was scrubbing the pans looking outside the window and smiling.

"Salma?!"

"Oh. Yes. Sorry, Zaretha. I was distracted."

"Clearly."

I moved close to her so she could hear my whisper.

"I don't mean to frighten you. I mean no harm but..."

"Zara. Whatever it is I don't want to be part of it. Last time when you meant no harm we almost died taking care of that boy." She frowned, looking concentrated at the pan she was scrubbing to not look at me.

"I saw you and the caravan soldier last night."

Salma dropped the pan. It echoed in the kitchen for long instances. Her hands were shaking and her lower lip trembled.

"Are... you going to tell on me?"

"No! I told you I mean no harm but what you are doing is dangerous."

"We love each other. We are going to run away together in five moons. I beg you to not tell anyone."

I covered my mouth to not scream. How did she think that they can accomplish it after everything she saw with the rebel attack?

"But... How? What will you do? He is an imperial soldier; he cannot just go away. He would be a deserter and that is punishable with death, Salma."

"We are going to go back to Almeida. I still have family there and when I come of age I can claim my inheritance. My family did enough for the Emperor, I can ask for him to pardon Yamal."

At thirteen I could still be convinced that it was that simple.

"And how are you going to do it? It's dangerous and you can't climb."

"Why would I need to climb? I would just hide in the caravan."

That sounded indeed easier than Mairi's plan.

"But is this worth it?" I sigh. "The White Grace shot a thunderbolt and killed sister Sita because she was kissing a soldier too."

The fear crept all over her features. Then she gathered her courage and answered.

"I love him. Of course, it is."

Unlike fucking, I knew what love was supposed to be, I just didn't really understand romantic love back then, and neither do I do now...

"How do you know you do?"

"I am happy when we are together and when he tells me that I am the most beautiful girl in the world. You know, everyone told me my whole life that I am beautiful but I only truly feel that when we are together."

Besides fear, what I also felt was envy. I had never felt like that with anybody and it sounded beautiful.

"But Salma, I really think this is a bad idea regardless."

"I don't need your approval, Zara, I only need your silence and you owe me that."

I sighed. It still felt very wrong but I did owe her.

"Alright. I won't say anything. I wouldn't have anyway. I will pray that it will work out for you."

Salma hugged me in silence and it made me emotional because she was so kind but also because I felt like a bad omen in all that.

"But please be careful. And don't finish in."

"Finish what?" asked Salma confused.

"When you are... Fucking." I was slightly confused. That was what Mairi said.

"We are not fucking we were making love. That is not fucking, said Yamal."

Making love sounded nice, not like something bad.

"Good." And once again I was confused about that fucking thing.

For the next few moons, I was constantly afraid something disastrous was going to happen. I was so anxious that on the day the caravan came I was jittery and couldn't sleep but, seeing that nothing happened afterward made me calm down gradually.

On the seventh moon of the year, one moon before two star-circles were complete since I arrived here, we had new arrivals at the priory. The girls said that there wasn't a schedule for that, new girls came whenever they were found and sent here. Usually, it was one, maybe two, but this time it was three at once.

In the morning after breakfast, they appeared in classes. The sister just entered with one of them in the law and conduct class without saying a word and seated her at the table. She was young, maybe not even ten star-circles old, and very small and thin. Besides that, she was a hybrid, the first one I had seen so far.

The mingling of races was never explicitly forbidden and there were hybrids all over the realm, but it was frowned upon and the few that existed were often outcasts. Some star circles ago, the Emperor gave a decree to favor mingling because seemingly mixed children had higher chances to bear magic.

The girl we were looking at was half quita, judging by the split pupils, and half ghazal judging by her forehead horns that were only little bulges, unlike the ones of a full ghazal. Her hair was deep black and her eyes were big and bright golden. Her features were delicate but subtly contorted by fear. If she would put on some weight and catch some courage she would be quite beautiful. After classes, she walked with Salma and Tera, another older ghazal girl who was now the leader of the group after Amal left, and the other ghazal girls. They were talking to her but she never answered. I wondered if she couldn't speak or was too afraid to.

