Celeste Peters

"You fucked him, didn't you?"

My sister-in-law must have some superpower as it's been about two point five milliseconds since I stepped through her door frame. Plus, I'm wearing sunglasses so she couldn't possibly see it in my eyes. Ugh, does my body language say I got fucked?

"Ummm, define fuck."

"Oh, my God! Celeste! Please tell me you didn't!"

I take in a deep breath and push my sunglasses up and over my head. Louisa immediately gasps, tendons strained against her neck, forcing my heart to nearly jump out of my chest. "What is it?" I ask in a panic, with a hand thrown over my heart.

"I knew it! I see it in your eyes! You totally had sex with your boss!" She throws her arms in the air as if I'm the one who's officially lost it.

There's no doubt I'm going to develop blood pressure issues because of this woman. "Oh my God, Louisa! You sounded like you were about to have an aneurysm! How the fuck can you see it in my eyes, you psycho!"

"Well, am I right?" She crosses her arms.

I sigh and bring my shades back down. "Not exactly. But I'll tell you everything in the car," I say heading into the kitchen. I set down the bag of groceries and house supplies I bought her and Theo on my way over here. "I'll put these away real quick and then let's get going. Where's Theo?" I glance around the living room but don't spot my nephew. "Is he ready yet? We'll miss visiting hours if we take too long here."

"He's ready, just in the bathroom. I'm potty training and he's been trying to poop for the past hour." As if on cue the toilet flushes and Theo comes barreling out. His beaming smile instantly makes me feel like everything might just be okay with life.

"Auntie Cellie!"

I pick him up and squeeze him tight. His hands smell like lavender and are slimy, which means he likely used soap but didn't use water again. I help Louisa clean him up and then put away the groceries while she tries to chase him to get his shoes on. She also tries to get me to start talking while she has Theo in a wrestler's lock, forcing a sock on his wiggling foot. I dodge her questions as I can't really get into it without her full attention.

My sister-in-law and nephew are dressed like they're going to church—Theo in a handsome navy button down and beige slacks and Louisa in a stunning white and blue flower sundress. While I didn't spend as much time on my appearance today, I did choose my only non-ripped denim to wear. It is a special occasion after all. This will be the first time we're able to all visit Noah. I've been an Energizer Bunny all morning thinking about it.

"Why can't we take my car?" I ask when Louisa grabs her keys. I can't stand her driving and I've told her plenty of times.

"Your front seat looks like someone threw up on it," she says while picking Theo up.

Ugh. She's not wrong. As much as I tried cleaning up the mess that day, my car is still disgusting. I'll just add a new car to the long list of things that I need to save up for. "Fine. But don't hit your brakes like they're about to attack you. I'd rather not throw up in another car."

"I'm the best driver there is, biii-!" She catches herself and smiles at Theo before turning to me. "My beautiful sister-in-law! Okay, now tell me everything! I'm dying here."

We make our way to her car right outside, and I proceed to tell her everything about the past week, starting with the night Marc brought Vivian home up until a couple of nights ago when we fooled around in his bedroom. I didn't plan on sharing too much detail, but here I am spilling my heart out in our code language we use around Theo, who probably now thinks I'm obsessed with eggplants and watermelons.

Not only does Louisa pull this level of detail right out of me, I can't keep it all in anymore. The more I talk, the more the weight that's been suffocating me lets me breathe just for a little bit.

The past couple of days have been pure torture not seeing Marc around the house or hearing his voice. I didn't think it'd be this hard for us to be at a distance from each other. But my mind has been going fucking mental as I try to process what happened between us.

What I'm feeling now—it never fucking happens. I'm usually so quick to move on from these types of things and I never let a crush turn into something more. But now, it's like I'm stranded in the middle of a desert with no map or compass in sight. I'm desperate for something to get me out, but it's like any step I take shows no signs of safety.

Louisa listens intently to the rest of my story with wide eyes and gasps a few times throughout. And then, when I tell her my response to when Marc asked me out on a date, Louisa slams on her brakes.

"Oh my God, Louisa!"

The car horn behind us blares excessively as Louisa moves her car forward again. "Oops! Sorry, I didn't realize I did that. Theo, baby, you okay?" She glances in her rearview at him.

"That was fun! My stomach went whoop!" Theo says gleefully. I reach a hand back and squeeze his knee. He responds in a fit of laughter.

"Celeste! Why don't you go on a date with him?"

My chest tightens. "Uhhh, what?"

"Like he said, it won't kill you to go on one date with the poor guy!"

"'The poor guy'? Louisa, you must be joking! I thought you were going to tell me that I made a very wise decision."

"I don't know. It sounds like he's really sweet and he may be good for you. Like obviously there's lust involved but from what you're telling me, it sounds like there are seeds for something more than that."

"What are you talking about? He's my boss! If I go on a date with him, then what will Kristina and the others think of me? Everyone will talk!"

"Since when have you cared about what anyone thinks of you?"