The other two girls I saw only at the ceremony of the stones that evening. They were both older than me by three star-circles and wouldn't linger for long at the priory till they came of age.

They bore the pain of the ceremony with dignity but the scrawny hybrid girl screamed excruciatingly the whole time. Maybe nobody had told her to not oppose the stone, or just like me, she didn't believe it.

She didn't faint as I did but she could barely walk when we left the room.

I saw myself in her so bitterly.

"Hey," I whispered. "You will not die, and it will stop hurting eventually. Don't be afraid."

Her big quita eyes seemed even bigger and glittering with tears when she grabbed my arm and didn't want to let go anymore.

"My name is Zara. What's yours?"

She didn't answer just clutched my arm even harder. Only the sister on duty made her let go when she was forced into the room she shared with the younger girls.

Nothing of note happened afterwards and we went to sleep.

There is that strange feeling one has when being watched. I opened my eyes in the middle of the night feeling precisely that. The bedroom was dark and all the moons were clouded, so the light that was protruding from outside was very weak. My eyes met Mairi's who was seemingly awake too in the adjoined bed. She brought her finger to her lips signaling me to not make a sound.

Then the door of the room burst open and three sisters and The White Grace stormed inside.

Mairi jumped up from her bed and I shrieked up to see that girl standing between my bed and hers.

The other girls were up from the noise meanwhile, looking frightened or confused.

The girl screamed some words in a language I didn't understand. Seemingly none of us did. Her eyes were full of fear and mad purpose.

The first time I saw a command spoken upon a stone it had been with Fera but Fera complied soon after feeling the pull and it didn't hurt her lastingly. This girl howled and cried and it looked like she was in tremendous pain when she collapsed to the ground convulsing. Spit and tears dripped from her face and her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

The seizures stopped after a short while and her body fell limp with a thud on the wooden floor.

The sisters came and carried her away and commanded us to sleep.

In the darkness of the room, I couldn't keep my body from shaking or my teeth from clattering.

"Move over," whispered Mairi. I was a bit taken aback by that but moved all the same and let her slip under the covers.

This time it wasn't the first horrible thing I witnessed but it was in a strange way one of the most frightening ones.

"What happened to her?" I hiccuped in tears.

"She came here to kill and the sisters stopped her. And they commanded her heart to stop beating," whispered Mairi faintly.

"It was horrible."

"I know."

"I am afraid."

"I know. It's alright. Try to sleep."

That time however I could feel that Mairi was also horrified and that she didn't come to my bed only for my sake but also for her own.

The next day I felt like a walking dead. I dragged myself to the kitchen where I had breakfast duty with Salma and was barely able to keep my eyes open.

I was never really a morning person but that day I was particularly late so I didn't wonder that Salma already left for the kitchen when I woke up.

The door screeched and I entered, irritated by the sound but fully unaware of what was going to happen.

"You filthy, treacherous bitch!" Salma screamed and jumped slapping me in the face.

I was so surprised that I didn't react at all, just tried desperately to avoid her and protect myself from her wild lashes.

Salma was delicate and not particularly strong but was seemingly extremely angry to make up for that.

"Salma, what's wrong with you? Stop it!"

"You told them!" she cried out. "You told them and now he is dead! I am going to kill you!"

"What?! Who?!"

"Yamal! Don't act as if you don't know. Only you knew and you told the sisters and now he is gone! You hateful, lying bitch!"

"Salma please stop! It wasn't me..."

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I am constantly worried this story is boring.

I find it ok and try to make it exciting but one is biased when it comes to the own work. The point is that the actual action starts only in part two but I think part one with the priory and the girls' childhood is important for world-building and further action including seeds that are planted muhaha.

Be honest, is it? Also for romance lovers, the romance will start only later on and this is my least romancey book so far, being only a subplot.

I have been told my stories are kind of dark. I was skeptical because... I write romance with smut and so on but then again while writing this chapter I thought yeah, they might be a bit.

Feedback is always welcome. Thanks for attending my ted talk. :D