"Since when have you not! Besides, we both know I need this job. I can't understand why you're not getting me on this!"

"I just feel like there's something else going on with you! Like you've already gone far with him and he hasn't fired you. So, clearly you're immune from any of that. And second, he's the one that has more to lose out of this than you. I hear about these things all the time at work. He's going to get roasted by everyone he hangs out with for dating the help."

"Exactly! I don't want him to go through that because of me. I'm not worth it!"

Louisa slams on the brakes again and I clutch at my stomach, trying to physically hold my breakfast down. Horns blare around us but Louisa doesn't move even an inch forward.

"Oh my God, Lou! What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to get us killed?"

Theo is loving this turn of events and is asking his mom to do it again, but I'm hanging on to the center console like it's going to save me from Louisa's reign of crazy. Her visceral glare pierces through me, making my skin tingle with discomfort.

"If I ever hear those words out of your mouth again I'm going to drive us off the road and strangle you with my bare hands!" My pulse flies up to my throat. I glance around and people have started flipping us off as they drive by. We are blocking a lane of traffic and the line of cars behind us has started to pile.

"Fine! Sorry! Whatever I said, I'm sorry! Just drive!"

"Say, 'I'm amazing'!"

"You're amazing!"

"No! You say the words 'I'm amazing and anyone would be effing lucky to have me!'"

The words tumble out quickly as I repeat Louisa's words exactly back to her.

Finally, she releases the brakes and we're moving forward. The horns subside, but we hear a guy yell something to the effect of "Learn how to drive, crazy bitch!"

I burst out laughing. "Oh my God, Louisa, you've officially lost it!" I say through my laughter. I glance back at Theo who is waving at all the people passing by.

Louisa doesn't laugh and her knuckles on the steering wheel turn white. I close my eyes briefly, feeling like a child about to get reprimanded.

"I'm serious, Celeste," she says quite seriously. "It would be anyone's joy and honor to stick themselves out for you! You're the most amazing person on this planet besides Theo and your brother. Well, sometimes more than your brother but don't tell him I told you that." She sighs dramatically. "Like just think about it, what if you tried to give Theo his favorite cookie and he said no because he didn't deserve it. What would you say to him?"

"I'd tell him-"

Before I can even finish answering, Louisa cuts in. "You'd tell him he's being ridiculous!" She honestly took the words right out of my mouth. "And right now, Marc is your cookie! And you're the one being ridiculous!"

My body temperature feels like it's rising a couple of degrees and I fold my arms across my chest. "Okay let's say we go on a date? What if he doesn't want me after that? There's a very real chance he'll get to know me and then everything will go to shit and he'll regret it, and then I'll never get to see the girls again!" My voice nearly cracks at that last part. Heaviness settles in my throat.

"Oh boo hoo! Then you both will get new cookies! There are plenty of cookie types out there. Chocolate chip! Snickerdoodle! Oatmeal raisin! You just need to find the one you love and find the one that loves you!"

"Mom! I want a chocolate chip cookie!"

"Not now, Theo." Louisa places a hand on my arm and gently squeezes. "Hear me out, Celeste. What if the opposite happens? What if it's the best thing that happens to both of you? What if Marc turns out to be the most amazing cookie you've ever tasted? And you spend the rest of your life getting to have that cookie?"

Theo starts crying. "Mom, please I want a cookie!"

Louisa sighs and asks me to grab a granola bar from the compartment in front of me. I pick a chocolate one and pass it back to Theo before wiping my sweaty palms against my jeans. The car is silent except for crinkling sounds of a granola bar being unwrapped.

"I love you, Lou," I say quietly. As much as Louisa grates on my nerves and thrives on her tough love spirit, she's one of the only people who makes me feel like I could think about my life differently.

"I love you, Cel. You're going to be alright. I just know it." She smiles and glances back to the road. We're getting closer to the prison and will be seeing Noah any minute now.

My gaze settles on the passing green trees outside my window. Leaves are dancing in the wind, without a care in the world. My mind wanders to Marc. The only other person besides Louisa who has started making me feel things differently is him. It's the strangest thing I've ever felt in my life though. He makes me feel things that are completely contradictory to each other, like fear and excitement, or even like I'm in danger but I'm also safe.

I don't know.

All I know is I miss him. I miss the shrieks his girls make when they see him. I miss the way my body quakes with excitement when he's near. I miss every single thing about him and I just wish I wasn't so chicken shit about it all. I just wish I didn't have to replay over and over again witnessing his agonized expression when I told him I didn't want more.

Louisa pulls up to the prison's open parking lot, where a variety of cars are sitting closely next to each other on the loose gravel. I stuff down as much of what I'm feeling as I can. I'm here to see Noah and to support him. I can't be thinking about myself right now.

I spot a car near the front entrance that looks like Marc's car and my stomach flutters. What are the chances that Marc is also here? I nearly laugh. That would be way too fucking coincidental. I just need to stop thinking about him right now, and focus on Noah.

Still, my heart races as we make the trek from the parking lot to the prison entrance.